He retired, huh? Im sure you know that the Canucks blow it every year.

Anyway, I know you guys are right & its another selfish attempt.

I guess, even with all Ive learning about her, there's still feelings in some way that's keeping me from really letting go. Maybe its just the physicality that she is a person & still "out there" And Im a kind person.

Hard to describe...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by vanheart

... theres still feelings in some way thats keeping me from really letting go. Maybe its just the physicality that she is a person & still "out there" And Im a kind person.

hard to describe...

---

Dude, where did all that parts work go? You did some nice process in yourself in the heat of things, and got closer to the part(s) still hanging on. It might have been hard, but recall the feeling that you had when things opened up for you. Would you rather feel anxiety or that amazing sense of getting closer to wholeness? Am I mistaken? Did you feel that or not?

Her presence and her efforts provide you with an opportunity to serve the whole of your life. Don't p*ss it away by letting some vague discomfort work its way through you without awakening your resourcefulness. We're not dealing with Kryptonite here. Take charge and ride this wave.

You don't have to change anything on the outside. You've got a project due Monday that will keep you busy, but not all of you engages in that. While you are working on outer art, let some inner art happen.

Ask. Listen. Relax. Let your inner self reveal more of itself to you. It's a long life, and there will be other women. Heal this wound and you won't have to bring it to your next love.

Tao

Of course I feel it, and still digging deeper. I am continuing on that path.

That text just got me nerved up, that's all.

Chuff, yep! It made me want to pick the phone right up and give that girl a call. NOT!

Van, keep up with NC, it will avoid all of the confusion. If you want a play by play of how that conversation would go, feel free to ask and I'm sure myself or many others on here could tell you

I have an idea of how it would go.
Maybe she's rehearsed something after 2 mo.

Im sure it wouldn't be pretty.

But, give it a shot, if you weren't joking.

May help...

She will apologize, saying how much she didn't want to or mean to hurt you. She will ask for your forgiveness(to ease her own guilt) and then say how she misses the connection she had for you and hopes you two can be friends.

Before this talk takes place, it will be filled with awkward time filling half heart ed "how are you" and other meaningless questions about your life she really isn't concerned with.

Avoid this

Thanks, Chuff.

All of the stuff she already said, in so many words.

Don't mean to sound like a wuss or unaware, but its just the curiousities that come with NC & the situation, I guess. (denial again, hmmm... )

Like Tal, said: Know its just about curiosity and guilt.

Believe me, all of this helps and I know when she spilts, I will feel more empowerment and know that this hurdle may be what it takes to release my grasp on her & this.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by vanheart

Thanks, Chuff.

All of the stuff she already said, in so many words.

Dont mean to sound like a wuss or unaware, but its just the curiousities that come with NC & the situation, I guess. (denial again, hmmm...)

Like Tal, said: Know its just about curiosity and guilt.

Believe me, all of this helps and I know when she spilts, I will feel more empowerment and know that this hurdle may be what it takes to release my grasp on her & this.

---

Keep your senses on the alert for signs of that release process beginning. When it comes, and it will come, enjoy the ride!

You'll have earned it.

Tao

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by o0FirstSnipe0o

send her my way

---

So I take it school's still out for summer?

Great.

Is troll season almost over? :(

I think your seeing ANY contact with the ex will trigger some weird feelings and thoughts. Stay on the NC path. You have better things to do.

Thanks Tao,

My release button has been collecting dust. I even drew a crude picture of that button about a month ago. Then put it away as I do my notes every night.

Tal,
You're right, I have better things to do. Thanks for that.

Van

Hey,

Well just wanted to say that I truly understand and rejoice in the value of NC.

And, Tao, you're right, its not Kryptonite.

I kept busy, socialized and held my ground, even with bouts of anxiety, even until today. She leaves tomorrow and boy am I glad.

I leaped a big hurdle here, one that I knew I would have to jump. And feel good about it.

I know that her coming here and seeing her oldest friend, the one she traveled with and hated, felt jealous over (and always ed to me about) wasn't going to be a good trip for her.

Not to mention the fact the she also wanted wipe her hands of this breakup at the same time. This was, in her escapist way, her plan.
To let the dust settle, practice something then deliver it in person (not on a phone call) pegging me to a T.

Last night, I get a phone call from one of my very good friends here (I actually met him through her) saying that he ran into her at the beach. She was having that walk that she wanted, but once again with one of her superficial girlfriends that she only has time for when she pleases. Believe me, the friend is not one to give any advice.

At first was mortified, then asked if she asked about me or if he mentioned me (as I had asked him not to, if that ever took place) but, no mention of me. My friend is not one to get too deep, but what he said was, and I believe him is that "she looked upset"

One of the last times my ex & I spent time was at a dinner party I had with my friend, his girl and 2 other close friends. I bet she felt weird after that one, knowing that she knows he has my ear.

Even though Im venting, Im spending less and less time on this. Feels like a LONG time coming.

Thanks to every word here. It has all helped.

The path has gotten wider.

So, how's your art project going?. ;0)

Hey, that's a fine piece of inner work. Yeah Boye! You're a big step closer to freedom.

Keep the flow going in yourself and you'll find that your positive trend will accelerate.

Enjoy it all.

Tao

Its done as this recent episode is.

And thanks, This is becoming less of my "project" Thank god.

Im going to keep it going.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by vanheart

Its done as this recent episode is.

And thanks, This is becoming less of my "project" Thank god.

Im gonna keep it going.

---

Cool. If you haven't yet done so, this is a good time to read The Prophet, by Kahili Gibran.

Amazon.com: the prophet kahlil gibran

You are growing as a result of all this! Your "project" is now you.

Tao

Yes,

I know him well from my youth. I kind of forgot about him. Thanks.
Been reading a lot of some lost and neglected ones. Classics, Biographies and eastern stuff.

That's a great idea,
Van

I don't recall if I have recommended it to you, but there's a lot in A General Theory of Love:

Amazon.com: a general theory of love lewis

Check it out and see if it's a genre that you like.

Tao

Thanks.
Ill check it out at the bookstore.

Been getting lost in other works lately, not so much in the self help, although I really liked the Hollis book, fascinating. I go back to some of those paragraphs...

Van

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by vanheart

Thanks.
Ill check it out at the bookstore.

Been getting lost in other works lately, not so much in the self help, although I really liked the Hollis book, fascinating. I go back to some of those paragraphs...

van

---

What kind of works are you into? What draws you in so you get lost?

I'm currently reading How to Win a Cosmic War: God, Globalization, and the End of the War on Terror, by Reza Aslan and find it enlightening.

Some recommendations from my favorites, guaranteed to make you think differently:

Finite and Infinite Games, James P. Carse
The Gift: Imagination and the Erotic Life of Property, Lewis Hyde
A Brief History of Everything, Ken Wilber and Tony Schwartz (all Ken Wilber books)
When Nietzsche Wept, Irvin Yalom (all Yalom books, great psychological/philosophical novels)
The Power of Now, and A New Earth, Eckhart Tolle

Be well,

Tao