Thanks, tao.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by vanheart

Thanks, tao.

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Oh, and one more: Pilgrimage by Zenna Henderson

Amazon.com: pilgrimage the book of the people

It's a great SciFi metaphor for the rejoining of parts.

I do hope you will answer my question about what you like to read.

Tao

Thanks,

Since the breakup Ive read:

Zen & Art of Motorcycle Maintanence
The John McEnroe Bio "You Cannot Be Serious"
The Mark E. Smith (Rock Singer) rants "Renegade"
On the Road
That Hollis book you recommended
Harold and Maude

Im pretty easy genre wise, if it connects with my interests.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by vanheart

Thanks,

Since the breakup Ive read:

Zen & Art of Motorcycle Maintanence
The John McEnroe Bio "You Cannot Be Serious"
The Mark E. Smith (Rock Singer) rants "Renegade"
On the Road
That Hollis book you recommended
Harold and Maude

Im pretty easy genre wise, if it connects with my interests.

---

Jack Kerouac!? Wow! Those were my Major Counter Culture days!

Enjoy it all.

Tao

Yeah, I wanted to re-read that one...

Hi guys,

Im trying hard to close the door on this & no longer wish to waste precious time.

I feel empowered, know all of her faults, etc.. I don't love her, don't want her back or want to see or talk to her, but still Im spending a lot of thoughts toward her.

Ive been trying to resolve this final grasp, just when I thought it was the final grasp, there's more.

I talk to rejection, comparison (thinking that everyone should be honest and loving) and habit. Ive been doing a lot of boiling since this.

Maybe it's a matter of time at this point again, its only been 2 mo. (feels like way more) but, I don't want to think about this anymore.

I thought about triggers and how I may picture something whenever I thought of this & her (not too different than my notes). That doesn't seem to do it.

I know I wrote that positive not a couple days ago, and I do still feel positive, but I guess what Im asking for is some thoughts at this stage.

I want to get rid of this BS for good.

And so you will I e it won't be painful but some memories I think will remain and why not if they re good ones?don't beat yourselfup one step at the time

Quote:

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Originally Posted by vanheart

Hi guys,

Im trying hard to close the door on this & no longer wish to waste precious time.

I feel empowered, know all of her faults, etc.. I dont love her, dont want her back or want to see or talk to her, but still Im spending a lot of thoughts toward her.

Ive been trying to resolve this final grasp, just when I thought it was the final grasp, theres more.

I talk to rejection, comparison (thinking that everyone should be honest and loving) and habit. Ive been doing a lot of boiling since this.

Maybe its a matter of time at this point again, its only been 2 mo., (feels like way more) but, I dont want to think about this anymore.

I thought about triggers and how I may picture something whenever I thought of this & her (not too different than my notes). That doesnt seem to do it.

I know I wrote that positive not a couple days ago, and I do still feel positive, but I guess what Im asking for is some thoughts at this stage.

I want to get rid of this BS for good.

---

There is still work going on in you, Van. Some parts of you are sorting and organizing old information related to women, relationship, and associated meaning. It may have nothing to do with her (although it may). If you deepen your state of mind when doing your dialogs—make it more pure and focused; spend more time inside your mind—you can access those parts that are busy working things out, and help them.

The dialogs, inner discovery, harmonizing parts, etc. never stop. The content and process change for the better. If you want help with the process, maybe we can set up a video chat via Skype or ooVoo.

Stay faithful to yourself. Stay on the path.


Tao

Thanks, I will try

At the risk of being an attention magnet, I wanted to post. Maybe help.

Been doing lots of soul searching with frustration and forwardness.

Its back to me. My goodness.

"How do you neglect good?" Yup. True housecleaning.

Ive been trying so hard to get rid of this. Getting tired, denying my own strength, dwelling even with realization. Posting here whenever something happens.. Not settling down.

I thought, nice. When was the last time you spent 2 plus mo. On yourself?
Way too long, I won't even tell you how long. No rushing now on this. (& I don't mean prolonging pain) Im doing all of the right things for me. And your words here were the catalyst, then and now. Thank you.

Now spend that time every day forever.

Been still writing notes and putting them out. Mostly the important ones remain.

I guess most of the broken hearts here have written letters in their head to your ex at different stages, and never sent.

I wrote one tonight to myself, in response...

My life is so much better. Thanks for that.
You were right with that first note, "I am amazing"...

