 |
Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Talaniman... as most of the time you are right.
It baffles me to read how many women allow themselves to be treated in a way less than they deserve...
Where does this come from...
Women who love too much ?
Women are so incredibly picky when it comes to buying a pair of shoes or a handbag...
And when it comes to women I sometimes wonder...
Does this make any sense at all ?
I meant to write...
When it comes to MEN I sometimes wonder... why settle for less, why allow to be treated like a doormat...
Ai ai ai.
If you'd rather have a bad relationship than no relationship, you'll always have a bad relationship. When you can be happy alone, you'll find someone you can be happy with.Quote:
Originally Posted by HurtingALot
They are not happy with themselves, and do not love themselves, it goes for men as well as woman. Maybe they don't know how to love themselves. I don't know.Quote:
It baffles me to read how many women allow themselves to be treated in a way less than they deserve...
So it's officially my birthday... and here I am hoping that my ex will somehow show up at my job (like he often did... obviously before this last slpit.) To update... we were together for 10 months... currently on a "break/break-up" as he says he wants to see if he misses me and can find happiness elsewhere. CRAZY! So those who have read my other posts will say that this relationship was no good for me basically from the beginning... and at times, I see that. BUT I STILL LOVE & MISS HIM. He failed to acknowledge or acknowledged late many occasions (Holidays, Valentine's Day... etc.) PLENTY while we were together. How could I think that it might be different now that we're apart?? But somehow I am hoping that he'll show up and want me back... today, maybe? And here's the thing... since he was a putz and often didn't acknowledge holidays when he wanted to be with me... is it crazy to think that it would be different while we're "broken up??" If he doesn't make any contact for my birthday, am I to take it that it's really OVER?? We haven't spoken or anything for 1 week... So that, to me, means we're still in the 2-week period he asked me to "wait" for me... If nothing today, does that mean nothing ever?? It's hard to smile on my birthday with all these feelings... it's not fair to be enduring this heartbreak. It comes and goes... and sometimes I know I am better off without him... But then it comes again and I could drown in my own tears.
OMG! I know exactly how you feel. I waited for my ex as well to see if she would visit me at my job at least one day and surprise me but never happened. Just expect the best and you won't be disappointed. Yes the feelings come and go. It's a roller coaster. Keeping busy and dating is the only answer... Just make sure he doesn't know your dating because then you will never have a chance, but u can't stay waiting. Why put him on a high stool when your the woman and he's not putting you on the high stool. How old are you by the way?
Emo... I turned 31 today... although with all these heartbreak feelings, I feel like I am 12. Nightmare. When you say, make sure he doesn't know I'm dating, what do you mean? So many here say that it might make him want me back... Not that it is the only reason I'm considering it. I am just wondering if I don't hear from him during this "2 week" waiting period... is he really gone?
I'm not wanting to sound harsh at all as I have not read your other posts,but going off this one, there is no way I would wait for any guy that told me he was going to look for happiness elsewhere, that to me is a no go.
That's like saying I want to keep my options open and I will come back to you if I don't find anyone else.sorry if I am way off,it was just my initial thought after reading this.
You would hurt a lot less if you weren't so selective about what you remember. Sure you had great times, but he also tramped all over your heart, in a cruel evil way. How come you never remember that when you get all bleary eyed. How come you don't get mad for being mistreated. Next time play the whole tape, and not just the good stuff. Now forget jerky boy and enjoy your birthday with people who really do love you. Happy Birthday
Trips down to memory lane often make it all look nicer than it was in reality.
The guy treated you without respect.
Wake up.
Healing takes time.
Take your time.
Invest it in yourself.
Move on.
Happy Birthday !
I have been NC with my ex for just over a week... Sometimes I feel better and sometimes I feel like if I don't call him or go to him, I'll die. I miss him... and want him back. How do I know if NC is working? Sometimes I feel like I'm healing... but deep down, I know that I am hoping that NC will make him miss me and come back to me. How long does it take??
That happens to all of us after a break up.Quote:
HurtingALot]I have been NC with my ex for just over a week... Sometimes I feel better and sometimes I feel like if I don't call him or go to him, I'll die.
That happen after a break up too.Quote:
I miss him... and want him back.
No contact will not bring him back. Sorry but it will let you heal, if you do it right and its easy, just cut all contact with the ex., and move to other, more important things in your life.Quote:
How do I know if NC is working? Sometimes I feel like I'm healing... but deep down, I know that I am hoping that NC will make him miss me and come back to me.
