In time life will become normal again! Keeping yourself busy and enjoying life will be natural for u!
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In time life will become normal again! Keeping yourself busy and enjoying life will be natural for u!
I'm absolutely ridiculous, you would think I like hurting myself. Today I was driving by, and I saw the turnoff to his house. I was overwhelmed with emotion, and alone in the car. I texted him and asked if I could stop by. He replied "No" instantly. When I asked why, he never responded, and hasn't responded since. It's so painful and ridiculous.
I never wrote about this, but a few days ago I sent him a "get your life together" email and basically said the harshest most personal things I could possibly say to him. Along the lines of, your not going anywhere and your always going to be in this rut etc... I must have really hit a nerve because he wrote back explaining how this new girl he's dating is so much better for him than me because she doesn't ask anything of him and he went on about how she's so perfect. It hurt so bad. But I guess I'm learning I can dish it, but I can't take it. I apologized for that letter, but he hasn't talked to me since or responded to any texts, (I'm really impulsive with texting, I never call, but I always text). He also told me to leave him alone. So now, he hates me AND won't see me AND has a new main squeeze. This girl even has him and her in her main profile picture it drives me insane and makes me really mad (BUT I was informed this new girl is also just broken up and may potientally be having him in the picture to make HER ex jealous, I don't know it seems like my ex and her are really dating though). Do you all think if I let it cool down he'll see me in a few weeks?? Its been three years!! He really won't see me??
ANY suggestions are sooo appriciated, my friends won't even let me start on Matt, I feel obssesed and depressed all together.
Your depressed because you are obsessed. The truth is he did you a favor by telling you to leave him alone, just as we here have. YOU chose to ignore that, and run head first into a brick wall, and bust your head.. YOU chose to keep torturing yourself, by reading his pages, and his new g/f's pages. YOU chose to keep texting him, even though he doesn't respond. See the pattern? YOU keep choosing to be a pest, and a stalker, and torture yourself on a lost cause. Its up to YOU to stop beating yourself up, and looking silly and accept that he no longer wants you in his life and has moved on. So should you, and stop hurting yourself with the negative behavior. He may have been a jerk for what he did to you, but does that mean you have to be stuck on stupid. Come on, follow the advice given to you already and get healthy and heal. We all understand the pain, but we don't understand the behavior. MOVE ON, AND LEAVE HIM ALONE!Quote:
I feel obsessed and depressed all together.
I agree with talaniman.
Its probably the tougest part, but accepting that it is over, and just moving on, is the hardest part of it all. But I promise you, once that part has come, it becomes a lot easier. Constantly exposing yourself to things such as his pages is only going to hurt you worse.
I know you feel like you just want to know what is happening, what is up with him and his life, but you must be realizing by now that when yo ufind the answers, they not only make you feel worse, but they open more and more questions in your mind... ignorance is bliss
Okay its been a few days, how long should I wait before approaching him again with a text? I don't think things with this new girl are going to work out, I miss him so much.
Do yourself a favour and delete his number and also while your there don't bother speaking to him again, as he's a complete waste of space. Don't pin your hopes up anymore, get yourself a life YOUR HAPPY WITH. Because trust me girl as soon as you start contact again your be back at the healing process all over again. I am talking from experience here as well. NC all the way please.
Hi, As I've posted in my last thread, my ex and I have been broken up a month and a half. He has been seeing this other girl, well, hooking up with her I don't know to what extent they have a relationship connection/ commitment.
Yesterday I received a text saying, "So I hear your new bf is hitting it, he must be pretty smooth". It was quite rude, and I don't have another boyfriend, and I'm not hooking up with anyone. If anything, he might have saw new pictures of me with guys, but nothing to make anyone think I had a boyfriend.
I have had no contact for nine days, and I didn't respond to the text. I want him back, but every time I've tried to see him, he says "no" and that "it wouldn't do any good". We went out three years.
