Thank you Cat. You are smart!

Altenweg, That's an awesome idea! I will do it. I really want to get over this nonsense. I'm trying lots of things. I will post something new tomorrow. Thanks for the great ideas and the support!!

Sometimes one person does or says something wrong... sometimes both, sometimes neither. Sometimes it doesn't work because it just doesn't feel right for one or the other.

What you do not do is obsess about someone. They don't NEED and excuse. They don't NEED a reason... and they most certainly don't NEED to tell anyone why.

"It is what it is"... an ex girlfriend once said.

Obsess about someone too much and you WILL one day find yourself on the wrong end of a restraining order and on the police "watch" list. Nobody wants the attention of a person they have decided they don't want in their personal space. That sort of thing is VERY unwelcome.

Life many times is not what you want... making the most out of life IS about adapting and conforming to what life offers you. Now what you might be offered depends on you and how you deal with what you have at the time. What your future holds depends on your choices in the past, and the present. Stop making bad decisions and start making the right ones and the world is yours.

Well let's see. Something good today is that I am getting paid time and a half since it's a holiday. I am going to the Tyra Banks show tomorrow and I worked out last night. So I am happy and I will workout some more tonight. So these are the good things today.

And did you try something new today? :)

Well I don't know what to do new? Last night I sent a message to a girl so I tried that new. Haven't tried that in months. I'm working now so I don't know what to do new. Lol I'm feeling better than yesterday for sure.

Sounds good Emo. Keep it up. :)

Why am I still not over my ex? Do I have to meet someone better? I really think that's the only way.

There's no magic potion, there's no secret scroll, and there's no mystical spell to make it happen. It simply takes time Emo, but, you have to be 100% truthful with yourself. You need to cut that last thread of hope and not just pretend to. Once you fully and completely let go, that's when your healing truly begins.

But here's a tip I'd like you to try out that can help you (or anyone else reading this!) For the next 30 days, every time you have a negative feeling or thought in your head, try to focus on the first positive thing that comes to mind. Now, this doesn't need to be at the same level or significance, it can be the smallest little thing in the world. What this will do is over time train yourself to think more positively about your life. Try it, it works!

Lalalalalalalalalalal

I don't know what I want. I guess I want to find someone better than her that loves me and treats me good and has fun with me and is compatible. I just want to have someone I like around to go to concerts and events and someone who loves being around me. I felt her getting distant the last few months. Not to mention little arguments. I keep wondering like did she have to lie because I would get mad? Is that a good excuse? I can go to strip clubs every night and lie as well but I know its not right because she wouldn't like it s I respect that. If I dated a girl that didn't mind then that's different. I wouldn't go out late till 5am to a bar with a friend. You may say oh you're suppose to do that when you're dating but we wouldn't do that. She would not tolerate it so why should I? Whenever I caught her lying she would say she feels trapped. She of course you are trapped. I caught you lying! Why do I still think it's my fault for it being over?

Lalalala...

Exactly. That's all you've been doing for 76 pages/ Not listening or doing anything to wake up. All I still keep hearing is she.

You're not trying.

Once you realize that she wasn't the "one", not to mention realize what "one" really means. (ie: learning to love & be one with yourself) Things will change.

You want a quick fix all the time. Get real.

Like you said, you don't know what you want...

Emo

You know what , until you stop wondering what and why etc. you'll never find anyone. Because you will take all this cr*p baggage into any new relationship you may find.

And nobody , especially a new person is going to put up with it for too long.

We've told you what to do , and sometimes I think your actually moving forward , but you keep bringing me back to thinking maybe not and I'm sure the others feel the same. I've told you before that we can only give you the advice needed , YOU are the one that has to ACTION them.

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I felt her getting distant the last few months. Not to mention little arguments. I keep wondering like did she have to lie because I would get mad? Is that a good excuse?

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Emo, do you even read my posts? Do you even listen to any of the advice you're given? I don't think you do.

If I hear "why did this happen?" or "Why did she do this?" or anything else to do with your ex and all the miserable failings of your relationship, then I'm done posting here and you're on your own.

How many times do we have to tell you to stop living in the past and start living in the now and looking forward to the future.

We just went over this yesterday and today, we're right back at square one.

I have a feeling you'll still be singing the same song at post 1500.

Now Im laughing. Are you emo?

Well, you should be.

Everyone changes for the better. Will you?

Sadly I don't think that any of us can help him. We've all tried, we've all given great advice and it's ignored. We're 780 posts in and nothing has changed, it's still the same song and dance, the same pity party.

There comes a time when you just have to realize that you can't help someone, that they have to figure it out themselves. I think this is the time and I think it's time to close the thread.

