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I wouldn't be grasping at straws I don't think, if she wouldn't have called me. She appears to be playing hard to get. She calls me, gets me thinking, I send her messages, and she replies to a lot of them, then the when I ask to call her, she ignores the message. We did talk the other day, I called her, and she called me back. No where in there did she tell me not to bother her. So she has gotten me more confused by her actions..Quote:
Originally Posted by sypher373
I know exactly where you are coming from and maybe the phrase "grasping at straws" wasn't the correct one for the situation. What I meant to get across is that maybe she does not mean any of her actions the way you are interpreting them? Maybe she just wants to be friends with you, and doesn't realize that you aren't ready for a simple friedship.
I know how confusing it is to keep contact. In my situation I tried to put no pressure on her, go out and have fun with her, but no pressure. She would hold my hand, kiss my cheek, hug me, etc... And then a week later tell me "Dont forget there is someone else I like". Trust me, I know how confusing it can be.
There comes a time when you have to say enough is enough, and try to move on. Once you begin to move on, if she finally decides what she wants, you will be in a better situation to deal with wahtever that is.
I want to think she knows what she is doing though. I completely understand where you are coming from. The last time that I saw her was about a month ago. We were very heated in our discussions and said a lot of stuff we probably both didn't mean, I know I didn't. Anyway, I know that it is going to take her some time to forgive my comments that I told her when I was there. I was just so hurt about the breakup. I am probably a little naïve about the whole thing, but I tend to think she is coming out of her shell again, persay. We would fight all the time, and she would always test me and how I react. I think her biggest issue with me is, that when I was going to break up with her 3 weeks before that, she was crying and in so upset she told me that she never reacted like that ever to a guy and it really bothered her. It definetely took a while to get into her heart, and once I was there, she almost shut me out. I did things also to wind her up also, so I am not innocent. I just want resolve with her and I.
Move on and leave her alone and like everyone is saying NO NC or you will still be on here next May talking to everyone?
No wonder your confused, you spend too much time wondering about her motives, and not enough on your own healing. You can justify all her actions as being your fault all you want, but until you find the time to do for yourself first, confusion and pain will haunt you. Her stuff is still there so she has an excuse to see you, if she wants to and nothing more, The jewelry issue scared her because she has no intention of you getting away from her influence, and she will do this until you agree to stay in her life on her terms and be there when she says so. Get out of yourself and read some other threads here, and see if you don't recognise the same theme in others. The names change , but the game never does.
Agree with tal, My head is clear now but my ex did the same as yours is doing to you. Didn't want to pick her stuff up rite away. And I did the same thing you are doing anylizing every thing she did and said. I never let myself move on. And now 5 years and 6 break ups later I'm on here finally getting over. But now I'm out a ring, she used me and feel like a idot. Read my threads.
I understand what you are saying. I am the type of person that will say how it is. THe funny thing about it, she wanted to end things a long time ago once. When she had cheated on me when we first started dating, she was going through a long process of thinking and she said that she wanted to leave. We were able to talk things out and continued the relationship. I am pretty sure that if she really wanted to end things she would have, but she didn't. Same situation here I believe. As some one told me, we are to pee's from the same pod. I am remaining optimistic, with a side of realism. She had nothing to lose when she gets her stuff, and I have nothing left at her place. She lives about an hour from me, so if we meet this could be the end of things.
As far as the jewlrey, I know she wants it, and is just doesn't want to accept it yet. I do analyze everything. I guess the reason is I love her so much. I will leave things run there course and if we were meant to be then it will happen.
Yes, if you were meant to be it will happen. But in the mean time please move on and heal yourself. And do the NC, I understand now how important it is. It's not to get them back or make them miss you, its to clear your head and make healty disicions if they come back. With my ex I wanted her back but everyone who gave their opinions on here made me see the light. It's been about a month of NC and my head is becoming clearer of what type of person she is.And if she comes back for the 7 time I can tell her No. I believe if she came back now without a clear head I would probably take her back. Regardless of what people said on my thread. Because it sounds like this will be a pattern with her and why keep going through all the pain over and over like I did. All the break ups with me, she let me sit their and hurt for 2-3 months on almost every break up. Because she knew I would be their waiting for her to come back. That is probably what your ex is thinking now. " Well if this doesn't work with new guy hell tireandlonely will take me back. Your going to be her door mat like I was to my selfish Ex.
I am not sure what her intentions are, but I think if she does want to stay with me, that she might be thinking to give me time to think about what I really want in the relationship and what I am willing to do. I worked and worked for our future. I didn't give her as much time as she needed. I wanted more time with her, but I chose work to get ahead. I did it for us. I have thought a lot about my decisions in the relationship. There are a lot of things that I will change if given another chance. Also if not, I will not make those mistakes in a next relationship. I am hoping that she is thinking about what she wants also. By some of her actions, I feel she is thinking about things herself.
My ex is planning on coming to my house next week to get her stuff. I think she wants to talk about everything. What should I do?
Give her stuff back and talk if you must, but know the healing has to happen so have your own plan ready to go.
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