Good points all of you are making. We set a nine month timeframe and then he would meet them. Ive never introduced another man to my children as a "BF" or whatever you call it. I guess maybe Im being too overprotective. Anyway, I don't think it will matter and Im happy I waited because after expressing my concerns about his insensitivity toward me struggles he accused me of being a "Gold Digger". I find that hurtful since I have never blatantly ask him for money. I think if your going to be classified as a GD you actually have to ask for money. At any rate he didn't like being told that he has hurt me and took the easy way out by breaking up with me rather than to admit to himself that maybe he was wrong. IDK, but thanks for your comments. :)

I do have to say that as a mother, if I were single, and dating, I wouldn't bring every guy around to meet my kids, especially after a divorce.

I can understand why the OP is reluctant to introduce him to her kids, especially since he's being such an a$$.

Having said that, I still don't believe that he has to pay for anything. Should he, as a decent human being that supposedly cares about the OP? Yes. But he's not obligated to. That's the bottom line. Just because someone has money doesn't mean they have to pay for others to eat or have a roof over their heads. Would it be the nice decent thing to do? No one questions that, but does it automatically make him a creep because he doesn't? That's for the OP to decide.

Personally I'd rather have a poor man that cared then a rich one that stood by watching me and my children starve while rubbing his money in my face. But maybe I'm looking at this too closely. You see, I would never have gotten involved with this guy to begin with, he cares too much about money, and not enough about things that are important. Either that or he's completely clueless.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I think the man sounds like he is either totally insensitive or he's a jerk.
If you are dating a woman for 8 months, sleeping with her, how can you not be concerned that she is getting food from a food bank and not just buy her some groceries or ask if she needs anything. That is just common decency. I would do that much for a friend or someone I know of.
Are sure sure he is not lying about his life? Something just does not add up. The man can't be that dense and uncaring if he really cares.

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That's exactly what I thought about the food bank thing, but because I said like you that any descent person would offer to help, he saw that as me asking him for money and there for Im a gold digger... idk

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Originally Posted by Alty

I do have to say that as a mother, if I were single, and dating, I wouldn't bring every guy around to meet my kids, especially after a divorce.

I can understand why the OP is reluctant to introduce him to her kids, especially since he's being such an a$$.

Having said that, I still don't believe that he has to pay for anything. Should he, as a decent human being that supposedly cares about the OP? Yes. But he's not obligated to. That's the bottom line. Just because someone has money doesn't mean they have to pay for others to eat or have a roof over their heads. Would it be the nice decent thing to do? No one questions that, but does it automatically make him a creep because he doesn't? That's for the OP to decide.

Personally I'd rather have a poor man that cared then a rich one that stood by watching me and my children starve while rubbing his money in my face. But maybe I'm looking at this too closely. You see, I would never have gotten involved with this guy to begin with, he cares too much about money, and not enough about things that are important. Either that or he's completely clueless.

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I never felt he was obligated to give me any money, and I didn't ask for any. I agree with you that if you loves someone why would you stand by and watch... idk maybe Im old fashion. I do wish he didn't have money or if we could switch places for like a month and then he could honestly understand what Im going through.

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Originally Posted by sbvandi

I never felt he was obligated to give me any money, and I didnt ask for any. I agree with you that if you loves someone why would you stand by and watch...idk maybe Im old fashion. I do wish he didnt have money or if we could switch places for like a month and then he could honestly understand what Im going through.

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Sadly you can't make someone sensitive. You can't make someone care. He's obviously never struggled before, at least not financially. It's very possible that he just doesn't get it, that he doesn't understand how stressful it is when you get a bill you can't pay and they threaten to shut off your water.

Maybe you should suggest to him that he live in your shoes for a month. It would be a good lesson for him, and may just open his eyes a bit.

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Originally Posted by sbvandi

I never felt he was obligated to give me any money, and I didnt ask for any. I agree with you that if you loves someone why would you stand by and watch...idk maybe Im old fashion. I do wish he didnt have money or if we could switch places for like a month and then he could honestly understand what Im going through.

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I have heard "horror stories" from men with money about women they have met and dated, women who expect help with bills, child care, whatever else. The same from women with money who date men who directly or indirectly need/want money, a "loan," something else.

