 |
You shouldn't bother because it will interfere in your healing, no one can treat us badly unless we allow it. Never over look the part you played in this drama. Overtime you will be better emotionally to make a decision on whether you want to talk to her or not. For now, forget it.Quote:
If she does try to contact me in the future should I even bother with her just because of the way she used me.
That's a hard question to answer, you don't know where you will be emotionaly. In a perfect world the answer would be to never have anything to do with her... but again our emotions always get in the way... I don't think you should even think about that and instead move on for yourself you never know what the future brings...Quote:
Originally Posted by SAB123
I can tell you one thing for sure, the girl loves drama.. and it seems like she knew you were always going to be there nomatter what she did or said, she said you are the perfect guy and maybe that's to boring for her it seems. Does she use drugs?
The smoking thing was a really lame excuse to use in my book.. don't call me for a couple of weeks, that was an excuse for something else... did she quit? I doubt it.
I will always wonder to about my ex, but I can only say they weren't in it for the same reasons we were. I think they are selfish users, they say and do things according to their day. I got he perfect speech too, lol.. if we are so perfect for them, what's the problem??
Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
[/QUOTE]
Originally Posted by SAB123
From A woman's point of view can you tell me what your take is on all this about her and me. And If you have any questions about her or me to come to a conclusion please ask. Because I think until the day I die I will never no what she was exactly feeling or her intentions were in this relationship. Thank You
QUOTE=hair2007
Hi, well of course its so hard to say because I don't know her. But from what I read and being a girl, she sounds like such a user... im sorry to say that, but I can't help it. She sounds like she doesn't even know how to love you, she is to mean and always thinking of herself only... very materialistic too. Bfore I say more how old are you guys now? Just wondering...
[/QUOTE]
Originally Posted by SAB123
She just turned 41 in 3/23 and I will be 35 on 8/26. She was married for 10yrs to husband he was a drug addict and cheated on her. She got even toward end of marrige and cheated on him. She filed for divorce then met a new guy,he had to stop her because she wanted Ex back. She got pregnet they were together for 3yrs and broke up with him 2-3 times He had a gambling problem. Had child with him. She met me just 2 months after their break up. I had problems in beginning but I pretty much changed my hole life style for her.
She said last year I was a perfect guy, I had no baggage, gambeling/drinking problems, was good to her and son. Would be a good father. Knew I would NEVER cheat on her. Never went out with friends In Past 3 yrs I think I went out to bar maybe 10 times with friends. But aways said she was jealous that I did.
I say this because mabye I was a rebound. She did cry over Ex husband in front of me twice. She would break up with me without asking how she feels or how I feel. And all break up she would tell me months later why she broke up with me. First break up was the worst because of that. We were only dating not even a yr. And I bought a house because I wanted to see what it was like to live on my own. She broke up with me because I bought a house. She wanted to get married rite away. But she never told me that when I was looking at houses. And how she broke up with me she said I'm going to quick smoking so don't call me for a couple of weeks because I'm a real B****h when I stop. I called her within 5 days because I missed her and she said I'm breaking up with you over the phone. She is my first love and for 3 months I was unfuctionable. And when she did come back my heart felt so good. If you need to no more please ask question
Not sure if I'm doing this right, wanted to add more, hope this shows up... lol...Quote:
Originally Posted by hair2007
I think they like to keep us/ you on the back burner while they do what they want. I'm 37, we are all in the same age area, my ex is 37 too. I don't like to think it as being used, but I can't help to say that, because why else would someone be so unstable in a long relationship? They come in and out because they know they can. They take what they can from it, and play games. That's my take on it. Your situation reminds me a lot of my relationship.
I can't remember if it was rite away but eventually she did. I know when she was with her husband she did. And when we were together she would smoke pot once in a while but not all the time maybe 6-7 times a year. When she was married she told me she was doing cocaine. But I really don't know if she used while we were dating. Maybe she did that's why she had a mood change a lot. In the beginning (first 2 yrs) she would never have period and last 3 yrs into relationship she was having period at least twice a month and would last long time.Quote:
Originally Posted by hair2007
I asked that because of the erratic behavior... my ex didn't use drugs, he is just so emotionaly screwed up, although he has done steroids so maybe that comes into play. But his personality is just that way with every thing in life. He was or is on anxiety meds. Plus I think he's just e selfish dumb... if they had meds for that he would be great... lol..Quote:
Originally Posted by SAB123
Maybe that's part of her problem too, drugs, not the weed, maybe pills or something. Does she still see any of the exes or would you not even know? I know my ex was sneaky... if you don't mind me asking where are you guys from, not that it matters but just wondering... I will probably not answer till after 6ish because I'm on my way to work, so hope I'm helping you out and not making you feel worse... it helps to talk... but in the process we have to still move on... have a great day : )
Yes your probably rite on that the drugs she did.When we were together she didn't see ex husband,she would se her sons dad which she hates. Where from Chicago IL. And yes this helping me out a lot. I feel great today I'm thinking about her a little bit but my heart doesn't hurt as bad. But can't wait to sell house then she won't be able to ever sneak her way back in. Because I feel she will contact me soon. She always wanted to be friends after break ups. But I always said no It hurts too much. And I said it this time. She's going to realize again how good she had it when she starts to compare me to other guys. That why I think she always came back she can't find anyone better.Quote:
Originally Posted by hair2007
I know I don't want her back, But I get so mad for what she did all the bad things she said to me and I get so mad at her for that.And I'm glad it's over. But why do I still miss her noing she treated bad. Wouldn't my subconciousness block my feelings.
