Yes I added you but I guess your not online
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Yes I added you but I guess your not online
COmmon people, why did you guys make a great deal out of this??
WEll, Neojunior, I have to tell you this:: I had a long distance relationship too, and I did all kinds of what people called "GUILT" like you did, I spied, I pretended to be friends with him, and other naughty stuff (except for cheating) not just 1 time, many times as the matter of trust, yeah its really hard to trust with LDR, and he knew it, he asked me if I did it, I confessed. ANd actually, he never considered it a crime like people do here. He just simply skipped it even when he knew it was no good but he understands why I did it. I really adore him for behaving like that.
So what I am trying to say here is: If someone loves you, then they can skip all your fault. No big deal! But in your situation, I guess she no longer truly love you. ANd without love, she cheated and took you for granted.
STOP BLAMING ON YOURSELF, NEOJUNIOR! Whatever happened, I can say that her mistake is 100 times bigger than yours.
Just remember this :: YOU CAN NEVER LIVE WITH A LIER. Lier is always and forever a lier, can't be straight, can't change!
Please, be healthy, and spend time with people that truly love you like your family and your friends.
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Originally Posted by Stunning07
I'm online now, sorry for letting you wait
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Originally Posted by lmnotok
How long was your relationship? Cause mine was about 2 years. It was not really a long distance relationship like people use to call it, cause we meet every weekend, and we had 2-3 hours of conversation every day. Just one day that seems to change, and I got myself out of control, by being possessive, controlling, jealous, obssesive. I always looked at my relationship like a closer one, I mean I was pretending her to be near me every moment. I just forgot that that was a LDR. Wenn I understood that, everything was broken, I mean we got a lot of argueing, until I took to understand that.
Mine is more than 3 years, we don't have a chance to meet as often like you guys. But, yeah we chatted and talked more than 2 hours everyday, too, so much that our parents both freak out! Hehe :D
And, frustrated is the thing that I faced everyday. There was a period that I got so out of control, jealous, angry, and sometimes even accused him out of nothing at all, its normal with LDR.
Yep, so I totally understand your action and reaction before and after the break up.
My suggestion is forgive yourself first (like I did). It seems hard at first but once you forgive yourself, everything else seems to be easy, including the breakup too.
Hey Neo! My friend, everyone in relationships make mistakes. Here's a list of things that are wrong along with the degree of harmfulness (1-10):
1. Sex before marriage - 8 Depending on religion
2. Lying to you partner- 6-10
3. Cheating -12
4. Spying- 5
5. Any type of abuse 10-12
This is not at all scientific, just my opinion. Now if all these things are wrong to do and can't be forgiven then nobody will have a relationship. Cheating and abuse should not be forgiven, as love means to love! Love is not betraying someone or treating them badly. Now in a relationship there will be spying. Whether you hide behind a wall and see how long she talks to a specific guy, or listen to her voice mails, or check her phone, or pretend to be someone else online, or easedrop on your partner. Most of these will not be considered illegal, but yet remote access is illegal? I'm trying to say that everyone selects their way of spying on a loved one. Every relationship does it, and if they haven't, they will eventually. Please stop blaming yourself just because the government considers it illegal. The government changes its laws constantly. Don't base your judgement on government. You didn't do anything ridiculous... You had an instinct and you should be damn proud you took your measures to find out and you came out winning. You didn't have to live that lie anymore coming from her mouth. You did good to yourself. Be proud. Most people just don't have the brains to do what you did or they just don't want to. But you did, and be darn proud of yourself... You're free now! You owe her nothing. Not another second of your life.
