I a,m harsh.

But you need to really learn abour women. Women are in the Bizzaro world - they don't think like we do - they FEEL - we're mostly logic. It's HOW you make them feel.

Begging, gifts, flowers - NO!! The want an independent man - not a little boy. They don''t want to be put on a pedestal ever. 80% of the time they are your friend - 20% romatic.

You're lucky that you're young and can learn this stuff NOW!!

You need to learn - LESS of you is MORE!! You don't have to call her 5 times a day, e-mail, text all day long - yuck. Get a life. Be busy. See her when oyu can. Don't spend an hour o nthe phone.

You want t omake her miss you. Want you. Be proud of you. Respect you.

Being needy, insecure, is horrible for business.

Dude I know exactly what you are going through. Take some time and work on something constuctive that will be positive for you. Try counseling, if you do not have insurance or a lot of money call around to different counselors offices and explain you situation. Some counselors will give discounted rates or sometimes take a case probono. Most likely you will get better with time. Try your best to stop ruminating on your situation and use your friends for emotional and social support. If all else fails turn to religion.

Try this website: Darren L. Johnson Official Website | Letting Go of Stuff | Motivational Books| Self Growth Audio Book., you can ask for advice.

3 days is not a lot. It just feels like an eternity because you've been with her.

1) I would highly recommend you buy a calendar.
And for 90 days on a new calendar mark each day.
You can put in an adjective or phrase a day of how you feel. 2 and up to 3 if really in pain.
This sounds a bit obsessive, but if it only a minute a day and it gives you a paradigm and structure to put your hurting brain in, it will help you. Do this and KNOW that when you get to day 90 you will be in a new place.
You will see the adjectives change and you may be surprised that you may not even want to write something as time goes on... if you've been married or have been with someone more than 5 years you may need to double the days...

2) No cheating. If you (text, email, purposely run into mutual friends, call, write, stalk, visit common spot "gym" or your favorite bar... start over. If you do this you will survive. Really.

3) As far as no contact, IF this is your first break up and she was not 100% sure, the ONLY way to get her back is SILENCE. It's not simply manipulative. It's respectful. And that is very important. The truth is your Girlfriend feels VULNERABLE right now. Believe it or not, she does not like this feeling and the only way you can nurture her and also show strength is to let her be. This is subtle but important. If and when the time comes to drop her a line it will be after 90 days, and then you will see this all clearly. And that is strong in her eyes as well.


4) To gain control, you need to relenquish control.

5) can you articulate to friends why you miss her? See if it really sounds like love and a strong equal partnership.
Now here's the really tough part: do you want her back for real or for your ego? If for your ego - when she comes back, talk frankly but consider that this was a proper end to let you find your fate.


6) Regardless of the outcome, if you all have a good foundation, this may be the best thing that ever happened to you! Giving a partner time to think is respectful and validates them and YOU. She doesn't want a guy who bothers her now. (Unless you did something wrong to break her heart ) Your work has already been done. Now you sit back and stay busy.


I will not bore you with my story but I have seen it many times the power of respecting silence.
Just a couple days ago, it happened again... Why did she come back? I think because I respected her time.

7) life is not that cruel. Inside of 90 days - perhaps less - this will all look differently.

8) IF you do not feel like you can do any of this after a few weeks, call a therapist or counselor. They are very good at helping you find your "happy place" aka sanity again!

To reiterate what others have said, and add my two cents (of course)

1) This is not a trick to get her back. This is about you, not her. Worry about you, let her worry about her, and maybe sometime in the future things will change the way you think you want them to. Of course, by then, you'll likely think differently anyway.
2) Three days is nothing. It's not even a start. If you can't last three days, then you needed out of the relationship anyway, because three days out of contact is a holiday weekend with family. If you can't manage that kind of thing, you need to reassess the entire relationship anyway.
3) It's not no contact if you're actively waiting for them to call. That's just playing the spite game. The spite game isn't any kind of getting over the relationship, it isn't any kind of personal growth. It's simply a childish way to try and prove that you're better than them. Guess what? Even if you win the spite game, all that proves is that you're more childish than them. And that ain't better than much.
4) If she calls now, and you get back together like you say you want to, then these few days have been worthless. You're both exactly the same people, and your relationship will be exactly the same as it was, except that now you'll have the nice little bonus of the random break-up option any time something little bothers one of you.

