Hmmm, I guess the grass was not as green as he thought it was, and he btter keep you in his life just in case. Please don't fall for his tired excuses. Think the next time he sees a new pasture, he won't go checking it out? He sure will and you know it. He kicked you to the curb so stay away from him and his game.

OK. HE KEEPS ON CALLING! Today I hung out with his best friend, who also happens to be a good friend of mine, so while we were at the movies, my ex calls and wants to know how come I didn't invite him and that its not nice. And I replied with well you breaking up with me wasn't nice either. Then I asked him why he wanted to hang out and he said just to hang out. I told him I couldn't do that and just like that he said OK and bye. That was the whole conversation but this is like the 4th time in 3 days he's called. Last time he called because he wanted to go to my soccer game and now he wants to go to the movies. But when I ask him why he says its just to hang out. I can't just hang out with him because Im still in love with him. I really don't know, what should I do? Should I hang out with him?

Noyou shouldn't be hanging out with him, you shouldn't even be talking to him. His going to stuff you around and he is going toget back with you and then when he finds another hottie he will put you on the side again. Anyone who takes a break for a reason other than to think about the relationship for a normal reason saying they are evaluatng where it may be going well you could take them back. Ut are you going to wake up he chose another girl over you, If he really wanted you he would not have done that. It doesn't matter how many times people tell you this you won't get it, he left for someone else and will definitely do it again at some stage if you give him the chance, the onlyreason he is being so nice now is because he does no have you. You are forgetting the major issue here he left you for someone else. There isn't no going back... I know you may love him but do you want to be his go back to girl while your married. If you think things are going to change your not in the real world. You'll have kids one day and he will be rooting the neighbour. Move on I'm sure youcan find a genuine guy. Sounds hard and difficult now but when you find someone you will understand what I mean and say to yourself thankgod I left him I was blinded. I always say tomyself even if you love someone if they don't love you back walk away it will only lead to heartache and dissapointment for you. Good luck.I have beeninyour position before my ex leftfor another guy and I was so upset and then she came back I was still in love I thought she was the greatest in the world then she did it again andagain so I was out. I then met moved on and found out most people are not like that so much beter out there.

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what should I do? Should I hang out with him?

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His fling must be over, so he calls you, and as you see it works to confuse you, and your thinking about him and being with him. Don't fall for that old game, and give him a chance to weasel his way back in your life. Why should you, since your life is getting better. At least it was until you heard from him again. Stop answering his calls, and send a real message that you are not Miss Easy, and you have moved to better things.

Yeah you guys are right. I think I'm just going to tell him to leave me alone. This is so hard.:(

Im going through the same thing as we speak my boyfriend of a year broke up with me after we were living together and said he didn't want a g/f for a really long time but now he's seeing some girl that he works with its bs and he won't even be my friend

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Originally Posted by sarlar1

Im going through the exact same thing as we speak my boyfriend of a year broke up with me after we were living together and said he didnt want a g/f for a really long time but now hes seeing some girl that he works with its bs and he wont even be my friend

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Yup. Mine did the same thing. He broke up with me, told me he wanted to be single, that there wouldn't be anyone in his life for a long time blah blah blah, then literrally two days later he is dating some girl from work... the funny thing is that the girl ended up just using him to make her ex boyfriend jealous because now she is back with him and my ex is all alone. And he's recently been calling me a lot to hang out but I want nothing to do with him.

You shouldn't hang out with him, Im young and probably don't know a lot about guys but there all about the game, they want what they can't have, don't answer his calls, and when you feel like talking to him think about it, wheres it going to get you? No where except probably more upset

I'm A guy and I'm not all about games. My ex fiancé broke up with me 5-6 times now she was all about games. But you can't say they are all like that.

I know Im sorry let me rephrase that, a lot of guys are about the game, but so are the girls. I just thought I actually found the one that would never hurt me and I was proved wrong, Im just going through a hard time

And yes I would move on because this guy will probably do it again. Don't fall into his games.

Are you talking about me or confused?

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Originally Posted by sarlar1

I know Im sorry let me rephrase that, a lot of guys are about the game, but so are the girls. I just thought I actually found the one that would never hurt me and I was proved wrong, Im just going through a hard time

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I don't blame you one bit I know what you are going thr and the hurt will go away in time it's been 3 months since my ex broke up with me again and the hurt is gone I still think of her, But listen to every one on here. Buy listening to people on here I'm strong enough not to take my selfish ex fiancé back.

