Cat, I need a response to what I wrote. I am seriously thinking of contacting her... I miss her... What am I doing wrong and I keep blaming myself which is why I need a response to what I wrote... please.

Emo, you know the answer to contacting her-DON'T.

You are running yourself ragged trying to place blame when you need to put that energy into things that make you feel better. Thinking about her and what happened isn't helping you.

Only you can forgive yourself. Only you can let her and the past go.

Here's the thing... She was jealous of my cousin... so we were having a sleep over and I told her that she will be there... I was honest and I even invited my ex but she didn't want to go and fought with for no reson... I was confused but said OK. Then as I went to the family sleep over, she decided to go out with her sister even though she said she would be sleeping and she turned off her phone. I called her because I figured she would be worried about me but when I called her phone was off. Then later on she called me and said she was out with her sister but I said why couldn't she just text me that? Then she got a crazy attitude and fought with me so I cursed and hung up and the next day she broke up with me. 6 months later, we get back together, mind you she had a boyfriend while we were broken up and he was from her church where she went that night... hmmm go figure. Anyway we got back together with some of my begging and 3 times she did the same thing. Going out sneaky with no text and each time saying she won't lie again... I always let those go because she was apologetic... This last time she wasn't. She said she doesn't have to let me know anything and that it doesn't matter if she lied to me and she cursed me out. She even said to pick a break or break up and if I don't pick she will. Mind you all I did was work that night and being sooo good as usual while she lies again! Then she ignores me for hours and then calls me and says "f you, I been doing this!". Altogether with her not wanting to talk about it the next day and her being the way she was prior made me react in payback mode. I would have let it slide again had she treated me good and said "babe I'm sorry for lying...ill go home soon and ill call you and I won't do this again. I thought you would get mad but I will tell you next time because I want to build trust." Or something to that affect that showed she cared for my feelings especially since till that point I was so good.

Do you understand what I am saying? It's like she wanted to break up before.

Emo-I wish you would stop beating yourself up-concentrate on moving forward-you re doing much better than you were a couple of weeks ago.
You write poetry you re an artist and you ve just made a good career choice-see that you have all these things going for you.

I'm sooo mad!! This guy comes to my job and says he works next door and says he is locked out and needs $20... so I give it to him and its been about 4 hours and he never came back! He said he would be back in 3 hours! I feel like a jerk!!

No he s the jerk.
Some people are just morons-but most are nice decent folks.

Its all right, its just small matter :)

I can see why your girlfriend took advantage of you. You are too trusting and too kind to give a stranger $20 for a story he made up.

Just thought about the time we were upset at each other and she decides to make a good day out of it and she wasn't sad at all. She was going to design a guys hair at her house and it sucked because she usually had me around for that but all of a sudden she does it alone and leaves out the fact that she was going to do a guys hair. I don't know why that is bothering me right now... Maybe the fact that I let it slide to be a good guy again.

I feel a little better now... I just miss the company at this point. Its like you get so used to seeing one face and you love it and you can't imagine anything else ever being the same. I'm just scared I won't have that again. It won't be the same nor the same feelings. I don't know what to do.

Every relationship brings new feelings. Yes, they are different, but that doesn't necessarily mean they are better or worse than the old ones. It just means they are unique to that relationship.

Oh OK.

Darn!! Manny Pacqiou or whatever beat up Miguel Cotto! My ex is phillipina and I am puerto rican. She is probably celebrating and I'm miserable now! She probably uses this to not ever think of me as if this boxing fight proves I'm not worthy!! Darn! I hate this!

Same for me emopunk, I'm missing it.. But I got to stay strong, I broke nc, although it was only 5 secs, it sure did gave me a lesson :)

What did you do BSWC? You should have came here instead!

It's a long story, I grew up in a quite family, we're good but we never really communicate, we never really talk heart to heart. So here I am a very mysterious person in real life, I can't name a person who understands and know me, not even my 2exs for 5 yrs. I've decided that I have to change, I have to express myself better and release the things I hid in my heart.

I started with my first ex, I told her I cheated on her ( less than a week) and she said she nvr want to talk to me. Then I want to go on with my 2nd ex, telling her my feelings inside during the relationship, she doesn't tell her family anything good about me, and my emotions and things I kept from her. I tried to take off my mask, its bringing me no where in life.

I called her, but the background is abit noisy so I asked her to call later. That's all, she didn't of course. Now I'm not feeling like telling her about it, but this way I couldn't lift the mask off me. Do u think its necessary? I hid my disappointment, my anger, my joy, a lot.. just a lot... I need to improve in expressing and communication. Therapy?

Post your problem and see what responses you get. Don't blame yourself too much. Relax.

I still keep thinking about my ex. I want it to stop. If I can't be with her then I want to stop thinking of her. Its not like she is thinking of me because if so she would have called or something by now. Every time I wake up my heart beats fast and I think of her at different points of the relationship and it makes me want her back... I miss how sexy she dressed and just loved evrything about her! Please help! Someone help me remember the bad because I can't seem to do it anymore!

Emo

Make a list of all the bad things about her (and be honest with yourself) then whenever your thinking about her bring out the list and read it.

Its hard to make this list as I have only thought of the good all day. Well here it goes...

1. She smokes more often towards the end of the relationship.
2. She curses me out during arguments.
3. Embarrases me in public with yelling and punches when upset.
4. Almost never trusted me.
5. Always brought up the past during new arguments and wouldn't stick to the problem.
6. Scratched my face during an argument and throws things at my car and slams my door as hard as possible.
7. Almost always threw me out of her house for dumb reasons.
8. Was very jealous.
9. Hung up on me when upset even after we agreed we wouldn't do that.
10. Would never say sorry first no matter what.