I never said you guys were wrong... in fact, in my last post, I said that I believe the better thing to do right now is to cut my losses and leave

Mom of 2, your right... WE have become an addcition to EACH OTHER... u always make it seem like I'm the only one that doesn't want to leave...

What about yesterday when I was ignoring her and not talking to her... and yet she kept calling, and saying she wants to see me, and trying to kiss and hug me... and also saying I don't want to lose you, and you know how I feel about u, etc... and of course her taking a step forward and having sex with me

But you are right... we are both not willing or ready to cut our losses...

And its due to the 4 reasons I stated above (mix of routine, feelings, fun, both not ready for serious relationship with someone else)

Your also on the money about smthg else... in Dubai, it's a work city... much like New York... spend 5 or 6 days a week working, and when you have one or 2 nights to breathe, you go to clubs or pubs... it is very multicultural and multinational, so you will see a lot of people just wanting to have a good time... who would have thought a Lebanese-Canadian guy would be I na relationship with a ukrainian girl... my roommate, a frenchie, is with a korean girl, etc.

What me and my ex have is smthg really nice... we go to dinners, movies, bowling, gym, etc...

It is sometimes nice to have companionship and do "couple" things

In fact, my brother who lives with me as well, always envies me because I have someone to do "couple" things with

He comes home, watches TV, plays PS3, and then on weekends goes out with the boys, and many times comes home empty handed.. bored out of his mind

It is hard to meet someone special in dubai (as in new york)... it took me 10 mnths of being here before fially meeting her... sure I met girls before her and dated, but nothing special

This is just an idea on why we are both finding it hard to let go

Trust me... if you knew me, you would know I love myself... in fact, a lot of people think I'm too cocky... one of them is my ex!

But like I said from before.. when I love someone, I give it my best and am patient... sure I also like partying and being single (was single for 2 yrs before I met her and had a blast!)... but now I'm I na phase where I prefer being with her than with tamales

Right now, its true sometimes it bothers me, but we like being with each other, we like getting physical, we like the companionship...

At any point someone can end it, but we don't..

Not saying its right, but since I either want her or no serious relationship with anyone else, and she doesn't want a serious relatonship with anyone, we are stuck in an open realtionship/friends with benefits kind of thing

Again, I don't like it, but we both like each other too much to just cut our losses..

U were right about A LOT of stuff, but I was also right on SOME stuff

Some said we won't talk again after the break up and for me to let go... but in fact, she contacted me and she wanted me to be back in her life

Of course its not a relationship again, but we went back to kissing and dating and doing couple things... so from nothing to acting like like a couple... not getting her back but progress

Some of you said I won't sleep with her and that it's a game, etc... but then SHE decided to sleep with me and she invited herself to my house.. which is of course a step forward

Don't start criticizing , etc... I agree I didn't get her back... but from not talking for almost a month to having sex and having some sort of relationship again, is progress

Okay, there is a MAJOR difference between loving yourself and being cocky. To REALLY love yourself means that you know what you want and deserve. You don't have to be cocky about it!! Not putting up with games and not playing games is a way of loving yourself, because you should be mature enough and better than that to not go down that road.

I always make it sound like you are the one that does not want to leave?? NO, YOU ARE THE ONE WHO IS MAKING IT SOUND LIKE YOU DON'T WANT TO LEAVE!! I state my opinions and offer advice. How you internalize it is on you. Then you contradict yourself by saying that both of you don't want to leave. Man, you are truly complex.

Like I said before, you are going to do what you are going to do.

This topic puts a foul taste in my mouth every time I see it when I wake up and check the relationship forum. Please let this die, there is nothing more that can be done for you here.

You're right, but it's like the Energizer Bunny, "It just keeps going and going and going." The only thing is that eventually the cute little bunny either hits a wall or runs out of juice.

I get tired of hearing the same thing over and over, but I guess I am the sincere optimist. I just always hope that the light will go on in his head and he will have an "AH HA!!!" moment. It's either that, or I'm a glutton for punishment!

Sort of had an AH HA! Moment last night

Funny how I have them when I'm out partying and a bit drunk hehehe

Not going to call her for a couple of days... I don't know what that will accomplish, but I got this feeling yesterday that was sort of a "im starting to get bored of this situation (not of her and her company), but teh way things are, and dont want to spend more energy/effort"

Have some friends coming into dubai for the weekend, so going to concentrate on doing my own thing... not going to initiate contact...

We'll see what/if that does anything

By the way, valid question: true she eventually had sex with me, which is a big step forward and a sign of her feelings... but how much of it could be due to "guilt" for maybe going on dates or liking this other guy?

Or her keeping you in the fold. A few days away is a good idea.

I think it was u, talaniman that once said "she will only know ur value when she misses you"... it crossed my mind last night... see, I do listen to what you guys have to say sometimes ;)

Sometimes when you hear something often enough it will start to sink in. Maybe it just takes longer for some people!

