I would say that this has all been a very rough and hard test in life…and you have definitely passed! You actually seem to have done better than most people would, and your positive/strong aura can really be sensed through your posts.

I think we usually don't see how strong we are in life when everything is running smoothly, but we do see how strong we are when everything is “messed up” and there are “confusing” situations. These low or difficult times in life are when we can truly measure our strength, see if we can take care of ourselves, and show the world what we are made of.

If there is anything you got out of this relationship, or if there is anything you are continuously showing to the world, it's that you are a man built to survive. I would say it's not your girlfriend who's been somethin' else this whole time, but that it's truly been you who is somethin' else. You're so, for lack of better words, damn unique.

Sad Soul is so right SD, Life throws us curves all the time and how we handle it is what makes us who we are. I think you have handled this situation very well.

I appreciate all the advice I have been given on this board. I could look at this several ways. I could have cut ties with her when she first left a year ago and saved myself some heart ache. But I knew in my heart that I could not walk away with out giving it everything I have. And that was why I could walk away with my head held high. I have very few regrets about anything.

The last year if anything has been a gift to me. I've learned more about myself than I have in a long time. The last year was also filled with so many wonderful moments between her and I. So much fun, laughter, excitement, and tears. I have wonderful memories to look back on...

Like they say, everything happens for a reason. I don't know if I believe in God but I know I have been given enough common sense to believe in myself. I'll find my way and I'll be stronger than ever. I'm just going to take is slow for awhile... Cuz.. life is a journey, not a destination you know.

SDJOSH you can come on here and say what you like about how you are stronger and I hop for you that you are...

You bdont want to tell us the full story that is fine. If I believe right your ex is not seeing anyone. From what I have red and I have looked right back opver this post. Your ex will be back as soon as you get some balls and get your life in order. She doesn't want to be with you cause you are a

She is only still talking to you cause you were such a big part of her life well FOR GOD SAKE get out of her life. This has gone on for way to long way way to long

All this girl wants and needs is to regain the feelings she once felt for you... This can be done

Geez mate your still a chance here and you keep stuffing up...

You can't move on and you can't get her cback cause your STUCK!! Thsta right you need to totally disappear for a month and she will be back with a new lease on life and ready to have you back in her life!! There has been no VOID created here as you two have stayed in contct!!

Do yourself a favour and totally disappear from this girls life.

A little unfair without the whole story, Mac. Why not just ask before you call names?

Mac... I really wanted to tackle your post and just rip it apart. But I realized that you don't know the whole story. Which affects things greatly. Looking back at my posts... one could come to the same conclusion as you did too.

So I understand where you are coming from. But right now, disappearing from her life would get me nothing except the loss of a friend that needs the comfort of a long time friend to see her through her troubled times.

Sure... maybe I look like a jackass for sticking around. But she is my friend and I don't abandon my friends. Just to clarify, I hold no delusions of grandeur that her and I will be back together. I know that isn't going to happen.

Sorry to hear about this Sdjosh, a lot of us were rooting for you here. Mac may come off a little agreesive but there is some truth to what he says... even without the full story. What if you hadn't stuck around for the last year like you did? How do you think things would be different now? Also, you say you don't abandon your friends, and I respect that fully, but when the end of a relationship comes, there are no friends. That's just an illusion brought by memories or a reluctance to let something you love go. Honestly, what happens when she moves on? Think you can be friends when she has some other guy in her life? Unless, her circumstances revolve around life or death (in other words she is sick or abandoned somewhere), she has other friends in people in her life to rely on.

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Originally Posted by samesame

Sorry to hear about this Sdjosh, a lot of us were rooting for you here. Mac may come off a little agreesive but there is some truth to what he says...even without the full story. What if you hadn't stuck around for the last year like you did? how do you think things would be different now? Also, you say you don't abandon your friends, and i respect that fully, but when the end of a relationship comes, there are no friends. That's just an illusion brought by memories or a reluctance to let something you love go. honestly, what happens when she moves on? Think you can be friends when she has some other guy in her life? Unless, her circumstances revolve around life or death (in other words she is sick or abandoned somewhere), she has other friends in people in her life to rely on.

