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Originally Posted by smoothy

I agree, he needs to get his head clear and thats what its going to take, NO CONTACT WITH HER. I suspect its this obsessive behavior that lead her to ask for a break in the first place.

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I may be obsessed with her now, especially not having her but it is not that I have an obsession, it is love that I just feel I can't express to her anymore. It was not like this and this before and this is not the reason she wanted a break. I have read everyone's posts and I agree and disagree with some points that everyone is making. And for the record, she has called me , not just me calling her all the time. So she got the flowers, texted me thank you and that she liked them and appreciated it and it was thoughtful. That is all I was hoping for, not that she would say ohh I want you back now. It was just something that was nice and thoughtful. So that's done with, we are still in communication , I said I would talk to her later and she said to text her later because she can't talk (strep throat). So that's where we stand now, I do not call her all the time nor bother her. So I take all of your advice to heart, it has truly helped me to cope with this situation, and hopefully to overcome it for the better. Hopefully with her, yes that's what I want, but if not I will move on. It is still too soon to tell though.

Obsession and love feel the same to the person who is afflicted with it. Its like judging the size and ferocity of a mob fight when you are in the middle of it. You really have to be outside the situation to be able to see what's really happening.

For the record how many times has she called you since she asked for space? And not her returning your call or voice mail.

OK, now how many times have you called her?

See my point. You are still forcing yourself on her.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

Obsession and love feel the same to the person who is afflicted with it. Its like judging the size and ferocity of a mob fight when you are in the middle of it. You really have to be outside the situation to be able to see whats really happening.

For the record how many times has she called you since she asked for space? And not her returning your call or voice mail.

OK, now how many times have you called her?

See my point. You are still forcing yourself on her.

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Yeah, I have probably called her more since the beginning, but that first week or so I was a mess and didn't know what was really going on. Since we talked a few times in person, I have not called her a lot, for a whole week I didn't contact her and she called me a few days in a row. So I am not keeping track, this isn't a game, if I want to talk to her, I am going to, if she wants to talk to me , she will call, and she has. So all this back and forth should I or shouldn't I call her isn't working. We may not be together but we still care about one another enough to keep communication open. I tried the NC for a week and it didn't work, she thought I was upset and moving on and she didn't call me because of that, she thought I didn't care anymore which is not true. This is a time to reflect for both of us, she may not know what she wants but I feel if I disappear totally it will be doing more harm than good , at least in this situation. I may be wrong, only time will tell. So I am giving her space, not smothering her , and I feel I have been doing the right thing for now. As time passes, the situation may change and at that point we'lll see where we go from there. I am in the middle of all of this so I prob don't see it as clearly as I should or would if I stepped back, but for now that's all I can do.

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Originally Posted by bummedout4

So she got the flowers, texted me thank you and that she liked them and appreciated it and it was thoughtful.

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Did she call you and thank you for you having flowers delivered?

Because if she didn't, it's a sign she really needs space.

This doesn't mean she doesn't think the flowers were great. But it does tell you something.

If she didn't call to say thank you... think about this... she's telling you something. I mean, she might not even be thinking "god I need some space" but it's likely that she unconsciously texts you due to not wanting to be close. She wants out.

See, I'm telling you that she is not "planning" her actions, because she is not a bad guy here. She is just a girl who wants some space, and she cannot control how she is feeling. You can't control this either.

Now if its an even balance or close to it.. then maybe its not so much you forcing yourself on her, but if she has only called a couple times and not in response to a voice mail or anything you left then I think I'm right.

But in my mind you should still cut her loose, because by wanting space but talking to you she is trying to have her cake and eat it too if you are right, and that's still wrong. And If I'm right should let her go because that's what she asked for.

In any case what's been going on is doing nobody any good. She either needs all the time and distance in the world to decide if that's what she wants or not. And she did ask for that.

Or she's got to decide she doesn't want her space.

In any case your judgment on the matter is clearly clouded and because of that suspect.

You can't be obsessive about someone like you are and be objective at the same time... can't happen, won't happen, and isn't happening.

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Originally Posted by Sad Soul

Did she call you and thank you for you having flowers delivered?

Because if she didn't, it's a sign she really needs space.

This doesn't mean she doesn't think the flowers were great. But it does tell you something.

If she didn't call to say thank you... think about this... she's telling you something. I mean, she might not even be thinking "god I need some space" but it's likely that she unconsciously texts you due to not wanting to be close. She wants out.

See, I'm telling you that she is not "planning" her actions, because she is not a bad guy here. She is just a girl who wants some space, and she cannot control how she is feeling. You can't control this either.

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Well as I said, she texted me thank you and that she liked them and they were nice and it was thoughtful. She can't talk because she has strep throat and it hurts. So I understand, she said to text her later because her throat hurts. So I think she liked them, in what context I don't know but she appreciated it, which is all I was really going for.

