My Ex started seeing his girlfriend more or less straight after we broke up, he cheated on me with her and within a couple of days they were together
Im not going to deny it didn't hurt because it did, it was like he'd stuck a knife in my heart AGAIN!
I would think about all the stuff they would be doing - the stuff that just a few weeks back we were doing together. But I don't even care now because he is simply part of my past and what he does is no longer my business and I don't need to be thinking about him let alone what he and his girlfriend is up to

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Originally Posted by nicstar

My Ex started seeing his girlfriend more or less straight after we broke up, he cheated on me with her and within a couple of days they were together
Im not going to deny it didnt hurt cos it did, it was like he'd stuck a knife in my heart AGAIN!
I would think about all the stuff they would be doing - the stuff that just a few weeks back we were doing together. But I dont even care now cos he is simply part of my past and what he does is no longer my business and I dont need to be thinking about him let alone what he and his gf is up to

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Yeah you're right but I know it would hurt so bad... and it's like wounded heart and ego... although my ex didn't cheat on me, I know he can easily get into another relationship because he is a hearthrob and I'm sure all the girls around would gladly have him and realize later on he's really just something physical... although he was really good looking, I noticed now that he was just good-looking and good and gentle and all but really no masculinity that you can see in him physically , because he was too good-looking that if he had long hair, he'd look like a pretty girl :)

Honestly, I know it would still hurt me if the time comes that he would have another girlfriend and I know it's going to be soon but then, somehow , I know he will still be the same guy I dated and he would still be emotionless because in the first place he doesn't even realize that his being numb and insensitive was what failed all his relationships. He thought it was all because of the girls and not about him.

Yes go on dates. Look at the happy times as memories. Do not block out the reality of your relationship though, you did not connect. Have fun!

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Originally Posted by Sunshine2

Yes go on dates. Look at the happy times as memories. Do not block out the reality of your relationship though, you did not connect. Have fun!

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But as of this point, no one seems to ask me around for date. There are just people telling me, you're pretty, fliritng with me but not really serious enough to ask me out... coz they've known too long that I wasn' t available.
I'm really affirming each day that we are just not compatible and that it was good to end anyway.

I just thought I need to tell you this... today was the first time that I didn't cry myself to sleep since our break up :)

And I'm feeling really better , but I'm not saying I'm completely over him and I've completely moved on... but I think it's a good sign for better days ahead :)

THANKS EVERYBODY! :)

Wow! I am totally going through the same thing. You know I feel the same way you do. I went out that long as well and we broke up a year and a half ago. My ex was very pretty also and that makes it harder because you know they will have it easier. Not that we're not beautiful but our mind plays with us. I think about the month anniversaries, all the little things like washing her hands for her or hugging her from behind. She dumped me. We had a lot of fun but argued a lot and she verbally abused me a lot and embarrassed me in public many times. Honestly, I don't think I was really happy with her. I was always hurt. It wasn't healthy, but still I loved her and always wished it got better. It would only get worse. Well one day she flipped out again and said she needs a break. So I gave her a week and she called me and said it's over. I've been so hurt since, you can' imagine. I go in my car and cry really hard, wondering how can she just forget about us, even if it was a rough relationship. Well after a month and a half, I called her yesterday. We spoke and she sounded happy and told me all the stuff she's been doing. I told her my doings. Someone wrote to her that he misses her and he is on her top 4 on myspace... Even after a week we broke up and she is number 2 on his! I'm sooo mad. Hurt. Used! It's weird on your part because you broke up with him, so it should be easier on you I think. Well, the best thing to do is go to church and pray a lot! Also stay around close family and talk to them. Let your feelings out. I was in the car the other day and I cried so much. If I had pills around, I think I wouldve overdosed. So please let your feelings out. Don't hold them in. If u need to talk you can even contact me. Sometimes a stranger can help more... lol we can cry together! And honestly, there is nothing we can do. Time will heal us, and that's it. Just know we will be over it soon enough. There is a Damien Rice song called The Blower's Daughter. Listen to it. It says I can't take my mind off you, and at the end it says, until I find somebody new. And you will find someone beter who makes you happy. There is always another perfect person in our eyes! Good luck! Seek God and talk to people about how you feel. You may feel good for a week and then it will come back. It's a roller coaster. Just keep posting here.

