Hey guys thanks for all the responses ,whether I like or not.. I am taking all this advice chewing on it and making my decision soon... Thanks again

Hey guys had a great day ,I went in with a great attitude and she was completely different ,didn't mention our relationship at all.. I did bring up an incident with my ex this weekend (my ex wanted me back )and that appeared to ruffle her feathers so to speak.She said you should have told her you would never take her back because she is a cheater I would never be like that blah blah.. I talk to her about my personal life all the time because we are really good friends like that so it was no make her jealous stuff just this time it seemed to bother her...

And your glad you ruffled her feathers??

No was very unintentional we talk about this stuff all the time and she never responds like that...

Why the need to talk about an ex to a person your interested in.

How about just having fun and light conversation about anything and everything other than your ex!! She doesn't want to hear about that!

It sounds like you were only doing it to get a reaction!

Ps - when you date at work disastrous results usually occur. If you remain friends consider yourself a champion to her and yourself. You are not marrying this girl and hormones ebb and flow at the "break table" - or the karaoke Night or the water cooler recap time of American Idol or Lost - but that should be the clever end. Keep rocking...

PS - I couldn't tell if this remark was meant for me or Tal... "If you would rather not answer my posts then please don't ,I seek other peoples opinion there is no requirement to answer..Keep that in mind ..." which is why I PM'd you and plainly asked but you never answered me. So after not getting an answer, I wished you well and left the thread.

I wasn't ever agitated, I was confused (funny but in a way you maybe did here with me a very similar thing that you did with her LOL and if so, then maybe the way you operate warrents a closer look).

I just thought I wasn't being helpful anymore and perhaps you are too far into this to hear my particular message. Time for someone else to take a crack at it. I am sorry for the misunderstanding. No hard feelings were meant either way

And, as always... I hope this is helpful too.

Hey Val sorry if I offended anyone...

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Originally Posted by jrock39

Hey Val sorry if I offended anyone ...

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Wait LOL Wait a minute here... I didn't say you offended anyone??
And you did not offend me either! OY I thought I made that plain too (laughing here at the absurdity of this LOL)

I mean, golly, if you keep insisting I am agitated or offended or something I am not, I might get there... naw, I would just leave again, shaking my head and laughing!

I appreciate you taking the time to answer my questions so I am sorry if I said something wrong... J

An update to this dilemma ,Last week I tried the I am losing interest approach and I noticed a real difference in her .I also was told by a friend of mine who works with us that he was asking her about a project she was working on and he said I came into view and she could hardly talk and did not take her eyes off me.. His response was she is still crazy for you (He is the only person who works with us who knows )I gave a her a Valentines gift just like I gave her a New Years gift and she actually said thanks she didn't on the New years gift ,she didn't open it until she got home and it was a stuffed animal (she loves these) .She placed the gifts on her TV so I am thinking why put them there if you don't have feelings for me why not feed them to the dogs lol.. Anyway she was very happy last week .This week I plan on talking about what went wrong with us and I am going to ask her to open up and tell me how I made her feel during that time.. I am just going to listen and not say a word until she ask me to or she is done...

You analyse things quite deeply don't you?

Where she puts her stuffed animals, whether she says thanks for a gift or not (which I find it very rude she never said thanks for you New Year gift)..

Stop thinking so much!! You'll drive yourself crazy and her away!

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Originally Posted by jrock39

This week I plan on talking about what went wrong with us and I am going to ask her to open up and tell me how I made her feel during that time ..I am just going to listen and not say a word until she ask me to or she is done...

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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Jrock, don't you see you've got some leverage. You got some momentum. You pulled back and her interest sparked back up. You showed her you didn't need her and she suddenly needed you.

The last thing, and I mean the very last thing you should do is take your new found power and give it right back to her and discuss your feelings. That is something you should do months from now if ever. This is exactly why she is hot and cold with you. You act like a man who doesn't need her and she gets hot, then you turn around and act like a woman who wants to talk to another woman about feelings and she gets cold.

You have to be fun. You have to be indecisive. You have to do anything that does NOT involve being a relationship. I know what your doing as I've been there before you get a little leverage and you think "well I'll show her I'm really a nice guy and discuss her feelings and get emotional and she'll appreciate me for it." That will not happen. I assure as a person who has done these things myself and finally learned the hard way.

Just stop and think, write this down if you have to, but think of all the times her interest in you has been hot. It's been when you've pulled back or been a jerk or showed jerkish tendancys towards her. Every time you play nice guy she gets cold. Every time you ask her an opinion on anything she turns away. She wants you to be the rock and be solid.