If you actually WANT to do no contact, then send her stuff back to her via a mutual friend. No messages, just the stuff. It's hers anyway, she shouldn't have to ask for it, and you shouldn't want to keep it. Stop waiting for her to call... stop caring about that part at all. If you want to make this worth your while, take the time for yourself, get some personal growth in, and only then will you be ready for her to call.

You think your confused now, imagine how confused you are actually going to be if she calls. Her not calling is a good thing. It makes your train of thought that much easier. You want the call to show her that you are okay without her. Well if that is all she is calling to hear then you better believe she is 90 miles to nothing checking on you and hitting the road for good. Then your going to be back to square one. Don't worry about her calling unless she actually does because believe me, if she does you are going to start rethinking everything all over again. I know your confused about what you want, but the more time away from contact you have with her the clearer you will see things.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by imissher

I want to make it clear that i am not waiting for her, im keeping myself occupied.

---

Based on the tone of your post, you claim this to be true but you really don't believe it yourself. If you believed it yourself, you wouldn't care in the least whether she ever called you or not ; in fact you really wouldn't even want her to call. Don't count on her to ever call you again and don't wait for her to call. You've got to make yourself happy for you, not so you can impress her. At best, impressing her with your newfound happiness is just a fringe benefit if she should happen to eventually call you or if you should happen to run into her. And yes, it may make her have more respect for you and it may or may not make her want you back but that is not why it's done. It's done strictly for your own benefit and, to a lesser extent, to improve the odds of success with your next relationship.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by imissher

I have counted a LOT of times where i had to literally beg on my knees for her to stay. And everytime i would better myself and fix the problem. I would give her everything she wanted... gifts, flowers, cards and letters, patience, devotion, my love and commitment. It wasnt enough... she would then want to keep leaving, until finally she did. I was devasted because i had given EVERYTHING i had...i tried my best to make it work and make it happy even when i was dying inside. I would cry myself to sleep and wake up the next morning to ask for more

---

This was your first mistake right here. Far too needy and clingy.

[/QUOTE]As for myself, I think I'm too jealous and insecure, I would always call her and stay by her side literally everyday. I think I smothered her too much to the point where she's just sick of me.[/QUOTE]

You hit it right on the head with this. Your neediness and clinginess pushed her away. You've got some major work to do on yourself right now. You've got to develop strength and independence and overcome needing someone else to make you happy. Learn to be your own best friend. Start living for yourself and doing the things you want to do. Realize that you can be truly happy without her. That's the best way for you to heal from this and have more success with your next relationship.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by imissher

lol.. she has low self-esteem. And as far as i know.. all girls have low self-esteem and think that their all fat. She just has a lot of confidence and self esteem OVER me in this situation.

---

Hmmm interesting thoughts. I think now I may know why your single, and more so why she hasn't called you!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by imissher

Yes wildcat.. i am needy and insecure, weak, and i know that NC isnt suppose to bring them back (I have heard that a thousand times), BUT and i say "BUT" so many times, i need to show her that i am ok without her, and for her to realize how different life is without me. And hopefully, i will get a call from the no-contact treatment, so that i can show her that im not needy anymore. The pain is going away slowly, but i get times at which it is unbearable. And are you saying that if i make myself unavailable, that she would call me?

---

You are gravely mistaken my friend if you think no contacting her will show her your not needy and insecure. You are that needy and insecure that it will be impossible for you to prove it to anyone until you actually take some time and work on yourself.

Charades and games don't work! You can act all you like but you'll get found out and then you'll really realise how much time you are wasting!