If the bank doesn't trust you why should I?

At any rate I'm sure there are two sides to this - yes, sounds like boyfriend is missing a sensitivity chip (who said that?). On the other hand OP was a friend with benefits - in his eyes. I think two people had two different sets of expectations.

Sad in many ways - I always regret the time I've spent when a relationship doesn't work out but as long as you learn something -

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

I have heard "horror stories" from men with money about women they have met and dated, women who expect help with bills, child care, whatever else. The same from women with money who date men who directly or indirectly need/want money, a "loan," something else.

If the bank doesn't trust you why should I?

At any rate I'm sure there are two sides to this - yes, sounds like bf is missing a sensitivity chip (who said that?). On the other hand OP was a friend with benefits - in his eyes. I think two people had two different sets of expectations.

Sad in many ways - I always regret the time I've spent when a relationship doesn't work out but as long as you learn something -

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This is kind of what I was starting to get out of this. If his accountant advised against giving you a loan maybe there's more to this than him being an "insensitive" boyfriend. Maybe he wants to make sure you are in the relationship because of love and not his money?

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Originally Posted by Alty

Sadly you can't make someone sensitive. You can't make someone care. He's obviously never struggled before, at least not financially. It's very possible that he just doesn't get it, that he doesn't understand how stressful it is when you get a bill you can't pay and they threaten to shut off your water.

Maybe you should suggest to him that he live in your shoes for a month. It would be a good lesson for him, and may just open his eyes a bit.

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Hate to say it but - just because I think we're in a relationship and we're having sex and going out to dinner doesn't mean you think we're in a relationship.

My idea of a relationship is your idea of a booty call.

This "guy" travels a lot and is out of town frequently - he may have a woman in every port.

I think OP thinks this relationship is a lot more than it is.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Hate to say it but - just because I think we're in a relationship and we're having sex and going out to dinner doesn't mean you think we're in a relationship.

My idea of a relationship is your idea of a booty call.

This "guy" travels a lot and is out of town frequently - he may have a woman in every port.

I think OP thinks this relationship is a lot more than it is.

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So true.

Sadly we only have her side of the story.

It would be very interesting to talk to the boyfriend in this drama.

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Originally Posted by Alty

So true.

Sadly we only have her side of the story.

It would be very interesting to talk to the bf in this drama.

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Yes, it would be helpful.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

Hate to say it but - just because I think we're in a relationship and we're having sex and going out to dinner doesn't mean you think we're in a relationship.

My idea of a relationship is your idea of a booty call.

This "guy" travels a lot and is out of town frequently - he may have a woman in every port.

I think OP thinks this relationship is a lot more than it is.

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That was my thought.

I think the question when parents with children are dating always is when to meet the children, when to bring them into the children's lives.

I was always uncomfortable until there was a committed relationship.

People who don't want to meet the children may be giving a signal that it's not a serious relationship OR it may be a signal that they are children of divorce and don't want the "uncle boyfriend" in a child's life.

I've never had to face the issue of dating with children, thankfully I'm married to the father of my children, so it's not an issue. I can only base my opinion on that subject by how I feel.

Fact is, my kids are and always will be my family. Husbands sadly come and go, especially in today's society. Lovers come and go as well. But my kids are forever.

I would never subject my kids to boyfriends, if I should ever be in the position where I would be dating, until I knew that the boyfriend was someone I was seriously interested in, and he was serious as well.

Have to spread the rep but I agree Judy. I don't want the "Uncle Boyfriends" in my children's lives either. Thankfully that's not an issue. I hope it never is. Reminds me, I should book a complete physical for hubby. :)

I agree with both of you. Children should not be subjected to boyfriends until there is a serious commitment.
They don't need to see a revolving door of men/women in their parent's life.

I defer to those who have had the boyfriend-meeting-children situation. I have not.

I don't think the children need to meet 'the boyfriend' until it looks like he is going to be around for awhile or more involved in the mother's life. However, they do need to know she is dating. Do not suddenly spring a 'step-father' on the children. The children and the boyfriend deserve a chance to get to know each other without the added pressure of planning a wedding or moving in together.

