There may be a mens shelter, or christian group near you that can help. Worth a try.

Hi Cat, I have my things in order. Most things are in containers and what not. So packing them in the truck won't take much time at all.
Hi Vanheart. I have a good truck load of things. If I left anything behind it would only be destroyed or stolen

Hi petite, number 3 of your response seems to be the closest. I thought about calling off from work to give myself another day to deal with this situation. But I'll probably lose it just from that. The guy Im working for has a lot of other guys who would love to have the job and he would be able to get them for it in a minute. By the way, I just started this job and have only worked two days for him so far.
Hi Taliniman, I have looked into your suggestion. But unfortunately there are no places like that around here or there.

The most important thing is to get out of her house.
Where is this job? 50 miles? How did you get there before? Her truck?

Any co-workers around that can give you a lift? Help you out? Anyone?
You may be surprised.

Even if you miss a day, I'll bet you can get back on this job.

Don't worry about your things, just pack up your tools & necessities.

Whatever you need to leave. Things are things, but you & your well-being are what's important.

Once you leave this situation. You won't have to rely on her.
Call everyone you can. Anyone. There has to be some services nearby to help.

Have you tried everyone that may be able to help?

I have tried everyone Vanheart, everyone I know that is.
But here's the latest update. She just left for work a little bit ago, but right before she left I pretty much begged her for the truck keys so I wouldn't lose my job. She gave in and said this changes nothing, and that I will still have to leave on Wednesday. This is the first I heard of Wednesday, but anyway, I said fine and thank you. So anyway, at least I can make it to work tomorrow. I've been playing it cool all day for this. It seems like I have to kiss up to her for anything. There's been many other times in the past where I had to, even when it came to her depending totally on my income when she lost her last job. But it's getting harder and harder.
Now I know I need to get out of this as soon as possible. But Im curious. Does anyone think she's trying to see how much control and harsh rule she can have on me and threaten to kick me out as her weapon to do so?
Seems like it to me, like she wants total domination. But what could that really possibly give someone in the end? How can anyone truly give their love to you when you treat them like that? And who would want someone who obeys like a dog, and still stays? I've never been treated this way by anyone, so much of this is new to me.

Well, at least you can get to work & make some $.

I would take this trip as an advantage to make any & all contacts that can help you.

Whoever. Local Church, Pastor, co-workers, neighbors, anyone at this point. Google until the cows come home.

Forget the love part. There's no love here. Only abuse.
She will certainly make you pay for this later. "kick me out" ?

You should want to get out.
You can't live like this.

Pride is one thing. Hell is another. Don't be above asking for help.

She wants you gone, there is no games or tricks to it, so go ASAP!

Looks like the deadline is Wednesday.

Hi Vanheart. Oh yeas, believe me, I want to get out. I should have been out of this a long time ago. But Im just wondering how someone like this thinks, that's all at this point. I definitely don't want to be making this mistake again.
You think she'll make me pay later for this? How do you mean? For what?

Taliniman, she's done this so many times before. But only to want to back out at the last minute when I had no problem in leaving at all. She would cry and tell me she still loves me

But by the way Taliniman, Wednesday will be the day, because this time Im not giving in to tears or I love yous

Don't worry about her. Only you.
She's twisted & manipulative.

Like Tal said, you have a Wednesday deadline.

"I definitely don't want to be making this mistake again"
Worry about that when you are long gone.

See you on Thursday.

I wish it were less common than it is, but what you are going through is what abused women, men and children go through all the time. The abuser uses anything and everything to control the target especially emotions. Have you ever asked why a woman stayed with a man who hit her? Now you know.

Perhaps, when you have some distance from all of this and you have your life in order, you can take your new knowledge and put it to good use. If there aren't shelters or help for men your area, you might think about ways to fix that as you rebuild your life. It can be cathartic to help others.

Yes Cat, as I get my life straightened out from all this mess, I would like to help others if I can. And you are right, she does all she can to have control. It's almost like Im not allowed to be upset with however she treats me. Like my emotions have to be in agreement with her. It's amazing how this person you once loved can treat you so bad. And Vanheart is right as well. There is no love here, especially from her side. But for the life of me I just can't understand what she gains from it all

A willing slave, and money making pet, and an emotional tampon. That's what she gets.

Thumbs up on that one Talaniman! So right and made me laugh!

"But for the life of me I just can't understand what she gains from it all"

She gains power. Don't wrack your brain trying to analyze her. Just you.

Its takes 2. The manipulater/abuser & the abused.

BTW, don't let her cry & plead love, suck you back in again. You may want to split when she's not around.
Avoid any further manipulation & words/police, whatever.

Once you are gone. She will have to find someone else to control. Whew!

Can't wait until you are rid of this, if I could give you a ride, I would.

Thanks Vanheart, I appreciate it, I really do. You guys have all been great. I haven't had much of anyone to talk to about all this for so long. This has all been such a great help.

Cool.

Like Cat said "It can be cathartic to help others."