Sometimes a day, sometimes the rest of your life, only you can know for sure.Quote:
How long does it take??
One thing I have learned from this forum is NC is not to get your ex back. It's for you to heal and make a wise and healty decision if or ex come's back. It's been 7 weeks since I contacted my ex fiancé. I think because of no NC she is missing me and driving past my house more often again on this break up, but my situation is different then yours. But I have my ups and downs and because of NC I'm starting to see her for what she is, but my heart is not fully healed and their's a slight chance I may take her back and if you read my threads you would say why? But NC's for you, not him.
Does it work, does it not work? Who knows. Sometimes NC is not best in all circumstances, sometimes it is. The only thing you need to do is heal. NC will help with this so in a few months/years how ever long it takes you can make rationale decisions without the confusion of having contact with your ex.
If anything will happen in the future with your ex this is through some time apart to allow you both to have some independent living and learning. Treat this time in your life as a growing period, a lesson, time to work on what you want from life as this time will not always be around for you ;P Your only around once, so don't waste it.
First, let me apologize in advance for this rant. I am just so upset all the time and it doesn't seem to be lifting. I am a busy girl, with a full-life and plenty to keep me busy. I have many friends (all of whom think I am crazy for letting this breakup make me so crazy... ) When I think back to the 10 months that my ex and I were together, there were really good times... and really not-so-good times. The relationship, all in all, was not a good one, when I can see it for what it was. The problem is... now that he has said he thinks it's over, and wants time to find happiness elsewhere, I am devastated. This man is selfish and egotistical... cannot get along with my friends or family, because he thinks he is above everyone, made little-to-no effort with my son, and overall was a drain on me emotionally. NOT GOOD. Why then, now that we are on a "break" or whatever this is, am I such a freaking mess?? I am constantly wondering what he is thinking, doing etc, even though I am pretty sure it's not much of anything, since he's pretty much a loner and has only 1 friend on the planet. I am wondering if the someone who obviously caught his eye is spending time with him... or if he is thinking of me at all, while I suffer. These thoughts consume my days... and I find little happiness in anything. I am currently talking to someone else I recently met... and it's going well. Think he's a great guy... but my heart is still so completely with my ex it is impossible to think of being without him. I keep waiting for him to realize what he lost and come back... and from reading these posts everyday, I know this is not the right thing to do, but I can't help myself. I am wondering if I need to go and see someone about this... I feel stupid, that I can't just let it go... What is wrong with me? Do these thoughts and feelings EVER go away? I feel like I am losing my mind. I just want him to come back and hold me and tell me that we can make it better. HELP ME!! I swear, if it weren't for these boards, I think I would just cry all day and night... Which is just crazy since I have so many other wonderful things in my life. What is wrong with me??
Quite frankly: it may be way too soon for you to see some other guy... you are obviously not healed from the previous relationship.
Spend time with your son and get back on a stable track, feel good without a man in your life and take a deep breath...
Move on.
There is nothing wrong with you. These are all normal feelings. My ex fiancé broke up with me 3 months ago. Although it is getting better for me, I still miss and
Love her and her son. My ex was also selfish but soon as time goes buy you will start to see him for what he is. Not completely but start too. But if you don't let go you will never heal. About 3 weeks ago I let go of her and things started getting better. But your going to cry, feel lonely, hurt, feel anger toward him, hate, happy without him, pray he come's back, anyalize you/him in the relationship, miss and love him. I'm 3 months post break up, I still do have all those feeling still but they are not as bad as it was the first month. Once YOU decide to let go the real healing process begins. And trust me when I say this. She/I did no contact with each other for 6 weeks then I emailed her on her Birthday. That was the worst mistake I made, because I went rite back to square on. One suggestion is, that has helped me is read this forum and if you need to vent this is the rite place to be. So if you come home and cry all night that's normal. It's been a couple of weeks since I have but as tal would say and a lot of other people grieve when you have to. Don't hold back. But you will be fine.
I'm afraid that all the advice you have got so far on this is 100% correct. I came here 7 months ago with the same thought process. Most people do have false hope to begin with and No Contact feeds this thought process.
8 1/2 months post breakup and I have not heard from my ex. It was over the day we broke up. I spent 3 hard months in that false hope phase but eventually came out on the other side. It took around 6 months before I started feeling emotionally healthy again, less depressed and more positive but none of this would have been achievable if I refused to let go of that false hope which luckily I did not.
