Ask Me Help Desk - Ex Girlfriend Possible Mind Games. Signs and help!

I see mind games being played on both sides and someone needs to stop it. Since you are the one asking for advice, I guess it is up to you.

Box up any more belongings she has left at your place and have a friend return them to her. O more threats to throw her stuff out. Block her number. Block her email. Stop getting updates on her or sending messages through friends. If she shows up on your doorstep, ask her to leave. If she is crying, call her mother to come get her. She isn't your responsibility now.

Stop having sex with her. Stop allowing things to 'just happen'. So far there isn't a child mixed up in this farce and it should stay that way.

Start being involved in your own life. Go out with your own friends. Keep yourself busy. Allow yourself to heal.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat1864

I see mind games being played on both sides and someone needs to stop it. Since you are the one asking for advice, I guess it is up to you.

Box up any more belongings she has left at your place and have a friend return them to her. o more threats to throw her stuff out. Block her number. Block her email. Stop getting updates on her or sending messages through friends. If she shows up on your doorstep, ask her to leave. If she is crying, call her mother to come get her. She isn't your responsibility now.

Stop having sex with her. Stop allowing things to 'just happen'. So far there isn't a child mixed up in this farce and it should stay that way.

Start being involved in your own life. Go out with your own friends. Keep yourself busy. Allow yourself to heal.

Seriously! I had to spread the rep.

jbots10, it's time to use yourself control and just say no.

Fell for the water works, huh. To bad, she probably bragged to her friends how she got a poor sap to buy her dinner.

Oh man, why do I feel as though this is going to be a reacuring trend.

To add insult to injury, she then proceeded to text me the entire night like she was back together with me...

I have read and reread almost every sticky, and have searched for this type of topic and I see simularities but I don't.

This ***** is confused, and I'm trying to not get involved but its hard when its this constent up and down.

That friend that she has been around was home yesterday, so I took priority over her, along with today she texted me last night and wanted to come right over after work.

Is she being sincere or what is she trying to get at?

Only thing I can think is that we had a semi good weekend and its bringing back old memorys and feelings which she wants to reconnect with?

And, here's the kicker... She requested to add me back on Facebook... I have not accpeted and I don't think I will...

... She texts me and I'm very distant and cold.

I don't think I'm playing games, I'm just looking out for my own benefit...

Could there be something here?? or am I just climbing that mountain again, just to be pushed off?

This site is getting me through work, and honestly Im glad I found it. I plan on sticking around here weither it be for this FUBR relationship or the next one. There are lessons and great advice on this site. :) Just wanted to throw that out there.

Leave her alone. This girl has a nasty attitude and she is wiping the floor with you.

I just don't understand why she is trying to get so close to me again.

:/

Boo hoo so she was crying-crocodile tears...

Come on-take charge of your own life-stop the game playing-as you are as much of a player here as she is.

That's the thing though... Shes making it so hard to do NC. She shows up, and then is normal again to me. Its so confusing. I can't tell what she really wants... Shes been cuddly last night and has been texting me all day, I have responded once.

No-you are responsible for how you ALLOW yourself to be treated.

You can stop this farce by deciding n o t to accept any more c^*p from her.

Your choice.

I understand that but I don't want to force her away if she wants to stay though... And if she shows up today which I think she is then I will see if she wants to have that talk and if not then I will take the upper hand and terminate things..

I will update later

Why did you set yourself up for all this drama?

You know what she is like. You could have calmly said that you thought it would be better for her to get her own cleaning supplies or to have come with you to make certain there wasn't a mistake. You didn't. You expected a 'thank you' from someone you say never gives thanks. Your mistake.

You feel bad. You could have kept that from happening. You didn't have to see her. You didn't have to have dinner with her. You didn't have to press your luck and take her back to your place. You didn't have to go out and get her cleaning supplies. You wanted to test the 'relationship' and surprise nothing was different.

Are you ready to go full No Contact now?

You can't be surprised that things turned out the way they did. Had enough yet?

Talaniman, yes. I have had enough. I can't do this any more. I feel as though I have been used for the last time and starting today am going NC. I have 15 days before I go to school and I'm done stressing about this girl who uses me and treats me like cr@p. I know I'm going to miss her but I think I'm going to feel good about this. Only time will tell I suppose.

