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Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

You said you didn't know about having a "picker"-- we all have one. That you didn't realise you do means there is a possibility you don't know other things about you (or people in general). Learn more about this topic and relationships (of all kinds) will become much easier, I promise. There are quite a few people here who know a great deal about how people operate and you are certainly welcome to learn from them.

I agree with Skell. It seems you take two steps forward (which is good) but you may also take three steps back (which would not be good). There is no need to be defensive. A reasonable part of exploring solutions to any problems is looking at how someone is thinking, feeling and behaving.

Maybe drop that "yeah but" response style? I was told once that everything after that kind of "but" is bull. When I stopped and looked at it objectively (once I got past my initial hrrrmph LOL) they were right! It stopped then and there-- opened up new vistas of learning for me. Could do the same for you. Just a thought meant to be helpful.

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"yea" and "but" are words. My perspective on things, more complicated than mere words.


Sigh... I used to look at the glass half full, until I found out that it's the same from both angles. Now look at it half empty.

I came to the conclusion half full or half empty, the glass still has liquid in it, up to the half way point.

Now pick up the glass and pour the liquid out, now something different happened.
I sit the glass down and its completley empty,

So wait a minute wasn't it empty to begin with?

I rest my case.

Does anyone's agree with me yet? Lol
Or am I still an immature idiot who knows nothing about love or how people work?

This is why I think I should leave love alone. No matter what way you look at it, the same thing is going to happen whether we like it or not.

Good Relationship<-->Problems<-->Make or Break<-->Solution
The solution depends on the persons perspective and veiws about the relationship.
So why go through all the hassle? When I could be sitting on the beach with an umbrella drink watching the sunset, glad because I have no relationship worries.

Good luck then and good bye...

Just by any chance is that blu in your name significant to you in any way??

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Originally Posted by alizeblu

"yea" and "but" are words. my perspective on things, more complicated than mere words.

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I can appreciate a complicated perspective, LOL -- I probably have one myself. :o

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Originally Posted by alizeblu

does anyones agree with me yet? lol
or am i still an immature idiot who knows nothing about love or how people work?

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And for the record I do not think you are an idiot, in fact I have not thought someone was an idiot for a very long time now. I have seen them do things that don't work for themselves and then complain about the result they got and that seems a little sad to me. I have also seen them debate to the point that they lose the point and that is usually my exit cue. :rolleyes:

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Originally Posted by alizeblu

i could be sitting on the beach with an umbrella drink watching the sunset, glad because i have no relationship worries.

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I am glad you have found your solution.

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Originally Posted by Skell

Just by any chance is that blu in your name significant to you in any way????

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No just a name. My fave drink though. Alize Bleu. Good stuff.

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Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

I can appreciate a complicated perspective, LOL -- I probably have one myself. :o


And for the record I do not think you are an idiot, in fact I have not thought someone was an idiot for a very long time now. I have seen them do things that don't work for themselves and then complain about the result they got and that seems a little sad to me. I have also seen them debate to the point that they lose the point and that is usually my exit cue. :rolleyes:


I am glad you have found your solution.

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are you implying I lost the main idea of which I was trying to debate about?

well in that case I guess I should sum everything up and end my chaos.

well its like this, a couple weeks ago I had a g/f, loved her till death, my mistake? Putting too much love into something. Because when I lost it, I had a problem with excepting the fact that it was gone and there was nothing I could do about it. She just gave up on me, just like that... clouded by my love for the girl, I never really saw through her, I never saw that slowly she was falling out of love with me, so much that she was cheating on me the whole time. Hm... so to cover that up she calls for this "break" which was a sham to make me think that it all happened over the break when in reality she was cheating on me the whole time.

never saw that commin. So I wanted her back and I did everything I could but even my best just... wasnt enough. She's finally given up. And who's to blame? I guess both of us, seeing that the relationship was on the path to destruction to begin with.

and the whole moral of the story? Bottom line, @#$% happens... live with it, learn from it, move on.

to tell you the truth I was so blinded I honestly thought I could get her back... but that's the kind of stuff movies are made of.

I've learnded a valuable lesson here, I've also learned to change and adapt myself to avoid future love breakdown situations.

I'm just posting this as a question.

Why is this so confusing? I mean, when I actually wanted to get her back, people were telling me ways to forget about her and move on,basically just give up. But when I don't want her back and also don't want to get into future relationships, people tell me not to give up because someone's out there for me, but then they say that you probably won't find her so soon because you are young and you have a lot more mistakes to make, I just don't get why people continue to hurt themselves.
Its like you know the coals are hott, why touch them again?

