I wanted him back for so long, legitimately, and this situation just ends up breaking my heart.

I want to ask you though... He didn't want to commit to me, though we were together a yr saying "I love you" was something he was never ready for. But she was his girlfriend right away. Granted, I don't know the state of that relationship, and I know he tried to get with me while with her, but... what does that say about me? I'm just a fall-back girl to the guy who told me after it didn't work out with another guy, "You're not a second choice." He calls her MY nickname for him, more or less recreates our relationship, and I don't understand it. He cared about me but not enough was what someone on the board once said, but what the hell does that mean? It hurts, that much I know. Its like saying I just wasn't good enough, and that doesn't shake off easily.

It means simply that. He didn't want those things with you. I know it hurts and it sucks but sometimes that's how it goes. I had an ex who did that to me too. He refused a commitment to me and we broke up. The next girl he was with he dated her for a month then committed to her. It floored me. Why people do what they do is never easy. What I can see now is that it wasn't meant to be with me and it was for him and her. Which is okay.

It sounds like this has been a hard relationship for you to get over. I was in a similar situation, in which an ex's friend, kept showing up at the places I was out. My solution was to avoid contact and communication. The reasoning, it was not necessary to bring up old emotions and pains anymore. So I agree just don't respond, there are so many other people in the world to be friends with and date. Good luck!

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Originally Posted by GlindaofOz

It means simply that. He didn't want those things with you. I know it hurts and it sucks but sometimes thats how it goes. I had an ex who did that to me too. He refused a commitment to me and we broke up. The next girl he was with he dated her for a month then committed to her. It floored me. Why people do what they do is never easy. What I can see now is that it wasn't meant to be with me and it was for him and her. Which is okay.

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Yes and no. He committed to me in saying I was his girlfriend... but we dated for months before taking that step. Then, with her he said they were girlfriend and boyfriend within a month, but he doesn't treat her very well according to his sister =/

I can't say I agree he didn't want those things with me, I don't know.

Just because a relationship doesn't work out is no indication you are less than a good partner, it just he was not the one.

Don't ask him if he has a girlfriend.

Yes if he really wants to talk he can come over and see you.

Talk to him.. but don't let yourself get attached again he's prob looking to be friends.. he might even have realized that the girl wasn't for him and he missed having gyou and when you showed no interest in him he pursued it

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Originally Posted by justhaveaquestion

talk to him .. but dont let yourself get attached again hes prob looking to be friends.. he might even have realized that the girl wasnt for him and he missed havin gyou and when you showed no intrest in him he pursued it

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Its just hard because the girlfriend he had after me, after they broke up (were together a month) we got closer. He knew I still had feelings for him, we started hanging out again, talking online daily, eventually hooking up again after spending a few months just being friends again. If he's coming around again to see if I'd hook up with him, I'm not going to. Last summer was a learning experience, if nothing else. I learned I can't trust this guy with my heart because he's never sure what he wants.

If I start pursuing a new guy, he gets upset and starts acting like a jerk, yet he doesn't want to be with me either. I finally cut ties with him to give us both space, and to break the cycle of push-pull so he could figure out what he really wants.

I'm trying hard not to overthink it because after 6 months of NC, I'm proud of myself.

What do you want from this? That is what you should be asking yourself.

Do you really want to be friends? Do you want to be romantic with him again? After 6 months its possible to be friends again BUT BUT BUT not if he is detrimental to your dating life. If you think he will get mad about a guy or if he does get mad about other guys or if you feel mad or jealous about other girls no dice no dice no dice.

I did the same as you NC for 6 months. He calls me out of the blue and we become friends again. We lived a distance from one another so we just talked on the phone and we started talking about hanging out again. Then I got involved with someone else and I mentioned it to him and he got PISSED. I told him I don't think we can be friends anymore hung up and that was the last time we talked. Friendship is supposed to be completely platonic I don't want my relationship baggage involved or making me feel guilty for getting on with my life.

Think about all of these things before you get back in. You need boundaries with him and rule. Don't think its not necessary and hold him to it. My ex used to talk to me like he was still my boyfriend and I would go hey don't do that you know our rules if he continued I would tell him I already warned you if you are going to act like this I'm done with this conversation and would hang up. You have to set boundaries and stick to them.

You should be.. my ex boyfriend did the same thing he cheated on me this girl and tthen when she wasn't there for him he came back and when I started hookingup with other guys he turnd the tables around and made it seem like I didn't care about him and always accused me of doing something I wasn't yet he didn't want to be official.. those guys are bad news let the other girl have your left overs ;)

Continue on with the NC. Disregard any future attempts he make to contact you and do not respond. You'll only set yourself back otherwise.

I haven't heard from the ex since... I didn't let it stop my routine at all, started back at school again so I've been concentrating solely on that. I also didn't go online for about a week and a half after he IM'ed me, although now that I haven't heard from him, it of course makes me wonder if I'm ever going to again. He's a full time police officer in the city, so it was more a fluke that we were on at the same time when we did talk. Busy schedules and whatnot.

... edited to add: Hes online right now... and hasn't IMed me...

It's a weird feeling, one that I can't really put into words. Its like feeling okay with the way things are, feeling protected by not having heard from him again, but at the same time... I'm open to the lines of communication being opened again since it has been 6 months...

Thoughts?

Stay with no contact, and continue to heal and be happy, and let go of the false hope he has brought back to you. That's what it is, false hope, as he hasn't changed at all. Why go back to the misery you came here with after 6 months??

NC as said by all!

True enough... I guess it just brought it all back, you know? And it made me wonder... am I going to hear from him again?

Talaniman: How do I know he hasn't changed at all if I stay NC? Just a question I was wondering about...

I am pleased to say I started school again the beginning of this month and have been surrounded by new faces, intellectually stimulating classes, and I'm doing weekends for work. I know I've made a ton of progress, I guess part of me was just surprised to have heard from him at all...

Glad you had a "safe" encounter. A good way to defuse some old feelngs as you keep going forward.

And forward is the only way... to a new school and new adventures. Another NC survivor :-)

Exactly Ash... it was a safe encounter, but its also like... am I going to hear from him again?. Been there, done that, Clan...

Keep your guard up...

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Originally Posted by starscollide

Exactly Ash...it was a safe encounter, but its also like...am I gonna hear from him again? ...

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Ahem...

Dear Clandestine1... you are doing great... keep it up.. . No contact because you do not want him to play games with your heart and hurt you once again, you should be convinced with that and stop wondering if you are going to hear from him again or not... because this might make you get weak at a certain point and contact him after all what you have achieved….. DO NOT….Am so proud of you because you have strong will while I do not and I have paid a lot of my life, money, health , happiness for my love... DO NOT BE LIKE ME ….Keep it up...

Good Luck..

Ms. Redrose

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Originally Posted by clandestine1

True enough...I guess it just brought it all back, ya know? And it made me wonder...am I gonna hear from him again?

Talaniman: How do I know he hasn't changed at all if I stay NC? Just a question I was wondering about...

I am pleased to say I started school again the beginning of this month and have been surrounded by new faces, intellectually stimulating classes, and I'm doing weekends for work. I know I've made a ton of progress, I guess part of me was just surprised to have heard from him at all...

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He's just looking for a booty call..