Everything that should have been said has been said. All Emo has to do is read back through all the posts and he's got all the advice he needs to get through this.

BTW, we all see your emo.

Now how's about your punk!

That would warm my heart.

I figured something out!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by emopunk7

I figured something out!

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I am scared to ask, 'What have you figured out?'

Please, don't let it be a Monty Python Sketch. I keep feeling like I am stuck in one enough already. :rolleyes:

No, I think it's turned into a game show - "Guess what I've figured out."

Am I right that OP is 24 years old? Yikes!

Sorry for sounding immature judykatetee and Cat. Anyway, I was happy because I realized I will be fine and I do feel lonely at times but then I realized this experience will help me appreciate the next person in my life and I am happy to continue bettering myself. I remembered the time I was in Pennsylvania away from New York for a weekend. Towards the night I called my ex to say hello and goodnight. She didn't answer. So I tried again a half hour later and then she picked up. So I asked how was her day and all and she wanted to get off. I asked if she was home and she said yes but I can tell when she is lying. After a few times asking and her saying she is home then outside by the car, she admits she is out with friends. I was a bit upset but she was caught lying instead of being honest. Sorry for the story and vent but it's relevant this time. After that she says I'm the worst boyfriend for being upset and that I always get mad when she is with friends. Yet she always said that each time and it's because she would lie about it and had nothig to do with friends. Also I remember her saying she doesn't want us to be together anymore and cursed me out a lot to which I did nothing in return and in fact I apologized because I didn't want herto break up with me. I remembered all this that day and it hit me that I was blind and being hurt so much without a care on her part. She wanted me but when not around she would do anything behind my back and who knows doing what. That breaks trust and doesn't build it. Some people say it takes two to break but that's all her. Mind you I forgave it many times before and though I shouldn't have done payback, I now realize why I did and I no longer blame myself. Surely I should have dumped her instead and I will have to gain strength in that area but I feel like I can truly move on now and ifeel a weight lifted off and I feel happier to move on though sad it had to end. It doesn't really matter whose fault it was, it's just sad it ended but now I can let go of the blame in that area. I still wonder why she lied and wasn't honest when she swore and at least try. But not once did she so I can't even say it's my fault because of the way I acted this time. So I don't understand and I know there are no answers but here's to moving on. I'm glad I tried hard to make her happy and I'm sorry to life and her it didn't but I hope with the next one things could be better. I love you life and I'm looking forward to what is next. Thank you AMHD for your help. I am healing little by little.

Keep on healing Emo,and don't worry about who did what-how's the gym these days?

The gym is good. I went running today for 30 min. I will go tomorrow at 2pm and do a long heavy workout to feel the burn again. I finally finished my room. Pictures soon. Thanks for asking. How have you been doing?

Emo, Im glad that you are taking the proper steps.

Keep it up. It's a road to recovery.

While you are working your body & getting your breathing back, take a look at your post title. "I dont trust" .

Do some soul searching, buddy. You will be amazed at the person you didn't was inside.

Sounds like your doing good,keeping yourself busy!
Way to go!
( I'm good thanks.)

Vanheart, I just couldn't trust her after she lied 4 times so some people just can't be trusted but I will work on that for another girl. I hope I can find someone nice that I like and can work well with me. I miss having a girlfriend.

Hi ex. I'm sorry we didn't work out and as hard as I try to be strong it still hurts that we broke up. We could go out at any time and we always said yes for each other to do anything. We had such great moments. We both looked cute together and the spontaneous nights and days. I go over nearly every detail from the last 3 and a half years and wish so many little things differently. Like the time canoeing on the Delaware and it rained and you were crying because you were so scared, I wish I can save you again and be so nice and take care of you again. But you hurt me while I was constantly trying so hard to make you happy. I took my chances to stay true and be the best for you while you took chances going out behind my back. And as much as I want to hate you for that I understand we are human and make mistakes and it's probably why I didn't dump you. I'm sorry for doing it back to teach a lesson but I really didn't know what else to do. You really hurt me and this situation I'm in now sucks because it just does. This is the fourth time I've cried since we broke up. I've missed your scent and laying close to you. But I'm trying to move on and it just hurts. I really don't know how other people do it. I'm trying to find out. I want to say I love you but I can't because I have to move on. I wish you didn't dump me and if it bothered you so much we could have spoken about it. I did apologize and I wouldve never done it again just like I never did other things again. I gave you many chances lying, so why couldn't I get a chance? I saw a picture of you today and you looked mean and not so pretty and it made me feel better and I told myself maybe that can help me move on but tonight my feelings don't care for what that picture said and it still wants you close. I don't know what else to say. I just want to say that I really did try my best and I never ever took you for granted. I wouldve loved you forever and I really hope you become successful and I wish you the best in life and thank you for the memories. Good bye.