Stick to your decision.

100% NC now.

Good luck.

Thanks, ill keep updating this thread with what's going on. Im sure somebody out there will search for this topic and will have to go through this same type of non sense I have been going through the past month.

Your mind is made up now, fueled by anger and frustration, but the real test comes when today's feelings fade with tomorrows reality. That means stay strong, and stick to your guns, no matter what she does or says, and just do your thing.

Good luck guy, and stay in touch.

The thing is though, I can always find something to think back and get angry about. I figure by time I run out of those thoughts will be the time when my heart no longer craves her.

This was her idea, not mine. She will run back, and when I'm not there it will be a reality check.

This site. +1

Tonight, she starts blowing up my phone and I just can't take it. I answer and she is such an ungrateful b!tch then I hang up and send her a text to pretty much get out of my life. Im in such a fury of emotions right now. Im sad, angry, annoyed and just feel violated.

I think I hate her.

Next time switch your phone off.
Don't allow her to get hold of you.
By having chosen N C you've done the right thing for yourself.
You matter now - not Miss Manipulative Ex.
Work out those feelings of anger by doing some excersise if you can.
Hang in there.

Its just so annoying. This weekend was fine right up until she got her piercing and then it was back to normal again. She made an excuse to leave my house last night. Today she was short again and barely talking to me and now this. Im so sick of it.

'Im so sick of it.'

Which is exactly why you stick with total NC.

Hopefully you are sick enough to stay away.
You can no longer get mad at her for being who and what she is. Stop talking to her. Stop letting her walk on you.
Leave the girl alone!

Harhness Alert

Quote:

Originally Posted by jbots10

Its just so annoying. This weekend was fine right up until she got her piercing and then it was back to normal again. She made an excuse to leave my house last night. Today she was short again and barely talking to me and now this. Im so sick of it.

Why is she at your house in the first place? Why do you care if she is short and barely talking to you? Why have you not blocked her number?

Personally, I think you are the problem instead of her. You keep letting her back into your life and blaming her for not having changed. You tell us that you are not going to let her play games with you and turn around the same day and let her back into your house and get upset that she made an excuse to leave. What were you expecting? A long heartfelt apology for making your life miserable? The 'I've changed and want you back' discussion? Sex? Something to 'just happen'?

Now you are upset that she is short and barely talking to you today. You are not supposed to be talking to her in the first place. No Contact means No Communications of any type. Be polite but don't encourage personal discussion should you meet in public.

Take some responsibility for your own actions and reactions. Stop playing games with her. Let her live her own life and you do the same. Both of you need to let go and heal.

INSANITY - Doing the same thing over, and over, and expecting different results.

Change your action, change the results. Choose your actions wisely

HINT: Run, fast, DISAPPEAR FOREVER.

Things are not going good at all. This is a lot harder then I thought it was going to be.

Breaking up and NC is hard but you get through it and you are better off in the long run.

Of course it's tough, but you hang in there and it will get easier day by day.
Detox from the drama-be active and keep busy.
Think with your head, not your heart.

I feel as though I am back at day one. Im trying to think with my head but when I have nothing to do its very hard. When we were together I lost most of my friends. I didn't have work today, and I live alone with a room mate who is never here. So I really have no body to talk to and everything I do is just a remember of how things were when we were together and I never felt alone.

Its tough to make that transition from having somebody available to you all the time, to being independent and happy with what you are doing alone now. A plan of action for those alone times is what's needed, preferably around people.

Even if you are a loner by nature, the key is family, friends, and activities, that change your focus from old patterns to new ones.

Get involved with something. That's where your plan should start, and go where you interact with people, and make friends. Yes this will be the hardest thing you have had to do, so meet the challenge.

I mean stop and think why this is so hard, when the whole exercise and challenge is about what you do for yourself. Its sad that you cannot do for yourself, your time, and most of all cope with your own feelings in positive ways.

This battle is between YOU, and YOU, and the things you come up with to do for yourself. So don't just sit struggling with yourself, when there is a HUGE world to explore and find out about. When you do, you will be busy enough to take advantage of a good nights sleep. Make a plan, and follow it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jbots10

I feel as though i am back at day one.