What does this text mean? Is he jealous? Is this indicitive of feelings? Please, any advice. I know I'm obssessing a little, but I'd love to get peoples takes on this. Thank you!
There are two ways in my opinion of looking at this. He maybe jealous and is wondering if you are actually seeing anyone due to what he has heard or for example the photos that you have. If he sees you happy he may get jealous and see that you are strong and not bothering. Another possibility is he could be hoping you are seeing someone else so that he doesn't look like the bad one when seeing another girl, this I relate to my situation, but he is the one who has the answers to his motives. You are correct in making no contact, I'm doing the same and it is so hard but I've learned contacting the ex does not do any good and just highlights again that they are not interested. If you do no contact you will get used to it and deal with it better through time, they may contact you again but don't hold all your hope on this.
Thank you, good insights. Im a very analytical person, so I can't help my wondering. Either way, I feel superior in not engaging him with the luxury of my response! Haha a small and humble victory of my many defeats in this sick game.
I do look happy and not bothered on my webpages. Is jealousy the seed of maybe a little regret here? I know he can't possibly respect this new girl, she really doesn't compare to me intellectually and physically, but she's satisfying his need for an easy lay perhaps. ER.
What is the function of jealousy? Any thoughts on what jealously truly means, coming from someone who told me he was ready to move on? You have to be involved with feelings for someone to have jealousy, right? Discussions on this?
Jiser, are you taking your own advice? Just a question, you give great advice about no contact, but it seems you are keeping in touch with you ex as you said in another thread. I'm having a really hard time not contacting him, but I'm sick of touching the hot fire and getting burned, over and over again, even to the point where he acts like I'm bothering him.
Its been nine days no contact and I feel good and bad. I feel like some of my pride is coming back, as I'm proving to myself that I can stick to my guns and not call him. I'm having a hard time accepting its over, I'm still hoping that no contact will work in my favor. Can I try contact after a few weeks and see where he's at? Or is that stupid? I don't want him to think that I've moved on, and not try to contact me if he has a change of heart.
No I don't take my own advise always but you can! Don't contact him until your over him. Keep busy.
Well maybe you should mr.! It sounds like your ex is a youngin anyway, don't you want a girl that is actually on the same level as you? I don't know, it seems like your getting burned over and over too, and she's enjoying the fact she can talk to you when her little heart desires. We'll, I guess you didn't ask for advice. I'm a little sad though your advice isn't being taken, it means you don't actually truly believe it, because if you believed no contact was the way, you wouldn't be living a lie... just thoughts
I admit I'm a jealous person myself. The girl I was seeing finished with me and I don't get her attention anymore and this gets me jealous as some other guy is now. Its not healthy feeling this way and I hate feeling like it but its very hard to control on my part. If I didn't have any feelings towards her then yeah I wouldn't be jealous so I see your point. He could regret it but if he does then he will contact you, if you contact him believe me your wasting your time you will just get hurt and he will say again he isn't interested.Quote:
Originally Posted by missbeach123
Its unhealthy the whole thing with ex's. Leads you down this dark route of over analyzing. I can honestly say looking back over the past four months that Ive never done as much as I have in my life since the breakup. Ive seen allot and have experienced allot, it really gave me a kick up the the breakup. I had allot of hobbies before the break up and there still going strong :)
On a side note I believe jealousy is an off throw of being insecure in yourself.
The best thing which has helped me move on is planning good things to look forward to. I have two festivals coming up, many bands I am seeing, I am going away on short holidays and week long holidays. Life doesn't seem so bad when you have things to look forward to. Smile for now and stop worrying about jealousy and ex's and bla bla. Go exercise and meet some HOT guys in the gym and sauna :)
Jealousy comes from fear.Quote:
Originally Posted by missbeach123
Fear of inadequacy, fear of not meeting the expectations, fear of being less attractive than the competition, fear of being rejected. Jealousy is a complex emotion and is often driven by insecurity but is also often based on false perception of a situation. Sometimes people look for faults in themselves and try to find things that are not there. Deep routed insecurity and the jealous personality can stem from early childhood experiences of rejection. Everyone gets Jealous from time to time, it is a normal emotion, but the green eyed monster can become destructive and the severity of this powerful emotion if severe should be treated with counseling (in my opinion).
