Ask Me Help Desk - Please help a confused corrupted angel!!

It's not unusual to look at other threads, recognize names, look at the history. I have read that you have an 11 year old son who apparently lives with his father, is spending the summer with you. I also realize your boyfriend is 15 years younger than you are.

Do you think the boyfriend's age, the "porn problem," the "are there drugs in my food?". The other problems in your relationship are going to have an impact on your son? https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/childr...ml#post3112635

If so I'd proceed very carefully both with the "boyfriend" relationship and your relationship with your son.

Quote:

Do you think the boyfriend's age, the "porn problem," the "are there drugs in my food?". The other problems in your relationship are going to have an impact on your son?

No I do not think it will impact my 11 year old son!! It is not any of your business but I am going to be staying with my oldest son while my youngest son is here thank you very much!!

Daily steps...

1. He wakes up ( says nothing )
2. Walks in living room turns on computer ( says nothing )
3. Paces for 10 minutes ( says nothing )
4. Sits down at computer slides earphones on and says " I love you" and then silence the next six hours :(

Everyday the very same routine over and over. I've tried changing up a little. I try talking but it don't work. At this point I am in this relationship for life ( as I have stated in other threads ) I guess just accept it and try to make the best out of what's left of the day huh? :)

How about your own routine outside of his. That's what healthy couples do, they share and care, yet have their own individual things to do. And before we go further, I combined and edited your threads as best I could to get the total picture in focus, in the same place.

Why are you so obsessed with him being able to do his own thing without you? Its very easy to plan love time ahead, and blend routines at times, but if you cannot accept what HE likes to do himself, what's the point?? You are the mature one, but also the needy one.

Your solutions lie in making adjustments so you are happy with yourself, and not dependent on what he does for himself. That takes years of communications sometimes, and much learning and growth on both your parts. Or maybe you think you know what's better for him than he does, because you are older by 15 years?

They ONLY way to bridge that gap is with patience and understanding as you communicate with each other. Changes just don't occur in a day, a week, sometimes not in a year, but acceptance can start NOW, and taking responsibility for your own happiness, can began immediately.

Thanks to Whisperwill, Smoothy and also Talaniman for all your help. Today a week later "We" are doing so much better. With much talking and I believe now understanding each other... Finally. Thank you so much for your helpful advice :)

A weeks not a lot of time... Lets see if its still going better a few months from now... we can hope it is.

Well it did get much better then he cheated. But we are working it out... I think

Cheating is a pretty big bump in the road.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

Cheating is a pretty big bump in the road.

It did get better... but?

Yes cheating is HUGE bump smoothy. I always value your opinions on my life lol.And the worst part of it ( I guess ) is he really don't remember any detail of it. His best friend set it up. It started as a joke in July between them and then oneday in late July he got a message from the guy saying "Bowling TONIGHT". You know in earlier post I wasn't anting him to go out etc. Well things were going so good I told him go and have a great time. Well allday he kept saying " I dont know if I want to go". I told him I really did not mind to please go and have fun. So he showered and the friend picked him up around 9pm. He said he was after bowling going to chill at the friends house allnight, Okay I was fine with that. Well I couldn't sleep all night. I sent a text to his friends phone about 1230am and told my boyfriend I was going to bed and to have a fun night. I would see him in the morning. They never answered and I didn't think anything about it. Well I finally got up with no sleep at 5am and he was in the kitchen. I looked at him "Omg what have you done?" Nothing baby he replied been a long night and I just want to sleep. He looked so different to me. So we went to bed and slept a few hours. I got up about 9am and he slept until 4pm. A little personal here but between 9am and 4pm I tried giving him oral and he let me for a couple minutes then got fully awake and said stop. So I did not a biggie. He has never liked being woke up that way.

Well he gets up at 4pm and is acting really bad down. Wouldn't let me kiss him, hug him etc. He was ranbling about old times with his dad and he hates everything in his life has changed. He just wanted to die. Nothing was going right. Well at 5pm I am on the couch and he kneels down in front me of me and says " You remember how you told me baby that I could never do anything to make you hate me? Well I did it. And with the ugliest girl I have ever known." I couldn't say anything. I was numb. He then says he did not finish the deed. He couldn't. He told her stop and they did. It was at the bowling ally. Well I was very upset but gave him props for not going through with it. I did not scream yell etc. I only clinged to him that much tighter.Loved him just the same if not more. That was on a Friday.