Stay focused on your friends this weekend. The hardest part of the journey is always the first leg. You WILL be tempted to contact her and just know that is a normal feeling. JUST DON'T GIVE IN!!

Sex can be very powerful. Maybe she did it because she was fearful that she would lose you if it didn't happen. Who knows for sure. If that is what happened, then that is very manipulative and misleading.

I think that you are coming around. Change can be frustrating and fearful, but in the end, if it is for a good change, it is always worth it. Anyone who is going through change go through a period of doubt - "Am I doing the right thing?" I don't care how experienced in life you think you are, you would not be human if you did not suffer from doubting yourself from time to time. Life is full of checks and balances and doubt is a check and balance. The key is to not let doubt paralyze you and force you to make bad life decisions. Life is also always a learning experience and everyone learns something new everyday. If someone out there claims to know everything than stand up and tell us all what the meaning of life is - BECAUSE WE ALL WANT TO KNOW!!

Anyway, I'm getting off my soap box now. Good luck to you this weekend. If I came off angry in any of my posts, I apologize. It is just that when you kind of have a feeling that you know what is going to happen and you want to tell someone "duck" and they just stand there and say "huh????", it can be frustrating. That is what I was feeling (can't speak for other people).

Hey, I heard that there is some major partying going on in Dubai this weekend. A lot of A-listers with the opening of the new hotel. Can you imagine spending $20 million on anything, much less ONE NIGHT of partying? I thought we were in a recession. Why not spend some of that money on people who really need it? Sorry to get off the subject, but come on!!

Some people are in a recessions others are not even effected by this :)

I mean one russian has just spent 100 million dollars an a private yacht

So some people are still doing well ;)

1) just got back home (4.41 am dubai time).. had a nice time... was tempted to call or message her to see where she was, but didn't... talanimans comment about "she'll know ur value when she misses u" kept creeping in

Tmrw will do my own thing again, and see if she calls or not..

Its true I'm starting to get bored of the situation, but still not bored of her... anyway, we'll see what comes out of these few days with me not initiating contact... we'll cross that bridge when we get to it

About the sex thing: we had been talking about it for a while now... and it happened on Tuesday night... we had a great day, had a romantic lunch, then went to the gym together, then had drinks, and we had a nice conversation that lead to some nice kissing, that lead to her saying lets go back to your place

So emotions were there.. BUT, I also believe that "guilt" or fear of losing me were also there

Maybe her going on some dates with the guy and liking him on some levels, made her feel guilty... so she didn't want to keep holding sex anymore

Maybe, maybe not... but what we do know is that it was nice, and that afterwards, she said that "i slept with u, and u know that i dont do that with anyone unless i really care about them or love them..and u know how hard it was for me to have sex with someone else after my ex....so when ur calm and thinking straight, u'll realize how much i care about u" (said after we had sex and she told me about the other guy)

By the way, this other guy lives outside dubai and comes here every once in a while for work... she told me that their contact is mostly by phone/text messages

Speaking of dubai, yes, that party was for the opening of the Atlantis hotel on the man-made palm island... I could see the fireworks from my apartment! 20 million! But a small price to pay since the hotel cost 1.5 billion to make

Been inside the hotel.. very nice... smthg you guys should know about dubai... they like to have the biggest everything here... the worlds tallest building, burj dubai, will be here... dubai was affected by the crisis, but not as much as other places... it is a cash rich place here

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tabbarat

1) just got back home (4.41 am dubai time)..had a nice time...was tempted to call or msg her to see where she was, but didnt...talanimans comment about "she'll know ur value when she misses u" kept creeping in

tmrw will do my own thing again, and see if she calls or not..

its true im starting to get bored of the situation, but still not bored of her...anyway, we'll see what comes out of these few days with me not initiating contact...we'll cross that bridge when we get to it

about the sex thing: we had been talking about it for a while now...and it happened on tuesday night...we had a great day, had a romantic lunch, then went to the gym together, then had drinks, and we had a nice convo that lead to some nice kissing, that lead to her saying lets go back to ur place

so emotions were there..BUT, i also believe that "guilt" or fear of losing me were also there

maybe her going on some dates with the guy and liking him on some levels, made her feel guilty...so she didnt want to keep holding sex anymore

maybe, maybe not...but what we do know is that it was nice, and that afterwards, she said that "i slept with u, and u know that i dont do that with anyone unless i really care about them or love them..and u know how hard it was for me to have sex with someone else after my ex....so when ur calm and thinking straight, u'll realize how much i care about u" (said after we had sex and she told me about the other guy)

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She started talking about another guy right after you had sex with her? That's a huge slap of disrespect right across your face.

Don't take that crap.

No, its because while we were getting it on, she was getting these phone calls and messages that she wouldn't answer

Later when she went to check them, I could tell she felt a bit uncomfortable... when I asked her what's wrong, she eventually told me

That's just the way it turned out...