I'm sooooooooo sad! Why is this happening? I can't stop crying.

If that post was a goodbye letter-fair do.
And maybe that's what caused your tears.

Now try to stop going over all the details-all the who said what to whom and when and how.
By doing that,you allow the pain,the sorrow and the hurt to stay with you.

How do others get over their exes you ask?
By keeping busy,by actively working on healing and by not running down memory lane every week.

You to can do this,please DO it.

Um... do I even need to say how pathetic that makes you look if you composed that to send to her.

She doesn't deserve the time that took to write... and seriously man-up.

She proved she wasn't worthy of your time or respect much less anything else.

Time to be a man... deal with it... shut her out completely and march ahead.

It will take some discipline but you need to show the maturity to do it.

Adults have to do many things that they don't want to do.. don't like to do.. and at times, is very stressful to do. Wait until you have to bury a parent... if you can't deal with a loser b*tch... how will you deal with something really hard, like having to bury a parent?

Sorry to be harsh... and Blunt, but Jeezus H Christ dude... we are at page 80 and you still fixate on someone who clearly doesn't want or care about you.

Pretend she doesn't exist... pretend she never existed... move ahead, and move on. Or you AREN'T going to find a new girlfriend. Women don't like guys that mope around and feel sorry about themselves, or get obsessed.

Do you want to move on... or do you want to create a self fulfilling prophecy? Be alone and stuck in the past?

794 posts later and Smoothy has summed it up beautifully - time to man up! Want to end the pain quickly? Actually send this to the ex. She'll read it word by word, line by line, to all of her friends. They'll pass it along. The "we both looked cute together" and "spontaneous days and nights" parts will be favorites. Embarrassment alone will end the relationship.

80 pages, 795 posts - time to close. OP just doesn't get it.

JudyKateTee can you please refrain from posting? I'm going through a rough time and you are not helping so why post? Its only been 3 and a half months... im almost there. I will do this. It takes people 8 months or some longer. I'm doing good I think. Sometimes I have to vent and last night I felt like writing that. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I'm not sending it to her but I wrote it here as my journal. Something that helps. Please just refrain from posting here because everybody else has been helping. If I was here till next year then surely I need help but I am just dealing with this as best as I can. Last night was a bit hard and if you can't understand what I am going through then please don't post.

Emopunk7

I see you continuously rehashing the past... continuously reliving what was... continuously appearing to think that if you knew what went wrong you can go back and change it and go back to a relationship that never was what you envisioned in your mind.

Because you do this... and as long as you do this you will continue to be stuck in the rut you are in.

It's a hard lesson, but the best way to get over that is to simply put it behind you. Now if you have to demonize her in your mind to do it, then do it... but constantly thinking about her, theorizing what went wrong, thinking about what you could have done differently just prolongs the pain...

It really is this simple... Some people were never really meant to be together... plain and simple.

This is one of those cases.


Sitting around thinking woe is me... only takes a one month recovery and makes it into a 6 month or longer one.

You have to take do what you have to do... however distasteful as it appears.

Please don't attempt to control who will post and in what manner.

No one is here to blindly support you - if what is posted hurts, maybe that's because it's the truth and you don't want to hear it. Alty (in particular) has held your hand for 796 posts.

Some people never get over "it." Maybe that's the point of what's been posted. Do you want to be one of those people?

Maybe you do. Maybe you enjoy wallowing in self pity.

This is not a blog or a chat room so your journal entries are inappropriate. I note you never mentioned this was part of a "journal," that you didn't intend to mail it, until I replied.

And, by the way, I've been there, done that. We've all been betrayed, had bad breakups, wondered where to go from "here." Seems to me we've all moved on.

First of al Alty just came in about 50 posts ago but nonetheless Thank God. She is very good. My journal entries are not inappropriate as I have been told to post anything even poetry to keep moving on and sticking to no contact. I don't know why you are being so tough with your words when this is not personally affecting you. I am simply trying to move on. Maybe I am doing it wrong and sorry for that and sorry if its annoying to some. This last month I've seen a lot of light at the end of the tunnel and I know it only gets better. I have some bad days. I am not here everyday like I used to and some days I just come to help others. I know you are all confident in that I will continue NC and are now focusing on my mind and I thank you. Well I am human and all I can do is what I have been doing. Trying my best to move on. I am not obsessed as I don't even drive by her house which is 4 minutes away. I never go where she is and I try dealing with my thoughts as best as possible. Although I can understand how frustrated you may be at times because I myself am frustrated. These thoughts are haunting. I will watch a movie now. Wishing for better days.

