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Sex only has the power you give it. You have no problem having sex with other people with no emotions attached.Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
So you want to be on the back burner is that your thing? Like being that guy who is just there? Never be serious but the one who she can always rely on? Old Faithful?
Of course I care if she is sleeping with someone else... just like she is probably wondering what happened with me tonight at the pub
But isn't that what "we're free to see other ppl" is about?
Your toying with each other. Attempting to make each other jealous. Man you definition of a relationship is backwards. Never have I heard hey lets date others, screw others, but you know we'll promise we will still be together.Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
Of course not... no one wants to be number 2.. but we are both not ready to let go yet
U think this will last much longer? I don't...
I'm really interested to see where it goes with this weirdo that proposes after 4 dates, and what will happen if she sleeps with him, and how it will be between us physically.. if there will be any changes I mean
Bro, its not my definition.. trust me... I was either single or I na relationship for 5 yrs
It's the first time I encounter this sort of thing?
I took emotions and hope into an open relationship... does that show you that I have experience in this kind of thing?
But we really care about each other, and FOR NOW, not ready to let go...
If she starts sleeping with this guy/things get serious with him, it will complicate stuff more, and then it can only go down hill from there
The emotions are starting to go... if/when the physical does, there will be nothing left except friendship
I know this
If you two really cared about each other, you would not be treating each other the way that you both have been. You both have little respect for yourselves or for other people. This is a one up manship game, which is very immature. "Ha!! If she does this, then I'm gonna do that".
You constantly contradict yourself. First you say that you could deal with the ex of 10 years because he was her past, but if you found out that she had met someone else, you would not be able to handle it (you would not be able to share her - you even told her that) and you would be out of there. Well, you have proven to everyone here (and to her, by the way) that you are a liar because you are still with her. I don't know if you are more of a glutton for punishment or not much of a man with ANY self respect. You just don't want to cut your losses because you feel that if you do, this new man will win and you will feel like the loser. Is she really worth that?
I disagree with your friend. I can't believe that just because you waited 7 months to have sex and then got it that you should still stick around because you need to get more mileage on her. What a load of cr*p!! What disrespect for you and for her. For the upteenth time, this is not love. However, if you did love her, let her go and if it was meant to be, she will come back to you.
By the way, I have to wonder why she told you that this new guy asked her to marry him, other than to get a reaction out of you. She is playing you like a fiddle. And the fact that she is wearing the watch really says a lot about her character. She could have given it back to him. I think that she cares more for this new guy than you think or that you want her to. If she is just wearing the watch because of it's value, that is also not saying very much for her character, as this is very materialistic. At the very least, she should not wear the watch around you. I personally would have given it back to him. Doing anything else would mean that she is leading him on. If she is able to do it to one guy, then she is able to do it to another. Oh, hey, YOU'RE the other guy!!
Sorry, I don't feel any sympathy for you. You reap what you sow. I just feel sorry for the girls that you will be using in order to get back at her. By the way how old are the both of you? Based on what I know, with the fact that she was with her ex for at least 10 years, she has got to be in her late 20s if not early 30s. That is FAR too old to be acting like this, even if you are not ready to settle down.
Enough said.
Good luck on taking the emotions out of this. Cutting it off entirely would be a lot easier than trying to stay with her and taking the emotions out. Not going to happen. You will just end up bitter. I pity any girl who you come in contact with.
You are so out of your league!
Talaniman rule # 14- Never assume what someone else is feeling, just because thats what your feeling!
Talaniman rule #78- Don't try to be a playa, and you wont get played
Talaniman rule # 31- If you can't stand up for yourself, you'll fall for anything.
Talaniman rule # 52- Know when to put your balls up and go home.
Read my signature!
I'm not the only one that is contradicting himself... didnt you guys also say that I should not get angry or bothered about the new guy or the fact that she is dating him because we agreed to an open relationship?
So if I'm supposed to be OK with it since I agreed to an open relationship, then why would I end it instead of going out and doing the same? Isn't that what an open relationship is?
But right now I realize I should have less emotions and hope for her.. finally!
If things are serious with this guy and it is more than dating, than of course it will get complicated, because then she may decide to stop sleeping with me or even kissing me or seeing me
So what I'm doing now, is just taking it easy... we love/care about each other/have a bond, but we can see other people...
U know what I relate it too... a divorced couple that ended things because of irreconcilable differences and not love... they are both free to live their lives, but there will always be a bond/attraction that keeps them coming back sometimes for some affection and they remain good friends
And the fact that this guy also doesn't live here, and that apparently is moving too fast (proposal, etc.) shows me that it may not be a serious thing
I did tell her that I can't share her with someone else, that's true... but I also did tell her, that if we were going to go through an "open relationship", then I will be doing the same thing she is and dating, and no more cutting girls out!
U want to know smthg: when I agreed to an open relationship, I thought it was just a means to an end... a phase before it became just us... so I would go with my friends and party, but I still had emotions and hopes, and would sometimes cut girls out that wanted to date me
But when I realized that she started dating someone else, it was a wake up call that to her, an open relationship means seeing other people, and not only time/distance with friends...