Let us know how it goes.

Are there any sites or other discussions on here that anyone knows of that might have any information relating to people like what I've just described? Still curious about the psychology of it all.

Well, Im still here. It's been up and down again. Im at my wits end. I really don't know if I even want to go on anymore. I've had it all before. I've made my mistakes. I look back and regret so many of the decisions I have made. This was supposed to be my new start in life. Now that this will end as well, I just feel too tired and worn out by life to go on. I keep thinking that when this ends, I should too. I can't find the strength or will anymore. I just want to be loved, but it always fades. Why should anyone care anyway. Im of no consequence to anyone. Yeah, I guess why Im writing this is to find some answer. But really, what is that.

Did you get out of her house?

Not yet Vanheart, still here.

You have your answers, just haven't found the action part. Love yourself when others don't and do what you have to do.

Why haven't you left yet?

I don't love myself anymore Talaniman. Just don't have it in me. What else is left in life?

When things aren't going well its understandable to be down. But you haven't answered the question.

Tal, it got put off a few times. The person that I can store my things to, they won't be back till the 17th. Also, I worked two days for that guy, and he hasn't scheduled anything since. Maybe due to all the rain and flooding we have been through, but still, no money. And also, she wants to stay together then not. Mostly due to her kids whining.

What happened with the job & such?

Have you read back through your thread? There has been some very good & immediate advice.
I would do that.

We all make mistakes. That's why we are here.

The love you are seeking is right inside of you. Find that first. It takes will & being honest. Having faith.

That means changing things. Your current situation first. Leaving.
Even if it means struggling, & the fear of the unknown.

Changing other things too. Like turning self-pity & guilt, into motivation & positive action. Self-love.
Don't let this bad relationship & situation define your future.

When we are at our lowest, there is only the up. You have to make it happen.

Have the will.

Tha job seems like a joke. The guy hasn't called me back since. He talked a lot of steam, but hasn't happened. Believe me, I am a good, hearted, hard working man.
Wjat is the will of living? Just to see everything past you by? And to see everything you wanted for your children past them by? It's so much! And I feel so incapable anymore. I've seen too much of defeat and despaire
In my life to care now. Understand?

You can always recitify your past actions by taking new positive ones. Changing.

Blaming yourself doesn't help. Neither does dwelling on negative thoughts. Find the strength.

Take control.

So how will you tell your kids that daddy gave up because the freakin world was against him? How do you expect me to understand quitting on oneself.

Dude you act like you are the only one to be having a hard time. Trust me been there done that, many times. So just get off the pity pot, and make those escape plans to getting out of the prison you are in. I don't care what you say, find someone to reach out to, and ask for help, and no more talk of not having anything like a shelter, or a church around you. Or a welfare office. I know I sound harsh, but you have to do what it takes to get back in the game, even if its to borrow her truck to go home.

You have to try something, because you can't wallow in your own sh1t, and expect good things to happen, can you? You burned your bridges, build new ones.

Do I really need to Talanim? What sthe freakin point? We all must die someday. What does it matter now? Art least I will never have to face something like this again.

You have choices. Call 911, or a hotline, if you feel that desperate.

The last time you posted, you were looking forward to getting away from this.

Instead you stayed. Let her suck you back in. Against all of the advice.
She has you right where she wants you. Always have. Knows that you want love & family, uses that against you.
And you let her.

This was easy to get into, now hard to get out of.

You have taken the easy way out for a long time. Don't do it now. Nows the time to live.
Ive been there many times, still am sometimes. And fight it.

What always keeps me going is not to disrespect myself.
The gratitude that I am on this earth to begin with. And still here.

Sometimes someone gets hit by a bus & killed going to work. Sometimes a little girl gets shot & dies for no reason, when all she wanted was to help others & play baseball. At the hands of someone else.

We are all human, come from the same flesh & blood.

Like Tal said, "you act like you are the only one to be having a hard time."

Its never too late if you try.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by stuckrighthere

Do I really need to Talanim? What sthe freakin point? We all must die someday. What does it matter now? Art least I will never have to face something like this again.

---

Is that what you tell your children? What's the point? Do you tell them to give up when things get hard for them?

They need a daddy, not a male who thinks that being a father is giving them things. They need to visit you not a memorial to the man you wanted to be. You can give your children the world just by being their father and encouraging them to find their wings. Show your children how to survive whatever happens in their lives. Show them and yourself that no matter how old you are dreams continue and you can succeed. It may take more work or different skills than you think you possess right now, but there is always hope.

You're depressed and letting the situation get to you. You got into it. You can get out of it. Have faith in yourself. Find anything that helps you build up positive thoughts about yourself. Why allow a woman and her children to drag your self-esteem down just to build up their own?

What am I supposed to do when I have no options at all? I have no job, no place to go, nothing. Only more problems than I started with. I can't believe that someone loves you one day, then turns around and hates you the next. What the hell happened? We wanted the same things before, I thought I filled the void in her life that she said was there. And now Im nothing to her, but some piece of dirt.