If she is anything like my ex, of course she will be contacting you. It sucs. When they do you always think oh maybe things will change... my ex comes around every 2 months or so, saying he made a mistake, I'm beautiful, generous,pasionate blah blah blah... I always hope he won't come around cause it just sets me back 100 steps. So maybe he won't come around anymore who knows and cares...Quote:
Originally Posted by SAB123
She wants to be friends so she can keep one foot in the door and one out. Games, all games, but I give them credit, they play a good 1.
I'm gald your feeling good today, usually the weekends were bad for me, but no more. I'm out a lot now so its easier. But whenever my ex finds out I'm dating someone he always comes around and it has srewed up a lot of things for me... my own dumb fault.
That is what I'm afraid of. She probably thinks if I meet someone I will know that their are girls who will treat me good. Then she knows I'll never take her back. Even when we got back the first time she said why do you want me back I'm a B****H. Then couple years ago said I'm glad you love me because I don't think anyone else could put up with me. I'm glad you e-mailed me I was starting to feel down. I did start a new post ( I don't want my ex fiancé back) for me it seems like every break up get a little easier but not the point to start dating. But when I do keep myself busy I don't think of her. But if she does come back I think she will use her son as pawn to get me back. I pray she don't do that because he has been hurt enough. And know that I think about it more that guy that was over when I dropped her sons bed off was to make me jealous. Because I told her to leave me alone for ever. And I think that pissed her off and thought I'll fix him. Because she knows I'll get upset if I ever seen her with someone.Quote:
Originally Posted by hair2007
That is what I'm afraid of. She probably thinks if I meet someone I will know that their are girls who will treat me good. Then she knows I'll never take her back. Even when we got back the first time she said why do you want me back I'm a B****H. Then couple years ago said I'm glad you love me because I don't think anyone else could put up with me. I'm glad you e-mailed me I was starting to feel down. I did start a new post ( I don't want my ex fiancé back) for me it seems like every break up get a little easier but not the point to start dating. But when I do keep myself busy I don't think of her. But if she does come back I think she will use her son as pawn to get me back. I pray she don't do that because he has been hurt enough. And know that I think about it more that guy that was over when I dropped her sons bed off was to make me jealous. Because I told her to leave me alone for ever. And I think that pissed her off and thought I'll fix him. Because she knows I'll get upset if I ever seen her with someone.
Why? Do you actually think someone will put up with her? Honestly, its not likely. Think about that, why would you get upset, what are you missing out on? Lying, breakups, exes, I mean let them have her and her bullsh**!! That's what I always think about when I think of the ex with someone else, unless they do some major overhaul of change for themselves, I think they are going to be very lonely people. They are tooooo selfcentered to be in a normal relationship.
Me again responding to this.. lol.. I'm going through this now, when I'm out I think of him, its normal. But you should go out with friends, if you happen to meet someone. It doesn't mean you have to marry them,lol, just for the conversation alone with someone is great, kind of like this site, I have been on a few dates now, I can't lie, its hard because if I know the connection isn't there it makes me say oh no I have to be back out here in the dating world, its scary... I don't think its to early to date or not, if it happens it happens. You need to be out, whether you meet some one or not, you need to hear music, have a drink, conversations, whatever, it helps.Quote:
Originally Posted by SAB123
Please do not give opinion unless you have read my original Thread (Is my Ex fiancé coming back again) To refresh your memory 11 days ago I told ex to don't call, e-mail or try yo see me again. I told her I would drop off her sons bed I did. And their was another guy there. I was very upset she would do that. But she told her sons step brother that he's not her type he's fat.But Yesterday my ex's sons step brother came over (he's 19)My Ex told him to say Make sure you tell him I'm not dating that guy she told several times. And he told her I think he not her type because he's fat, she started laughing. My question is after telling her to leave me alone forever (I know that made her mad) why she would make sure I know she wasn't datiing anybody. I mean she broke up with me why would she care. 11 weeks ago when she broke up with me I asked him do you think she will be back. He hesitated and said maybe. I asked him last night and he didn't hesitate and said she'll be back. It's been 11 days of NC and I guess until I move out of my house it seems like she will always have a way to come back and it scares me. Because I don't want her back butI'm the nice guy and if her and son come over start crying that they want me back I'm afraid I might buckle. Noing that it won't work. Please help because I'm lost rite now.