OK... after going no contact... she contacted me... I went and had fun with my friends and had a nice weekend partying for 2 days

She calls me on Saturday (like a Sunday in dubai), and wonders where I have been... told her I was busy with my friends... she wanted me to go help her pick a birthday present for a friend of hers (had already promised her before)... so I did... we had a nice time... then while we were together, this girl calls me and invites me for coffee... I agreed to go after I'm done with my ex

This bothered my ex and she started asking me who this girl was, etc and that was about it...

Then I dropped her home, and went for coffee... this other girl is pretty, but don't like her.. no emotions..

But when I was with her, my ex called me to ask how it was going and asked a weird question: "im more fun to be with yeah?"... I answered" yes u are, but the night is still young ;)"... to try to tease her

Now this is where it gets juicy: today I messaged her in the morning to see how she is... and then she calls me back and wants to see me for lunch... we had a good time and then this new guy she told me about a few days back calls when I'm with her... he tells her that he is coming back to dubai tmrw for a few days

That killed the mood!

So after lunch, I started thinking that I need to stop caring about this other idiot and just enjoy my life... the more I show her that I care about this fool, the more she will lthink about him and be interested... I have to try to not make it a big deal.. so I just wanted to do smthg fun with her and clear our minds

So I invited her to dinner at Burj Al Arab (for those who know Dubai, it is the only 7 star hotel in the world)... it was nice etc... holding hands, kissing, bla bla bla... then the subject of the guy came up... she told me that she is thinking of seeing him and she thinks he is interesting, etc... but she told me that she really likes me and loves me, doesn't want to lose me, bla bla bla

So I told her again: look, do what you want, and I do what I want... but you know I'm not going to share you... I love you too much for that... so what are you going to do if I invite you for dinner and he invites you for dinner... or what? Your going to kiss me and then go kiss him?

She said no, and started holding my hand and kissing me, and then we had sex again later?

Its obvious this girl doesn't want smthg serious... she wants to be a bit single/free/or nothing serious after her ex of 10yrs situation... but what she does know is that she really cares about me and likes me and is afraid of losing me

Even though I had a nice time, and she told me to call her tmrw, on the ride back home I was a bit angry, depressed, and bored

I'm not going to call her at all! Especially when this guy is here! When I went no contact, she called me... I want to see if she will call me/how she will react when this guy is in dubai for a few days

Again, talanimans words of "she knows ur value when she misses u" come to mind

I'm going to go do my own thing.. see my friends... enjoy.. party... etc... if she calls, I'll see what she has to say... but I'm not going to call and initiate contact

I want to see what her actions are, and it would bother me a bit if I call and she is with him; so why put myself through that? (AND YES! I KNOW I AGREED TO AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP... E HAPPENS)

Anyway, based on what happens in the next few days, I guess we'll see what happens

Take care

This friend of mine just gave me advice... dont know if its right or not

He said that if I Don't call, then THAT will show that I care... I should act normally... and that in fact, if me and her are still in contact during these few days the guy is here, she will be too busy with me to see him

What you guys think?

Tab
I think it's becoming more and more apparent that your banging your head against a Brick wall here.

She tells you that she loves you and is scared of losing you , and then openly goes out with another man??

Sorry just too many Red Flags here as there have been from the beginning.

I say get out of this now , stop calling her and if she really wants to know tell her you can't put up with this anymore , if she really wants you she will drop all this other cr#p and come a running.

I know your saying your still having fun etc. but you clearly aren't. Because you've stated yourself all this is bothering you and making you angry.

She's a Player and is playing you because you keep allowing it!!

I think, no, I know for a fact, your still playing games with each other, and you just added sex into this open relationship.

I guess that's progress, since your officially friends with benefits.

Dubai, can't be that boring, that you would waste all this time, and effort, unless your both about thrills and drama.

That's what I think, and its not what she thinks of your value, its what you think it is.

Your version of NC, is a fallacy though, I have to say that as all your doing is playing hard to get, as she is with you.

Your not stopping contact, to heal, just play a game of hide, and seek.

No contact means just that NO CONTACT!! If she calls you, don't answer the phone! If you are truly doing no contact, that doesn't just mean that you don't initiate contact, it means that you have absolutely NO CONTACT, whether she is the one who calls or not. You lost your focus by answering the phone and you went with her to buy a birthday gift? I just don't understand that, as your friends were in town. Even if they were not in town, you said that you were not going to have any contact with her.

In my opinion, I don't believe that your "friend" gave you good advice. However, you are receptive to this advice because AGAIN it is something that you want to hear.

This girl does not love you. If she did, she would not be spending anytime with anyone. Maybe she is using this guy to make you jealous, which is game playing, and this is not action of someone who loves you. You are also playing games by telling her that you are going to have coffee with a girl that you don't even like. You are trying to make her jealous, which is AGAIN PLAYING GAMES!! When is this going to stop? If you are truly in love, there is no jealousy and there is no game playing. This is clearly an unhealthy addiction.

I agree with Talaniman that you are officially friends with benefits. In situations like this, sex always complicates things.

I give up.