Back and fourth and back and fourth...

Maybe I just need a shrink. Lol

It's a confusing time. If you cling on something it will pull away. So best thing is to get soemone who is worse than u ;] take it easy x

You are not the only one to have gone through this, believe it or not and everyone who has done the same as you, is hurt and confused, but we all survive and learn from it and move on. As you get it together and get healthy, you will see that you will make better decisions, and handle your feelings and emotions better. We all know how you feel, now just relax and let time and a little hard work heal you.

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Originally Posted by alizeblu

im just posting this as a question.

why is this so confusing? i mean, when i actually wanted to get her back, people were telling me ways to forget about her and move on,basically just give up. but when i dont want her back and also dont want to get into future relationships, people tell me not to give up because someones out there for me, but then they say that you probably wont find her so soon because you are young and you have alot more mistakes to make, i just dont get why people continue to hurt themselves.
its like you know the coals are hott, why touch them again?

back and fourth and back and fourth......

maybe i just need a shrink. lol

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While since I went through what you going through multiple times I can tell you that my biggest problem was myself. For one I'm completely stubborn and if I get something set in my head I believe(d) it and kept trying. You know the phrase holds true though, if you keep doing the same things over and over expecting a different result it only leads to insanity. Secondly I didn't take a step back and see what was really going on and I think that happens to most people, and will probably happen to me again at some point, to be perfectly honest. But when you get caught up in someone or a situation sometimes you can't see beyond it. I was actually just thinking this afternoon about some of the situations I've been and the advice that 30 year old me would have given 25 or 20 year old me. Then it hit me. It wouldn't have mattered anyway because I was so hard headed that I wouldn't have listened. Sometimes you have to live the experience and sometimes you have to live it multiple times before you realize what your doing isn't working and there's a better way.

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Originally Posted by chuff

While since I went through what you going through multiple times I can tell you that my biggest problem was myself. For one I'm completely stubborn and if I get something set in my head I believe(d) it and kept trying. You know the phrase holds true though, if you keep doing the same things over and over expecting a different result it only leads to insanity. Secondly I didn't take a step back and see what was really going on and I think that happens to most people, and will probably happen to me again at some point, to be perfectly honest. But when you get caught up in someone or a situation sometimes you can't see beyond it. I was actually just thinking this afternoon about some of the situations I've been and the advice that 30 year old me would have given 25 or 20 year old me. Then it hit me. It wouldn't have mattered anyway because I was so hard headed that I wouldn't have listened. Sometimes you have to live the experience and sometimes you have to live it multiple times before you realize what your doing isn't working and there's a better way.

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I know right? I'm just too young to understand right now. That's why it'll never work until I'm older. My mind isint on point really, that's only because I'm too nieve. I just wish I could grow up faster, or yea like you said, get advice from an older me from the future, lol.

Sigh, I wish. Heh, the only thing to do now is just let it pass and maybe when I'm older something will click one day, who knows, maybe ill fall in love again... naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... lol

I don't know, maybe though. Lol can't tell the future, if I could id be rich though, lol.

Lifes funny that way... one minute you're crusing along, not a worry in the world, then just out of nowhere your whole world shatters.

Guess its lifes way of bringing us back to reality. Lol love has a tendency to give us wings lol

You know what I say to that! Go drink some redbull! Lol

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Originally Posted by Jiser

Its a confusing time. If you cling on something it will pull away. So best thing is to get soemone who is worse than u ;] take it easy x

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Lol very funny. Naa, I won't make that mistake 2wice, once is enough for me.

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Originally Posted by alizeblu

i know right? im just too young to understand right now. thats why itll never work until im older. my mind isint on point really, thats only because im too nieve. i just wish i could grow up faster, or yea like you said, get advice from an older me from the future, lol.

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Whoa! I never said you couldn’t understand or were naïve, I said I was at your age. You have an advantage that I didn’t have and that is information and a willingness to learn. You keep coming back and you are posting some things that are a result of your emotions talking. And don’t get me wrong I’m not saying you shouldn’t be highly emotional right now given what’s happened recently in your life. I think you keep reaching out for some kind of answer but your emotions are sort of blocking it from getting to the logical part of your brain at this time. When those emotions die down I think you’ll have a better grasp at what we have been trying to express to you.

I didn’t have the internet 10 years ago, and I certainly would never have thought about using the net to seek out advice. You have that going for you, and you also keep coming back which tells me your searching……you may not like some of what your hearing or you may not even believe some of it, but your thinking about it. Just by doing that your already ahead of where I was and where most people are.