It is true that in a relationship, often there would have to be feelings there for jealousy to develop but not always. There are different reasons for jealousy and as I said above, it is a complex emotion and the feeling can come from within. I believe that a certain level of jealousy in a relationship can be healthy but there is a very fine line between what is healthy and what isn't.
Back to your situation. Your ex could be fooling you into replying by creating a random suggestion of what he assumes is happening. He could want to know if you are seeing someone, so he makes you think that he knows you are seeing someone (even though you are not) He sees pictures of you with another man, he wants to know if you are seeing someone and if so, what the replacement is like, as he says here "So I hear your new bf is hitting it, he must be pretty smooth". He doesn't know you are seeing someone, so he plays this by creating a one liner making you think he knows what is happening. The purpose of this would be to get a reply from you which confirms his assumptions or not and to possibly see what the replacement is like. Maybe he is curious that you are moving on, that you don't care.
I could be wrong and that is just an idea... Only he knows his motives for sending you that text, but I agree that it is rude regardless.
I would not bother replying... No Contact is best for you.
She certainly is a youngin, 18 to be precise. I do want a girl on the same level just don't seem to meet any ;/ I have a lot of girl mates at work but that means nothing ;] when there all about 5-10 years older than you.
Well I really don't want to live a what if scenario. She doesn't talk to me when she desires but yes in a way I am still too much of a door mat for her which I won't be anymore. We don't text or call each other its just IM. Also I have planned to go to a festival with a friend and me ex. My ex's mother wants her to get back with me as well lol... she says she likes me to.
- My conclusion is - the now and future - she doesn't like me enough to get back with me, she hates being smothered - which I did, she's 18 and wants to go party and have fun without being committed and having to cheat, in 2-3 years time maybe longer she will feel ready and will say o dear that was a good guy, not always loads of them around, woops! However time would have passed and I won't be there anymore and neither will she unless we are friends. Chances are by then my sister and her long time boy friend would have split up, a million other people would have broken up, I will have a career, a different group of friends, new hobbies and a completely different life. - That is change, it's the only constant in life.
Well there is two reasons he would send a tezt like that!!
Firstly he definitely has no idea what your up to but geez he wants to know and figures bysending that message you will replywith somethinglike, what are you talkingabout I've got no one or you can say yes. Either way he pretty much has seenthe pics and is wondering and maybe thinkinghe mightwant to get you back becauseyour moving on.
The second reason I'm sorry to sayis also themost likely he has a new girl he knows your still keen on him and you are floating around and he prettymuch justwants tocheck in to see if his reserve girk=l still watshim. He is prbbly hoping you call and say ut I want you and h willl say yeah no hope.
In the end it does not matter why he messagedyou that for the real reason he messaged is because he is curious of what you are up to in your life and it is probably eating him up he wants to know what your doing and the less you tell himte more he will want to know!! Definitely hope you haven't replied caus if you think about it whatever yo reply what will it get you either way there is no answer the best answer you can give him is to say nothing and I guarantee h will ring you or send you anoher message soon that's for sur e, I believe his starting to get keen and if you want another shot you need the cntrok and your sowly getting it by pushing him away.
f he rings don't answer and if you must talk tell him yourve got a few options at the moment and youweighinghings up then say have fun bye!!
He is probably been trying to find out what is going on your life. I would definitely ignore the email but if you have the urge to reply I would tell him to leave you alone. This may make him more jeoulous because he knows that you are no longer interested (even if you really are) don't let him know that you still like him because he is playing games and if you tell him that you want to get back with him he will say no but just play hard to get and leave him alone and see what happens then. He may eventually want back in your life if you ignore him, just because he is jeoulous but in all honesty do you really want to be with a guy like that?!