Thanks Chuff ,I maintained the course and she was laughing ,flirting even touched my hand a couple of times like she accidentally did it .On Friday at our last break she got a call so I got up and walked away she told me today all about the call who it was (her sister) and told me everything she did this weekend naming names and said I stayed at home most of the weekend.. I didn't ask nor did I act liked I cared but for some reason she felt compelled to tell me this stuff... I don't know

An update of sorts ,I was shocked on Monday when she came to the break table and put a book beside me .She said "this is a peace offering" with a puzzled look I said "what is this again"she said "You have done so many nice things for me and been really sweet and I have been mean to you and have had an attitude with you" she continued on to say "I am sorry for that and I am not going to treat you like that anymore ".I was shocked as this came out of nowhere. She said "I never say thanks to you ,I make sure I tell anyone that does something nice for me thanks but I don't always tell you " I said " I don't do nice things for you for a thanks I do them because I want to"and she said I feel as though I don't say it enough.. I am really confused now...

It sounds as though you may have been going way over the top with all the nice stuff and it annoyed her so she tried to show you that it annoyed her by being rude. Then upon reflection she felt bad for being rude so is now trying to make it up to you.

Although she should not in my opinion be rude to you simply because you are being nice, sometimes it can become quite irritating to people when someone is overly nice to them. I know it annoys me at times. I get frustrated with people who just seem to try so hard to be nice it is almost unnatural.

Could this be you? Could you have been trying so hard with her that it was actually annoying her? And because it was annoying her she was trying to show you so?

I know I'm not there and don't really know but that is just my take on things going on what you have described.

Did you ask her why she felt the need to be nasty and had attitude towards you when you were only trying to be nice? That would have been my question to her when she explained why she was apologising to you.

You still think way too much and analyse everything. She probably see's that and it also frustrates her. Is everything you do a thought out and preconceived plan?

Maybe the best advice I can offer you is to simply be yourself and act natural!

Not to confuse the issue, I like what Skell is saying but I wonder if you started backing off and she got nervous so she brought the peace offering. As you've pointed out when you go in she backs off. When you back off she comes in.

Just out of curiosity what was the book? Did it have anything to do with anything between you two?

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Originally Posted by chuff

Not to confuse the issue, I like what Skell is saying but I wonder if you started backing off and she got nervous so she brought the peace offering. As you've pointed out when you go in she backs off. When you back off she comes in.

Just out of curiosity what was the book? Did it have anything to do with anything between you two?

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Good thoughts Chuff because there is a pattern of her heating up when he backs off.

It is actually getting a little tiring. Surely it is for you too Jrock? Isn't all this back and forth and mixed feelings becoming somewhat like some stupid game to you? I don't mind the little games played when it is innocent flirting early on but sooner or later the games have to end and the people involved need to act like adults and work out what is going on.

I agree that its foolish games ,I loaned her the book "Your best life now"by Joel Osteen about a month ago .The book she brought me was "Purpose driven life" and she explained she needed to change some things about her way of life and the way she treats people namely me .I started acting like "you said what you wanted so I am going to move on as you wish" .I have been out on dates (I haven't told her) but somehow women sense these things and I think she is picking up on it .As far as the nice things I have done.. not much really I bring her something to eat for breakfast every now and then and have done nothing really dramatic so to speak. She did say I always have an attitude with you and you still are nice to me and I am sorry for being that way...

I would also like to say thanks for your input it has helped ,I admit I was a bit optimistic but followed some of the suggestions to a degree and they seem to be working .I was about to spill out all of my feelings when Chuff said noooooooooooo lol which turned out to be great advice Thanks Chuff... J

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Originally Posted by jrock39

I agree that its foolish games ,I loaned her the book "Your best life now"by Joel Osteen about a month ago.

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Totally off topic but how is this book. I'm not religious but I can watch Joel Olsteen all day. He is very positive and motivating and even funny (when he starts picking on his family) with out being preachy which is kind or ironic given he is a preacher.


As for the games I agree with Skell and yourself that some games are being played. At first I thought it was her trying to get back at your for dumping her. It still may be for that matter, but I agree with Skell that at some point she's either got to say she forgives you or not. I think she seems to be going in that direction but it certainly is taking a long time. The only thing I could suggest in this regard is that if she brings up, and only if she brings up that you've already dumped her to just say something like, "I'm not perfect, I make mistakes on occassion but unlike most guys I learn from them and try to show over time the mistakes do not make the man." Then I would just drop it and let her think about it. If you keep on apologizing or making excuses it makes you look weak. But if you give one good firm explanation then it says everything you need to say. Plus your telling the absolute truth, you made a mistake, you owned up to it and your moving forward. If she chooses to move forward with you then good. If not then good.

All that being said I wouldn't bring that up unless she address it first. To bring that discussion to her would be giving her some power and also perhaps be seen as a sign of weakness.