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Originally Posted by alizeblu

sigh, i wish. heh, the only thing to do now is just let it pass and maybe when im older something will click one day, who knows, maybe ill fall in love again............................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....... Lol

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Trust me, when you least expect it some girl will probably slip into your life.

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Originally Posted by alizeblu

i dunno, maybe tho. lol can't tell the future, if i could id be rich tho, lol.

lifes funny that way....one minute youre jus crusing along, not a worry in the world, then just outta nowhere your whole world shatters.

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That’s very true. That’s why I think you have to really sit back if you’ve had a good day and just appreciate it because some days will not be as good. But that’s not just with women either, you might have a job you like and get dismissed or downsized, or a relative will die, or you will lose a friend or something else. Life will have it’s moments where the world shatters around you but if you hold onto instead of learning from it and appreciating the life lesson you got from it then your repeat those mistakes over and over. But if when the world shatters you look for the good in the situation and learn from it you’ll be better prepared for the future because history does tend to repeat itself.

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Originally Posted by alizeblu

guess its lifes way of bringing us back to reality. lol love has a tendency to give us wings lol

you know what i say to that!? go drink some redbull! Lol

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I drank 4 Red Bulls once when I hadn’t slept for about 28 hours. I was jumping around like crazy but the crash was horrible. That has nothing to do with you but since you brought Red Bull into this I thought I’d share my only real Red Bull story.

Keep and open mind and keep learning and you’ll being doing much better then most people in relationships. Also if your going to be rich like you said, you better really watch out because women will be all over you then……but will it be for you or your money?? See even money brings it’s own set of women’s issues.

To tell you the truth, with my kind of personality, ill probably end up rich and lonely, and no it won't be me that they love, it'll be the money. I'm pretty sure that its going to be the money. Lol

You know what though chuff, we spend our whole lifes searching for something, I just don't know what it is yet.

Maybe that's my problem too. Still haven't found what I'm searching for. Its not the perfect girl though. Cause I know they don't exist. I'm done with the searching for girl friends thing for a long time. You're right though. Some girls going to come strolling back into my life. But I don't think I'm going to let her in.

But I'm not emotional or anything, its just that I don't want to go through it again. Its just annoying to me, I hate making the same mistake over and over. It's the reapettitiveness that gets me.

And I know if I let another woman into my life the same things going to happen again.

I don't know. My whole perspectives probably completely wrong anyway, cause I'm still young. I just don't know. What in the world are we searching for? What am I searching for?

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Originally Posted by alizeblu

to tell you the truth, with my kind of personality, ill probably end up rich and lonley, and no it wont be me that they love, itll be the money. im pretty sure that its gonna be the money. lol

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No woman would ever use a guy for money! :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

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Originally Posted by alizeblu

you know what tho chuff, we spend our whole lifes searching for somthing, i just dont know what it is yet.

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Neither do I. It changes with time, what I wanted 10 years ago was not the same as what I want now and what I want 10 years from now will probably be different. But that's kind of cool too because it allows you to explore various options.

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Originally Posted by alizeblu

maybe thats my problem too. still havent found what im searching for. its not the perfect girl though. cause i know they dont exist. im done with the searching for girl friends thing for a long time. youre right though. some girls gonna come strolling back into my life. but i dont think im gonna let her in.

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Trust me, I've been where you are and you will eventually. And you'll fight it at first which will only make her try harder. Eventually you'll cave and start liking her and really get into her then she'll leave. Well that's what always happens to me.

So learn from that and allow yourself to like future women but also be sure to like yourself more. That's not selfish it's protection for yourself and it allows you to have strength and power in the relationship instead of giving it all to her.

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Originally Posted by alizeblu

but im not emotional or anything, its just that i dont wanna go thru it again. its just annoying to me, i hate making the same mistake over and over. its the reapettitiveness that gets me.

and i know if i let another woman into my life the same things gonna happen again.

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But that's what I guess I'm trying to say. If you get some knowledge and self awareness before you enter the relationships of the future you might not make those mistakes. If you do make the mistakes you'll know right away and not repeat them.

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Originally Posted by alizeblu

idk. my whole perspectives probably completly wrong ne wayz, cause im still young. i just dont know. what in the world are we searching for? what am i searching for?

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I can't help you with what your searching for. Sometimes I don't know what I'm searching for but I just try to keep an open mind and allow positive information to come into my life.

UPDATE: lol guess what?

I went back to her house to get my stuff, and she started bawling! Like she's just now starting to relize what she lost. While I was getting all of my stuff she just kept appoligizing to me, and I ignored her, I just got my stuff and walked away.