Well, there's always the OTHER Solution. The "IMissHer"
Do the opposite of everything you've heard here. I mean you never know.
Settle this in your mind once and for all. Pick up the phone. Call her. Send flowers. Chocolates. Text her. And make an online love card for her. Tell her that you are the only one for her and she knows it. Or she is the only one for you and she will never find anyone better. And if she looks for another guy after your 2 1/2 years together, then she's wasting precious time she could be spending with her man. Then let us all know how it goes. You never know..
NOT what I (or many others) would do (I've already penned a long suggestion),
But it might calm you down tonight.

Ash - right on. Only works in the Movies. This is reality. Time to grow up!

You need to do other things in oyur life - get to the gym - work out. New hobbies. Work harder at work and school. Hang with your friends. Hang with your family.

Less of you is MORE!! A lot of guys just don't get that.

She's not going to forget about you. SHE WILL forget you for good if you're always there like a sick puppy - YUCK!! Not attractive.

WHY do you think most women (and they won't admit this) are attracted to the bad boy - jerk - he's what we call a CHALLENGE!! He ISN'T there 24/7 checking up on her... needing to be with her.

The down side is the jerk/bad boy is really, really, really unhealthy for women for many, many, many reasons.

The goal is to be a good guy... ever hear women like the tall/silent type? NOT the needy, clingy, jealous.

Guys - one tip - she should call you just as much - if not more. If you're calling, e-mailing, texting 3 times a day... well then you have a problem.

Be busy wait it out... do you want to be her just now or in 6 months?

Give women their space - for the love of god!! Make her miss you and think about you.

No one wants some lame insecure dude - always checking up on you - and if you're a little mysterious - she'll love you for it.

Nicely said.. trying my best! Just forgive me.. because I didn't realize how much of a retard I was.

What's to forgive... just learn. Become man about things. A real man - a man women covet to be with because you're a good guy - who has a lot of interesting things going on in his life. A fun guy - you should covet to become the fun guy - women won't leave you alone.

ALWAYS be busy with other things. Women can come and go. You put too much importance into one... heartache/heartbreak

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by imissher

nicely said.. trying my best! Just forgive me.. coz i didnt realize how much of a retard i was.

---

Bro, give yourself a break and some credit. I don't want to speak for WC or anybody else but the reason we have to come on strong at the beginning is because posts like yours and the others we see here daily have a similar theme. The problem with all of us saying something along the lines of "Your a great guy and one day you'll find a dream girl, this just wasn't the one, you did nothing wrong" is because that's what your friends and family ALWAYS say. And your friends and family are ALWAYS wrong because they don't want to hurt your feelings anymore. So you begin to think it's true and repeat the say stuff over and over.

Look dude, we can all see your in tremendous emotional pain. Nobodies denying it and nobodies mocking you for it. I'd totally have your back if they were. We've all been there in that place your at now. Every last one us. But the pain will go away. I promise you that. It's what you do then that makes a difference. If you repeat this same pattern for over and over again then you've got real problems. And that is coming from an idiot that did just that. But if you can learn now to accept the pain and know why you got to this point then it makes it easier in the future, because the reality probably is you'll have some more break ups. They will probably suck too, but not as much. That first one always stings the worst. Always.

But you've got probably another 60 to 80 years of life ahead of you, maybe more by the way medical breakthroughs are happening. This is just a bump in the road. Trust me, no matter how much it sucks now when your 50 you'll wonder why you even thought it was a big deal. Hell you'll probably being doing that in a year from now.

But you have to give yourself some credit here too. With absolutely no idea and with no experience what to do you went all out and gave her everything of yourself. It was the wrong decision, it was 100% the wrong thing to do. But you gave it an attempt. That's more than some would do. Give yourself some credit here. Don't beat yourself up over this one girl or this one situation. You said you gave everything, and although you got nothing in return back from a emotional or commitment standpoint you got back more than she ever got. You got some tools to use in the future. She's got flowers that died in a couple weeks.

At your age she wasn't going to be with you for life so you actually got something far more valuable then she did even though she got gifts. You got a education that can last a lifetime if you choose to use it. You can apply what you learned here to the next girl. I'm not trying to scare you but she probably won't work out either. But if you can apply what your've learned and learn some more you'll start setting the groundwork for a better future.

First off, I would like to thank everybody for helping me out, and trust me, it has helped to keep my head from exploding.