She lied to you, betrayed you, slept WITH AN EX! and doesn't want to meet you now. She did the worst thing ever. She played with your heart and you probably would have never known the truth unless you did what you did. Don't let people say it's your fault. They were not in your situation. Why forgive yourself when you did nothing wrong. People spy in their own ways... Should they forgive themselves too? Heck no... and neither should you. Also, anybody who has been in love and has loved somebody, knows that lying is a part of it even though we wish it weren't. Without lying nobody will have a relationship. I mean lets be honest... Suppose we (a couple) are walking down a street and I (the boyfriend or gf) see a cute person with a great body or smile, and my gf/or boyfriend asks me if I would hook up with that person if was single, would I tell my girlfriend or boyfriend "Wow, he/she is gorgeous, I wish I could get my hands on him/her and yes I would hook up with him/her"? Of course not... People have exceptions with white lies and black lies and that is to each individual their own. But lying is a necessity. All in all, you didn't do anything to blame yourself for. She cheated and although you had insecurities (you had all right to) she destroyed the relationship, not you. Be proud that you loved her and be proud you really did try your best. She messed it up... Man, girls should be jumping to get with you right now... You're a real man who can love. Hopefully the next girl can treat you right, therefore you won't have to be insecure and I assure you, she is waiting for you right now, as soon as you accept that your ex messed up a good thing! You are the man! Go find your princess!
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Originally Posted by lmnotok
Well, I'm so confused now :) I got so many answers to my question, and they are 50% to my favor, and 50% against me :) me too is against me :) Well, I'm still love her, and as is said Love never fails, right? Ok, lets call it so. I will not blame myself so hard for my mistakes, and I will wait some more time, until I found out she is missing me or feels a bad for losing me, and then I will call her and see what happened. At the end, I have nothing to loose. She already faced the fact that I can smell the things even 100km away (this is my record :) ), so I don't think she can do it again against me. Im not saying I'm asking her if she blames her self, and apologies, but I'm saying that if she feels guilty, and wants another chance with me, it will be in her hands if she can make me change my mind. What do you think?
Just like 'The Used' song... If you want me back, you're going to have to ask nicer than that!
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Originally Posted by emopunk7
Never heard that song :) What do you mean with ask nicer than that :)? Or was just the song and has nothing to do with the price of the eggs in china :)?
It was just the main part of the song... Look it up... Anyway, did you read my post for you?
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Originally Posted by emopunk7
YES I read it. Thanks!
Well, I'm so confused now :) I got so many answers to my question, and they are 50% to my favor, and 50% against me :) me too is against me :) Well, I'm still love her, and as is said Love never fails, right? Ok, lets call it so. I will not blame myself so hard for my mistakes, and I will wait some more time, until I find out she is missing me or feels bad for losing me, and then I will call her and see what happened. At the end, I have nothing to loose. She already faced the fact that I can smell the things even 100km away (this is my record :) ), so I don't think she can do it again against me. Im not saying I'm asking her if she blames her self, and apologies, but I'm saying that if she feels guilty, and wants another chance with me, it will be in her hands if she can make me change my mind. What do you think?
I think you shouldn't care what she does or feels or says. She is gone and you are free. Forget about her. You have nothing to do with her anymore. Try to see that as a good thing. Join a gym and go everyday. It's what I do now. I took the advise from the people here and it's working. I'm not totally over it but I feel it is little by little... Good luck!
No one has a right to cheat on someone. If you were that bad than the right thing to do was to leave you... NOT to cheat on you. Maybe you did do some things that weren't appropriate but I'm sure she did some things wrong too. You can't justify her actions and staying in the relationship by blaming yourself. Please look at this clearly and see that she cheated on you... plain and simple, and that has resulted in you not trusting her. Once the trust is gone... more times than not it is over. Been there... done that!Quote:
Originally Posted by NeoJunior
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Originally Posted by NeoJunior
If IF IF
Why do you talk about If all the time when that IF is not going to happen. Does she feel guilty NOW?? NO NO NO! If someone has to feel guilty FIRST, then it must be HER, not YOU.
Young man, let you tell you this: she is not going to feel guilty EVER. Because if she seems to feel, she has to feel it at the 1st place when you told her about all her lies. But she didn't, on the contrary, she even blamed you!
Well, that's the fact about women, so accept it, and don't think about IF anymore, don't lie to yourself anymore.
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Originally Posted by lmnotok
Yeah, you are sooo right. That's it. I just keep lying myself with all these IF IF IF. What I know is the fact that she feels guilty and she can't get with her own mistakes. Everyone can feel guilty and confused, whatever he/she did, if you got the proves for his/her lies and put them on the table. It's a human nature to defence him/herself if you put them in front of the mirror. And everyone has a different kind of pride and egoism in the character. What I'm trying to say is the fact that she feels even worse and blushing about her reactions and the fact that I exposed her. And keeps blameing on me, because she wants to hide her own low self-esteem and bad character. Even if she wants to talk to me, or is waiting for me to be in contact with her, she still can't talk because she feels ashamed. That's what I think.