Its very hard though, I didn't have any friends for a year cause I gave everything away for him, and I don't want to bad talk him because he really really is a great guy, maybe it was me that did something wrong

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Originally Posted by sarlar1

are you talking about me or confused?

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Talking about confused11 and if you are going through same thing I guess you too.

I also gave up a lot for my ex hanging out friends doing thing I like to do. And before I answer you I'll have to read your thread.

My ex is definitely about games. When he broke up with me he told me that we can still be friends and hang out and just because he feels like this now he might feel different in a few weeks and he still loves me more then anything but is not in love with me. It all just didn't make any sense. He basically wanted to date this other girl and still have me waiting in the background in case it didn't work out with her. Well the last week or so he's called me a bunch of times and asked me to hang out, he wanted to go to my soccer games and wanted to go to the movies and stuff like that I kept on saying no, and when I asked him why he wanted to hang out he said it was just to be friends. I can't just be friends with him because I still love him and its easy for him to be my friend because he is probably over me. But anyway, the other day I had to call him to ask him something important and he doesn't even bother picking up the phone or calling me back when I call him, so its just a big game to him and I'm not falling for it anymore.

Well speaking of my ex. He called me today. About 3 times. I finally picked up the phone to see what he wanted. We ended up talking for about an hour and it was really really nice. He told me that he misses having me around and that his heart was broken too and he wanted to know how I was doing and he was just really nice. Is he possibly having second thoughts? And if so how do I tell and what do I do?

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Originally Posted by confused11

well speaking of my ex. he called me today. about 3 times. i finally picked up the phone to see what he wanted. we ended up talking for about an hour and it was really really nice. he told me that he misses having me around and that his heart was broken too and he wanted to know how I was doing and he was just really nice. Is he possibly having second thoughts? and if so how do I tell and what do I do?

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I see that there could be one of two things going on..

It is possible that he does miss you, he wanted to be your friend, you said so yourself. Its probably tough for him to accept that you cannot be friends with him, and he misses having you as his friend. Im sure during the relationship you could have seen yourself as best friends, and he is missing that friend in you. That does not mean that he wants you back.

It is also possible that he is "playin a game" beucase he realizes that your no longer sitting on the sideline waiting for him to come back to you. It scares him that you are moving on, and he wants to know that he still has control over you.

Its really hard to say what he is thinking, as no one really knows but him. All I can suggest is that no matter what you do, be very careful. You said yourself that he likes games, and you don't want to fall prey to that again...

Just because the shock of not having you around anymore hurts him DOES NOT necessarily mean he wants you back.

Yeah you are totally right. I'm not going to get my hopes up and I'm not going to do anything different. I'm going to continue to try to move on, he already knows that I cannot just be his friend and the next time we talk I'm pretty much going to tell him that he either wants to get back together or he needs to let me go so I can continue to move on. The way he was speaking today though kind of made me think he wanted me back. He was saying how its hard to find girls like me who like sports and video games and etc and how he misses waking up with someone. When I asked him what happened with the other girl at work, he pretty much said that she liked him more then he liked her and he really wasn't that into her, he pretty much said she was fun to look at and that's it. He made it pretty clear that though he could be with someone, he is not... so I don't know. He said he would call me soon, so we will see. I'm not going to jump into anything. Thank you so much for the advice. Really appreciate it.

Confused,
I know exactly what you are going through. Last year, my boyfriend of a yeaer broke up with me out of the blue, saying all the same stuff your boyfriend told you. He just didn’t know what was wrong with the relationship, he didn't feel the passion, etc. We had no contact for 6 months. I knew through a friend he dated someone for a month during that time.

During those 6 months, I was exactly like you. I was depressed, lost 20 pounds, slept and cried, and was really miserable. Every day was a struggle just to get through. Looking back it was a blur. I had a brief 2 month relationship, but I wasn’t nearly ready. It was just a distraction. Every day I acknowledged that I was depressed and wanted him back.

Then, out the blue, my ex called and wanted me back. He begged, said he had changed, etc. I wasn’t going to get hurt again, so I was sure to ask him all the “are you ready for a commitment,” “have you changed,” “what was wrong with us the first time,” “did you leave me for someone else,” questions. After he gave me all the answers I needed to hear, I took him back.

Things were great for three months. Then, one day he was a little distant. At the end of that week, he asked me for space and time, told me he was depressed, that he thought his medications were making him feel lethargic. He didn’t want a breakup.