Also because our exs are "beautiful" anybody else we see just doesn't cut it... but one day someone will strike us! It will be beautiful again and better even if it won't be the same. There will be a lot more happy moments! Life can be a beautiful thing. Try not thinking about it when u are thinking about it. I know it's hard. Do u live in NY?

Suppose you were the one always crying and upset, then when you break up, you can blame yourself for always nagging and never being understanding and blame it on yourself. Or suppose you were the one emotionless, then when you break up, you'll say wow I wasn't too caring for that person. See what I mean... Either way, you can feel it's your fault. Honestly either way it goes, if there is something wrong, it should be fixed. If u keep feeling hurt then it's best to go separate ways. Also, I remember the happy times, but I focus really hard on how I usually felt with that person, and how they didn't really treat me the way I should be treated or want to be treated. Sure they were really nice at times, but sometimes doesn't cut it. The hard times are harder to be remembered especially after a break up because you are hurt and you want that person to brig back those happy times, but you know they can't do that because they couldn't do it before. Watch movies with friends. Go to concerts, and eat out. Life only gets better when we are this low.

Hey emo.. thanks for sharing all that... you know these days all I listen to are hiphop and house music because it makes me upbeat you know what I mean... :)
You know, I decided to just break it up with him because I felt our relationship was going nowhere... he was treating me right and all, never abused me verbally, always does what you would ask your dream guy to do, always did all that... except that I can't feel him, there seems to be no emotional connection. I can't feel his love. He's like doing all that for me yet doesn't also show that he's scared of losing you... like whatever I say he does it. Like if I say, let's hold on together he says yes, if I say let's break up he readily says yes... without question! I'm like, what's he doing here anyway...
I don't know what exactly he wants. He doesn't even have a reputation of being a cheater even once although he's really good-looking. So I doubted if all this time, his gfs are just cover ups and he really is gay.
I thought I was just something for him, a trophy or a thing, he can always replace anytime I'm gone. He's not even jealous if some of his friends would flirt with me or something.. he just cna't show emotions... he can't say what he is feeling or he is not affectionate...

What happened was like "euthanasia", I didn't want to run the relatinship all by myself because he was just like in comatose doing all this and that, so I pulled it off even if it caused me so much pain...
But I know ill move on even if it's slow :)

Yeah emo, I pray a lot. And I'm even glad I have fixed my relationsihp with Him and we're closer. I remembered one time, last year, I asked God that if he's not the one for me, to let something happen or to just take a way my love for him... well, something happened and we broke up but HE didn't take away my love for HIM, HE just gave me the grace and strength to endure the loss of love. And today I prayed, that I will also start letting go of those little hopes and fantasies that I sometimes entertain in my mind, and it's all the more painful when you realize you also want to let go of that hope but what I want to happen is just for my mind to be in control of my emotions and for me to completely get over and move on... and soar high again :)

They say we have options... and sometimes what we choose will hurt us at first, but we know it's for the best... coz there are also options that will make us happy temporarily yet we know in the long run, it's not best and will still hurt us.

So true!

It's my second weekend after the break up... and sometimes, although I'm not in the breaking down mode and haven't been in the breaking down mode... you just really wonder... what's just going on his mind and how can he just be that...

Well it's just a question that might be answered several eons from now or will never get to be answered at all... but goshhh!
Why did I just go through a hell of pain when I broke up with him and he's like--just in the state of nirvana?
I know the answer is--because he's just not meant for me...
But how could such creature exist? Lol... just curious this time (wink!)

Get some distraction.
Move on.

Life is too short to ask yourself these questions...

I know exactly what to do... and I don't know why despite all this freaking distractions that I'm getting... he's just at the back of my mind... I mean I'm crazy to even think what his friends could be thinking, whatever... or is he out now with a new date? arrgghhh

That's normal...
Every woman would think that...
Just don't drive yourself nuts...
Does it really matter what his friends think ?
The thought of him with a possible new date is not nice.. I can understand.
And of course he is at the back of your mind...
You would be heartless if you did not have any feelings.

Having said that...
Put this to closure and move on.

Pretzel brain twisting is not a good thing in a situation like this.
Exercise, go out, buy yourself a huge bouquet, clean your place so you can clean your mind...

Good luck !