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What if I hadn't stuck around for this last year? Things would still be the same as they are now except I would have missed out on all those good times we had. Nothing I could have done in the last year would have changed anything.

As for being friends. Who knows... I don't really know what is going to happen or if it is the right thing to do. And yes there are mixed feelings there. Yes we still love each other as friends. Yes a part of me is still in love with the her she used to be. But I want to make it clear to everyone here that I am not holding on to the friendship for hope. I know we aren't going to work it out or try to get back together. That part is done and over with. I am moving on.

I'm sure Tal would agree with me on some of this... as he knows the whole story.

Every couple has minor disagreements. What they don't have is this sort of drama. There are plenty of women that aren't such drama queens. No reason to get stuck with one that is.

If anything she is anti-drama. There is no drama for us. It was a peaceful separation. We both tried and we just don't fit. Simple as that.

Her and I haven't been in a actual committed relationship for over a year. Yes we had intentions of working it out but it didn't. Oh well... no hard feelings.

But we do however enjoy each others company as friends. We laugh, hang out, drink, and just have fun without the drama of a relationship.

That's the side I would like to keep. I wish her all the happiness in the world and hope she finds someone that does fit her because I will do the same.

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we just don't fit. Simple as that.

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Sometimes it as simple as that! They just didn't fit!! No fault on anybody.

Exactly. But does that mean we can't be friends. I think not. We fit good together that way. So why not make the best of it.

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Originally Posted by Sdjosh

Exactly. But does that mean we can't be friends. I think not. We fit good together that way. So why not make the best of it.

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If you plan to cling on to something that can't be from her actions then by all means be a friend... but that is really just a thinly veiled false hope she will come back, and not a friendship.

She made it clear, the healthiest thing to do is take the hint and find other friends and a new girlfriend. And forget this one. Many of us have been there before. You can choose to benefit from our hard learned lessons or suffer through them like we did and waste months if not years of your life.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

If you plan to cling on to something that can't be from her actions then by all means be a friend....but that is really just a thinly veiled false hope she will come back, and not a friendship.

She made it clear, the healthiest thing to do is take the hint and find other friends and a new girlfriend. And forget this one. Many of us have been there before. You can choose to benefit from our hard learned lessons or suffer through them like we did and waste months if not years of your life.

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Just as a reminder... so everyone knows.

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Originally Posted by Sdjosh

But I want to make it clear to everyone here that I am not holding on to the friendship for hope. I know we aren't going to work it out or try to get back together. That part is done and over with. I am moving on.

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Im not delusional. I repeat myself AGAIN... I'm not holding out hope here folks. I'm not trying to win her back. I'm not spouting love songs and hoping to snag her heart. It is over and done. Friendship is the best we can hope for.

Little Update to the situation.

Im doing good. I have been hanging with my friends... going to the gym... and working on my hobbies. I've been making it a point to get in touch with old friends and make plans to hang out. It is amazing how many friends have come out of the woodwork and back into my life. I feel like I'm moving forward slowly but still lost as to what I want for my future.

Been thinking a lot about getting my certifications to become a personal trainer at the gym. I really enjoy helping people feel better about themselves and I love the gym... so why not. It wouldn't be a career change but more of a side gig that I would enjoy and could meet people.

She is still coming up but on Tuesday instead of Friday. Which actually works for me as I can now go ahead with my plans. Im heading up to Las Vegas to do some road racing on the motorcycle. I'm so excited. It has to be my biggest passion in life.

Here is a picture of me on the Yellow bike.

http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f3...81206_8857.jpg

Update.

She is down here staying with me. She came to make sure I was OK. Its been hard for both of us. We have both said things that have hurt. So many feelings. So much hurt but we have managed to work through it.

We both have no regrets about the last 7 years or how it turned out. After all that we have been through... she is still my friend.

