A lot of guys don't get this - but it's an old show business tactic...

LEAVE THEM WANTING MORE!

Always - I bet every gal here will agree with this.

I agree with wildcat-See it's working. Doesn't it feel good? I definitely think you are making progress. I have been in this exact situation. My boyfriend of eleven years had told me he needed space on several occasions and finally after all the temptations I had, I finally put my foot down and left him alone and I did all of the things everyone here is telling you to do and he finally realized he didn't like the games anymore and wanted to grow up and have a relationship. Like wildcat says go slow-you are making her see you in a different way and she is going to respect you for that. Hope this helps and makes sense.

It most definitely males total sense. I would love to talk to her but I will not call. She told me she may go out of town to visit her mom and sister as she took today and tomorrow off. This could be good for me as they both really like me. She also has time alone at the house this week as her daughters are out of town with their dad for spring break. It does feel good that things are changing and I will stick to my guns. I still feel empty inside even with the changes for the better. She has not attempted to contact today and hopefully she is really thinking about the "fun guy" and how she misses him.

Evict the serious and sensitive guy - and then that stuff won't matter - she'll love you for it!

Yep - leave her be - let her ENJOY time with her Mom and sister. That's important too AND if show and respect that... well she will come flying back. Let her have some fun on her own - BUT you must have fun away from her as well. Balance and boundries for now.

I want to take the time to thank you all for helping me to this point. I know its not over yet, but at least it's going in the right direction. Wildcat, you have one hell of a friend. I've

Been dealing with this break-up for three weeks and it's very painful. With you guys to talk to it really does help, not to mention the awesome advice. I hope to be able to write

To all uf you one day soon and say "WE WON". I will never forget all of you and I will start helping others on this site to kind of pay it forward. It is a miserable spot to be in and I can see how some people can go off the deep end. Once again, THANKS.

I have something that I don't quite understand. Last night I went to sing karaoke and when I was done I was going to go my regular hang out to be with my friends. I was

Informed by a phone call that she was there. She and I have gone there for years together but if she needs space why does she go to a place that I will more than likely be

At? I know she has friends there as well but her needing time away from me does not make sense to me. What's up with this?

Wha tdo you think? Yes.

Make her pursue you... women sometimes need the chase - the challenge.

Let her contact you. If you wait - you will hear from her.

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I know she has friends there as well but her needing time away from me does not make sense to me. What's up with this?

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You still have stuff at her house? This is not over. She just wants to see if you'll show up where you know she is. Who called anyway, your friend or hers?

One of my best friends called me. She became friends with him through me a couple of years ago. He is usually who I mostly hang out with when I am there, and now her as

Well. She was there when I got there the night before last which was the night after the concert and I went in to sing anyway. She once again went last night but I didn't go just to stay away from her. Should I go even though she is there?

Not every time. Be mysterious. Be busy. If your always there she can't miss you.

The other thing I wonder about is when I am in there with her do I ignore her, talk to her briefly or hold a conversation if she seems to want to talk? I am going to be the fun guy either way but how do I handle this situation?

I say just talk to her like she is your friend just like you would any of your other close friends. Kill her with kindness. It will make you mysterious and she will be attracted to that, but you are still being nice to her at the same time so she can't get upset with you. It will drive her kind of crazy and make her want to be with you even more. The ball is in your court now. Keep it there for a while. Trust me, she is not going anywhere-she said she needed space and to me it is just game playing. Your friends already confirmed to you that she loves you and you already knew that anyway so just keep being the fun guy for a while and save the serious stuff for a little later. That's just my opinion!

I don't like games or tests. I would go about my life and let her call me. When you run into her be polite but busy. Once you start playing games that's exactly what you'll get. Now if she wants to hold a real mature conversation about how to work together for the benefit of you both we can talk.

I'm not saying play games, but that is what it is about right now-she chose this game. That is why she told him she wanted space in the first place. Almost like she wants her cake and eat it too. I am just saying don't give her the cake. I agree with talaniman but when you are at the same place talk to her just don't pour yourself out there.

This isn'y games - it's just changing gthe way you approach things.

Games are like flirting wit hother people in front of her. Her throwing a temper tamtrum.

Yes it is actually playing a game at this point and my best chance to win is to be the happy guy and give her the space she asked for. It is very uncomfortable for me to be in our

Hang out together and yet we are not together. She told me the other night when we were in there "you sure have been going out a lot". Don't know why that concerns her because she

Is the one that wanted space from me. Not too sure what or why she made that comment but I am going there a lot to help keep my mind occupied and to where I can get

Exhausted so I can actually sleep when I get home. I don't like games either Talaniman but it's where I am at with her and I love her enough to do it for a while - - I just need

You alls help to win. Great advice Missk. That is exactly how I have been handling it so far and everything seems to be slowly working.