I hope I can finally move on with my life... and finally accept it'sover and it really was just a one-sided relationship... and stop analyzing why I loved more than him...
I just can't sleep now...

Oh girl... let it go.
If it's a one sided relationship.. well, that's never good!


Can't sleep ?
Hmm... you have any dvd's in the house ?
Seinfeld, SATC (oh, maybe not.. although it's great distraction but maybe better not today since you are in pbt mood)...

Good luck.
Do something nice tomorrow...

Check in in a couple of weeks and hopefully you will feel better !

Hi!
I'm in my hometown now. I arrived yesterday :)... I missed my family and my nieces...
But guess what... something's just so heavy in my heart.. Goddd! I thought I'm over it... but now, I just have to be honest... I feel sooo weak... and I'm even starting to feel guilty... like I know he is emotionless but now, it's like, the good memories are just flashing back...

I've been reading books to learn from... like healthy relationships,etc... it's just that I think, that I pulled the trigger without having attempted to let him know what's going on in my mind and in my heart... I simply decided out of anger and I coulnd't control my temper that time so I called him "loser" and which he really hates... but knowing that he is emotionless.. I didn't really care...

But now, I feel like I want to be friends with him. I mean, if ever he is gay, I want to be able to support him , not as a lover... I also realized, that we never became friends, we were good companions but we never had very good communication like deep conversations... coz again, he is the passive, insensitive type.

Do you think I should say sorry for calling him a loser and? And how? How do I return the luggage that I still have... I think he forgot that I have it and it's his mom's luggage... how do I return it? And do I say sorry after?

It'll be my birthday few days from now... im not even expecting him to greet me but I know I'll be hurt if he won't because it would mean, we were really never "friends", I mean, he can just easily let everything go... and it would mean he hates me...

I can't even find a reason why he would hate me aside from calling him loser and...

HELP!

After all the good advice you've had on all your posts you're still trying to have your way, instead of moving on. You don't need advice you need help!!

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Originally Posted by talaniman

After all the good advice you've had on all your posts youre still trying to have your way, instead of moving on. You don't need advice you need help!!!

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I'm really sorry I'm like this... im going through a hell of emotions... and yes , I need help.

I think most of your problem is You needed more than he had to give, and you take that as a personal slap at you, from him so you end up disappointed, rejected and guilty I think because you tried everything you could think of to make him give you what you thought you deserved from him. The truth is you could never accept who, and how he was, so now he has to be gay, right. I honestly think that you two were opposites that attracted but could not find the common ground to make this work for you both. I bet he in his own way, was as confused by your emotions, as you were by his seeming lack of them. This is no ones fault, so don't disparage him for not meeting your mind, it happens in life and relationships. The only question is, how you deal with your feelings from this point on, so you should, I think, go back, make sure he gets his stuff, wish him well and apologise for any bad things you said or did, and wish him well and move on. No blame, no shame! In this way maybe you can mend the hurt and have better feelings and allow those feeling to be put behind you. I feel for you, and hope this helps to rid you of the bad feelings, with a positive attitude and a chance to move forward. Make a decision to let go of past failures.

I've just broken up with my boyfriend of 4 years. It was so hard, but I had to do it, I couldn't keep lying to him and myself. I reached the point when I thought I love and care about him, but there's no passion here, we never fight, he does everything I ask of him, he says he loves me and I'm sure he did and still does but I could never seem to connect with him. He worked all the time, he was quiet, not much of a socialiser and I was enough for him. I was his world, but he couldn't be mine, I didn't want to be held back anymore, I wanted to spend time with friends, get my career going and live. As a friend said to me he will never cage you, but he will never fly with you. I don't want to be left to just get on with life, its all very well someone not holding me back, but I want someone who will live with me not just exist along side me! And true to form when I broke up with him, he accepted it, didn't ask any questions, didn't yell, shed a slight tear, but that was it! It just really confirmed to me why I was ending it, if he wasn't prepared to fight for me now, when will he ever? And so its over, but it is so hard not seeing him, not speaking to him, and what do I do with the pictures? I've left them for now but at some point I know I will have to take them down and move on. Your so right we do have options, and the choices we make may hurt in the short term, but I hope that in the long run it will be the right choice for all! I hope I will be able to move on one day to a happy and alive, and maybe a little less 'perfect' relationship, instead of dead in a seemingly from the outside perfect one!