And what I think also is the fact that you have very nice eyes (if they are yours :) )
I was with this girl for about 2 years now. We had a really good relation (no problems out there). It was a LDR, but we used to meet every weekend. We go through the steps of Being in love with each other, I guess you know what it means. The only problem that we used to go through was that I was jealous the last months that she used to meet her ex. She always told me that she keeps talking to her ex, as a friend (they knew each other for about 9 years). Well my mind was too occupied to believe he is only a friend or something more. In somehow, I pushed her away during those months. This guy used to see our problems, and took advantage of the situation to tell her that he loves her, and all the rest. She was also vulnerable to this situation, because of the problems she had with me. Well, to keep it short, recently I found her cheating on me with this guy. I should knew that. I mean, I pushed her away from me, and this guy was the only one near her. Anyway, as I found that, I dumped her, and my reactions were really terrible. It was a bad breakup. Now, from 1 month, I tried to be in contact with her, but she didn't respond me. Only one time before 2 weeks, and she told me she needs time to meet me. Today I asked her again what "need time" means. She told me "Need time to see you again in the eyes. Everything was interrupted so brutaly, i didnt ever imagine. What remains are the memories, corrupted by the uglu latest events". I don't know how to interpret this. I care about this girl, and I know I got problems in myself too, and made that realtion hard for her. That's why I want to try to fix things between us. But I don't know what this message means. In somehow its like an offer to see my mind, what I think about the situation. I want to give her time, and I told her that I'm ready to see what we can fix and made those problems disappear. Don't tell me to let her go, cause I can do it, but this realtion and her are very important to me. What do you suggest me to do, and how do you interpret this message from her?
"Need time to see you again in the eyes. Everything was interrupted so brutaly, i didnt ever imagine. What remains are the memories, corrupted by the uglu latest events."
My interpretation of this is that she isn't interested in seeing you in person until time has gone by. She was surprised at how your and her relationship ended so badly. She had had good memories of being with you, but now they are blackened by the breakup and her current negative feelings toward youl
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Originally Posted by Wondergirl
Do you mean there could be a chance that we can speak about those problems, and see what we can do? I mean, for the moment I know she doesn't feel good, me neither, I know we both need time (its being only a 1 month since the breakup). But do you think she wants to finish everything, but save those memories ?
Give her time. Don't contact her in any way. Maybe time will erase some of the bad stuff and she will remember more of the good stuff. She has only the bad stuff in front of her right now. Let her contact you, if she wants to. Meanwhile, do things you enjoy and get a life--live your daily life as happily as you can. Don't moon over her. Hang out with friends and date casually.
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Originally Posted by Wondergirl
Yes, I told her that she will have all the time she needs. And that's I'm going to do. But do you think I should date someone else instead? Or just wait for her to contact me? I don't know and I don't want that, as long as my heart belongs to her. I told you she and this relation is very important to me (future stuff). And by the way, I don't had such experience before. I mean, I broke up with others, but never wanted to go back with them. Does it effect how long is the breakup? Cause I'm afraid she will forget everything, and later it will be more difficult.
And if you date and then fall for another girl who turns out to be even better for you than the one you lost--and is someone who loves you too? Would that be so bad? I say wait and don't contact her--leave it up to her to contact you if she misses you.