I realize we are only getting one side of the story, but I think you dodged a major mess. I looked at how he spends money and I get the impression that it is all for show or tax benefits including supporting his ex. Charity is a deduction and 'drinks for colleagues' can be a business expense. I would bet that the ex is a Dependent. A loan for a friend/girlfriend wouldn't be tax deductible.

His thoughts that you should give up working after marrying him are also a red flag. He knows or should know how hard you are working to become a nurse. To ask you to give that up almost immediately after achieving your goal is self-serving for him. It isn't giving you encouragement while you support yourself.

I think you will do much better without the stress he has been adding to your life. Good luck finishing your classes. Whether you realize it or not you are a very strong individual and a great role-model for your children and others.

I figure after 8 months they would both be able to figure out what the boundaries are and if this was going to stay at a friends with benefits casual thing then that should have been made very clear before.

I think all of this building a future stuff was distracting, and premature since words and actions just didn't match. I think even in a casual dating thing, once the sex gets introduced as a steady thing, what self respecting guy wouldn't help his girl without that suspicious gold digger crap.

If he hadn't made a good gesture in 8 months then that should have told the OP to look elsewhere, or better handle her own business. The signs were there, but they were ignored. She even acknowledged it wasn't a committed relationship. At least not a solid one, just casual dating and some booty calls.

The problem was expecting help,and none came but continuing the relationship. Action was required then, but instead it was resentment and as we see this thing ended, because he had more options than she did. She should have dumped him long ago.

I don't see this as being about when to bring the kids into this because it simply never got that far.

Hey, Im back. I want to copy in the email I sent to him, which in turn he said I was a gold digger and then broke up with me. You have all helped so much and I would like your input on this email. To give you a back ground, I mention me birthday and how it mad me sad. The guy named Bri is my ex. Also I talk about a painting for his birthday and his room: I'm an artist and I have paintings in galleries around the country... my side job :) So I painted him a painting of two birds facing each other and their wings and breaks cross forming a heart in the middle, so I spent two days while he was out of town and painted him room and bathroom and bought matching bedding and curtains, it is beautiful. Also I talk of him giving me money, he did a couple times, like twenty or thirty dollars to pay for gas when I went to see him. Also I speak of Jeffery, he's my BFF and I texted my BF with some of these concerns one night. So, I think that's all you need to know before you read this. Let me know if I'm wrong... please be honest.

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hey babe, you are prob wondering why Im not speaking to you. Im going to be honest even though you won't prob understand and maybe thing Im a brat.

Two things have hurt me in the past week or so. I know my financial problem are not your issues and you do try to be an open ear for me when I need to vent.The other day when I got the news of my cable bill I told you I needed to go to the food bank. Im fine with going to the food bank, but my concern is this. Why would you stand by and watch me have to go? If I were in the same situation I would never want you to go to charity for basic needs. I would be embarrassed that I have to means to help but I just stood by and watch you. And on top of that, you sat and ate the chips from the food bank and commented on them being stale. I know you didn't mean anything by this and you were just joking, but it did make me realize that you really have no problem with me eating stale or rotten food. That realization made me think and it does hurt.

The other thing was my birthday. Im sorry if I seem stupid, but I did look forward to sharing my birthday with you. I thought of this guy that put so much thought into our first date, I only assumed that you would put some thought into my birthday. You made no plans and really seemed to be irritated to have to be there. I was upset when I realized that you had nothing planned and I tried to make the best of it. Im not talking about the sex because Im never disappointed with that and that night was amazing. I don't know what I expected but I thought you would've done something besides giving me a card and calling it good, although the card was good. The whole night I felt like I was putting you out. You told me that night before we did anything that you weren't a birthday person and I was hoping throughout the night that you were just trying to fool me because you did have something planned, also you didn't think if I was a birthday person, you only concentrated of the fact that you aren't. On your birthday I didn't have the money for a gift but I did paint you the painting and then did you room. Birthdays are a big deal to me. In the morning I woke up and couldn't breathe but you had the same attitude in the morning as you did the night before. I know your parents were in town and maybe they preoccupied your mind, but I wish you wouldve waited to celebrate if you felt you didn't want to be there. My parents came by on my birthday with cupcakes and sang me happy birthday and then they asked in anticipation what you got me and I said a card and they saw I was hurt. It was also sad that Bri made a bigger deal of it than you did, he brought breakfast and then came by again and brought dinner and a cake and a gift from the kids, but he planned it and it made me feel special. Even a small gift from the dollar store wouldve made me feel like you thought of me and it's that thought that wouldve made me feel good. Maybe you don't get it, but you used to think of me and I felt like you cared.