That's what woke me up and told me to get emotions out of this
About my friend: u only commented on one part of his advice... I know I can get sex anywhere... but what he meant was that now you are finally having sex with the girl you have loved/cared anbout for 7mnths... and now she finally feels for you in a way that she is allowing it.. wait and see where it goes
He also said that he had the same sort of relationship... he and this girl had strong feelings, but knew they couldn't be together... but when they were both in the same country, the bond/feelings would act up again, despite that they were both free to live their lives
But I do have some questions about this new guy... I do wonder why she told me about his proposal and why she showed me some of his messages while they were talking... maybe because we are close/care about each other, that she feels she has to tell me the truth... or maybe it is like you said, to get a reaction out of me... just like when I tell her that I'm going for coffee with another girl
But I can tell you one thing... this watch issue intrigues me... he wants to marry her, and then spends a lot of money on a gift trying to convince her... I really do wonder why she is wearing it... is she doing it because it is just a nice watch (it really is) and feels there is nothing wrong? Doesn't the fact that she is wearing it mean she is leading him on? Or maybe she does like him... and why should she not wear it around me? I'm not her boyfriend... if I meet a girl tmrw and she buys me a nice shirt, I would wear it around her also
I'm interested to see what happens with this story of this new guy... where is it going to go? He wants to marry her, but of course she doesn't... so will she stay seeing him, will she end it? Will she still keep kissing and sleeping with me?
All I know, is that her aunt (lives with her) says she likes me more... and even to my ex ALSO, she says she still likes me more/likes me in a bigger better way because "im in her heart"
So until we see what happens and what may develop... im going to live my life... go meet girls I may have a serious relationship with... and try not to think too much about what she is doing...
I like talanimans rules... I agree... and that's why I'm going to live my life... in fact.. im going to go on another date tonight... distance myself.. try to meet someone else (and not only for sex)... she will be doing her own thing as well... but when this guy leaves, she is probably going to call me or I call her... we are going to go on a date... we are going to feel close and have a nice conversation and hold hands and laugh and talk about work and life.. and then maybe have sex again or kiss
My bet is she leaves for someone else before you get another 50 posts, any takers?
Your fighting the good fight, but your fighting yourself, Tab. You can't win! As a matter of fact, you seem stuck.
I get in on that bet.
I'd like a piece of that as well!
But you have to define what you mean by "leaves for someone else"... do you mean she gets in a serious relationship with someone else? Like bf/gf or more? Or do you just mean that she will stop seeing me, calling me, and more importantly kissing me and maybe sleeping with me?
All I can tell you is that SHE called me today... I asked her how her night and day was... she said they went for a drink last night and lunch today... I didn't tell her what I did last night... I just said, anyway, I'm at the gym now, if you want to do smthg later gimme a call... take care
talaniman, I also want to know what you mean by "i can't win".. win what? Is the prize now her as my serious girlfriend? Because I'm not sure if I want that anymore anyway
Probably the best thing that could happen to you Tab , like Tal says your stuck. This may actually give you a reality check and get you unstuck.Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
I guess we will see... the idiot leaves tmrw... so we'll see how she acts when he is not here... all I know is that SHE called me today
I'm going to see her tmrw or most probably Friday (have a table reserved at a club)... so we'll see how her actions are and if there is still the kissing and the sex
Its funny you call that guy an idiot.
You do know you are one as well right?
Well as the saying goes, takes one to know one. A browny ;)
Takes one to know one, eh... guess that makes 3 of us
You know what strangly brown. That's the best thing you have said.
I am one because I keep on replying to this damn thread!
But you did!Quote:
... didnt you guys also say that I should not get angry or bothered about the new guy or the fact that she is dating him because we agreed to an open relationship?
You and this females have played so many head games with each other, its virtually impossible, to have a healthy, happy, loving, caring, for real relationship, with her, and it will probably poison your subsequent relationships, for a long time to come.Quote:
talaniman, I also want to know what you mean by "i can't win".. win
That's kind of sad really, because I don't think you're a bad guy at all.
Thats what I mean't by you can't win.
Change the bet, this thing goes nowhere, no matter how many more posts we get to.Quote:
My bet is she leaves for someone else before you get another 50 posts, any takers?
I get busy for a few weeks and a new guy enters the fray and they've started having sex.
Interesting.
And for the record, things like this are the norm when one is new to the idea of open relationships. One thing that I would like to mention is that open relationships are a lifestyle and are not usually a temporary thing. In most cases when you establish an open relationship, it stays an open relationship unless you know how to structure it so that it becomes more closed over time, pending the realization of certain things.
Does this mean that it's impossible for an open relationship to become closed so that it just involves two people? No, but it is not the norm.
A general rule for relationships is that whatever a relationship is founded on, once that element is removed, the relationship will fall apart.
This relationship was founded on the idea that it would be open and in all likelihood, the moment it becomes closed, will fall apart.
Better pay attention here TAB, This is exactly where you are at.
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