I understand what you've all said because you've been there and done that, but I don't see any reason why I should'nt try to get her back. Basically, what I'm trying to say here is, I just need some closure. Because when she left a couple of days ago, it was a spur of the moment kind of thing.

I just want her to call, possibly ask for her stuff back or even check on how I'm doing, but either way, I want that call so I'm able to decide on what I should do. Right now, I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere, doing no-contact so that I can get a response from her.

Im not expecting us to get back together and live happily ever after. I just want to "try" to get her back, and maximize my chances of getting her back. If it doesn't work out, then so be it... but I can't leave this, laying my head low and forgetting about it. I just want to see where this goes, and I'm hoping that shed call me and talk about it, and ill take it from there. Remember that she left randomly, I have not done anything wrong to hurt her, hence she still has to have SOME feelings, otherwise she would be heartless. She can't throw away 3 yrs and be happy right after.

I do want her back ( don't kill me for wanting to), so theoretically speaking(without talking about how to make myself better, blah blah ), how do I maximize my chances?

Quitters never win, why? Because they quit.

Quote:

---

She can't throw away 3 yrs and be happy right after.

---

You have assumed a lot without facts, but I feel your need to at least find out things for yourself. Do what ya gotta do keep us updated.

You can't think for her. If she calls for her stuff, you know what to do. Be hontest, but be rational as well. Don't beg and plead. Tell her how you feel honestly, and without emotion. They won't believe a word you're saying if they can hear your tears hitting the phone. The best chance you have of getting through to her is to be calm and rational. She left for a reason. You want her back, and aknowledge that her problem with you is real, and you're willing to do the work to solve it. Beyond that, she's on her own. Right now you're on your own. Try not to plan on the best case scenario, plan for the worst.

Tal bro, I forgot to include that her dad called me the other day. He asked if I was alrite because he and my ex's mom were concerned about me. I calmly said "yeah, im cool, im doing alrite". I said "im sorry for everything, i wish it didnt happen this way, by the way, hows everybody doing there?"

My ex's dad replied "Well, everybody here is really sad", then he continued to say that my ex is depressed and sad.

I guess it's a fact that she's sad and depressed, and possibly regretting her decision? I don't want to get caught up about what she's thinking, but I know for sure she isn't happy.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by imissher

Because when she left a couple of days ago, it was a spur of the moment kinda thing.

---

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by imissher

Remember that she left randomly, i have not done anything wrong to hurt her, hence she still has to have SOME feelings, otherwise she would be heartless. She can't throw away 3 yrs and be happy right after.

---

She didn’t leave on a spur of the moment or randomly. She knew this was coming for months. She let herself down emotionally before she ever told you. It didn’t happen overnight. It happened over months maybe up to a year in advance. You are the one that just found out. She knew all along.

I am going through the same thing. It sounds like you have not accepted it is over, and you are living in denial, Its easier to believe this because the real truth of the situation is she does not care about you, and this is far to painful for you to accept... Stop holding on and move on with you're life otherwise you will prolong you’re pain and you will not get over her , iI know it hurts like hell man I have cried myself to sleep as well, but she is out there getting on with her life she no longer cares about you. Move on and the right person will come along when you least expect it. And it was not you’re fault the relationship failed some women are very complex you did everything right you treated her well (like I did) but some women like the challenge of a bad boy but often these women will come unstuck and in years to come will wish they had a man like you again… let them live and learn . Be yourself and someone will come along who will appreciate you..