These things are combined with other concerns I have had in our relationship and its really made me think. I love you so much, but I don't feel valuable to you any longer. I just feel like maybe Im a hindrance for you. I have been trying to figure out how I feel the past couple of days and it all boils down to Im hurt. Im hurt because you seem like you don't care. You always try to tell me what I want to hear, but your actions seem to contradict you. I know you've given me some money lately, and I appreciate it, but I feel like Im putting you out and when you do give it to me I feel that way and I would rather not have it. In the text I sent you when I was with Jeffery the other night I knew what I was saying. The jest of it was that when I need help you don't realize it, or don't care. Like I said in the text I don't want to go on vacation and spend money when I can't pay my bills and I'm stressed about that. I don't want you to pay for a vacation when I can't enjoy it.

I don't really know if Im explaining myself very well. Im not asking you to pay my bills or to give me money, its not your prob. And I don't want our relationship to be based on that. Maybe we need to take a break until I get on my feet... idk. I don't think that will change my perception about value. I want a future with you but I feel like we are on different plains like I've said before. Im happy that you are stable and you work so hard to get there, I just feel like this difference between us is always going to be an issue. I wish everything would fall into place and we would be happy, but I can't get past your insensitive comment sometimes, and I don't even think you realize you are doing it, but you don't understand what I'm going through and Im sick of trying to make you understand. I am trying to remind myself that this isn't your issue its mine. Maybe this is about my insecurities.

I don't want this to make you feel bad but I have been thinking about this for a long time and I've tried to set it aside, but I did start thinking about things more in the last week. Im sorry if this hurts you, I don't want to hurt you. I know you might not understand me and I can't change that. You want me to be honest with you and I think I should be at this point in our relationship. You can take this and shake your head and think I'm being bit**y, but I can't change the fact that I am hurt. I have thought a lot about this and looked to friends and family for answers about whether I should even talk to you about this and they say you may not like what I have to say, but I have to express my concerns and just let whatever happens to happen. Im still very hurt and upset and I don't want to talk about this. You don't have to respond to this I just thought I owed you an explanation about why Im quiet. You can take this and do what you want with it, I don't expect anything. Im sorry for feeling this way and I wish I didn't.

So he broke up with you after reading this email? If he couldn't understand what you were trying to say then it's good you found out what sort of person he is now, before you got too involved.

Good riddance to him. You can do better.

I thought it was a good letter. You expressed your concerns.
Personally I think you are not the only woman in his life and he was not as serious about you as he let on.
I think you have just spared yourself a lot of grief.

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Originally Posted by sbvandi

So I painted him a painting of two birds facing each other and their wings and breaks cross forming a heart in the middle, so I spent two days while he was out of town and painted him room and bathroom and bought matching bedding and curtains, it is beautiful. Also I talk of him giving me money, he did a couple times, like twenty or thirty dollars to pay for gas when I went to see him. Also I speak of Jeffery, he's my BFF and I texted my BF with some of these concerns one night. So, I think thats all you need to know before you read this. Let me know if I'm wrong...please be honest.

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I don't know about the email but I DO know that having you come into my space when I wasn't there, painting and purchasing bedding and curtains would have me out of there. I dated someone exclusively for quite a while. What I didn't know is that he programmed my garage door opener into his car. I came home from work to find dinner on my kitchen table with a note that he was thinking of me.

I never saw him again. A little too creepy for me.

If you have no money why are you buying paint and bedroom linens for him?

Your utilties get shut off - but you have money for this guy?

Yikes.