Thanks again Chuff ,The book is very good I -actually own two of his books. I am like you I can watch him all day because he is not about hell and damnation and not once do you ever hear him say send money or we are going off the air like most TV evangelists .I enjoyed the book, it was as if the book was written for me and the things I do wrong .This book began the transformation of my character that made me think twice about my ex and how I treat people in general.I used to be a "player" so to speak and my ex happened to come along at that time.I highly recommend YBLN and the other titled "Daily Readings form your Best Life Now" which inserts scripture to the message that is on that page .I am like you in that I am not highly religious but I do try to follow Gods plan for my life .I don't believe you have to go to church per say to live that way... Thanks again

We are women we like to make men work for it plus we like reverse psychology!

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Originally Posted by jrock39

I work with a female I dated about 6 months ago ,we began sharing the same break table when we started dating .When the realtionship ended (by my hand) she continued to come back and sit with me .I decided to try again with her because the first time I ended it I was afraid of getting to close which we were .I felt like that she really cared for me because she didnt go sit anywhere else .This break table is isolated and away from everyone else so we are alone .About three months ago I expressed my desire to start over agian ,she said she didn't trust me and that we needed to start by being friends again .I have only been to her house once since that time .The other day our realtionship came up and she said she had no feelings for me because I destroyed them but was halfway smiling when she said that ,I was hurt .I have been super nice trying to win her back .I then ask her why do you sit with me everyday if you have no feelings for me she bumbled through words and couldnt give me an answer ..My question is did she really mean it ?Women say one thing and mean another ...please help

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Of course she'll answer you this way and she's feeling that she lost her feelings towards you. Woman needs attention you killed her waiting for you on this stupid break table... so win her heart back by showing her how beatifull she seemed last day when she was eating this apple on this stupid table.. so stop blocking your feelings and hers too . Let them flow .good luck

An update of sorts ,I can feel her getting closer to me .She comes to town on Saturday nights to sit with a woman who is terminally ill .My friend has two dogs and since she has no children the dogs are like children to her.I offered to let the dogs stay here so they won't be alone so long (the last time she sit with the woman they were alone 14 hours) and she was really excited about the idea and said yes, she said I will even come up early to let them get used to the surroundings so they won't be so shocked .This will be the first time she has been here since we split .I think this is a first step to see if she can trust me again.She has started to touch me a lot lately incidentally as well where before she wouldn't get within three feet of me...

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Originally Posted by jrock39

I think this is a first step to see if she can trust me again.She has started to touch me a lot lately incidently as well where before she wouldnt get within three feet of me ....

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Sounds like the hard work is finally starting to pay off. I'd just keep doing what your doing. And adding dogs to the equation. Nice touch. Nobody can resist the animals and that only makes you look better.

Well the dog sitting thing fell through ,The woman whom she was sitting in with is going home from the hospital. I said "no problem it was just thought" and she said "well I can bring them up when I return your ladder" I said that's a good idea and she seemed elated.She also was really playful today with soft touching and I played with her hair and she doesn't let anyone play with her hair . I get the strange feeling that she is close to giving it another go she just wants to make sure I am serious about her...

I think we are "oh so close" she had a tax debt to pay and worked two jobs to get it paid instead of borrowing .I told her I admired her for this so as a reward I gave her a gift certificate to splurge on something cool for herself .I left it where she would find it at work I had already left and unlike before she actually called to say thanks and seemed really elated .The day before all this happened our mutual friend at work offered to pay for dinner if the two of us went she told me that she told him we tried that before didn't work and that a free dinner sounds nice but... and didn't finish the sentence .I told her oh I gave up a month ago on this and what an "about face" the next day .She treated me like it was my last day on earth being very friendly, flirty and actually said "that stuff I said yesterday about the dinner well what I meant was if we wanted to go out we would pay for it ourself we don't need his money" kept saying we never did that before.. So I don't know any comments ?

Such a nice friendly gesture! Hey dude if you think she is special, I would ask her out.

I think when you told her you gave up a month ago she suddenly got scared again and thought maybe you were leaving again. It's the same thing with her for the last 2 months, you pull further back and she suddenly starts taking notice and working a little harder to get you to come back.

Eventually the back and forth has to stop and something real has to start though or it will get tiresome. But so far you seem to be going well.

She messen with you head homeboy... dont mes with this girl... no reason to... she dontwont you like you won't her move on buddy,.

Well we are dating once again and her attitude is very different ,I think she wanted to make sure I was not going anywhere... The "act like I don't care attitude" turned this whole situation around.. Thanks for that advice chuff... J

The BEST way to remedy this situation... cut you a new one out of the herd. NOTHING works on a heifer worse than when you drop them for another. Guarantee you if she is messing with you... you'll find out then, she'll probably fling herself upon you like a rag, but you'll be in control...

Back and forth is hard work but if there is something at the end of the road? Why not!