When one door of happiness closes, another one opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one, which has been opened for us

Hello there,

Sorry to hear about your pain. I too have gone through this 6 months ago when my ex of 3 years left me. I was devastated, what made it worse, was that I was engaged to her and thought we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. I really loved her and it really was a tough thing to go through. I did the sames as you, I was hoping she would come back, every day for 2 or 3 months I was in denial and thought I could use no contact to get her back. People on here like Chuff, Skell, Val, Tal, Wildcat and many others all helped drum some very good advice into me and I suggest you listen very closely to all of them. Everything they say is for your own benefit and most if not all of them speak from experience. Nothing will bring her back my friend, there is nothing you can do, she has to want that inside. At 6 months post breakup, my ex is still my ex and I have given up maybe 3 months ago on the idea of using no contact to get her back. It just is not going to happen. I am not saying that I don't look back now and then, because I do and there is nor real time scale to follow. You will take as long as your heart needs, anything from 6 months to perhaps a year. I can tell you that time does heal and I feel far better than I did 4 months ago. A lot of support from people here really helped me and seeing your thread made me think about my breakup. I do think though you are way too needy and clingy and this will have pushed her far away. I think you actually could do well to be alone for a while and work on yourself. You should never make someone your whole world, ever. You are in major denial and you must give up or at least begin to let go of the hope that she will come back and prepare yourself for the worst. I am sorry if my words don't provide much comfort but speaking from experience, I know that hope is a dangerous thing in that it can hold you back. I bet you get through this and it would not surprise me if you are speaking like I am to someone else who is feeling what you are now in 6 months or so. You just need to give yourself time to grieve my friend and trust me, this will get better, it really will. Take a look at my first thread if you like, and you will see that what you are feeling is quite normal. The only thing about you is that you have a lot to learn with how you dealt with this relationship. You have a chance to take this knowledge and learn from your mistakes and use it in the next relationship. You are actually a winner here even though it may not seem like it.

Take Care!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by imissher

But lately, she had wanted to leave. I have counted a LOT of times where i had to literally beg on my knees for her to stay.

---

You see, this proves that she wanted out for a long time but perhaps felt guilty and found it hard to do this to you as you are a nice guy.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by imissher

I would give her everything she wanted... gifts, flowers, cards and letters, patience, devotion, my love and commitment. It wasnt enough... she would then want to keep leaving, until finally she did. I was devasted because i had given EVERYTHING i had...i tried my best to make it work and make it happy even when i was dying inside.

---

This shows that you are a nice person but you gave too much in the hope that this would satisfy her. Essentially, you became her puppy dog, you gave her way too much of you. I don't doubt you are a nice person, and this should not happen to nice people but there is a difference between nice and good and there should be balance. This is something you can learn from, I'm not suggesting you become the 'jerk' that young women usually feel attracted to because in the end women want good guys who love and respect them. You are a good guy, don't ever change that, always be true to others and yourself. The only thing you need to do is get busy doing other things in life that a woman is just an add on. You must still love and respect her but don't give all of yourself, Jealousy and clingyness are highly unattractive personality traits and few women will put up with this for long. You can change, you must understand first where you went wrong. It may not be repairable for this ex but it will help you for a future relationship.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by imissher

I think i smothered her too much to the point where shes just sick of me.

Why would she want to leave?

---

She left you because you pushed her away with smothering her.. You answered your own question without realising it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by imissher

but i know deep in my heart that she loves me.

....

---

That is what you want to believe and is part of your denial. You can't speak for her because you really can't speculate on how she is feeling. She may be relieved she has finally left you and succeeded. Her depression may have little to do with you. Of course, there is always a chance that she may miss you but you thinking on those terms 24/7 is really going to eat you up inside.

Are you sure you didn't do anything really bad to her... well what can I say... I hate to say this but she left... I don't think there's a way to make her come back cause like you said that happened before but she staid after all this time she left I don't think there's a way to make her come back

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by think_pink

are you sure you didnt do anything really bad to her ... well what can i say ... i hate to say this but she left ... i dont think theres a way to make her come back cause like u said that happened before but she staid after all this time she left i dont think theres a way to make her come back

---

Yes, he did do something bad, not to her but to the relationship, he smothered her and he recognises it. This is how he will improve and work on himself and get healthy for the next relationship. The only way is up from here..

Forgot to say, never beg, it puts her on a pedestal and is a huge ego boost. I won't lie, I did the begging thing when it happened to me but it did no good. It confirmed to her that she could have me whenever she wanted (which she can't because I'm not going to be a doormat) or at the most, made me look needy at the time. Of course, I was in shock and quite often people panic in the first month and it is hard to control this behavior. Begging never works and why should you have to beg someone to love you? Don't you want to be with someone who wants to be with you rather than being forced to through a guilt trip?