Emopunk... do you honestly think even one person here hasn't been through this EXACT thing at least several times before?

We aren't being mean by pointing out that you aren't the first person to go through this... and you aren't.

Obsession can take many forms... stalking is only one.

Look at it from my perspective... see what I see as another guy.

I see a guy that got dumped on by a girl (not a woman) who treated him like crap... but he never saw it until fairly late... and even while he does see it now... he hasn't come to terms with it yet many months later.

Rather than walking away... literally not just figuratively he keeps talking about her, thinking about her all the while pouting and moping that he doesn't have a girlfriend.

Here is a newsflash... as long as you continue ot do that you aren't going to get a new girlfriend either... none worth having anyway. Its about the biggest turnoff to women there is.

This is life... she isn't the first and won't be the last either... because honestly... you don't have the right frame of mind to see the right one when you do meet her at this stage in your life. You honestly have a lot of emotional maturing to do yet.

Its not like she was miss perfect who tragically died suddenly... she was a user and abuser who doesn't deserve to be idolized.

So what do you do... simple... do what most people do... they seek out the people most compatible with them... everyone isn't... if you find they aren't you leave and find another. Eventually you WILL meet the right one... who you date or not doesn't define who you are... its what you do and how you act that does.

But to sum it up... if all you do is think about her... I hate to tell you, that IS obsessing.

Driving by her house... etc... at this stage is actually stalking, and is illegal.

How many have I dated.. fallen in love with and had a falling out due to poor choices in my youth? Well if you know please tell me ( I honestly can't remember) because I lost count before I eventually found the right one and got married. I go years... without even thinking of any specific girl I ever dated in the past. Hell, I've actually forgotten the names of some.

I was just as desperate and sad as you, maybe even more. I typed 70 pages about her. Now that's ridiculous. For the first three months I was super depressed. I hardly ate and felt like my heart had been torn out. You know, when your insides turn to ash?

By month four I had found a new girlfriend, but expected her to be exactly the same as my ex. She could never be as good because I had put my ex on a pedestal too high for anyone to reach. I over exaggerated and thought my ex was perfect.

My new girlfriend was my rebound and coincidentally I was hers. Of course we didn't work out and broke up.

I was too busy trying to find a replacement instead of learning how to live on my own. Well I finally found one... and it's myself. I used to think about my ex every night before I went to sleep, but now I just think about myself and say, "Hey...I love me." Try it some time. I know it sounds narcissistic but I learned how to really do it. I'm just fine being single.

I'm at the seven month mark now, but I know that if I called her just once I might ruin all the progress I've made. Don't make the same mistakes as me. We've all been through this and that's what brought us here to this board.

If any of us are harsh it's because we care and want you to finally come to your senses. Don't make the same mistakes as us.

Hey Emo, lol that's sounds a little weird calling you that but yah I've just read the last few post of your's.

Yup you are right, it actually gets better little by little. So you're in your 3 months of NC? I was in a similar situation as you and during the 3rd month of NC I was a mess. It took me a whole summer to get better because during that time I just busy myself in crazy work schedules.

Been working like 50 hours a week man and by the end of the summer I was like who cares about my ex anymore. Im pretty sure by the end of this summer you ll be back to your normal self again. It took me about 11 months to get over my ex of 1 year/friend of 3 years before dating.

So yup it's a long journey but in the end it will all be worth it man.

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Originally Posted by emopunk7

Trying my best to move on. I am not obsessed as I don't even drive by her house which is 4 minutes away.

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Driving past her house is most definitely not the only sign a person is obsessed. Are you reading anything that's being written to you?

Yes I am JudyKateTee and just going through the process and appreciate the help. Its all I can do. Its all anyone can do. I am trying my best but willing to push further!

Hey None12345, I know its rough and this isn't the first time I go through this. I've gotten over my ex after about 5 months before but I think that's only because I started a relationship with her again. It felt right. Big mistake but not entirely as I appreciate the good times and experience. I hope that by the 5 month mark I will be in a better state of mind and busier in a fun way. Considering I have made great progress in 3 months, I'm guessing by 5 months I should be in a much better place. I'm heading to work soon. Feeling better but not my best.

I am trying my best to move on and today as down I feel and would rather stay home, I think its time to get out. For the first time in 4 months I am going to go out dancing and change the routine. Kind of excited and kind of not but here goes nothing. Wish me luck for a good night. I usually only did this with my ex so it's a bit strange. Here we go.