Ask Me Help Desk - Girlfriend is a teacher and confused about relationship

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Originally Posted by jj2014

Okay I will let her get on with it I feel I need to be stronger here

She is the one who is causing this drama it needs to stop and she is aware of the impact its having on us

I think you are the one who is unaware.
They girl has no time for you in her life right now. Leave her alone.
Get your life together.

I think you should on Sunday and saturday's have a date and video chat when u can't see each other reletionships can be hard and she's stressed when she comes home from work make her dinner supprise her make it romatic hope it helps

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Originally Posted by beccamusic

I think you should on Sunday and saturday's have a date and video chat when u can't see each other reletionships can be hard and she's stressed when she comes home from work make her dinner supprise her make it romatic hope it helps

We are in a long distance relationship but I think we are looking at video calling at weekends

She iniated first contact with me this morning by text with a good morning greeting and wishing me a good day so that's not bad I suppose ?

How far away is she?

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Originally Posted by talaniman

How far away is she?

2.5 hours

I don't see this going beyond electronic friendship any time soon, and you need to keep a eye on improving your real life, like with a job, friends, and activities. Friendly texts is not bad, but no reason to get false hope or high expectations. Bet she knows you can't afford to visit or date. She probably can't either.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I don't see this going beyond electronic friendship any time soon, and you need to keep a eye on improving your real life, like with a job, friends, and activities. Friendly texts is not bad, but no reason to get false hope or high expectations. Bet she knows you can't afford to visit or date. She probably can't either.

She is very understanding of my circumstances and she has been down this road herself so she gets how hard things can be but we have never let money or employment get in the way of our relationship and we met last weekend and we just kept it simple and we both really enjoyed it she is looking at coming down early in the new year or we are looking at meeting halfway but I'm very sensible with money and banked a lot whilst working so I have a lot of money to spare

You have never let money or employment get in the way of your relationship, but your relationship has ONLY been three months. In all honesty, 3 months isn't a relationship. Especially electronically.

You are holding on to false hope. She's really trying to let you down easy, but you keep reading more into this.

She has a busy life and a busy career. She doesn't have time for you, but you don't get that. What you DO need to get is a job and a life. A life without her in it. She clearly isn't as into you as you are her.

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Originally Posted by J_9

You have never let money or employment get in the way of your relationship, but your relationship has ONLY been three months. In all honesty, 3 months isn't a relationship. Especially electronically.
It started

You are holding on to false hope. She's really trying to let you down easy, but you keep reading more into this.

She has a busy life and a busy career. She doesn't have time for you, but you don't get that. What you DO need to get is a job and a life. A life without her in it. She clearly isn't as into you as you are her.

We just recently met each other and that was great she has just called me to see how I was and appreciates my support and understanding and she is still thinking about us meeting up over Christmas as she said it would be great to see each other
So we will just wait and see ! I thought if she did not like me she would have cut me of a few days after meeting me.
As for the employment side I have got a few interviews lined up so that part is coming together.

I'm a woman, I know how we think. She's being kind to you and trying to let you down easy.

Most of us women are all touchy-feely. We are all about emotions. She doesn't want to hurt you so she's pulling back in hopes that you will just move on without her having to tell you outright that she is not interested in furthering a relationship with you.

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I thought if she did not like me she would have cut me of a few days after meeting me.

Women don't think like that. Women don't want to hurt your feelings.

This has gone on for 5 pages now, or 50 posts. It's apparent to those of us on the outside that you are too needy. That's a major turn off to us women, especially career minded women.

Even if she likes you, its YOU who has put yourself on HOLD while she waits to see how her plans works out. And you have no plan for yourself. I would have a plan for myself. You need a plan for you that doesn't depend on HER.

Get around your friends and family if you can, and see about the rest later.

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Originally Posted by J_9

I'm a woman, I know how we think. She's being kind to you and trying to let you down easy.

Most of us women are all touchy-feely. We are all about emotions. She doesn't want to hurt you so she's pulling back in hopes that you will just move on without her having to tell you outright that she is not interested in furthering a relationship with you.

Women don't think like that. Women don't want to hurt your feelings.