Hey guys,

I seriously apoligize for making this thread so friggin long. And I thank everybody for their patience and support. But here it goes:

Everybody is saying that, she is gone, leave her, forget her, she wanted to leave you, work on yourself, your in denial, blah blah. I understand. I understand that smothering her wasn't the best idea and it drove her away to the point where she is gone now. She had wanted to leave for a long time, that is true. But in that period, we did have great moments where we honestly both thought we could make it. We sat down, and had heart-to-heart talks where I knew, FOR SURE, it was OK. The things that would make her want to leave was when I started being snoopy, asking where she's been all day, calling her, checking her phone, accusing her of cheating for no reason, and all the other obsessive things I shouldn't have done. My obssessiveness and jealousness caused her to leave. It was her decision, but ultimately it was my fault. So basically, every time I would do something wrong, I would beg for her to come back. This time, she decided to leave for good, because promises just weren't enough. Even though she left me now and been wanting to for the longest time, we had GOOD moments, not fake moments, true good moments.

The break-up, is still unresolved. I cannot speak for her, true, but I have a good guess that she is finding out what life is like without me in it. As her dad said, she is depressed and sad, which I have a good guess, is because she is thinking about her decision to leave.
My friends called me, and said that she has been home all week since the break up. I hardly doubt that she is celebrating, but more so trying her hardest to get over me. Also, her stuff (which is valuable, one of which is a psp) is still at my house. My clothes are still at her place. Why isn't she asking for it? (Im guessing she's still thinking about her decision, otherwise she wouldve called for her stuff the very next day)

Which brings me to this point, I want her to call. I am not using no-contact in hopes of getting her back. I am using it to get any sort of response from her. I need that call, to let her know I'm doing great without her, and if she decides to end it, then fine, and if she wants to continue to talk and work things out, then great for me. Either way, I need closure. I cannot hang on to false hopes.

I cannot deny that I want everything to work out perfectly. Nor, am I expecting it. I just need her to call, to know for sure.

As for advice, can anyone tell me why she isn't calling? And what should I do at this point, contact or no contact? If I want to maximize my chances of getting her back, what should I do?

Don't suggest me to leave, and work on myself, blah blah, I have heard that a billion times and I understand it from that perspective. Now I need advice on a "positive perspective".

Thnks a billion, I honestly appreciate it.

She's not calling because she's not ready to. Remember the last conversation you two had. You were desperate and clingy. She doesn't want to talk to desperate and clingy you. Right now that's the only you she can think of. Let her remember that there was a time that you weren't that way, and make the decision then. These things take some time.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by imissher

I just need her to call

---

Everything about this break boils down to this one thing. And therein lies your problem.

Quote:

---

As for advice, can anyone tell me why she isn't calling?

---

She doesn't want to. Or she doesn't need to. Or she isn't ready to.

Quote:

---

And what should I do at this point, contact or no contact?

---

You need to start no contact. Yes, start it. Talking to her, agonizing over communication, talking to her family and friends, talking to mutual friends about her... all of that breaks every single rule there is about no contact.

There won't be a point at which we'll recommend anything else, by the way, and no matter how much you think you understand, it's clear from your posts that you don't.

Quote:

---

If I want to maximize my chances of getting her back, what should I do?

---

Nothing. At this point, there is nothing you can do. Anything you do will make it worse.

Please note that this is exactly the same as we've advised all through this... nothing has changed.

Here are your options: Take the advice that's been given, time and time again, or take charge, call her up, and end it.

Lol, I'm so screwed over.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by imissher

I seriously apoligize for making this thread so friggin long. and i thank everybody for their patience and support.