Makes sense Wildcat it just feels like a game at times.

She is keeping a close eye on you. Don't sweat just get busy with your own issues, AND GIVE HER WHAT SHE ASKED FOR.

Wildcat, what's your advice on how to treat her when we are at our hangout at the same time. Missk's advice sounded pretty good. Or is it best to just try to stay away from there

And make her wonder because we have been there together probably over 50 times. We have our spot where we hang out with our friends. It has to bother her when I am not

There because it makes her miss me and also wonders where I am at. What do you think?

Just for now :) I mean to me that is not the kind of game I am thinking about Wildcat (flirting, and tantrums). When I say game I am talking about like you said the way you approach it-it is a game, but you are also growing and learning from this experience and it is going to make you a stronger person whether you work things out with her in the future or are with someone else. Thanks for seeing it from my point as well Lost Guy-considering I am not an expert or anything-I have just been there done that.

Well said Talinman. Also Missk sounds like you've been there and done that and have a T-shirt torove it.

Missk put it perfectly. That's why I did not jump on that.

See I kind of look at relationship you have to be her friend 80% of the time - make her laugh always, tease her (tease her karaoke)... talk. Don't bring up the relationshp - especially now. NO Pressure. Did I say make her laugh? Treat her like one of the guys - she'll love you for it.

20% is romance.

Well after the concert on Tuesday and karaoke on Wed there was no contact on Thurs or Fri. I brought my friend to my hang out as his car is in the shop. I was leaving to go to another place and as I walked out the door there she was coming in. We talked a little and I gave her an extra long hug on purpose to see if she would embrace that long as well and she did. She asked where I was going and I told her I was going to watch our favorite band play. She said OK and we kissed once and I was gone. I had to go back there later to pick my friend up. Well I returned around 12:30 with the drummers wife that followed me there because she wanted to go. She is also friends with my girl. She was quizzing her on what I was doing over at the other place.I ended up dancing with(my girl) a couple of times and we hung out together and had a good time amongst our friendslike we always have. When it was time to go she asked me if I wanted to go to her house and I said OK but I just want to hold you and she said that's fine with her. So I brought my friend home and went to her house and that's exactly what we did. I know I probably shouldn't have gone there but I couldn't help it because I miss us so much. Why did she ask me to go there and then she probably won't contact me for no telling how long after?

It confuses and hurts me but at the same time it's worth it just to be able to hold her for one night. What do I need to do?

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What do I need to do?

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Get on with your life. This was only one night.

She is totally playing you. You have got to let go. Set a goal for yourself to stay away for at least a week. If you don't keep your goal then you can't even trust yourself. It is not worth it to hold her for one night if you are right back to where you started. Otherwise you wouldn't be asking the question "What do I need to do?" She has you right where she wants you. Is that what you want? Because if it is then fine, but if not, then you better put your foot down and do what you think is right. It doesn't matter if you had sex or just held each other-she's playing you-because you are so bothered right now. If you keep giving in every time you are not going to get stronger and gain the respect that you want and deserve. I am not sure what else to say at this point. Sometimes it is easier to get across by talking than typing.

Man honestly you should have held yourself back and this time you should have played hard to get Don't!! MAKE Yourself CONVIENTENT! For her she got what she needed! Now! Your back in the same process of waiting for her again play it cool now no touching!

It's a GAME! We all know these people still have feelings for us! They will always miss us! And they know they have us! Its hard for us but its time for all of us in this situation to flip the cards WE NEED TO PLAY OUR CARDS RIGHT NOW.



I really think people in a long relathiship minium 1yr +. They have to miss us... they do not as much as we miss them but they do... and we keep messin up because we always think they feel the same as we do... I got to try now so do you were all here it sucks but there's notthin wrong in trying to flip the GAME around

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Originally Posted by Lost Guy

Hello Everyone,
This my first time on this site and it has helped me just by reading the comments that you gave to others. Everyones situation is a little different so I decided to sign up. Three weeks ago my girlfriend who I lived with for 5 years told me that she needed time and

space. We broke up 1 time about 2 years ago but reconciled about 4 months after and have been together ever since. Last time we broke up I almost immediately started seeing another woman. I know it's not right but at the time it helped. She was so

heartbroke that she almost had a nervous breakdown. Well this time I decided to take it like a man and deal with all of the pain and emotions and I am literally dying inside and she is actually taking it a lot better. She still misses me and I know it hurts her. I have

lost 10 pounds the first two weeks that I didn't really have to lose in the first place. All I think about is her all day. I poured my heart out which was probably a mistake, and now I am taking advice that I have read. Leave her alone! It is so hard but it's what I am doing.