I can honestly say that... IF I knew how it would end before it started, I would have done it anyway. I have learned so much about myself and about the world.

Never, never!! Let a woman see you cry. Ever ever ever.

We both did. It's a hard situation. But it doesn't matter. She is my friend and we can never be anything more. Which I am fine with.

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Originally Posted by Sdjosh

We both did. Its a hard situation. But it doesn't matter. She is my friend and we can never be anything more. Which i am fine with.

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As long as you can accept that then you'll be OK. If you're going to open up that much you have to anticipate she may just keep you as a friend. In the long run it may turn out she yearns for you because she is so connected to you but you're taking the long and less traveled path. I would even recommend severing ties. That would make her realize how great you are to her. You seem like a nice guy man, and being around so available all the time only lets her feel like she can wait as long as she likes. Nice bike by the way.

I appreciate the positive advice but... she and I can never be. She will always be my friend. Nothing I could ever do would bring us back together. The path we are on... she can never come back to me. We support each other in moving on.

Good luck but I will warn you, Never Say Never.

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Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

Nice bike by the way.

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Thanks... its one of 3 I have. That's my race bike and I have another project race bike and a street bike.

Well... she left this morning. I miss her but I know that in time it will fade some. I'm a little lost for feelings right now. So much has happened in the last week that she was here. Feels like it was all a huge moment that marks a turning point in my life.

Its been been 4 days since she left... her smell is still on the pillow. I can't stop the tears...

I know the feeling man, it hurts to now end. I hope you are able to take your mind off it. I tell you what, your bike looks cool. GSXR!! I ride a CBR 1000rr myself. I have not been on the track since the mid 90's when I rode a CBR 600 f3. Those were fun times.

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Originally Posted by Sdjosh

Its been been 4 days since she left....her smell is still on the pillow. I can't stop the tears...

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I feel your pain it has been 2 months and I still have my moments where my heart aches

For her. It's the worst feeling in the world to me. Think about the good times

The laughs the great things that you loved. That's what I do and it helps me Smile

And be glad that I am able to stand up and be who she loved when she first met me.

Maybe it will work maybe not but I am starting to get excited wondering who will be

Next? Will it be The One? Will she come back? Its all possible but love you first.

To me that is the thing I have learned that you have to love YOU!

Thanks for the support. I guess everyone is entitled to some weakness every now and then. Last night I was going through some old stuff in the attic and I ran across some letters we sent. Such wonderful memories of all the love we had and all the hurtles we overcame. All those promised words of love and forever. Guess it was just hard for me to handle.

But I know that time is the key here. Ive been doing all the things I need to do but I just need time. Ive already made plans to hang out with some friends and even have some girls that are interested in me. But I'm not rushing into anything. I don't want a relationship or anything like that right now. I don't have anything inside to give right now. My heart is still not my own yet. So I just want to laugh and have fun... with no ties... commitments... stress... drama. I just want to be me and be happy with that.

Diamondstar... you should go back to the track. Where you live? I could recommend some good trackday organizations on the west coast to ride with.

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Originally Posted by Sdjosh

Thanks for the support. I guess everyone is entitled to some weakness every now and then. Last night i was going through some old stuff in the attic and i ran across some letters we sent. Such wonderful memories of all the love we had and all the hurtles we overcame. All those promised words of love and forever. Guess it was just hard for me to handle.

But I know that time is the key here. Ive been doing all the things i need to do but I just need time. Ive already made plans to hang out with some friends and even have some girls that are interested in me. But im not rushing into anything. I don't want a relationship or anything like that right now. I don't have anything inside to give right now. My heart is still not my own yet. So I just want to laugh and have fun...with no ties...commitments...stress...drama. I just want to be me and be happy with that.

Diamondstar...you should go back to the track. Where you live? I could recommend some good trackday organizations on the west coast to ride with.