Wow lots of great insights. I most certainly will not reply, I ALMOST did but stopped myself. My hopes is that me not responding truly BUGS him and naws at him until he comes to believe maybe Im gone. He's stubborn though, and he's locking it up with new girl (excuse my crudeness) so I bet he won't be calling me. Uh Im starting to despise him. Im having a revelation right this very second. He's getting with a girl half my quality, maybe that's what he needs.
Jiser you give some greta advice but you do not do what you tell everyone else we know that. You say strict no contact and missbeach in your case you must not contact him at all and I think you are still a chance with him. You must not contact him though because if you do contact him well how is that getting him to want you.
A MUST is if you want him back think of it likethis if you didn't want a guy and he kept calling you what would you do you would probably say something like you're a nice guy but we can just be friends. But look when you have a guy who is not caling you sit there and hope that he does. So let him sit there hoping you respond and when you don't he will realise he must contact you if he really wants you.
People don't think clearly I hear on here so often "I DONT WANT HIM TO THINK IVE MOVED ON AND NOT CONTACT ME IF HE WANTED ME BACK"
Well wake up girlfriend you know he is with some other girl and moved on but you are still contacting him arnt you.
THE FACTS ARE WHEN YOU MOVE ON THIS IS WHEN HE WILL WANT YOU BACK IT THE WAY IT IS , HE FINDS OUT SOME OTHER GUY MIGNT HAVE YOU AND DECIDES HE WANTS IN ON THE ACTION AGAIN AND ALL OF A SUDDEN HE DECIDE You're the ONE FOR HIMA AND YOU WATCH HIM CHASE YOU DOWN. BETTER YET I THINK YOU SHOULD REPLY TO THAT MESSAGE AND SAY!!
THE LAST WEK HAS BEEN THE BEST OF YOUR LIFE AND YOURVE BEEN GETTING SPANKED SIDEWAYS" HE Won't BELIEVE IT HE WILL BE DREADING THE DAY HE LEFT AND WANTING YOU BACK THIS SOUNDS BAD BUT IM A GUY HIS A GUY ALL HE WILL THINK ABOUT IS HOW SEXY YOU ARE AND HOW MUCH HE WANTS TO BE SLAPPING UP AGAINST YOU AGAIN! 1
YOURVE GOT NOTHING ONLOSE GIVE IT A GO. NOW
JUST REMEMBER ONE THING HE IS MISSING YOU PEOPLE DO Not not MESSAGE YOU IF THEY ARE NOT INTERESTED. ONLY OCCASIONALLY SOME PEOPLE JUST WANT TO CHECK IN BUT YOU WILL FIND THIS WILL USUALLY BE THE PEOPLE WHO GOT DUMPED AND MOVED ON AND ARE HAPPY WITH SOMEONE NEW And the MESSAGE THE PERSON TO SHOW THEY MOVED ON TO SOMEONE BETTER.
Your situation here he is definitely wondering what your doing he is probably sitting there now waiting hoping dreaming of a reply. He wouldn't message unless he was thinking abot you GEEEZ you wouldn't message some guy you didn't give a about would you
THINK ABOUT THIS YOU MESSAGE WHEN YOU CARE AND WONDER OR ELSE YOU Wouldn't EVEN THINK ABOUT MESSAGING!!
DO NOT MESSAGE BACK HE WILL MESSAGE AGAIN AND NEXT TIME IT WILL Probably BE MORE LIKE "Hay babe you wanna catch up some time!!!!"
Let us kow what happens...
Damn, I don't know. You're a guy, so let me ask you. Im sorry, I've seen this girl, and it's a downgrade. And the jealousy message is another thing. But here's the thing, when I was talking to him, he found out about my rebound and it Didn't BOTHER HIM. But this new message comes after 9 days no contact. BUT the last time we talked, he said he was over it. What he's got with this girl is bothering me though, they hang out and talk all the time. BUT she's a skank, its practically tattooed on her forehead. AND Im 3 years with him, and a lot better looking etc, not that looks are key here, but Im trying to paint a picture.