I'm afraid that the bit about Bri killed it. If he's your ex and does a better job of making you feel special than the man you are currently calling your boyfriend, and you think that telling him all about it in detail is going to make him jump up and run over exclaiming how he will change his ways, then I think you are sadly mistaken about human nature in general.
Then there's the elaborate makeover of his room and bath (where? His place? YIKES)! If someone did that to my place without my OK I would be out the door in a second. And calling attention to how much work you put into a gift (plus money for bedding which you can't afford) to compare to his pathetic gifts is just not the way to change someone either.
So... maybe Bri is the man for you...

Okay to clarify, I have a key to his place and he said to come by if I wanted. He had just bought a new house and he was having me decorate it for him, so he knew that I was in and out while he was gone, bringing in furniture when it was delivered and so on. Also I meant to say that I didn't buy the linens or paint, he had bought the paint earlier and I all ready had the linens because my mom bought them for me at a garage sales and they were the wrong size for my bed. The Bri thing was insensitive I have to admit :/

But after saying that, why am I considered a gold digger? He didn't express any hard feeling about my Bri comment although I did apologize for it later, but Im just wondering why he thinks I such a bad person?

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Originally Posted by sbvandi

But after saying that, why am i considered a gold digger? He didn't express any hard feeling about my Bri comment although I did apologize for it later, but Im just wondering why he thinks I such a bad person?

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Only he can answer that. You did mention money a lot in your email, and the fact that you resent that you have to go to the food bank and he doesn't help out, that he didn't get you a birthday gift, etc. etc.

I know that you didn't mean it that way, but he doesn't know that. It does sound like your saying "why won't you help me out by giving me some money"?

The fact is, you're struggling and you resent him for not helping you out. He's doing well and he resents you for expecting him to help you out. You're better off apart since you both resent each other.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sbvandi

But after saying that, why am i considered a gold digger? He didn't express any hard feeling about my Bri comment although I did apologize for it later, but Im just wondering why he thinks I such a bad person?

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I think he was looking for a doorway out, an exit. Anything would have "worked" for him. He's using the email as a reason, nothing more, nothing less.

I don't think he thinks you are a gold digger. That was his excuse. Like I said before, I think he was not as serious about you as he let on. You were convenient. He could have sex and not have to give anything in return.
You are probably not the only woman in his life.

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Originally Posted by Alty

Only he can answer that. You did mention money a lot in your email, and the fact that you resent that you have to go to the food bank and he doesn't help out, that he didn't get you a birthday gift, etc. etc.

I know that you didn't mean it that way, but he doesn't know that. It does sound like your saying "why won't you help me out by giving me some money"?

The fact is, you're struggling and you resent him for not helping you out. He's doing well and he resents you for expecting him to help you out. You're better off apart since you both resent each other.

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Good point thank you

This guy sounds like a player to me.
You are better off.

People don't have to break in in order to violate your space. I would resent coming home and finding my home redecorated to your taste. He has money - maybe he doesn't want to redecorate with items your mother found at a garage sale.

I think your email is all about money, money, money. A card from the Dollar Store? Not just "a card?" I think the shot about your "ex" is just that. A shot.

And when I found out you were discussing our relationship with "friends and family"... "I have thought alot about this and looked to friends and family for answers about whether I should even talk to you about this and they say you may not like what I have to say..." Goodbye.

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Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

People don't have to break in in order to violate your space. I would resent coming home and finding my home redecorated to your taste. He has money - maybe he doesn't want to redecorate with items your mother found at a garage sale.

I think your email is all about money, money, money. A card from the Dollar Store? Not just "a card?" I think the shot about your "ex" is just that. A shot.

And when I found out you were discussing our relationship with "friends and family" ... "I have thought alot about this and looked to friends and family for answers about whether I should even talk to you about this and they say you may not like what I have to say..." Goodbye.

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I have to say that I agree.

The entire email was about money, you don't help me, you see me struggling, you eat the chips I get at the food bank, but you don't care that I have to eat rotten food, you didn't get me anything for my birthday, I do so much for you, etc. etc.

And the parts about the ex, well you, those were meant to hurt and wound, and obviously it worked.

I do have to admit that if I were in this relationship, and I was the one with money, I would have seen this email as a way of making me feel guilty for not writing a cheque every time you need something. You really did make it sound like you do so very much for him, and he does nothing for you.