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Yea I COMPLETELY understand I also don't feel I have anything to give anyone. I don't think there is anything wrong with Optimism. I do sometimes wonder if it can work. Allot of people including some in the thread I made though Timing was bad. I agree but at the same time there were issues that me being who I am I work through issues I don't like break ups and all that. I still think she is a wonderful women and know that 1 day we will be friends again. The things I miss most right now are her companionship the early morning text messages the talking about work issues etc.. But I realized I have to love me FIRST I have to realize who I am I started to Identify me With US and that is something that can cause so much heartache if there is a breakup. Good Luck! :>)

I hear you man. I miss her too. Her and I are still friends but right now we can't really communicate that well. Just need to wait till the emotional dust settles.

Well... Got a call on Monday night to go hang at my friend Becky's house for some drinks and conversation. While I was there I met someone named (lets call her) Jane. We talked for a second but she had to leave so she could get some rest for work the next day.

Next day I meet the same group of friends to hang out at the beach. Had a great time just chilling in the sun. We car pooled to the beach so... when it comes time to leave I ended up riding with the Jane. We went to her house real quick so she could change clothes. I just waited out in the living room with her roommates talking. While we were in the car we flirted back and forth... We go back to Becky's for some drinks and food. Later in the night I'm taking some things out to my car and when I was walking back to becky's apartment... Jane was leaning over the balcony looking down at me with a big smile. She asked me what I was doing... so I told her. Then she asked me if I wanted to come back to her place. I said yes. We told everyone we were leaving. They knew without us saying anything that we were leaving together. As we were walking to our cars I said, "hold up." She turned around and I pulled her close and kissed her. She kissed me back. We stood there for 5 minutes out in the street kissing.

We went back to her place about 730pm. Just so everyone knows... we didn't have sex. But we talked and kissed almost the whole night. We both couldn't stop smiling. She looked at me in a way I haven't been looked at in a long time. And I couldn't stop looking at her. There was just some sort of connection... vibe... attraction.

She packed a small bag and left for work and I went home to catch a nap. About 5 hours later she walked into my room at my house and cuddles up in the bed with me. We spent the rest of the day talking... and kissing. We tried to watch TV and 2 movies but we just couldn't get into them. We couldn't take our eyes off each other. We stayed up half the night again talking and kissing till we both fell asleep.

Its amazing though. I have had more intimacy with Jane in the last 48 hours I have know her than I did in the last 7 years with my ex.

She woke up this morning with me and watched me get dressed... she stood up on the bed and pulled me close so she could kiss me. She made me about 20 minutes late for work (not that anyone noticed) but I didn't care haha...

She asked me to come over tonight for some Beer pong with her friends... and to spend the night.

Funny how things happen when you aren't looking.

All my friends at work asked why I was smiling and in a good mood. They haven't seen me smile like this ever. After much teasing and comments I finally told them and of course... I got teased some more. But I don't care. Im just enjoying it for what it is. Letting what ever happen, happen.

Wow sounds like somebody is boosting your ego lol J/K I am sure I don't have to mention to take it slow. :>) Glad to hear this will definitley help you re-establish your MOjo lol.
I myself haven't met anyone really haven't had the desire to go beyond the phone thing. I have several women that call me but I really have no interest. Some people say I am holding on I say I am focusing on me. :>)

Updates.

Everything is going great. Just great. Too much has been happening to explain it all but I've made some awesome new friends that are into most things I'm into. We have such a blast hanging out... and The girl I'm seeing is apart of that group of friends. Her roommates love me and approve. (as they are over protective) My friends think she is awesome. She fits into my life... personality... attitude... socially... we meet on so many levels it weird. We click...

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Originally Posted by Sdjosh

updates.

Everything is going great. Just great. Too much has been happening to explain it all but ive made some awesome new friends that are into most things im into. We have such a blast hanging out...and The girl im seeing is apart of that group of friends. Her roommates love me and approve. (as they are over protective) My friends think she is awesome. She fits into my life....personality....attitude....socially....we meet on so many levels it weird. We click...