It just feels that the best thing to do is just end it. I've been married before, had a great family, had a good career. I'll never have that again. All I have is problems. And it never seems to get better. It might for a little while, then things just get worse than before. Im just so sick of living anymore. I haven't had much time with my kids because of these bad relationships. I don't think it would matter to them anyway if I were alive or not. And in my condition, what good am I to them anyway. I can't do much for or with them anyway.

You are a divorced guy. You know how things change, and feelings change. I am willing to bet if you PM me your zip code, I could tell you where to go, and start having options.

Look guy, life happens, and its tough, but you thrive, and survive by taking a few good suggestions or just trying. You have no options because you don't want to try. Take me up on my offer, send me your zip, and let me show you. Or just Google mens shelter in XXXXX, and I guarantee you will have a place to at least start looking. If you are in the US, every county has a service for homeless or dislocated people, and counselors that can point you in the right direction.

I have been doing this a long time, not just for homeless and the unemployed, but for addicts and ex cons also, who just want another chance.

Now get off your a$$, and do as I suggested. Or take your next check, and get a bus ticket home, and check out your local human resource center, or county facility and at least try, and keep trying until you get a foot in the door, or options for yourself.

Are you trained for anything? Then get hooked up to be trained for something. Do something besides feeling sorry for yourself.

What were your options before you got in this situation?
Remember back? When you made that decision.

Stop crying & start trying. If you wanted to leave, you would. Im starting to feel like Im being played.

Stick your thumb out. Take the advice here. Local help,. Whatever.
If you really care, about you & your kids and your future, you would find a way to fix things.

Instead you are staying the same. Sounds like you don't care at all about anything. Nothings important, except your bed.

All Im hearing is still about her. Why? After all you know? You might as well stay there. Must not be that bad, after all.

You don't want to listen or change.

Let me know when you decide to leave.

I am getting out of here this weekend. That's for sure. It's just that I have no where to go. Im not trying to feel sorry for myself. I know it sounds like I am. I guess I have been somewhat. It's just so hard to deal with. I just can't believe how someone who once loved you can just turn their back on you like that.
I did talk to my ex-wife for a while. She can't do anything for me, but she's concerned. We had a nice talk and she's going to try to explain things to our kids as to why they won't be seeing me for a while. I told her that Im really glad one of us at least got into a good relationship

Good. GTFO. (get the f... out)

We are here to help. During & after. All along the way.

Stop thinking about her & how love is so cruel. C'mon.

Words are just words. Actions are what's really important. Just yours now.
Her actions sucked all along. She used & manipulated you the whole time.
You believed it while being crapped on. While eating dinners.

"I just can't believe how someone who once loved you can just turn their back on you like that"

**** happens. Maybe because you let it. And got with the wrong person for the wrong reasons.

But don't worry about that, after this weekend, that will all be in your past.

Whoooooo Hooooooo!!

"I told her that Im really glad one of us at least got into a good relationship"

Never say stuff like that. That's self-pity. And Lame. No one wants to hear that.
What that says is you can't take responsibility for you actions.

Man-up.

Wow, your pretty harsh there Vanheart. Your right though, she did use and manipulate me. Just can't understand how someone can do that to somebody else

Do you really think she did?

@stuckrighthere: I think she, the woman you're with, is kind of strong one: She works, manages a house, handles and raises up her growing boys, controls a man (you)... This strong type will only be conquered by a stronger one. And you're not, unfortunately. She knows that you'll stay (or even if you leave you'll come back) anyway because she knows you're indecisive, and have no determination: the characteristics of a man that hardly achieves anything big: This is one of the reasons she has left no respect towards you and is treating you like that. Once you're disrespected by a woman, you by no means have any kind of love from her. If you ever hear any "I love you" or anything like that, she's using women's weapons to drive you, for her own goods.

I know that all difficulties that you've stated before are just excuses. The point is deep inside you, you DON'T want to leave. You're afraid, afraid of having no roof, no woman, no food...

It's up to you to become strong and independent, to live in real happiness, or to stay with her, to have a house and a woman. But remember that a woman can only love a man she respects.

It's quite possible that much of what you are saying in right Petiteabeille.
I ran into someone today at the local park when I was taking the dog for a walk. She has known my "girlfriend" for many years. She asked why she hasn't seen the two of us lately together at that park. I simply told her that we are splitting up. Then suddenly she says she's glad for me that we are. Of course I asked why, and she went into giving me the whole low-down about her. How badly she treated her ex-husband, how much of a drama queen she is, how controlling she is, and so much more. Everything she said just seemed to fit. I could tell she really knew her well. But one thing she did say before she left which I couldn't understand, she said that no matter how mad and angry my girlfriend is acting towards me, it's because she's really hurt inside and that's why she's acting that way and not to let her try to suck me back in when I do go to leave. But what could she possibly be so hurt about? She is the one pushing to have it over. She brings it up everyday. I don't argue with her about it. I tell I can't wait till it's over too.