A few days after we broke up I got 2 tickets to a concert which happens to be an artist that we both like so I asked her to go and she said yes. The concert is tomorrow but I did not call her because of the "leave her alone clause" but she called me yesterday so I brought

the concert up. She kinda acted like she was really unsure about going and asked if my new room mate would want to go instead. Already assuming this may happen I asked him and he does not want to go and I told her that. So she said ok I'll go. Should I take her and if I do how should I act. I have moved some of my stuff out but she told me that I

don't have to move everything out right now as it is her house. She says she's not looking for anyone she just needs time. I have other questions and more details but this is an immediate concern as the concert is tomorrow. This goes against the leave her alone advise but she agreed to go. Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Bless your heart babe.. just read your question how did it go at the concert.. are u OK.. love and hugs

OK I see that I am getting played. I don't know why she would do this to me. She knows that I am hurting and yet she still does this. Why? What do I do when she shows up to my hang out again?

Stop trying to figure out why. It does not matter why. We all have the why questions but sometimes they should not or can not be answered. In this case NO CONTACT. If she shows up at the hang out. Cold shoulder. Pretend she is not even there.

Joe

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Originally Posted by Lost Guy

OK I see that I am getting played. I don't know why she would do this to me. She knows that I am hurting and yet she still does this. Why? What do I do when she shows up to my hang out again?

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Be friendly polite and busy. The time for talk is over and now get some action in your game. No Contact and be busy with your own life. Don't waste time tryingto get answers as you are mostly to blame for your feelings being hurt. Trying to change someone else's mind to get what you want is a foolish waste of energy and can never work out the way you want it to.

I know what I need to do (no contact). I just can't understand how she could hurt and treat me this way after the years we've had together. Most of my stuff is still at her house

And I still have keys. Its been 4 weeks tomorrow. How much time should I give her? This is a living hell for me. Why can't I just forget it for a while and let some time pass? It's on

My mind all the time even after 4 weeks! Nothing I do is complete without her and that really bites. She handed me my heart back in pieces and each piece is still loving her. Why?

Love hurts... It is hard to understand... sometimes people just need a break for whatever reason... it is not you-it's her-it may have nothing to do with you... the more you accept this for what it is, the easier it will be for you... like your friends said she still loves you so just take a deep breath, relax, and don't ponder so much-stay bust.

People are selfish sometimes-it takes a step back to realize and evaluate your life-maybe this is what she is doing. So just keep on being the fun guy for a while-yes it's been four weeks but it was only a week or so you were with her. You haven't given her a chance to really miss you. Just be strong and remember these things take time. Just my opinion.

Great Advice MissK. What do you suggest I do when she shows up at my hang out? I've gotten mixed reviews thus far. I know that I need to let her miss me. But why does she continue to go to a place that I will probably be? Should I stop going there for a while? I have a few friends there that just hanging around with them helps me get through this to some degree.

Don't go where she goes then ;P

Honestly no contact helps so much! It helped me and I havet talked to her for two days! Haha you I know that's a little bit... but its such a relief! It will be so much eaiser on you if you don't even go to that hang out forget it! Don't go! Do your own thang... just like you I never gave my girl the chance to miss me... you've been through so much let her do what she's got to do... it hurts but its so much more easier w/ no contact listen to everyone were in this w/ you were basically on your side.. we don't know her, were going to tell you what we feel is right... I would basically not see her for lets say 3 weeks straight! If she calls or texts you make it short that's all! Don't be convienent for her at all!

And ask yourself question when you miss her...

Like if she's having fun why can't I?
If she's happy I should be to..


If you truly do love and care for her... let her be.. she's happy you should be too now... she will miss you no matter what others say they will you guys prob been through so much.. and its your turn to give her that space to miss you..

I agree with Jiser-don't go where she goes. The more time you spend away, the stronger you will be.

You might want to put your foot down. Go get all your stuff and just say I can't handle this anymore. I need to move on.

I know it's kind of an ultimatum... but you do need an answer, maybe closure.

This will also show having a spine and showing her you are more than willing to move on.

It seems right now she wants her cake and eat it to. It's not fair to you.