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Wow that sounds great! Not a rebound? Hope Not only you know. Be very careful homie :>) don't want you back on here saying it was a rebound lol... hell it happens... I had a rebound on both sides of the scope one hurts and one is confusing both are part of life. Good Luck!

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Originally Posted by kuulski

Wow that sounds great! Not a rebound? Hope Not only you know. Be very careful homie :>) dont want you back on here saying it was a rebound lol...hell it happens...I had a rebound on both sides of the scope one hurts and one is confusing both are part of life. Good Luck!

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Nope... not a rebound. We are just going with the flow. We enjoy each others company and time. We laugh and talk all the time we are together. We are dating but not in the traditional sense. We don't plan dates. We hang out with our friends and have so much fun. We do swap spending nights at each others house. Staying the night. We just have fun though. No expectations... not preconceived notions or lies. We keep everything honest upfront and we communicate what we think... how we feel... what we want. Which is great to have.

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Originally Posted by Sdjosh

Nope...not a rebound. We are just going with the flow. We enjoy each others company and time. We laugh and talk all the time we are together. We are dating but not in the traditional sense. We don't plan dates. We hang out with our friends and have so much fun. We do swap spending nights at each others house. Staying the night. We just have fun though. No expectations...not preconceived notions or lies. We keep everything honest upfront and we communicate what we think...how we feel...what we want. Which is great to have.

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Sounds great does she have any friends ? Lol

Great To Hear!

Good Luck!

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Originally Posted by kuulski

Sounds great does she have any friends ? lol

Great To Hear!

Good Luck!

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Haha... funny that you say that. She does! They are great.

Well... here is a current update. Ive stopped seeing the one girl. We were really close for a month then we just spit. We are still friends and talk. Since then I have been hanging out with a few different circles of friends and enjoying just being myself. I have been casually seeing one woman but I keep her at arms length. I know that I am not in a place where I can have a relationship with someone. We do however like to hang out. I think she has feelings towards me. I'm going to have to explain to her my situation in more depth. I don't want to lead her on or anything like that.

Im spending xmas with the ex of 7 years and her family. It's a little hard but I have been able to keep my emotions in check. Nothing that I can do anyway that would ever make a difference to my ex. We can't ever be more than friends...

I figure this will be the last time I get to hang with her and the family. She will be introducing her new love to her family soon and I will no longer feel comfortable being part of there life.

Its been a long road the last couple of months. I've been on a crazy rollercoaster. But now I'm in a place where I feel completely numb. I don't feel too much when it comes to emotions. I know its just a phase. I was in a relationship with the woman I thought I would spend the rest of my life with and it all went away.

It was hard for us. She even said I was perfect... I was just not the right gender. That's right. The woman I loved for 7 years finally decided that she could no longer lie to herself about being a lesbian.

Your doing okay after swallowing a hard pill. You realise you need time, so your way ahead of the game. You don't have anything to be ashamed of so enjoy being single. Just hanging out is great.

Why did you stop talking to the new girl? I don't get it... You seemed so happy.

The one girl and I had a great time. But she also just got out of a 6 year marriage. We became really intense... really fast. We literally spent 2 weeks together. One week of staying night and day with each other. But we realized that we both were not ready for that. Way too much to soon. I freaked but took it easy... she really freaked and pulled away hard. No worries. We still hang out and talk almost daily. She is a cool friend. I wouldn't mind something happening with her in the future when the time is right.

On the other hand I do hang with the one girl... lets call her Nina. She is cool but I keep her at arms length. I feel she would get hurt because she seems ready for something long term. I am also hanging with another girl... lets call her Maria. She is cool but she is still getting over her last relationship from a year ago. But we have fun.

Then there is this other girl... Masako... who is really cool and interested. I know because she kissed me. I would like to spend more time with her but we haven't had a chance to hang out. Not to worried though.

I kind of feel like I may be making my life too complicated with all these girls. I think I may just take a step back and let things flow. Just do my thing.