Hey Squonk,

I am actually sitting on my laptop at her parents cabin in Michigan. It was really hard, but we did get back together - I am a hell of a lot more guarded - big barriers - changed guy. But, the last month and 1/2 have been great - we both said something's we needed to say - and she really opened up. Taking a day off today and headed back to Chicago early tomorrow. Beautiful weather today.

They only way to get over a woman is TIME and find someone else. There are probably a 10 million other woman out here - AND ones that are probably 10 times better woman than this one. NO CONTACT with her - none. Write her a letter and don't send it. I also strongly advise a tough workout schedule.

Your deal is a lot like situations I've been through - we want something we can't have - remember that. I have a feeling if you had gotten together with this gal - you would take her for granted and not respect her. Probably eventually repulsed by her eventually.

For me, I hate losing - hate it.

It sounds like she is just playing with you - it's nice knowing someone is out there wanting you. Do NOT contact her - do not return Text, calls, e-mail. With this lady you will have to do this for many months - IF you really want her back it will take a lot of time AND you need to cut the contact right way. Show her you have a life, moving on etc. - she may come flying back. But, always being there won't work right now.

Personally - I would move on - I usually don't say that, but if she has all these issues - she may give you heartache the rest of your life. And she is playing games. Don't return any calls.

Maybe in 3 or 4 months send her an e-mail - VERY short and say - "hey, how's it going?"

See with woman like this - guys like us want to rescue them - we think we can help and we really can't. They need therapy.

Wildcat, that's great to hear that you got your woman. Well done. Its good to know that the hours of torment and thought have landed you the right deal.

Your words are very appropriate, thanks again for reminding me of the way ahead. It is so tough to remain focused and confident in what I am doing. I really have got mixed up with a bad one here and allowed her to manipulate me into a state of utter confusion. I'm like some dumb puppy who thinks the whole world loves me if I love them. I guess all puppies get kicked at some point.

Time is indeed the answer. Im not up for dating at the moment but in time I know that will come. NC is the only way for me to heal and I'm pleased that all contact in the past 6 months has been from her. I just wish I had been stronger in defending my integrity.

I think she is playing games with me but only as a result of her deep confusion about what she wants in life. Im convinced she has some very deep personal issues from when she was a lot younger which has resulted in this confusion that she is going through at the moment.

One question, I seem to remember that somewhere you said that you were not bothered if your ex had been with someone else. Is that really the case. Did it really not bug you that she could have been with someone else?

Good to hear from you Wildcat.

Squonk

No, I would never be happy if she saw another guy - I don't want to know - I don't think she did while we were apart - her work takes up a lot of time and she probably would mention it. This only applies if I would want her back. If I didn't want her back I couldcare less.

There is a STRONG reason you are not together - you WILL find out soon enough when you meet her and that perwon won't have the baggage this other lady has. I just have a strong feeling this gal is totally wrong for you - not sure why you are pinning away for her?

You have to be a man here and forget this lady. Move on. Ifyou hear from her agan - and I wouldn't responsed for 2 months - You lay the law - she won't walk all over you like she may have been used to,

I did get her back, but it was difficult. Over 4 months. I wouldn't recommend what I did to everyone - but this is one great lady.

Step one - nothing else - get your career going. Woman will be attracte to you then.

My advice to you is find a job and stay with it save up some money do what ever you can to improve yourself and slowly you will become a happy man

I wasn't able to look through all the threads of these postings but I wanted to address Wildcat21 responses so I apologize in advance if I misquote anything you said. One thing that struck me is when you said that women don't want "nice guys" and they need to be put in there place once in aawhile. I took a class recently in church called "Wild at Heart" and what the author talked about is this very thing. I was sure how much I bought into it because I think I became somewhat of a wuss w/o realizing it. One thing he did say is women don't want ot be with a "nice guy". They want someone courageous, daring adventurous and willing to take risks. Most of all someone who will fight for their woman (family, friend, what have you). I wanted to confirm what you have been saying is solid. Don't get me wrong, guys should be nice meaning polite and compassionate when needed, but society has made us to be wimps and pushovers and I think it has been showing up in this forum. We need to stop being needy and start being men! As much as I don't always agree with Mike145k's responses he sometimes hits that point also.

Jduke - very well said.

'Nice Guy' is ugly - it's NOT being kind - kind is good. DON'T be a push over - SAY NO to woman. Make them pay for things once in a while - make them do things.

'Nice Guys' have NO spine - always agreeable - never confrontational. DON'T put woman up o na pedestal.

Also DON'T EVER be abusivem rude, cruel to woman.

Confidence is key - do your own things - hang with your friends.


Did you study the book - Iron John? - great book about weeding out the feminism in us.

YES - STOP being needy and clingy. Don't SHOW IT OR say if you feel that way.

Woman are REPULSED by Nice Guys - REPULSED.

To lear MORE about 'Nice Guys' go to this amazing site: www.relationships.blog-city.com

SO MANY men in society today are 'Nice Guys' and they don't even know it. I am trying to help retrain a few. The will SOOOOO much more happy - believe me.

We need real men with a scare down their cheek and say I demand respect see

True - woman NEVER respect Nice Guys - ever!

Wildcat, is this by the same author John Eldredge? Unfortunately, I am not a book reader but the books I do read are usually nonfiction. I will look for it and maybe add it to my collectionof unread books for when I do decide to start reading books. You have a well balanced approach about this. Most people might think that we mean to totally dominate women and that is not the case. Men and women are different and nothing is going to change that not even the feminists ( I am not going to apologize for that comment). The decent well balanced women will know what we are talking about and agree. My wife totally agrees with this book and line of thinking. Anyway, I don't want to get way off track or too long.