I think most here have given you advice to help you, since we know nothing of her, or her motivations. The point being that you need to be healthy, and live your life, and not have expectatations of something more with this female. Make awfully sure that you keep your own life on the right path, and not let her being nice and friendly, hold you back on your own happiness. No one can say where this will end up. We are not psychics, but from experience, make your decisions based on fact not your aching, hoping heart.

Well flowers were thoughtful, but keep in mind you are both very young. She started to realize this... that is why she left. She wanted to be absolutely sure you were the best thing for her. You are still acting as if you are in a serious relationship... even though you say you are both friends. You are not acting like a friend. If a friend acted that clingy, I would probably ditch them (I actually ditched one of my guy friends... because he was really starting to creep me out with his hovering) . Be very wary of what you do, or you may get the final boot. It is one thing to be caring and another to be obsessive... a very fine line. Take care!

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Originally Posted by star3114

Well flowers were thoughtful, but keep in mind you are both very young. She started to realize this....that is why she left. She wanted to be absolutely sure you were the best thing for her. You are still acting as if you are in a serious relationship....even though you say you are both friends. You are not acting like a friend. If a friend acted that clingy, I would probably ditch them (I actually ditched one of my guy friends...because he was really starting to creep me out with his hovering) . Be very wary of what you do, or you may get the final boot. It is one thing to be caring and another to be obsessive.....a very fine line. Take care!

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Thanks, well said, I know the line is thin , I am trying not to overstep my boundaries with her and I don't think I am. I will try my best to move on my own path, but still want her in my life. WE will see what happens I guess, time will tell what reallyhappens.

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Originally Posted by bummedout4

WE will see what happens i guess, time will tell what reallyhappens.

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You keep saying "we will see what happens" or "only time will tell" when you never seem to wait for time to tell you...

Please go about doing all the great things everyone helped list out for you to do (everything that could make you a stronger, healthier and more attractive man), instead of getting impatient and trying to control the situation with your ex.

Be true to what you say in regards to, "only time will tell" and give time a chance. You'll be giving your ex a fair chance this way too.

Trust all the people who have posted this for you!

Yeah I know I keep saying it, it sounds so good,but time is just going so slow!

WARNING!!!DO NOT READ IF YOUR SENSITIVE!!!!

There will never be any good from sticking your head up a females butt. MANHOOD is all about dealing with the facts as they are, and doing what you must, for your own good to build a happy secure life. That means making the hard decisions, for the long term good. Yes, letting go, and starting over is a life changing event, but not the hardest one you will face, and definitely not the only one.

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Originally Posted by bummedout4

yeah i know i keep saying it, it sounds so good,but time is just going so slow!

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Time will 'speed up' once you stop thinking about her and how you can talk to her next or impress her. It will speed up once you start working on yourself. Start playing a new sport or learn an instrument. It will be really hard to focus at first but just stick with it.

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Originally Posted by madaman

Time will 'speed up' once you stop thinking about her and how you can talk to her next or impress her. It will speed up once you start working on yourself. Start playing a new sport or learn an instrument. It will be really hard to focus at first but just stick with it.

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Yeah that's something I have been trying to do, getting back to the driving range and hopefully if weather holds up start getting to the golf course more often. Golf should take my mind off things for a while at least.

So I haven't posted on this thread for sometime. Basically, you've been going around in circles since the very beginning and haven't moved forward even one step. If anything, after three weeks, you're at or worse than square one.

Since you claim to LOVE her, don't you think you should do the ONE THING she asked. LEAVE HER ALONE! At this point, do it for her sake, because you're clearly not trying to help yourself by repeatedly pushing a square peg into a round hole.

You made this girl your entire life and now she's gone. And now YOU ARE BEING SELFISH by trying to FORCE THE ISSUE. I mean seriously dude, she's trying to move on and live her life. Have some spine. DO THE SAME.

Most GIRLS LIKE FLOWERS. What was she going to say to you? She's a nice person. She said thanks. What was she going to say?

Anyway, I'm sorry for being harsh. But through this entire thread, the only thing you've focused on is how to win her back not how do I MOVE ON WITH MY LIFE. People have given you spot on advice for the latter, but you choose to ignore it and focus on anything or any ploy to win this girl back.

SHE'S NOT STUPID. She knows what you're trying to do by sending flowers, texting, calling. You can't TRICK HER into liking you again. LEAVE HER ALONE. You're literally going insane trying to figure out what to do to get her back.

And we've all been in your shoes. These situations are all fairly similar. Don't have the ILLUSION that yours is somehow different. It's not. And from our collective experience, we've all told that the point is TO GET BETTER, NOT get her back.

With all that said, I am still hoping you finally start helping yourself. Only you can do that. SHE CAN'T and she shouldn't have to. And we are doing everything we can. So that leaves you to do your part.

Good luck.

--Cali

Look at it this way... since you can't seem to accept the advice we have been giving you to back off.