Not to be unkind, but from the beginning I thought you were a bit of a gold digger. Not that you're looking to get rich, but let's all remember why you started this thread. You were, and still are, upset that you're struggling and your rich boyfriend doesn't help out financially. You do expect him to help out, otherwise why would you be upset that he doesn't? I said it then and I still do believe that you have no right to expect him to help you out.

I changed course a bit because of the information you posted, and the fact that you're willing to listen (we don't get that a lot on this site). I don't think he's a good boyfriend, I don't think you should be involved with him, but not because he won't help you out with money. I don't think that should be an issue, yet the majority of your email to him was about exactly that, money, the fact that he has it, and you don't, and you resent him for not giving you some.

I don't see it that way at all.
I think the guy is a creep and you were giving it up and he did not have to do anything for it but throw you a few crumbs.
I see nothing wrong with after seeing someone for 8 months and he is talking about marriage and knows you are getting food from the food bank, expecting him to offer something.
I think the guy is insensitive but I also think you were seeing what you wanted to see and not seeing that you mean nothing to him. Your decorating his room is in my opinion immaterial, the guy was just not going to do anything for you because you did not mean that much to him.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I don't see it that way at all.
I think the guy is a creep and you were giving it up and he did not have to do anything for it but throw you a few crumbs.
I see nothing wrong with after seeing someone for 8 months and he is talking about marriage and knows you are getting food from the food bank, expecting him to offer something.
I think the guy is insensitive but I also think you were seeing what you wanted to see and not seeing that you mean nothing to him. Your decorating his room is in my opinion immaterial, the guy was just not going to do anything for you because you did not mean that much to him.

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See, I agree with that as well.

When my husband and I were dating we were both in school, struggling, but we both lived at home rent free, so we really only had minor expenses like gas, insurance, etc.

But there were times when one of us couldn't afford even that. When I was in college I had no income, college was my full time career, and I paid for that, didn't get paid. Many times if I was short on money my then boyfriend (now husband) would lend me some money. But, it was always a loan. We weren't married, and I hated asking for anything, but he'd offer, and I'd pay him back. That situation was also reversed many times, where I'd have money and he wouldn't, and I'd lend him money.

The thing is, it was always a loan because we weren't married.

That's where I have a problem with this, and it may just be the way the OP has written it. To me it sounds like she expects him to pay her bills, get her a nice gift for her birthday, buy her food, etc. etc. because he has money, and she's not working. It doesn't sound like she wants help, that she'll pay back, it sounds like she wants a handout. He's not responsible for that. He's not her husband. He's only been with her for 8 months.

I'm not saying this guy is boyfriend material. Personally I think he's a jerk. But not because of the money thing. It's his money. Rich or not, he earns it. She has no right to it, and she has no right to expect him to pay for the things she needs. If he were her husband, that would be a different story. If they were living together that would be a different story. But really, how serious can they be? He gets sex, she expects money. He hasn't even met her kids! I think that's a good idea, but it does say that the OP isn't that serious about this relationship either. Since neither of them seem to be that serious, why should she get financial help from him?

I don't see her being that way or saying that.
I see her as being hurt because she has a boyfriend who has money, has no problem bragging about how much he spends on stuff and sees her struggling and jokes about the food bank food being stale and not offering anything. That is just cold. He is telling her he wants a future with her, yet he sees her struggling offers no help and only gives her a card for her birthday. That is just cold.
I don't think she understands how he could be this way. I don't understand it either. Except he cares nothing for her, has no intention of marrying her, she is just a port call.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I don't see her being that way or saying that.
I see her as being hurt because she has a boyfriend who has money, has no problem bragging about how much he spends on stuff and sees her struggling and jokes about the food bank food being stale and not offering anything. That is just cold. He is telling her he wants a future with her, yet he sees her struggling offers no help and only gives her a card for her birthday. That is just cold.
I don't think she understands how he could be this way. I don't understand it either. Except he cares nothing for her, has no intention of marrying her, she is just a port call.

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But see that's all hearsay. She told us that he said he wants a future with her, but from everything she's written about him, that's not what I see at all. To me it sounds like he wanted a girlfriend, someone to take out once in a while, someone to have sex with, and she agreed.

Really, how much of a future could they have planned, he didn't even meet her kids.