I was with this girl for 2 years, but from 1 month or so, I used to break up with her in a badly way. She did something very wrong, without knowing what she is doing, but now, I know she is hurt too, because she took me for granted, and now that I'm gone, I believe she feels the pain, but she doesn't want to show her pain to me. I really miss her deeply, I still care about her and her life, so I tried to be in contact with her, but she seems not liking this, cause she doesn't reply to my mails or sms. She asked me for some time to see me in my eyes again, because she was dissapointed from my reactions too and that badly (not violent) breakup. I asked her what it means, and she told me "Everything was interrupted so brutally, i couldnt ever imagine. What remains are the memories corrupted by the ugly latest events". So I asked her, if she really wants only the memories, and she told me "i dont understand what makes you think there will be another possibility for what we had. There will be no other chance". I got this sms before 10 days but she didn't tell me why. Its not that I hate being alone, the problem is that I want her, and I know what kind of relation it was. Its difficult for me to explain, but all I know, it was special for both of us. We were so deep in the eachothers life. I want to send her a letter about what happened, explaining her about the relationship, our good times and memories together, and all the rest, so that I could help her with this decision and making her mind clean, and trying to stop this fight and break the ice, but I don't know, maybe it will make the things worse. I don't want to tell her about my feelings, cause I don't want her to think I'm feeling weak, or even trying to get back with her. I just want to tell her why that happened. There was only a problem between us. The only argue between us, all this time, was a problem imported. She talked to her ex, and her ex has still feeling for her, and all the time he used to tell her he loves her and so on. I knew this, and the argue began. On the same time, I used to feel a little anxious, jealous, some kind of possessive, maybe weak because of the stress, and that's because the things came to this end. He saw that our relation was in weak phase, and he got trying to take her back more and more, and make her more confused. I don't want to talk about him in this letter, because I know I will loose my power. I only want to tell her what and why that happened. So, what do you think about this letter? Should I send her or let her believe that I don't care anymore, and I want this end too?
It sounds like it has been over long time ago.
Sorry to say but if she does not want any contact why are you going to contact her?
You need to leave this one well alone. Time to except responsibilities for your part in this relationship and the decisions that were made.
Hope you learned something from this and it is time for you to move on. You say that you want her to know the way you feel and you want to let her know what happened and blah blah blah. Then in the same breath you say that you do not want to mention you in the later because you do not want her to think that your still thinking about her and that you do not want her to think that you want her back. The fact is she will probably think that anyway.
Best thing to do is drop it.
Joe
Incredible, I read your question. My boyfriend and I broke up with a similar situation. If you really love her, let her know do not let your pride get in the way of your happiness. Give it your best shot. The longer you spend time away from her the harder it is for a happy return. I live so lonely, I miss my ex so much. His pride and gossip from people got in the way. I did my best for him to listen to me. He ignored me and would not even look my way. We live around the corner from each other. After 9 years being together I find it hard to believe he just stop loving me.
Sorry, for asking. You mean I should talk her about my feelings, or just what and why that happened?Quote:
Originally Posted by nena54
Okay this is now considered a farce.
You have another thread on the go and you did not learn or accept any of the advice there?
Here is the thread. Anybody else that wants to look at it, make sure you do before reading and answering this post.
Joe
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...tml#post436234
Leave this female alone and get a life.
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Originally Posted by Jesushelper76
Damn it! I just spent like 30 minutes answering another one his posts. I hate it when I waste my time when I could be answering real questions.
Hi "Mrs" & Neo-Junior: I've been reading posts from this thread article and was attracted by the issues. Well, quoting to what Mrs said, she's right although they are some disagreements from others. Although 2-years might be short, a lot of memories should have occurred whether happy or sad and its not easy for Neo to let go and forget since he didn't cheat nor make those mistakes just to hurt her feelings on purpose by doing what he did. As some mentioned in other threads, it's a normal reaction for Neo to make his partner feel guilty and feel what he felt whether sick or not. But this shows immaturity if he knows this fact / mistake and still pressures her partner to take him back as love can't be forced upon. As told by "Mrs", it is the right thing to do to give time but trust her again as well and only then to write the last letter / note after he can't wait anymore and it is up to Neo and Neo alone on how long that will be. The wait can be painful as the thought of being together or not being together after the wait which makes a day too long for Neo as I am in that situation. As for trusting issues, it is, in my opinion, up to the partner to prove it later which will take lots of patience as every doings come with expectations which of course Neo will have to give in first as a gentleman if he really wants things to workout again although it might not be the same. If you truly love a person, you can just be happy as long the person is with you whether the person loves u back or not. Love is weird and poison at the same time. Although not being with the person you love, God has plan for all of us and leave the rest to fate as you will be together someday if its meant to be.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs
After 2 years, I wonder what progressed and happen to Neo-junior. Hope he could write again and tell the story
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