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But if I break up, everyone will think it is because I was rebounding, not because of all these red flags.
But I guess I need to do this. I do not know if I can though. Even though all these red flags are popping up I can't get myself to do it. This is an area were I am weak in. I have no idea why because I am very confident in all other areas of my life.
It doesn't matter what anybody else thinks-what matters is how you feel.
Rebound or not,are you willing to stay for ANY reason in a relationship that seems to be spiraling downwards by the day?
Birth control is not 100%. But that is not even the problem. It is that she is upset because of it and that she cannot compromise.Quote:
Originally Posted by paxe
Well, lets see how my pos./neg. list looks like:
Positive:
- I will have more chances to date others
- I will have more time to myself and friends
- More time to focus on school work
- No fighting, arguments, etc...
- I will have the proper amount of time to heal
Negatives:
- Lack of intimacy
- Sense of loneliness
- Nobody to confine in and share personal information
- Nobody to kiss, hug, or cuddle with
- Nobody to share important life moments with
- Companionship
Amicon is harsh but he is right. The earlier the better, the more you take the more painful it is going to be.
Well, most of these things I am learning is from her past. I wonder if she has changed. But ultimately you are right amicon.Quote:
Originally Posted by amicon
I should just stop dating altogether. I am a genuinely nice guy or at that is what all my friends, teachers, co-workers. Why is it so hard just to find a girl that I can date, be committed to, and just have a good time with?
The negatives aren't really negatives... You need to work on yourself if you feel lonely. If you have friends you shouldn't feel lonely, and sharing important life moments you can do that with friends, and companionship idem.
The whole idea when it comes to dating is that you date to get to know people and IF after a period, you find that you are compatible,and have feelings for each other, you commit. Dating for a couple of weeks,generally speaking is not long enough.
We all feel lonely sometimes and if we're single long for someone to be close to,but I think, in the long run it's worth while waiting for the right person than settling for yet another mr/miss right now.
You're a she!! I really thought you were a dude from the beginning!!Quote:
Originally Posted by paxe
Your list of positives and negatives is much to broad. It should be about the positives and negatives of this relationship, based on the facts of your observations.
Staying in a relationship because of what others will think is a losing proposition, in the short term, and the long term, as Amicon has so aptly stated.
That's why an honest list of pros versus cons is helpful.
That's the point, just dating will give you more opportunities and options, while being exclusive stops any option and opportunity.Quote:
Why is it so hard just to find a girl that I can date, be committed to, and just have a good time with?
Even when the females are miffed about you not committing to them, and they leave and chose not to date you, you still have other options. When your ready, you can make a decision, but as you see it will be at your pace, based on your needs.
Going exclusive rather fast, (especially after a break up, and still healing) is like skipping the dating for fun and getting to know someone well, phase of the whole finding a soul mate process. Yes finding the one for you is a process, not an event.
Quick reply to paxe-nope-I'm a dudette!
AE-whatever you decide,come back and let us know.
Ok, I've been thinking about this all day and I just seem myself to do it. How do I get enough courage to pull this off?
Being honest with yourself, and being honest with her, will give you the courage to do the right thing by you both. It will also give you the courage to face the fallout of your decision. I think that's more what your concerned about, the fallout.
There's no easy way to do this,you just have to bite the bullet and be as honest as you can be without being hurtful.
Your heart's not in this relationship,so to my mind you'd be doing the right thing.
Fingers crossed for you.
Oh man!! I am so nervous. She is going to be so hurt.
I think I will tell her that I feel like we rushed into things too fast and now I feel like we are not as compatible hence why I do not want to get involved too deep. Also, I will tell her that I am not ready to be involved this emotionally in a relationship.
Oh god!! I'm freaking out. Stupid me for rushing into things. Agggghhh
Don't beat yourself up,we're all human. You're doing the right thing.
Amicon's right (I still can't believe you're a dudess :), really thought you were a dude :D). These things happen, but the good thing is that we learn from our mistakes. You haven't been dating too long so she won't be as hurt as if you are going to wait for the break up.
(paxe my username is an anagram of my first name, have I convinced you now?)
AE- let us know how it went.
Take care.
Lol, I've been mostly joking :D. Let us know how it goes.Quote:
Originally Posted by amicon
Ok, a little off topic but I was just talking to a girl about my current situation and somehow I mentioned my ex. This is what she told me:
The guy my ex flirted with in our class is good friends with the girl I talked to tonight. He told my friend how out of nowhere my ex started sitting next to him and flirting with him. He on the other hand had a girlfriend and also thought that her and I were still together. He said how awkward he felt that out of nowhere she was talking to him. So basically she used him to get me jealous. WOW!
Have you told her yet?
On the ex thing, wow she doesn't sound to nice of person. Isn't it funny how you see peoples true colors sooner or later.. I think that's clear here.
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