Heh, sadly I want to give it all back to her, but no. I cant, and I won't, I got to stay in the right state of mind.

You do sound like you're sincerely sorry, glad you learned your mistake of being an @$$ to her, anyway, give her time and space, if she comes back, cool, if not then take what you learned with your relationship with her and apply it to another girl, seriously, girls can only take so much before they can't take anymore, good luck, if you get her back, be good to her

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Originally Posted by alizeblu

UPDATE: lol guess what?

i went back to her house to get my stuff, and she started bawling! like shes just now starting to relize what she lost. while i was getting all of my stuff she just kept appoligizing to me, and i ignored her, i just got my stuff and walked away.

heh, sadly i wanna give it all back to her, but no. i cant, and i wont, i gotta stay in the right state of mind.

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Exactly. You did everything right! You didn't get emotional in any way, happy or hurt, you didn't start a shouting match, you didn't cry when she cried, you didn't accept or reject her apology, and you didn't act arrogant. I guarantee when you left she was more confused then ever because after 4 years she thought she had you figured out and would react to her emotional states. Not this time. Alizeblu, congrads you turned the tables on her.

There are so many posts so I haven't read them.

But here is what I think, you saod she hurt you so many times. Man, let her go. Try to be just friends But if that doesn't move on!! I know its hard and I'm sorry but like you said you can't dwell in the past.

Kriscool

REPUTATION PLEASE!!

The above rep was meant to be a disagree. Alizeblu came here a month ago and has made great srides since then. When he first came here he was emotionally hurt, and seeking anything in terms of advice. To be honest, he seemed like a younger version of myself, with one exception that I noticed early. He was willing to learn where I was willing to repeat my mistakes like a complete fool for my entire 20's. I've personally spent hours answering questions here and in other posts by Alizeblu. I did it to help a fellow guy, who in his heart and mind did what he thought was right and got screwed over in the end.

Alizeblu didn't like a lot of what he was being told at first and many of his first statements are based in emotion with little logic. But he kept coming back. He wanted to learn. He wanted to better himself. And he did. He's now branching out into other posts, offering help and incite. He's not over what happened with his ex but as you can see by his last post he's farther along then she is and farther along then he was a month ago.

Alizeblu, as emotional as some of his posts are has something at this time that you kriscool don't have, but you can get if you truly want it. The willingness to learn and the willingness to help others here at this site, for the betterment of them which in turn will better himself in the future as he truly builds a inner core based strength and disipline not on reputation points.

Ok I get it, DON'T LISTEN TO ME OK...

I'll go to a different question...


Kriscool

Chuff was the first to respond to this thread and said it all. Sorry, but got the "spread it" jazz again.

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Originally Posted by Kriscool

Ok I get it, DON'T LISTEN TO ME OK.........

I'll go to a different question...


Kriscool

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Actually you don't get it. Istead of bailing on this question which is quite honestly not fair to Alizeblu or anybody else that can learn from being in a similar situation you choose to run around posting the most quick answers possible with no depth or explanation. How exactly is that help? If you can't commit to taking 5 minutes and reading the first 6 pages of what has gone one since the poster first posted a month ago, why offer any help at all? How can you become an expert in anything when you cheat your way and don't commit to to achieving real results.

When I first started posting here I spent a couple weeks reading old posts to see exactly what I would do and compare it to what is consistent in the advice. Sometimes if I was way off in my thoughts, I would reevaluate if I was right and had been doing things right my whole life or if I needed to change. That's how you acquire knowledge and then when you spread that around it only deepens your mental and emotional strength because your forcing your brain to think about something as opposed to emotionally react to it.

I never set out to get reputation points, I set out to cure my own "nice guy" problem and assist others that were doing and making the same mistakes I was. In return I have received many good reps and a few bad ones but it was based on the advice offered not the goal of getting the points.

Do You Get It Skell I Don't Care Any More!! So Be Quite And Get Out Of My Face!!

Do You Think I Really Care What You Have To Say!! No!!

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Originally Posted by Kriscool

Do You Get It Skell I Don't Care Any More!!!!!!! So Be Quite And Get Out Of My Face!!!!!!

Do You Think I Really Care What You Have To Say!!!!!! No!!!!!

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First of all, I'm Chuff not Skell.

Second of all I don't think you ever did care.

Third of all I'm not in your face, I'm sitting at a computer in central Florida and I have no idea where you are at. I'm trying to explain how you could be an asset to yourself and others instead of begging for repuation points like dog begs for scraps. (No offense against dogs)

Fourth of all I know you don't care what I have to say which is exactly why you shouldn't be here offering "advice." You didn't care enough about this poster to even read his concerns which would have taken 5 minutes, then you just gave him another 2 line answer like you do everywhere else. You strategy is hit and run just get the message down and go and hope that someone reps you. But you have no intention of offering help to anybody that really needs it.