---

No apologies necessary. When I first read this post I was not really sure if we were getting through to you. I'm still not convinced but you're a hard headed guy and I will give you all the credit in the world you still keep coming back. Your at least willing to keep hearing advice.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by imissher

Why isnt she asking for it? (Im guessing shes still thinking about her decision, otherwise she wouldve called for her stuff the very next day)

---

Maybe she doesn't value her stuff as much as you think she does. Maybe she's using it as bait to sucker you in later. Her stuff is not exactly a high priority right now and if your stuff is nut up and call her and tell her that you want it back and set up a meeting time. Your emotional stability is what's most important and despite the fact you claim that we keep saying the same thing over and over you aren't taking it in at all.

We've all been where you at. Not one of us had a “coach” to guide us through like you've gotten from all of us. We all learned the hard way. You can too or you can accept what were saying and start applying it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by imissher

I need that call, to let her know im doing great without her,

---

That fact that you NEED that call speaks to exactly what we are all trying to communicate with you. She doesn't need any guy that needs her. She needs a man and your not even acting like a boy, your acting like a baby.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by imissher

Either way, i need closure.

---

This isn't high school anymore. This isn't a movie. Your fantasy land feelings don't translate into real life. Closure is something you give yourself. It is not something she can give you.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by imissher

I cannot hang on to false hopes.

---

She broke up with you and now she's ignoring you. What false hopes could you be speaking about?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by imissher

As for advice, can anyone tell me why she isnt calling?

---

Why does she have to? Sometimes people need space and after getting rid of your clinginess she needs a break and the time to refocus. You do too and the posters here have offered you a wealth of advice if you'd actually stop and really apply it instead of disregarding it as though you know what were saying and “it's all the same blah, blah, blah.”

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by imissher

And what should i do at this point, contact or no contact? If i want to maximize my chances of getting her back, what should i do?

---

You should no contact. This is a great example of what I'm talking about. You've had 5 pages of advice on this thread and you've got another thread out there with more advice and more than one person has told you to put no contact in place. You hearing it but your not listening to it. You want the magic formula like the movies offer. Well that doesn't work here. The best you've got is to disappear and make her miss you. In fact that's all you've got.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by imissher

dont suggest me to leave, and work on myself, blah blah, i have heard that a billion times and i understand it from that perspective. Now i need advice on a "positive perspective".

---

So you've heard it a billion times? How many times have you applied it?

Just reading that above quote speaks volumes to me about how far gone you are. I know you can't see it but the rest of can. Someday in the very far off future if you reread this you will too.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by imissher

Ill try keeping this short so its easy to understand:

My girlfriend and i have been together for 2-3 yrs. We are both 19 yrs old. Everything was nothing short of perfect until the last couple of months. During the "perfect" period, we had healthy relationship problems, arguements, and we would always work things out.

But lately, she had wanted to leave. I have counted a LOT of times where i had to literally beg on my knees for her to stay. And everytime i would better myself and fix the problem. I would give her everything she wanted... gifts, flowers, cards and letters, patience, devotion, my love and commitment. It wasnt enough... she would then want to keep leaving, until finally she did. I was devasted because i had given EVERYTHING i had...i tried my best to make it work and make it happy even when i was dying inside. I would cry myself to sleep and wake up the next morning to ask for more. I love her, and she says she loves me all the time, she also says there is no one else (i am 100% sure about this).

We had planned our future together(i know were younge but still...), the kind cars, houses, kids and all that. It just kills me to look back at all the letters and pictures we had together.

I have given her "space" before, and it worked, but this time it feels like she can actually leave me for good. She had wanted to leave for a long time, the only reason why she didnt, is because i promised to be better and really REALLY begged for her to stay.

As for myself, i think im too jealous and insecure, i would always call her and stay by her side literally everyday. I think i smothered her too much to the point where shes just sick of me.

Why would she want to leave?:( What can i do to get her back? Is there even a chance?

She left me coz she said she wasnt happy to be with me, she said i made her sad, she says she didnt want "me" anymore, but i know deep in my heart that she loves me.

Help :(
its eating me alive....

---

I'll help you! What you need to do is leave her alone for a while your being to clingy and if you really love this girl then give her some space and ask her what she wants to do that day? I think if you did get back together you should maybe have days out with friend on your own and make there something to look forward to by seeing each other and also you both will have something other than what you can have to eat for tea! Then she will have her space and you will have time to think what you can do in how ever days time! Hope a bit of advise will help.