She told me she don't think any one could put up with her that's why she said I'm glad I can And it sucks noing they are with someone else(but ex's son step brother came over last night a told me something(please read, I think my ex want to come back.)Quote:
Originally Posted by hair2007
These messages between the kids has to stop, for one its not their business and they should not be used as pawns between two adults. This is not no contact by the way, nor is it healthy.
She broke up with me why would she care how I feel, meaning making a point that she's not dating that guy. If I broke up with her I would probably care less what she thought. I think she would let me think that to let me know she moving on. The only reason I would say that's not my boyfriend is to keep her foot in the door with me and yes I do know this NC and I pray it stays this way.Yes I told her sons step brother I don't want to hear anything about ex or her son ever when he helped droped off bed that day.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Actually when I do go out now I don't think of her that much which is great.And yes it sucks thinking of starting all over and fining someone but I think in a couple of months I think my heart will healty to move on. Unless she starts playing mind games with me again. Which I think she's doing.Quote:
Originally Posted by hair2007
I do believe she's up to her old trick again. Playing mind games with me. She starting to drive past my house again. Monday night and again just today (driving slow. She is a fast driver) last break up I told her I was so depressed I just sat and stared out the window. I don't do that now but was shaving and saw her.She even called my sister to find out if my nephew could spend the night witch she asked a few times in the 5 years. She has no reason to drive past my house When we broke up this time she never drove past house in the beginning of this break up, but now she doing it. In a few of break ups when she came back she did say this what I want out of relationship if you don't want this leave me alone.Now I'm totally confused?
No, way. Don't fall for it. Don't even give her the chance to do it. You are on your way to healing and moving on. Don't be pulled back. Ignore her. Stay away and make new friends. Good luck.Quote:
Originally Posted by SAB123
She is full of games and drama. Bet she can't believe your standing up for yourself and moving on with your life. Generally most guys who gets into the NC, finds out the things about an ex they were blind to before. So will you! That's why it is so important to leave them alone, and let the emotional dust settle so you can see much clearer.
Agree with you there talaniman! Have to spread some rep first : /
NC really does help get your head round things. Its helped me!
Was talking to mom and she feels she probably getting nervous that Im moving on this time. She feels she keeps breaking up with me to get the upper hand. I think with her she knows I'll take her back and she'll make me mop over her just long enough then come back and say this is how the relationship is going to be.(Not this time) My brother in law came over last night and hung out and didn't think about her at all. Or when I'm keeping myself busy now. This is something I have never been able to do in all of the break ups with her. I told him I can't worry about when she's coming back but I'll deal with her when she does comes back. I will not answer her phone calls, e-mails or if I see her driving past house when I'm out side I will walk in house. But I think she will start putting more effort in ways to come back when she see's the For Sale sign on my house then she'll know I mean business. I don't think if I didn't find this site I would be as strong with my healing process and want to thank everyone for helping me.
Hey sab, so she's starting to come around a little, that sucs, diving by, she will definitely be putting more effort soon, it's the way the selfish game goes... sounds so familiar, my ex would do the same. Drive by my house, my work, throw rocks at the bedroom window at like 4 am, before work, leave me messages crying, and sure enough, id be there, thinking he meant it all. This has been like 10 times now!! He should be in hollywood.. lol..Quote:
Originally Posted by SAB123
I don't think she breaks up with you to get the uper hand, sorry, she already had the upper hand. (my ex with me 2) just by them coming in an out the way they do. Don't let her get it back, even if you do someday, do the no contact for much longer, please, just to get yr self stronger, whether you go back or not isn't the issue at hand to me, right now its take care of u, move on, do what you have to do in life. Don't let her take up space in yr head... no matter what happens you will be more stable because of this, and maybe will make different decisions too. Then you can know you have the uper hand.( :
I can't believe I'm standing up for myself either and it feels goodQuote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
With all other break ups I always did the NC but was to hurt to heal myself to see what type of person she is. I just wanted her back and that was it. I believe now you have to move on and let go to see if this the person you want to be with. And all the advise on this site to make me realize what type of person she is.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
SAB,
Don't give into her games. Be strict with the NC and, like talaniman said, use it to clear your head and gain control over your emotions. Use this time to face the truth of who she really is. And after you think about her with a clear head and mind, I doubt you would even want her back. (I've read your older thread.)