This also naturally happens when you break NC and go back to being "friendly" with the ex, you undo any progression you made and by the time you go back to NC, its like starting over again.

So let me just say, I'm done with this. I have not been able to go no contact lately and honestly I know I should have been done a long time ago but last night was the last straw and I'm promising myself I can't do this any more. I was some place and she texts me and says she wants to chill, so I agree and go home just for her to tell me that well I can't now because my mom won't let me take the car and she says she was watching netflix on my account. Well funny thing is she says she's going to bed at 1am. 1.) Netflix was not touched last night. 2.)She was commenting on a photo of her at 345am.

Im done. I have been lied to for the last time. I need to be done.

Where do I start. This is going to be awful.

Step one?

Sever all connections, and access to you. Start with Facebook, and include Netflix, and block her emails, texts, and any other way to contact you.

You do know about the stickies, don't you. Reread your own post again to refresh your memory of what you have gone through.

That's a great start. But you actually have to do these things, not just think of ways around them.

I just removed her and all her little friends from Facebook. Made my account private. The cell phone I have no control over, its still in my moms name (family plan with grandfather unlimited data.) I just removed netflix from all accessories at her house. She wouldn't email me.

Ive read the stickies probably 20 times each.

I want to do this, I just know how much I'm going to miss her, and how lonely I'm about to be. This is me throwing all hope out the window. Im just not looking forward to starting back off at step one. I hate this so much..

Making tough choices, and being responsible for your own happiness through those choices is a fact of life you better get use to.

We all hate bad times, but you have to deal with them.

You should still be able to block her phone number. If you personally can't, ask your mother to block it.

Keep busy. Get ready for school. Look into the material you will be studying.

Hang out with friends. Exercise. Volunteer. Start a new hobby or pick up an old. How are your cooking skills? Cooking and baking are great ways to keep both mind and body busy. Plus your hands usually end up too messy to hold a phone.

Don't dwell on how hard it is going to be. Instead, find ways to help yourself.

What are some of the ways you would give someone else to stay busy?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat1864

You should still be able to block her phone number. If you personally can't, ask your mother to block it.

Keep busy. Get ready for school. Look into the material you will be studying.

Hang out with friends. Exercise. Volunteer. Start a new hobby or pick up an old. How are your cooking skills? Cooking and baking are great ways to keep both mind and body busy. Plus your hands usually end up too messy to hold a phone.

Don't dwell on how hard it is going to be. Instead, find ways to help yourself.

What are some of the ways you would give someone else to stay busy?

Im a great cook. I have been working out. I lost all my friends because of this girl lying and causing drama.

It's the fact like right now I'm sitting in my room, just thinking about her with another guy and the fact that just on Tuesday I paid for her to get her belly button pierced and then haven't seen or really talked to her since.

It's the fact that I have been used and I have done nothing wrong but be a good guy this entire time..

Good guys finish last? :/

So, why are you sitting there letting her manipulate the way you feel about yourself? Why are you letting thoughts of her control what you do now?

Why are you torturing yourself thinking about her with other men? Does that really sound like a healthy thing to concentrate on?

Why aren't you calling up your old friends and making amends and plans to meet up? Are you afraid of how they will react or what they will say? 'I told you so' doesn't really hurt when you are already telling yourself the same thing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jbots10

Its the fact that i have been used and i have done nothing wrong but be a good guy this entire time..

Good guys finish last? :/

But you keep letting yourself get "used". This has turned into a huge back and forth between multiple people here telling you what you need to do, you not doing it, then coming back and complaining about how she "used" you again.

Sorry to be harsh, but sometimes I can be too blunt!

Quote:

Originally Posted by CarrotTalker

But you keep letting yourself get "used". This has turned into a huge back and forth between multiple people here telling you what you need to do, you not doing it, then coming back and complaining about how she "used" you again.

Sorry to be harsh, but sometimes I can be too blunt!

No, honesty is the truth and the truth is what I need, but I feel like there is this wall of false hope that is blinding me. I read the one stickie about how people will go off and do things and then come back here and complain and wonder why.

Im one of those people, I also hope I'm one of those people in that thread that decide it is time to do NC and it is for the better.

Everyone tells me what a great guy I am, but I don't feel it. Girls don't try and talk to me which makes me feel like crap.. As though I'm not good enough..