I can tell you that No Contact is for healing those wounds, for beginning a process of moving on. It is hard to accept but No Contact will not bring your ex back..
It all takes time and I always say this, Time really does heal, it just takes a while.
Thanks again to all who are answering... I know that the whole NC thing is for me, more than anything... although I am not sure that I am healing all that much quite yet. Question though... I have also read over and over that contacting my ex will only drive him away more and for longer... It is best to leave him alone, so that if he's going to, he can see what he's missing? Still correct?
I went through the same thing. Sometimes it's just the way your going to feel. Moving on is good. If you were happy with him, and keep worrying about him, I think you are still in love. Try to take it a little at a time. I think you should just move on and if he comes back to you, do what your heart says.Quote:
Originally Posted by HurtingALot
While it is true that after a break-up begging and pleading usually turns people off, and they run for the hills, a dignified break up may make a partner think fond memories, and there are some who think they made a mistake, 90% of the time the dumper has made up there mind, and has already started to move on. I also think that dwelling on what an ex may, or may not think, is a waste of time, since the dumpee is in shock, and may not be thinking all that straight anyway.Quote:
Question though... I have also read over and over that contacting my ex will only drive him away more and for longer... It is best to leave him alone, so that if he's going to, he can see what he's missing? Still correct?
Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
And also Never Assume Anything as tal once wisely advised me...
Great work Geoff your doing well!!
What has happened here is thatb you are feeling what is called shock after abreak up. Pretty much you are feeling like you have no value at the moment and really nothing in life can make you happy but you feel like you would be able to live life much more and wish you could go back to when you were so happy if only he comes back you will be fine. And I'm sure you would.
I noticed you said you had a lot going on in your life before this which helps but at the moment since he has done this you need to think as straight as possible cause this relatio doesn't sound to health anyway. You will get better but he definitely put you in this agonising position but think of it like this if you can. HE Wasn't WORTH IT HE DID SOME STUPID STUFF.
Anyway dontb think what he is doing to many people do that and stuff thiss up he is probably at home wondering what your doing. That's what you need to think he isn't got many friends he will be missing you. PEOPLE DONTFOGET THERE EXS IN A HURRY GUARABTEED!!
Hi Hurting, Please remember that a week is not a very long time! It will take much longer than this to even get half over them!
Please stay strong! We're all here for you whenever you feel weak.
Try to keep your mind busy! It can only get easier!
Good Morning Everyone... I need help... again. It has been about a week and a half since NC started... We are supposedly in this 2-week period which he asked for, to see if he misses me or can find happiness without me. (Told me that if I needed an answer now, then it's over, but he'd like me to wait the 2 weeks... ) I am dying. I feel so hollow... and sad. The tears come and go... my thoughts of him always are racing. I wonder what he's doing, what he's thinking, if there's someone else in his head... I am making myself nuts. I have been really good about not contacting him to this point... but I miss him so much. The relationship was really not so good... but there were lots of things that I loved about it too. I am thinking of going to his apartment tonight to try to talk. I want to know if he is indeed, thinking of me or not. I want to know where he is in all of this and if he's missing me. I am afraid of what the answers might be... and if going there/contacting him will just make me suffer longer. I also know that if he wants to reconcile, it should come from him... even if I could get him back tonight, it wouldn't be because he initiated contact, but what if he never does. What if it's really over? I can't bear it. Please help. I want to see him so badly it physically hurts.
I just answered this but my post has gone?!
You sure are, and any contact now would make it worse. You are in shock and denial of your situation, and unless you get a hold of yourself, you really will be sick. It is so unhealthy to have your whole life wrapped up in one guy this way, especially since you admit the relationship wasn't that good, even though you had your moments. Stop fooling yourself, and accept he is looking for something else, and move on with your life. Don't you know how futile it is to make someone be with you? That's not love, and your acting like a dope fiend who needs a fix.Quote:
I am making myself nuts.
Tal... you are right... (again... )... (Blunt, but you are usually right on!) I just wonder how long it will take before these moments of complete despair will end. Why can't I just move past this and see it for what it really was? He was not good to me most times, he was not good to my son... isolated me from my friends and family and has severe depression/manic issues... Why does it still hurt so much? I deserve better than this. Why do I care so much about what he's doing & thinking? What if he's not thinking of me at all? :confused:
Thank you talaniman..
I posted in some of your other threads about this... but now I have to change my mind a little.
If this guy has asked you for two weeks, please try and respect that, you have to realize that he needs time alone without contact, he's trying to figure this out in his own head,and if he has asked for time, at least give him that.