You've received many opinions so far. But I doubt any of us can tell you what to do. Here's my experience.. Together for almost 2 years. I love him more than you can imagine. He does love me too. But I have tried to leave at least 4 times (unusual for me), because I was too fed up with the way he treated me very often, and every time I tried to leave it tears me apart. I am happy that we are still together, but no one knows for how long. So why don't you two just meet and talk. Just ask her if she loves you or not. If yes, tell her you love her and from this point its all in her hands. If no, then no point in wasting your time. Just say okay, wish her luck and a nice life and go home... Both cases it will be all up to her. Good luck!

Chuff has said it best on here I would say and you must re-read everything on this thread. I don't believe you are really listening. I don't mean that in a nasty way but you really are not accepting much here. You say you understand but then contradict yourself and come back to the issue of getting her back. I know how you are feeling as I have been there and it does hurt, but you must try and make positive actions. Most of what you are doing is largely negative. You say you want positive advice and I believe you have received that. You are perceiving positive as something drawn from what you want to happen (getting her back). The reality is that she is gone and most probably will not be coming back. It will take time to understand but you will get this in time. You will still get your moments even 6 months down the line but you will get through this, I promise.

Yeah.. I'm in a huge state of denial. Good news though, I am starting to feel better, however, remember that the thread started with "I want her back. but how?" IF I wanted to get over her, or make my life better, or work on myself, then I wouldve changed the name of the thread.

Not to hate on the advice you guys gave me, believe me, I have taken it all in and it has helped a lot, and I can't even begin to thank you guys. Over time I will understand, but for now... I'm trying the best I can do to get her back. Im not expecting it, in fact I'm preparing for the worst, but hey, what's wrong with trying one last time. I got nothing to lose, I've already lost everything.

By the way. 1 week of no contact... haha I didn't think I could do it...

Peaaaaaace.

I'd forget about for now. Work on yourself. Grow up. Become a man.

By telling you to leave we're giving you the only advice that could possibly work in bringing her back... Running to her will just drive her away. Seriously!!

The nice bonus about what we're telling you is that you'll come to realize that you didn't really need her to be happy, anyway... Likely, she has all ready realized the same thing about you.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by imissher

Yeah.. im in a huge state of denial. Good news though, i am starting to feel better, however, remember that the thread started with "I want her back. but how?" IF i wanted to get over her, or make my life better, or work on myself, then i wouldve changed the name of the thread.

Not to hate on the advice you guys gave me, believe me, i have taken it all in and it has helped a lot, and i can't even begin to thank you guys. Over time i will understand, but for now... im trying the best i can do to get her back. Im not expecting it, in fact im preparing for the worst, but hey, whats wrong with trying one last time. I got nothing to lose, ive already lost everything.

btw. 1 week of no contact.... haha i didnt think i could do it...

peaaaaaace.

---

I don't think anyone has misinterpreted the nature of your thread and why you gave it the title you did. Clearly you want to get her back and are reaching out for any advice you can get on doing this. Truthfully, if this really is what you want, then leaving her alone is the only possible way that she will come back. Working on yourself and making your life better is in fact the way you should go. Even this may not bring her back but at least it will make you healthy for your next relationship. Perhaps you are hearing everyone and you have explained that you understand so I acknowledge this. After all, it has been only 1 week since no contact for you so I can't say you are not doing well because it is still early days. Just keep with the No Contact and get busy doing things to keep your mind of her. In the first 2 months after my breakup, I thought about my ex nearly all day and it was tiring and really pointless to my progress. I still think of her now but not every minute of the day, just passing thoughts throughout the day. The best thing to do is to occupy yourself, exercise, go for a walk, watch a film, visit a friend, take up a hobby or just work hard. It is tough and I do understand what you are going through which is why I don't want to sound too harsh because I know what point your are at and all this seems hard to take in right now. You are doing a good thing by seeking out help here and I recommend you keep venting as much as you like even if it goes against the advice you get here because in the end, it does help. It helped me and it will help you too.