[ Unfortunately, I am not a book reader] I wonder if an expert would say that

I can't remember his name, but it's about bringing back the - kind, independent, CONFIDENT, non -kisser, LEADER etc. the guy who does not put a woman ahead of himself (not being conceited - but she is at most an equal).

Not these guys who put woman up on a pedestal guy. Who are always agreeable, -kissers, worrying about NOT upsetting woman, ALWAYS doing NICE things, ALWAYS buying them gifts, ALWAYS calling them WAY to often.

Woman DON'T want to be the prize - NEVER! Never!

De-pussyfying of man - de-femenising of man. No - pussys plaease.

I real life woman do noy want to be princesses - THIS IS NOT HOLLYWOOD.

I know a guy that was in a rship with someone like that and it turns out that the person was with someone else and whenever she got lonely she would text or call... I hate to say it but it sounds like she is using you and only comes around when its good for her or when she is not with someone else.. id wait and see what happens but don't contact her.. sounds like she has someone else

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jduke44

Wildcat, is this by the same author John Eldredge? Unfortunately, I am not a book reader but the books I do read are usually nonfiction. I will look for it and maybe add it to my collectionof unread books for when I do decide to start reading books. You have a well balanced approach about this. Most people might think that we mean to totally dominate women and that is not the case. Men and women are different and nothing is going to change that not even the feminists ( I am not going to apologize for that comment). The decent well balanced women will know what we are talking about and agree. My wife totally agrees with this book and line of thinking. Anyways, i don't want to get way off track or too long.

---

Listen to the first few lines he states I am not a book reader could an expert say that

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by mike145k

listen to the first few lines he states i am not a book reader could an expert say that

---

I can say that. If you were to read books, you'd notice that there are dots at the end of sentence.

Folks,

Another 8 weeks has gone by and then last week I get two more texts enquiring how I am and wanting to say hi!

I replied politely and she came back with "thats good - hug"

I didn't respond again but ever since then I have been struggling. What did she want and why has she done this again.

I know she has been in therapy and doesn't want a relationship at all but what does this mean?

I'm hurting but I haven't contacted her. Should I call or continue no contact?

Message deleted

Battle - he's met her. They've been together a lot.

Squonk - I wouldn't have responded. She just seeing if she still has you - OR, I would have responded days later.

I do honetsly now think you are hurting not because of her - but the feeling of not having a relationship, not having a gal - you might go see her and even be repulsed.

I'd just move on and focus on yourself. No contact. And that REALLY mean not returning her messages - which you really should NOT have done.

Hello Mr Battle!

You really are some kind of prick aren't you. If you can't help yourself from sounding off at least do your homework first. Do me a favour and keep off this forum if that is the best you can do - tosser!

Wildcat, good to hear from you and thanks for your comments. How are things working out for you?

Message deleted

Ok - Battle - that's enough - these are people you don't KNOW!

Your being judgmental and have ZERO facts. This is advice.

What's you problem? Just because you're misserable doesn't mean you take it on others.

If these people knew about you - they would rip into you way more. So quit it.

AND - you post here to HELP people - not hurt them. It's advice.

Quit judging people and making up stuff you know nothing about.

You have more problems than any of them combined - so don't throw rocks when you live in a glass house.

Just because you feel bad doesn't mean you take it out on others.

Message deleted

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by BattleAngel14745

I feel like such a coward because I want to take the cowards way out.

---

I think you need professional help...

Seriously, are you working with anyone besides just being on meds? A lot of us have been there; it takes work to bring yourself back and it's usually not something you can do totally alone.

She is reall a nice gal - just been through more than any of us could imagine. She knows what's going on. She actually has a nice stable life right now that she should be enjoying.

I guess that's the end of this thread then!
:eek:

That's nice of you to say packer115.

Im definitely no Wuss.

I have been intrigued by why I have been hung up on this girl but throughout this year I have learnt many things about her and her condition. From what I believe she has a personality dissorder as a result of some bad stuff that went on when she was younger. The net effect is that she can't handle "love". She craves it but can't handle it and apperently that is why she rejects it. The push/pull approach is a form of manipulation that is instinctive - in other words she can't help it and what's worse I didn't see it.
It is very complex stuff but she has been working on it and is trying to help herself.

My issue is with myself for not undertanding my own feelings. Of course I should walk but as a fixer I want it to work and I think the common name for that is "Wuss" ! I come on here for help not abuse.

You never try and be a fixer with a woman - she will RUN. The best you can do is listen and use listening skills - let HER work through her problems.

"She craves it but can't handle it and apperently that is why
she rejects it." - I know what you mean - I've been there before - a woman I deeply loved - couldn't love back because of issues as a child and young adult.

I heardthe only real way for her to 'fix' it is through therapy.

You could wait this one out and wait for her to come to you, BUT it could take months and months of 'space' OR even years.

I seriously think you should read every article at www.lovetactics.com - there is good advice there is you wish to pursue this, but again, it may take a long time.

In the mean time - fix yourself, date other woman etc.

Thx Wildcat

I guess at the end of the day it is all about "me". I think much of the difficulty is in trying to second guess what she is thinking or wanting because of her manipulation. To be left hanging there is not on. On the other hand maybe I have a control problem of my own I can't handle not knowing!

Onwards and upwards!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

Also - follow the rules and you wont have problem with any woman and they will love you for it. Love you.

Make sure not to be too available - work comes first always - get that job.

---

What's the rules? Hehe:D