Well Wednesday morning just about to go to sleep at 6am we are laying in bed and I roll over and touch his face and tell him how special he is to me and he gets out of bed turns light on gets dressed and is pacing bad in the bedroom. Again he kneels beside me by the bed and he says "Mary I have to tell you something else." He said we left here and went to a hotel and my intentions my plans in all honesty was just to watch the girl and the said buddy he went with have sex". But then they had a 3some. Which was the friends plan from the get go. He said I snapped. I did not want to look stupid and everything was red in my mind. His friend was throwing things up saying my boyfriend owed it to me. He said but for real it did not last long. They did all of it and I just got involved the 2 minutes it took me to get off. I watched the whole time. The girls mom was in the adjoining room and help set it up and all. He said we got done and was gone in 2 minutes and I was back home in 10 minutes. It was right down the road from me. I asked him if he got my text and he said hnestly he did not know I even texted until his friend told him on the way home. Well since then I have talked to the friend and the friend said he did not tell him I texted because he knew he would not even watch then. And he admitted on pressuring him into and even having the girls mom threaten them if they did not go through with it. I told the friend he is not any kind of friend to put my boyfriend through this when he is bad sick anyway. I said you put something more in his head with him being mentally ill now.

Well my boyfriend said He will not let me suffer for something he done and he has been so great accepting his punishment. And he is no longer friends with that guy. But I am hurt and crushed. After I was on here talking about he would never in his life and I am all he needs or wants. But I have forgave him. But I am still a lost and confused Corrupted Angel :(

I think he DOES remember every bit of it... even in my post college out on my own early days... not once did I ever have sex with a female I wasn't fully aware of, and NEVER have I not remembered it. No matter how drunk I mioght have been at the time...

I'm 50, while I can't actually remember all of the names after so many years (I've been married over 20 years now)... I still have very vivid mental pictures of each one. ANd yes I do mean every one. I can still describe every detail of each ones body at the time back to the first one when I was 14.

SO, I do get upset when someone claims , "I couldn't help it" or "I don't remember it"... and my BS alarms starts going off.

If he really cared... he wouldn't have done it the first time... but I can guraantee you there would NOT have been a second time. He would have not allowed himself to be in the position that lead to that.

I'm being serious... I'm a man.. I can be tempted, and trust me I have been many times... but because I am a man and an adult, I also know enough to remove myself from the situation before the little head starts calling the shots instead of the big head. If a guy doesn't then he OWNS what happens next.

Because I know my wife would do that too. Yes I do know her that well and can trust her that far.

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Originally Posted by CoruptedAngel

... Well i finally got up with no sleep at 5am and he was in the kitchen. I looked at him "Omg what have you done?" Nothing baby he replied been a long night and I just want to sleep. He looked so different to me. So we went to bed and slept a few hours. I got up about 9am and he slept until 4pm. A little personal here but between 9am and 4pm I tried giving him oral and he let me for a couple minutes then got fully awake and said stop. So I did not a biggie. He has never liked being woke up that way. (

The relationship aside - I trust he practiced safe sex AND I trust he minimally showered before or after he came home because if you "tried giving him oral and he let [you] for a couple minutes... " you have now been exposed to every partner anyone in this scenario has ever had.

As far as the cheating - what's the line? It's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.

This is not a bump in MY world - it's an entire roadblock.

He would have had to showered or I would have known and no he did not use protection. :( I really don't think he gave me one thought.

So smoothy pretty much your saying if was you... you would walk out?

Smoothy I just don't know. With his whole Mental thing what if it was just a break down of sorts? Now I am just talking dumb. I have told him the last two months the him and the friend planned this is advance. He even questioned himself quiet a few times that day and once just a couple minutes before pulling out of the driveway because I was out there and kissed him later and tod him I loved him. He told the friend if we don't leave soon I'm going in and going to bed. Don't feel like this tonight. Me thinking bowling. Laughing and having a good time with them and both them knowing right then what they were going to do. My boyfriend knew what he was leaving to do. Though he did say that his only intention was watching and as I told him but watching got you hard and you wanted to screw!! I was right here at home. 10 minutes down the road and would have gave him a far better screw.

I am so hurt :( :( :(