I for one don't even know you and can see your obsession. Can you imagine how bad that makes you look in her eyes. No woman wants a man that is that out of control. It's a huge turn-off to women. They hate immature men and crybaby types... as well as mommas boys. And all this incessant insistence you are the only one that knows what's right and good only shows we are right about this.

The most certain way to drive her off for good is keep doing what you are doing and keep in her face. If she didn't want space she would not have asked for it.

Its time to show some maturity, be a man and as suck it up and do what's right. Give her the space she asked for... women don't ask for space then ask for you to keep calling etc... those two things are mutually exclusive. You can do one or the other but not both. I can believe she asked for space... I think the part of keeping in touch was something you dreamed up or misunderstood however based on everything that has been said. Yeah its going to hurt, boo hoo, that's life, everyone deals with it many times in their life, dealing with it is part of being an adult, not running away from it.

Keep it up what you are doing and you will convince her you are not mentally stable. And I know that's exactly what you don't want to do.


Hate to be so brash, direct and harsh, but nothing else seems to be working being that we are on page 46 and you still don't see what you are doing wrong.

OK, I get everyone's point that I have to start moving on. Let me ask you all something, did you do the right thing when you were faced with this situation for the first time? Did you ever have that hope that I am feeling and the sense that its not over , just a rough patch in the road? You are all right, I can't let her dictate what I do with my life and I need to control myself. Well with all that being said, what do you do if you KNOW that person is the one you want to be with forever. Do you let it go and push it away further or keep them close? I think I may be coming across as an obsessive guy that is all up in her business and smothering her when I post on here. This is not true, I am giving her space, and we have talked and decided that she just needs time to think things through and figure things out and that we can still stay in contact. I am not trying to force anything with her and I don't want to force her now to make a decision about her future. So with this being said, I should just tell her I don't want to talk to her anymore until she decides what she wants? Wouldn't this push her away further, at least now we are talking and still close. Or is this the problem, with me around she will never really realize what she wants? I admit I am confused and in love and it may be blinding the reality of the situation. All I know is that I want to be with her, and she may also, but is just confused and overwhelmed right now. If I am not there for her when she needs me, wouldn't that show that I really don't love and care as much as I say I do? I know this post has gotten huge, and I really appreciate everyone taking time to read it and offer their opinons and advice. Without it , I would be even more lost than I am now. I just want to do the right thing and give myself a chance again, not ruin it or make things worse. In respect to becoming a better person, I have really been able to reflect on our relationship and see what needs to be improved in the future. All I want is to show her that if we work on it, things can be like they use to be, and we can both be happy, because the foundation is there. We know each other better than anyone, care about one another, and can be ourselves and act normal around each other. Am I wrong for wanting this? I feel like everyone is saying I should just suck it up and move on withuot her, leaving all we shared and still share in the dust. I just don't think I am ready to do that now, and I am not sure when I will be. Does this make me less of a man? I never was emotional and never cried, but this has changed me, I now know its OK to express those emotions because if not, they will stay inside and one day explode in a way that may not be good. So really all I am asking is Why does it seem like everything I feel is right, actually so wrong?

I find it funny that the title of this whole question was 'girlfriend wants a break. How to accept it?'. 46 pages later you still refuse to 'accept' it.

We say you need to focus on yourself, and you spin it to be you focusing on yourself to improve your relationship with her. That's not what we are saying.

We say leave her alone, and you ask us how to tell her that you are going to leave her alone.

We say by being independent and doing things only for yourself, you will be happier. You ask us 'well won't she think I don't care anymore if I stop calling?'.

When this is over, you are going to look back and kick yourself for not listening to EVERYONE here sooner. You ask us if we made the mistakes you are making the first time around, and yes I know I did, but I didn't ask for help on a great site like this. If I had had this during my first breakup I wouldn't have been so messed up for a YEAR after (and during that year I met at least 4 great girls who I scared away because I wasn't over my ex).

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Originally Posted by madaman

When this is over, you are going to look back and kick yourself for not listening to EVERYONE here sooner. You ask us if we made the mistakes you are making the first time around, and yes I know I did, but I didnt ask for help on a great site like this. If I had had this during my first breakup I wouldnt have been so messed up for a YEAR after (and during that year I met at least 4 great girls who i scared away because I wasnt over my ex).

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You know you are probably right. I wish it was as easy as it seems to just follow everyone's great advice. My head is all over the place and my heart refuses to let go. I need more time to really see what is going to happen with us. It has been a month, I have made some progress because I am not breaking down emotionally like I was the first 2 weeks. I feel like I am able to do things without her, but I admit I do think of her and miss doing things with her. So I know it will take some time, I hope I can look back at this time and see that it made me a better person, whether I am with her or not. Its just Way harder than I ever thought. Thanks again.

Its OK and normal to miss her. You would be a robot if you didn't. What I am trying to say is don't degrade yourself to giving up everything for her (ie your pride, etc) because if she never wants you again you will be a broken man. There is no better feeling then looking back at a situation like this and being proud of what you did and the actions you took.