If you show up at his place tonight you will blow it, it will show him that you are too impatiant to respect his whishes.
Nobody can say if he is thinking about you, I'm sure he is as this is the point he needs time to think without you there.
If all you are going to do is show up when he has asked you not to it is only going to be a bad thing in the end.
Give him the space he needs, I know, it hurts like hell, I've been there,let it run its course.
Fix-What-You-Broke... Thank you. I am in a calmer head (for the moment) and am convinced that going there tonight is a bad idea and I won't do it. Question for you... since he said "If you need an answer now, then it's over, but I would like you to wait the two weeks", do you think he really IS thinking? I don't want to kid myself if that was just his way of letting me down gently... What does it mean?
I will try and put it in perspective for you, its not the same situation as yours granted, but its about space and time.
Like every couple my man and I had our ups and downs, one time I managed to hurt him quite badly, and because of that fact he wanted to be alone for a while, because we live together, and the nearest town is 11 miles away, the only place he could go to be alone was upstairs to our room. Hours passed, those hours turned into days.
I respected his wishes and left him alone, I slept in the spare room, by the third night I was so much wanting to go upstairs and put my arms round him and tell him we could get through anything together, but even though it hurt me not to do that, I still left him alone.
By the fourth night he appeared, we sat and talked, and he thanked me for giving him time alone as it helped to clear his mind.
I believe if a person asks for time alone to think you should give it to them. In my partners case he told me he used that time to think of our time together, and to think back on our relationship, and we both believe it was a good thing.
If he is saying if you need an answer now its over, to me that means he has made himself clear, and if you disrespect that he will walk away.
I think he might really be gone... I am thinking that even though he asked for 2 weeks, he hasn't made any effort to contact me. Is this because he is still pursuing "happiness" without me? Has he found it? Is he seeing someone else? Am I to assume that he really doesn't miss me at all? The hope is killing me... I keep hearing that I need to stop hoping for him to realize and come back. I am just miserable.
After what I said in my post above I have nothing else to say as I think I said all I could to make you realize about giving him space and how it could work out for the better, maybe somebody else can help you... good luck to you.
I have posted in other threads... but am hoping for as much help and advice as I can get. I feel like I am not going to make it through this... (my head knows I will... my heart is completely unsure.) It has been a week and a half since our "break/breakup" began... NC... and it is excruciating. Most nights I have been unable to go to him... (probably lucky... ) but tonight I would normally be with him. I want to go so badly... and wish he would just say that everything is going to be OK. The hope of him coming back to me is driving me (and everyone else) insane. My gut is telling me that since he has made no effort to contact me... that is truly is over. The thought of him being with someone else literally makes me gag. (I can't eat or sleep... ) Is the story in my head better than what is actually happening? Why can't I stop waiting for him to come to me? I am going crazy. How can I allow someone to have this much control over my emotions? It is all I think about.
It would help if you got off that pity pot and do something with yourself besides moon for some loser. I'm starting to think your full of crap now, and seeking attention, because all you talk about is your hurt, and even after acknowledging your toxic relationship, here and other people's posts, you still persist with this degrading line of posting and totally ignore the good advice given, to repeat the same tired crap. If your not going to help yourself what do you expect us to do? Now buck up, and get a life or go back, and be miserable. Your choice now make it.
I had to add that any one as needy as you are really should be working on your issues instead of worrying about a guy you are pushing away with your unhealthy needs. Talk to some one preferably a professional to guide you through the process of making yourself happy instead of depending on others to do it for you.
Whoa... Tal I was not expecting those responses. You have been blunt in the past... and I know that I am probably driving you (along with my close friends) crazy with all this drama, but I assure you that I am not simply attention-seeking. I wish there was a way to make it all go away. I truly do value all the opinions and advice I have gotten through these boards, it is certainly not my intent to make anyone angry with me. I am just really suffering... and not sure as to why so much. I am not a stupid person... I'm just not sure why this is affecting me as much as it is. I am so sorry for frustrating you. If you can imagine how frustrating/hurtful it is to me, (maybe you can), maybe you could be less angry.
I don't think tal is frustrated with you, I think he just wants you to open your eyes and see what is in front of you
You have no idea how much I wish for the same... NO IDEA. It is no joke feeling this craziness... When will I be able to see it for good?? The clarity comes... and then it GOES... far far away.
You have got through over a week, I'm sure you can get to two weeks... then you will get the answers you are looking for
| All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:13 AM. |