Why do I feel this way? I know if she comes back it won't work out, but for some reason deep down inside a part of me wants to take her back and quiet frankly by rereading what I have read on my threads why would I. Is it maybe I like the game playing or is it maybe my heart is still unhealty and can't make a decision. But I'm scared noing she may come back and I'm afraid I will cave in and take her back.
I know what yr feeling, believe me, no you don't like the game playing, at least I know I don't. Its easy for people looking in (my family and friends)anyway, to say why do you take this from him? Its because I have so much time invested in us, so I guess my heart always wants to believe they will not play games no more and things will change.Quote:
Originally Posted by SAB123
The sad part is how long will we put up with the crap. They are the un healthy ones in this not you or me. That's my opinion, the only thing we are guilty of is loving someone and thinking they want thing s to work. But never the less there comes a point when we have to look at it from a different view, because when someone treats you with such disrespect its time to reavaluate the situation.
I would love to be back with my ex, but I know it would not change, at least not any time soon that's for sure. Its so unhealthy, we are on such different pages its crazy. But when he comes around saying he made a mistake he's on my page, till he know I'm there then right back to the games. I'm not saying that's what yours will do but just trying to show you what I go through. ( ;
You have history together. You've loved her and felt all the emotions, good and bad, with her. So, it will be very hard letting go. Sometimes, as painful and unwise it is, we choose to keep going back for this history and for the memories of the good feelings. So, that's why No Contact is soooo important and highly advised. It is a conscious effort by your mind to let go of the dream world and face reality. Face the harsh truths and gain control of your emotions so that if she did come back, you would be strong enough to say no and (at least half) mean it.Quote:
Originally Posted by SAB123
You are on a long and hard road, SAB, but on the right one. So, stay strong and heal yourself. Get her out of your mind as much as you can. Good luck.
I believe this is true for me and my EX. My Ex has said when she came back the first 2 break ups she always thought of all the things we did and what I did for her and son.Quote:
Originally Posted by manimuth
My Ex says the same thing I realize I made a mistake. One time on one of her break ups she calls and were talking and says I think I'm making a mistake but catches herself and doesn't say mistake. I think she wanted me say what was that last word so I would feel sorry for her.Quote:
Originally Posted by hair2007
Can a breakee hurt just as long as the one who got dumped. Noing that they still care for you. And why would a breakee still want to be friends with the person they dumped. I mean they dumped you because obvisouly they don't want to be with you anymore?
For one the dumper has had a lot longer to think about it and get over it. Sure they still care, and want to keep the good parts in there life, but they also want their freedom, from the relationship obligations. The one who gets dumped may have a clue, but it comes as a complete shock that always produces guilt, denial, anger, and a variety of feelings that must be reconciled. Better to get away and let the natural course of things tend those feelings, and get to a place of acceptance to deal with the emotions that a break up brings therefore No Contact. Just because there is a break up doesn't mean that they hate you, or harbor ill will. They have changed and see things differently. One thing I've learned over the years is, its so useless to take a break up personally. Its more a sign of change rather than love or hatred, as one partner wants something different and cannot do as they please within the boundaries of a relationship. And don't we all want keep the people we love in our lives in some capacity other than lovers? Hope this answers your questions.
Good way to think of it, never thought of it like that before...Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Yes, Thank you.
Up date on situation. Coming home from work and was pulling in drive way and as I look up at the corner of my eye I see her drive by (slower then she normally drives) She usually does not pick him up because he gets off at 4:00 and she don't get home from work until 6:00 pm. So she did take the day off. In previous break ups when we got back she did say when we drove past my house her son would ask why can't we go to my house. So why would she put him through that because I do know he stills misses me . Actually last year he asked my ex his mom if he could call me dad. So I know he loves me a lot. I do know if you go past my house you will save maybe 4 minutes rather then going longer route. When she broke up with me in the beginning when she was mad she said don't worry I won't be driving past your house this time. And I did tell her a couple of weeks ago not to call, e-mail or try to see me ever again. I know she's playing games but she knows to leave me alone why is she still doing this to me. Then 4.5 hours later my phone rings and it's her sons step brother calling. I didn't answer his phone call. It was weird because he usually don't call during week and plus I accidentally called him a couple of days ago but while I had him on the phone told him again not to tell me anything about ex or if she tells him something to tell her I don't want to hear it. But maybe this why I was never able/wanted to get over her all other break ups she keeps doing this crap to my head. Because every time she drives buy or contacts me I don't move forward but 5 steps behind and this is the 2 1/2 - 3 month mark for her. This usually the time she make her way back into my life. And she did make me suffer 2 1/2 - 3 months all 5 break Ups.
I know I must continue NC and try to avoid her like the plague. But if she wants me back she will just come up to my door and get me. I just hope if she does that she don't come up to door because I still am missing her and my head is emotionally unstable.
How old are you guys anyway??
I know what you are saying and I am moving on as far as her I don't what her problem is.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
| All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:27 AM. |