Two weeks went by. He wasn’t calling, wasn’t returning calls, etc. Finally, I told him that we had to break up. There was no way I could support someone who wasn’t even talking to me. And eventually, if he was ignoring me, I wouldn’t even LIKE him as a person, much less love him anymore. If he needed me and wanted me to support him through the depression than that would be great. He STILL didn’t want to break up. He asked for a break. I said NO. Really, what was the point? We had all but broken up anyway.

So, it’s been two weeks without contact. Tonight I went over to his house to see if he wanted to go for a walk. I figured that as his friend, I would encourage my depressed, lethargic sad ex-boyfriend to get out of the house. Well, depression has been suiting him just fine. He was clean shaven, looked nice, dressed up, his car was freshly washed, and obviously he was anxious to have me leave his house. Turns out he had a date with someone he’s been seeing for several weeks, since before the break-UP.

The whole point of this is to tell you that
1. he’ll come back to you. That’s a given. He will call, and if you let him into you life by returning the calls, then you may even get back together, whether right or wrong
2. Sometimes a breakup needs a couple times to stick. Sometimes we just keep trying to make something work when it never will. It's not illegal to give the relationship another try, you just have to know you might get burned again.
3. Everything you’re feeling is natural. Every day is a challenge but remember that you are the normal one and you WILL get through this. You can't change him and what he does. You can only change how you will deal with him.
4. This happens to almost everyone. You and I are not the one people on earth to go through it.

So, put on some “hopelessly devoted to you,” cry your eyes out tonight ONLY, then tomorrow, put on Gloria Gaynor’s “ I will Survive,” (or the Cake remake of it which is much more angry), and move on with your life. That’s what I’m going to do.

Hang in there

Hey groovygal!
Thank you so much for the advice. I'm so confused and torn about this whole thing.I mean I don't even know what his intentions are, maybe he just wants to be friends and has no interest what's so ever to get back together. I really don't know. All I know is that I can't get my hopes up. For some reason my heart is telling me that getting back together would be the right thing to do. I mean at one point I thought he was THE ONE and I know he felt the same way for me. I know we both did things wrong in the relationship, I know I did something's wrong too, so maybe if we had another chance, we could have a better relationship. I really don't know. Its so hard. All I know is that I'm still totally in love with him, and maybe he needed time apart to realize that he loves me too. I don't know. Its all so confusing.

Stop all contact for 6 months, and work on finding happiness without him. Stay busy focusing on yourself and what makes you happy without him. When he calls be busy or unavailable, which means brief or not at all. Hard as it will be, it will benefit your emotions, and give you the clarity you don't have now.

Its been almost two months, since my boyfriend broke up with me out of nowhere. Well today I went back to our place for the first time in a long time to pick up the rest of my stuff. He was supposed to be at work till later but while I was there he actually called me. He asked what I was doing and I told him I was actually there at his place picking up my stuff. And he was like oh OK, and then he asked me If I wanted to grab something to eat with him. SO of course I said OK. He was being really nice, so I figured why not. So we went to get some food,we had fun, we talked, kidded each other and just felt like old times. I was going to pay for my dinner but he insisted on paying and it really just felt like back in the day. Well anyway, before all that happened, when I first got to his apt, I saw that he had taken out all this stuff that I have ever given him. I once gave him this big stuffed penguin and one other stuffed animal and they were both laying on his bed like he's been sleeping with them. I also gave him a couple of other things, a bubblehead doll and this picture and they were both hanging above his bed when they weren't there before. Also cards that I had given him for valentines day and his birthday and stuff where sitting on his desk like he's been reading them recently. Also my notepad that I had always used to write important things was laying on his bed so I picked it up and in it was a poem that he had written. It was about all the pain that he was in and how we sometimes thought he wanted to end it all, it was just really depressing.
So when we came back from dinner I asked him. I said do you ever miss me? And he just flat out said no. I asked him if he was over me and he said yes. I said how do you get over someone that fast. And he said you know me, I can burry stuff deep inside.
But the thing is that while he was telling me that he was over me and wasn't missing me, I could pretty much tell that he was lying. So my question is why would he do all that stuff and then just flat out tell me he is over me? It doesn't make any sense. Is he just saying that to make himself believe it? Or is he really just over me?

He broke up with you "out of nowhere"... or there were signs and you either may not have seen them or have not been willing to see them... sometimes, when we love somebody so much this happens...

He is obviously over you.
So you went out to have something to eat, he was nice...

He broke up with you.
He tells you he does not miss you.

Move on.
Don't look for meanings that may not even be there.

Don't go into the pretzel brain twisting... not a good thing.

Anyone else have any advice? Id really appreciate it.