I had mentioned that a friend of my ex's contacted me to hang out a couple weeks ago.

I come to find out that he goes back on the same plane of one of my dear friends. We all know each other. And she didn't mention me, but my ex found out through him that my friend was in town and texted her asking to get together. My friend said no & that she would be too busy as I asked her to way back if this ever happened.

Today my friend called to see if I could pick her up at the airport when she comes back & said that my ex texted her again after 5 days asking to call her because she was worried about me & wanted to know if I was OK.

She said she knew it was awkward, but can I call you for 2 minutes.

This gets me so angry how she is so sneaky, uncaring and desperate to find out that what she did was "ok"

I asked my friend to not respond.

How freaking lame. "This will take 2 minutes"...

Van, everything you just wrote is true. She's a sneaky, user and abuser trying to satisfy her own ego to "make it right" in her head. At this moment she is seeking answers from where ever she can get them, and she's desperate to do it. NC isn't just helping you get over her, it's messing with her head. She did not expect this. You played the one golden card and you played it brilliantly. The card is silence. The opposite of love is not hate but indifference. You are completely indifferent to her. We may see your having a few moments here and there, but she has no idea and it's driving her nuts. You are not only winning this game, you are absolutely killing her and it's just your indiffernce to her that is doing it. Obviously, I don't have to tell you to keep doing what your are doing. You are winning the battle with her and keeping her guessing even if it's unintentional.

Thanks, Chuff.

I am just so angry that she is trying to use my friends.
My closest ones, the ones that have been there and visa versa.

The ones that she never wanted to engage with and even was jealous of. She was jealous of me for having them for god's sake.

This really burns my a$$. I want to smash something.

Amazing what you can learn, when your not blinded by your own feelings.

Quote:

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This really burns my a$$. I want to smash something.

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Anger is appropriate response to her actions, then you'll laugh when you think about how she didn't get her way.

You closed the door and didn't give her a key, and she doesn't like that very much, Hehehe!

And changed the lock I hope.

Yup.
I told my family too to blow her off if she tries them. Even though I think she too chicken chit to do so.

No one left. Especially after she ran into my other close friend at the beach here with no luck.

She's going to have to call Ghostbusters now...

So I pick my friend up today and she mentioned that my ex's friend she saw on the plane told her that my ex was working on her visa to move to L.A.

Just as I thought:
The Psychic to tell her she was a good person.
The "Secret" conference to get the courage and confidence.
The shag in L.A. to get her clutches into someone there.
Then getting rid of me.

Whatever to takes to get what she wants.

Nice plan, huh? Still hurts.

Now you know exactly the type of person she is. Be happy to be rid of this cancer, and now you can find someone you can be with and not have to worry about her intentions. Not some visa screw

I know. Just hearing that brings all of the hurt back though.
Makes me sick to my stomach.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by vanheart

So I pick my friend up today and she mentioned that my ex's friend she saw on the plane told her that my ex was working on her visa to move to L.A.

Just as I thought:
The Psychic to tell her she was a good person.
The "Secret" conference to get the courage and confidence.
The shag in L.A. to get her clutches into someone there.
Then getting rid of me.

Whatever to takes to get what she wants.

Nice plan, huh? Still hurts.

---

You also didn't mention the last part of this plan. The last part was let you go and walk away with her held high knowing she did the right thing and that you would try to beg her back. That part of this plan isn't working for her. Getting dumped does hurt. It drives a stake to your inner emotional core, there is no one denying that. But her plan did not and is not going like she planned. She may have played all that you described brilliantly without you seeing what was happening. But you played the last card and her plan has completely blown up in her face. She's desperate to make sure she did the right thing after the fact. She's tried everything to get in touch with you that she can and your indifference to her has caused all that you described to completely backfire on her. Everything has blown up in her face.

You can be hurt and you can come here and express that pain but the beauty of all this is, she has no idea what's going on. To her, you are indifferent to her, to her you have forgotten about her, to her you have moved on. This part of her plan is not what she expected. On top of that, it's something she never planned for and has no idea how to deal with it.

Still sucks sure. Nice plan... um not so much because it blew up in her face and you are winning her emotional game and turning it around on her.

Van do not ignore or belittle your achievements. When you feel down grasp these achievements and claim them as your own. You've earned them to keep and not to let go of or ignore.