First of all you don't know me, your going off my posts. If you have really sat down and talked to me you would understand. And your right I should think it over before I rush and write something down. I'm sorry to everybody out there.

Well thanks chuff.

Kriscool

Not trying to be mean skell but if your trying to help me the smart posts and reputation is making me furious and aren't helping. I do understand now though.

Kriscool

What smart posts??

Start your own thread and if I can help I will try my best!

Well For One People Get Tired Of Hearing The Same Stuff Or I Want to Break Uo With You... Even Though You Know You Didn't Mean It And She Kept Coming Back... That Is One Thing That Really Sucks Is Being Stuck On The Past... I Mean Like They Say If It Comes Back You Know It Was Meant To Be... Till Then Let Her Try Something Different And Maybe Shell Miss You Too??

OK kriscool, calm down guy, they trina help, here allow me to explain the quick version of my situation,

Basically, we both have been hurt, I hurt her, she's hurt me, OK, I wanted to rectify my mistake, but she didn't want me to, instead, she chose to push me away.

So I took the nessesary steps to get her back, well everything kind of backfired in the end,because she was cheating on me all along. Lol

Here ill just recopy the post and put it on my thread. It was used to help another person but this might help you get a better understanding of my situation:



I am so sorry for what I am about to say, but I'm going to be brutally honest with you.

You're missing the point. "love".<----this thing right here is what's making you stay with him. The reason you can't see a life without him is because you are BLINDED.

You can't see right now. You can't think straight, and your judgement is off key.

If you were thinking logically, you'd realize that you're in a relationship with a man who's cheating on his wife with you and cheating on you with his wife. And is probably cheating on both of you with someone else.

You will not leave this person. Why? "love"<----because of this thing right here.

In order for you to really grasp this concept is for something to happen. To make you realize what you are doing. Which probably won't happen now, why? Because of this thing right here:

-->"love"<--

Our advice you will take with you and you will know and understand what you are doing.
But, will you use it to correct and rectify your mistake?

NO. you know why? There it is again -->"love"

You will continue to make the same mistake unless something is done about that emotion.

It controls every aspect of you. It prevents you from making rational decisions.

Here, let me elaborate from a personal experience:
I fell in "love" with a girl and we had a relationship for four years, in the beginning I knew she was cheating on me, I just knew it, it never showed itself to me, it never reared its ugly head, but I knew, blinded by my "love" for her I continued the relationship. Years into the relationship another problem happened, another sign she was cheating on me. Once again I knew, but never did anything about it... still blinded... well, it finally reared its ugly head. She broke out in tears and told me she was cheating on me the whole time I was with her. She told me she was weak and wanted me to move on, still... blinded... I wanted to give her another chance. I told her we could make it work. But she told me it would only get worse and stongly advised me to move on...

I didn't listen... still... blinded... the next day I tried to pretend everything was all cool.
Yea I got my girl back its all good. We talked, blah blah blah... then I asked her to go to the movies with me. She said no, she never says no. well any ways she calls me back to tell me she will take me but she won't go with me, so I ask my friend to go with me. So its us three in the car and I wanted to throw up, my friend and I noticed it at the same time and we looked at each other. He wanted to say something but I told him not to, its my burden, I told him not to worry about it.

THE WHOLE CAR SMELLED LIKE SEX. I snapped...

The thoughts that were racing through my head... I literally wanted to strangle this girl to death, but I came back to reality, just for that moment.

I told her it was over.

This thing right here ------>"love"<------

Until something happens to purge it from you and break your connection with him, you are not going to be in the right state of mind.


Now you got to understand if you didn't read all of the posts you aren't really going to grasp the whole situation, therefore, giving misleading advice, which causes meaningless arguments.

So pretty much, all of the beginning rants from me was because I was still blinded by my love for tha girl and I didn't want to give up on her, when in reality, she already gave up on me. Heh...


I was supporting a meaningless cause, the glass was empty to begin with, you see?

Then I filled it with my love for the girl, to the half way point of coarse.

Then both of our veiws and perspectives on the relationship, pesimistic or optimistic, continued to clash, eventually leaving me back where I started:

"an empty glass".

Its poetry in motion...


Life isint about giving your all to one person for the rest of your life, its about making decisions to better ourselves, and move on in creating a better future for ourselves.

So you see kriscool, I can't be her friend, and honestly I already tried it and it didn't work.