The more I think about this the more I think that she wanted someone to help her financially, without giving anything emotionally, and he wanted a companion. She did what she did to keep him in her life, and he didn't give anything of monetary value because she never meant that much to him.

They're both to blame here. He's to blame because he made her think there was more to the relationship than sex. She's to blame because she wanted him to help her financially, and I don't really think she was in love, at least not with him. I really don't think either of them loved the other, they were both using each other for their own means, sadly, she didn't get what she wanted out of this relationship, which is money.

Could be, and without his input, we will never know.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Could be, and without his input, we will never know.

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So true.

The fact is, it's over, and that's what needed to happen for both of them. That much is clear. :)

No one wants to hear anything happy so I will keep it to myself

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sbvandi

. We ate dinner and talked ALOT. He asked me not to say anything if he wants to do things for me or give me money. I am supposed to just accept and that he would feel better if I didn't say a word. I agreed reluctantly. He in turn asked for me not to speak of any of my money troubles with him, I agreed especially cause its not his problem and I should be sensitive that it may make him feel bad. Our conversation when on about what we want from our relationship, how we can improve, and how we can move on with our future. I went to bed WITH him happy :)
I need help with this extra tidbit, this morning I when down to do dishes and I realized he had filled my fridge and cupboards with a ton of food :) Thank God, and I was so happy because he thought about it and it meant so much because he actually went grocery shopping :) But then I opened a cupboard and there was a note that said to open my computer, so I did and there was an envelope that said, "you promised not to say anything" I opened it and there was a check for a lot of money. WTF am I supposed to do? I called him, (because he had already left, he only flew in for 12 hours, but he said he needed to see me) and told him I couldn't accept that. Then he said that I promised not to say anything if he wanted to give me something....he said to cash it so I didn't have to worry anymore and that we can just concentrate on me finishing school and us moving forward. I dont know what to do? Many of you do think Im selfish and digging for gold, so I dont know what message it will give if I do cash it, I feel weird about it and I told him that. His response was that he took a deposit slip out of my checkbook which was just sitting in my stack of bills and that if I didnt cash it he would just deposit it.

I know I started out complaining about how I struggle and need help, but now that I got help I feel even worse. I guess it's ironic idk. Some may look at this and say he's trying to control he (that may be true) and some may think I a b**** for even sharing this. All I know is I want to believe that we are moving forward and that he looked at my emails(I sent him another one) and decided he wanted this. Im so grateful for his generosity but I don't want to do the wrong thing. Do I accept the money, and be quiet and move on, or do I tell him I don't want it cause I feel weird. I don't want to hurt him since he went through all this trouble and how much thought he put into this. IDK....

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I hate to be so frank but I think this entire thread should be entitled "once upon a time."

Right to the point - either this is true and your head is buried in the sand.

OR this is not true and everyone has spent a lot of time, only to be scammed.

Your story has twisted and turned. Suddenly the plan all along was for him to move in, to meet your children, have an office in your house. That was most definitely not the case up to now. If it is true that he gives you money and food in exchange for sex the word that comes to my mind isn't gold digger. Oh, wait, that's two words.

What do I think? You know what I think.

Let's see what someone else thinks.

I'm an investigator. My spidey senses started tingling a while ago. They are now tingling loud and clear.

Okay? Well I do appreciate all the help, I am surprised by last night, it is true... sorry you don't believe me... I guess I didn't explain all the details of our relationship. I don't like that fact that you (Judy) think Im lying. Doesn't really matter. If anyone else has some actual advice about that I should do let me know...

I'm not buying it.

I'm not saying that last night didn't happen, I'm sure it did. What I'm not buying is that this guy did such a complete turnaround in one night. He went from an uncaring unfeeling jerk, to someone that begged you to let him help you out, wrote a huge check and filled up your fridge. People don't change that quickly.

I have a feeling he wasn't the jerk you made him out to be throughout this whole post. In fact, I'm beginning to think the bad one in the relationship wasn't him at all.

Why did you never mention that you were planning on moving him into your home, that he'd be helping with the bills when that happened, that he was going to meet your children etc. etc. You never once mentioned this before now.

I think you're lying. I just don't know if you're lying to us about everything, lying to him, or lying to yourself.