This has gone on for 5 pages now, or 50 posts. It's apparent to those of us on the outside that you are too needy. That's a major turn off to us women, especially career minded women.

She was talking about distance and started to make that an issue but if you like or love someone distance does not matter I'm not going to contact her till she contacts me the problem is we have both invested a lot of emotional and physical time together she agrees and I said we should not waste what we have built and she can see that !
Another thing she said earlier this week is that she was thinking of taking a break but did not know what that means ?

She is a first year teacher but she is very confused stressed and tired and has admitted she is struggling to get a balance as this is new to her.
We are talking and just seeing how things go

You can always just keep talking while doing other things with other people. Why cut yourself out of what maybe other/better options and opportunities for fun, and romance? Way too soon to be stuck on maybe.

Take time and make an effort to look around your own world. Bet you are surprised at the things you could be doing for yourself while you wait to make sense of what you think you want. It will also keep your perspective clear and uncluttered by fear and worry about things you cannot control.

You have 3 months and I visit invested. That is not a lot of time. Take a break from each other. When her life calms down you'll see if there is something there. In the meantime, you explore life as well.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

You can always just keep talking while doing other things with other people. Why cut yourself out of what maybe other/better options and opportunities for fun, and romance? Way too soon to be stuck on maybe.

Take time and make an effort to look around your own world. Bet you are surprised at the things you could be doing for yourself while you wait to make sense of what you think you want. It will also keep your perspective clear and uncluttered by fear and worry about things you cannot control.

Thanks for that I'm going to leave texting her and calling her till the weekend or till she calls but she has said to me that texting is okay and she will respond when she can so the good thing is there is a line of communication which is key

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

You have 3 months and I visit invested. That is not a lot of time. Take a break from each other. When her life calms down you'll see if there is something there. In the meantime, you explore life as well.

I'm looking at not contacting her till weekend or till she calls me but she does not mind texting though.
She was on about us taking a break but in her mind she was unsure what that meant but she has not said anymore about that as she is in a state of flux when she calls I might tell her forget me coming up in a few weeks arrange something for new year and just keep working together week by week and resolve our problems individually and together

Anyway I sent her a text this morning saying I don't want to add to her stresses and that I feel by giving time out till Friday will help us both and just want us to be happy and healthier together.

She sent a text saying morning but not asking how I am but it does not matter to be honest.

So I'm leaving it be till Friday Then what ever happens after that happens but think I have just made the right move for myself guys ?

No, WG, he doesn't.

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Originally Posted by J_9

No, WG, he doesn't.

Wg ?

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Originally Posted by jj2014

Anyway I sent her a text this morning saying I don't want to add to her stresses and that I feel by giving time out till Friday will help us both and just want us to be happy and healthier together.

She sent a text saying morning but not asking how I am but it does not matter to be honest.

So I'm leaving it be till Friday Then what ever happens after that happens but think I have just made the right move for myself guys ?

So you are not going to contact her for 3 whole days? Time outs are for children.
Let her contact you.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

So you are not going to contact her for 3 whole days? Time outs are for children.
Let her contact you.

No contact for 3 days I hope she does not look at what I'm doing in a negative way ?

When someone says they need a break, 3 days is nothing. Telling her you will not contact her till after Christmas and that you would leave the contacting up to her would have been giving her a real break.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

When someone says they need a break, 3 days is nothing. Telling her you will not contact her till after Christmas and that you would leave the contacting up to her would have been giving her a real break.

Good point but I can't do much about it now can I ?

Yes you can. You can not contact her until after Christmas.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Yes you can. You can not contact her until after Christmas.

Do you think things would have calmed down by then? And despite me say timeout till Friday do I text her then and say let's extend this break till after Christmas and that she can contact me when she is ready ?

I say leave her alone. Let her contact you. If she has not heard from you Friday and contacts you, tell her you think you should just chill until after Christmas.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I say leave her alone. Let her contact you. If she has not heard from you Friday and contacts you, tell her you think you should just chill until after Christmas.

Okay but if she does not contact me on Friday then shall I leave it till she calls ? And won't that takw us further apart ? Or will she respond positively ?

If she is interested in you, she will contact you.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

If she is interested in you, she will contact you.