I don't think Im going to message him because it pushed him away before. I want to see if he'll say more in the next few days, but Ive got my money on he won't he seems so sure. I need more. www.myspace.com/missbeach2 here's my myspace, anyone whose answered I will friend, you've all been good to me on here!
Any Ideas on this. The guy that left me is not in college like me, no ambition, not that funny, not that BIG of a catch. I mean, I was comfortable and love him, but he's not the one.
So this brings me to my topic. When someone breaks up with us, is it true when I say that most of the time, It's probably about feeling like the losing party that makes us want to get back with them? Like the rejection causes us to yearn for them to take us back?
Is it losing the upperhand, or feeling helpless that makes us want their affections again? I think this is true in many causes, please if you think you may be one of these causes, post a response and be honest with yourself.
Yes this is exactly how I feel, I'm not going to lie I really liked this girl and got all the excuses in the book to not see me or keep her distance but for some reason I thught she liked me, well she said she did. My ego has suffered a dent and I know ask myself what is wrong with me, am I ugly, boring etc. its also the fear of no finding someone good enough or better than what you though you had.Quote:
Originally Posted by missbeach123
That is not my case bt I definitely believe that everyone likes to win and when you get dumped you feel automaticllylike you have lose. That is why when you are about to get dumped and you know it you either get in first or you agree and say yes definatel need a break we both need to clear our heads. Therefor this puts no pressure and puts you on a level playing field. Alo means your ex has no control feels just like you its as if you both ended it.
I do not like losing and Yes in the past I have thought well I want her back and that was probably cause I felt like I lost. But well my latest ex was 3 1/2 years when it's that longb missbeac you can't really say you are upset and feel like you lost the game because in hindsight you have lost more than the game youhave lost time.
In relationships which only go for a few months definitely the one who gets dumped thinks they lost but the onger it goes the less winning and losingbcome into it and I beleve with a longer rrlationship it is more along the lines of resentment of someone you new so well doing this too you.
Yeah I get you, Mckenzie, I was in a 3 year run too. It is major resentment, but also, I've been told it seems Im acting out of a need to 'win' . Not that I really truly want him back, but because I want to have some kind of satisfaction of being desired by him, by him making the mistake. Im not sure if I want HIM or I want him to regret things so I have the upperhand.
Well my relationship before this one was 4 years and when I got dumped I definitely was angry and the fact was I just actually really wanted to have the control and felt like I had lost. The relationship was stuffed though we were both young ad she was so insecur I was on with heaps of girls and there was always drama but I wasliving the moment and it was a huge ride and I will never forget the times we spent together those were some great days of my life and so much fun I had.
My latest relationship was much better though in terms f honest andn love we shared many things and I learnt so much about TRUST and being a good human being to others and treating everyone well. Learned this from a girl who was only 18 when I met her but had an amzing hea on her and new what she wanted. So intelligent and attractive the relationsip was such a succes. But in the end of the relationship she is now 22 she decides she doent knnow how she feelssaidshe never loved some the way she feels about me and isn't sure if that's enough how she feels so she broke it off. Hurt me a lot she was someone who I found a lot from and like no one I had met before.Still hurts now afte 2 and a half months... ont know if I will eve fully get over er he biggest problem is I hadn't met anyway who captivated me like her. I did not let hr know this for a long time but in the end yourfeelings come out and well she went te other way.
Just when I thought she was so honest and great wellm she did nothing wrong and the bad thing is in the end she had no one else she just wanted some time on her own and I guess realised I it wasn't right. Took a hell of a long time to work that out. Lot of years wasted to know that... probably more pissed off that I cared and gave her so much well in the end like they say made her too much of my life.