I can see this is going to require time and patience ? But She needs to get her mind in the right place and I'm doing self improvement work but I know in my mind that I have not done anything serious . Anyway she is 22 I'm 27 I was reading something on the net where people say it can be tricky dating ladies in early 20"s ?

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Originally Posted by jj2014

Okay but if she does not contact me on Friday then shall I leave it till she calls ? And won't that takw us further apart ? Or will she respond positively ?

She doesn't have time for you and to be honest you should be doing other things other than worrying about her, and what to do if she does or doesn't. I mean just reread the questions you pose to strangers who don't know either of you and certainly cannot read minds. They are desperate questions as if you are looking for a magic solution that gets you the girl.

There is no such thing, and what you really need is be cool, calm, and collected and in control of yourself, and give your emotional dust time to settle and look at this situation from a fresh healthier perspective.

If you are meant to be together you will be but for now its should be rather obvious now is not that time, and no amount of plotting planning or living in fear will change that. That's why everyone says leave her alone and see what happens next.

Its up to you to get control of yourself, your thoughts and actions and do so by brushing off your dignity and self respect. She has no time for you and has said so. So take the hint and back off. I suspect she has holiday plans and you need some too. Go get a date for New Years eve, or find a party somewhere.

If she cares about you as much as you think you care about her, she'll contact you. If she doesn't contact you that's a clear message.

Yes she's busy with her career, while you seem to be sitting at your computer or phone waiting for her to contact you. All these interviews you say you had, what's come of that? It seems from what you've written that the only thing you're concentrating on is a woman you met in person one time! One time!

You are needy, and you are clingy, and the sooner you realize that the better for your next relationship.

I'm a woman. I'm married now, but before then, if I was interested in a guy, if I wanted to be involved with a guy, I made time for him, no matter how busy I was. The fact that she isn't making time speaks volumes.

Women hate to tell a guy that they're just not interested. It's the nurturing part of our DNA. We rather let you off easy, let you figure it out for yourself. In other words, we're hoping that by not contacting you all the time, you'll get the hint that we don't want a relationship.

Everything she's done has shown she's not interested. Yes, she's busy with her career, but if she was really into you, she'd find the time for you.

She has just text me saying " hey we need to speak later" I have not contacted her for 3 days and she initiated contact with me so a good sign I think ?

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Originally Posted by jj2014

She has just text me saying " hey we need to speak later" I have not contacted her for 3 days and she initiated contact with me so a good sign I think ?

My first thought would be, "Uh oh."

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

My first thought would be, "Uh oh."

really I did explain why I was giving her sometime out hoping she might appreciate it

Let's hope for a positive outcome

"We need to speak" is never a good thing coming from a woman.

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Originally Posted by J_9

"We need to speak" is never a good thing coming from a woman.

How shall I handle this and I'm wondering if I can turn it around or suggest we take a break and chill till after Christmas

You may as well wait to hear what she has to say and then handle that. Whatever it is but my experience is that when guys don't take hints and act on impulse and stubbornness, the hints get strong.

I wish you luck, let us know.

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QUOTE by talaniman;
You may as well wait to hear what she has to say and then handle that. Whatever it is but my experience is that when guys don't take hints and act on impulse and stubbornness, the hints get strong.

I had not contacted her since Wednesday morning and have left it three days with out contact and she text me this morning

Just listen and go from there. When is this talk supposed to take place? Where?

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Just listen and go from there. When is this talk supposed to take place? Where?

No time has been arranged I did text her with what time shall I call you no response but it could either be via video call or voice call but she has said nothing since 8.20am

My friend. Are you really 27? You are acting like a love struck 17 year old. Stop being so desperate! I am a woman and from a woman's point of view you are turning me off! I can't imagine having a relationship with you.

Look, you've only known her 3 months LDR. 3 months doesn't a relationship make even in person. You've seen her ONCE in person for crying out loud.

For heavens sake boy! Be a man. Be as unavailable to her as she is to you.

What you seriously need to do is get a life of your own. Get off the computer, tablet, phone (whatever media you are using) and get out and get a job.

Strong women like her, and she is strong considering her age, education, and career, don't want or need someone so clingy and desperate. We want strong men who have an education and a career. We don't want men who smother us only 3 months into a LDR relationship.