Thought she was more caring than to hurt me like this but then again she said I didn't want to hurt you I just had to do what was right for me. Girls have such funny minds wind he clock back a week before the breakup and she's saying how we are destined to be together and she misses me so much and loves me. Wel week later byebyebye!! \
I like my ex a lot, I love her laugh, we got on great, I miss the play fights, the hugs, the talks etc sex hah, but she had no ambition as said above, she was ultimately boring, never wanted to do anything, never wanted to go away for a weekend, was never up for much, wasn't very nice to me, lol I guess it is rejection in a way like I am in indqaute but I think I am the catch not my ex.
It is not unusual to be stuck, when you do yourself the deservice of just remembering the good times and all the love. That has to hurt. Let get real and play the whole tape next time you think of that ex, and remember the bad things he did and said, or have you selectively forgotten?? For a month or two it will hurt that's a given, but you will slowly come out of that funk, if you do the right things, and heal those emotions and accomplish the goal of building a life with out him. If he hurt you once, it is insanity to go back for more. He may be a great kisser and sweet lover, but he loves skanks. Let him have them, and get a real man who doesn't cheat.
Take your advice and Ill take mine. Its fail proof
I don't know, I got my money on no more texts. He's got a new girl to sleep with. I think maybe when he thinks I actually could be gone things will change but I don't want to bank on him anymore, Its not worth it. I guess its only speculation, I wish I was a mind reader.
After all these questions and good advice, aren't you ready for something good in your life. Please stop trying to analyze his motives, and just read all the posts here of those confused people who are holding out hope for their long gone exes, and you'll see how much time they wasted instead of getting happy and healthy and having fun in their lives. If you read those posts, they have a common thread of doing so well, then calling the ex and being confused again, and starting all over. That's what all exes do, string you along and give you false hope, so YOU can't move on and leave them in their own confusion. As long as your weak and confused, you can be manipulated into sticking around till they find whatever it is they think they want. Stop wasting time, and get some fun and happiness and let the ex be confused while you strut your quality. Life is to short to waste on yesterday. Just review all your questions you've posted, and you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.
Darn, I really wish I could have rated this answer but I had to spead the rep.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
This is perfect tal.
Listen to what tal has said here, please!!
It is bang on 100% good advice!!
Give up on the false hope and analyzing already..
Happens to the best of us, but you must let go.
I think its easily and often overlooked that really WINNING in life is to just be truly happy
Happiness is a personal decision, even if it requires you to shift your perspective or stretch the grey matter to understand the positive that has come from what seems negative at the time, with these things held firmly in mind you can never lose, ever.
I think its like this.Quote:
Originally Posted by missbeach123
If you are the one left behind, regardless of the quality you think you hold, right or wrong you feel rejected and question if it is something about you that led to the breakup. Why, why, why?! Must be me, all about me and me alone.
You don't for one second believe that it could be the one who ended it or just the end of an era, the end of a relationship that is nobody's fault.
There may or may not be blame on either sides but its tough being the one left behind, that's for sure. I think a lot of what you have suggested above is quite true in some ways.
Moving on and letting go is the way forward and IN TIME you will feel so much better..
In time.
Thanks Geoff, Some times I wonder if I had a cell phone, and could text, and have a myspace, and emails, would I have been in the same boat as so many here, with all the break ups I had? Naw, After That first one, I was ready to accept it was over, and have never went back, for the extra misery and pain. But that first break up was a MoFu>
LOL!Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Modern technology has a part to play in all this eh?.
True though... text, mobile, email, myspace, yourspace, itsplace is the silent sniper to all those trying to heal.
Stay away from it all..
By the way, yourspace and itsplace is all made up but I wouldn't mind placing a bet on some computer geek (no offense intended) on coming up with some competitive website to the myspace c**p. (no offense intended, wink wink, nudge nudge)...
SPACE IS THE PLACE .COM, Where you can share and care. and make me rich.
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