Hmmm last night was bad. Yesterday I thought I was having a good day because I told meself she is a cheat so I can't love her but last night I could not sleep. I kept having nightmares about her been different and telling me that she did not find me attractive and she laughed when she told me when she cheated on me. I feel so strange today I hate it.

Dreams are just dreams,your subconscious is working through the separation-so stop thinking about it.

You'll have good days and bad,that's normal.

The bad days are better handled through being active and having a plan,so get out and do something!

Seriously now I have started doing the tip or making a diary about how your dealing with each day. I have read over what I have done and honestly it has not got better its only got worse. I'm terrified that she will never be in my life sharing it with me. I know that's not what you want me to say but it's the truth. I can't cope or ever be happy with how everything has unfolded in the past couple of month.its sad I know but I'm not ashamed to admit I need her and want her for the rest of my life. Please help me. I think I will giv emy self a year to see if things get better but then if they have not I won't know what to do

Again,are you keeping yourself busy?

Even though you're hurting,you should still do your outmost to have a life,doing things to distract yourself from this self inflicted torture that you're putting yourself through.

You're doing this to you,nobody else is.

And you can choose n o t to do it.

That would be a great way of 'getting things to get better'!

This is not about her at all and has never been. Its about how you cope with the reality of life, and your own feelings because just think how crazy it sounds to want someone who you know will hurt you again, as they have before.

Doesn't that sound crazy to you?? That's what you are letting your emotions do to you, drive you crazy, and that's the whole point... you control what you do about your own feelings, no matter what, or they will control YOU!

That ain't no good, is it?

You say you need her... thats ridiculous, no one should ever need anyone else to make themselves happy. Do what makes you happy. Your life is in your control again, look at it that way. You no longer have to buy gifts, remember crazy anniversary dates, you can go where you please when you please and not have to answer to anyone as to why you were not home at a certain time! We all understand its rough to get through, but believe us when we say we have all been there. There are plenty of people on this site who can attest to the fact that they pulled through a difficult break up, are still here to tell about it, and 9/10 happier to be without that person they were missing during the initial phases of the breakup. Do things for yourself bro and you can pull through this. Hit the gym, hit the bars with friends, take up a class. Myself I learned how to bartend, have a great side job now, took a hunting class, got in shape. There are plenty of things to do that are cheap or free! Keep up the NC and good luck!

OK I know you are all trying to help and you all say this person will hurt me again if I ever got back with them but in all fairness you don't get many success stories on here because only hurt people come on for help. People can get back and your rite its not good to need someone and it is me that's hurting myself rite now but until I do one thing that's always going to happen. What I want to do is meet her for an hour or so to calmly talk to her about what I thought went wrong and to say sorry for things I did and not to throw any blame at her or shout just to say what I feel and then to walk away knowing I tried one last time or I promise you now I will regret it for the rest of my lie. If she honestly does not want to try and work on things and become stronger and better and to learn from our mistakes then I can know she really does not want me at all not now or ever. I know so many people that have got back together and given it a second chance and come off stronger.

She doesn't seem to want to give you that chance so why keep running head first into a brick wall?

Nothing you have posted says she is willing to do what you want.

Yeah I know what you mean and I'm going to keep the no contact in tact but if she gets in touch I will try go get my point across with out attacking her about it straight away. Its something I need to do. Its only been about 9 days since we both text each other seems a lot longer though

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Originally Posted by loveher4eva

OK i know you are all trying to help and you all say this person will hurt me again if i ever got back with them but in all fairness you don't get many success stories on here because only hurt people come on for help. people can get back and your rite its not good to need someone and it is me thats hurting myself rite now but until i do one thing thats always going to happen. what i want to do is meet her for an hour or so to calmly talk to her about what i thought went wrong and to say sorry for things i did and not to throw any blame at her or shout just to say what i feel and then to walk away knowing i tried one last time or i promise you now i will regret it for the rest of my lie. if she honestly does not want to try and work on things and become stronger and better and to learn from our mistakes then i can know she really does not want me at all not now or ever. i know so many people that have got back together and given it a second chance and come off stronger.

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It will not happen.

Why would she listen , she is out of this all and doesn't want any more of it?

You are not walking away.
You were left behind wounded battered and unable to continue because she will not give you the chance to be any part of her life again , including a normal conversation.

That comes after you heal , sometimes. And not in every case , for some conversation with the ex is extinct.

Oh I know this trust me and I have no false hope to go on or any beliefe whatsoever. I know she does not want to be with the person I WAS I did not see it at the time but all this has made me understand that I took her for granted and pressured her too much to do things she did not want to do. And I understand her not wanting to be with that person. I also understand she was so happy and in love when I did spend a lot of time with her so if I took all the good from our relationship and removed the bad and changed then my point is I want her to know the person I could be. Then if she wants no part of me I can say fair enough and leave it.

She may see that person you want her to see.

Five or ten years down the road if you live like the person you say you are.
She will not listen , she may respond to action if it is proven over several years.

I woke up today thinking about our sex and how great it was for both of us I really want her body soooo much. I just have this horrible feeling that she is not only never going to get in touch but never going to realise what she has done or admit to herself that she has done wrong, I don't think she will ever feel sorry or care what happens to me again. I honestly don't think she is missing me one bit or ever will and that feeling is the worst I have ever had in my life

You may not realise this now,but it doesn't matter what she thinks,feels or does,now or in the future.

What matters is how you handle yourself,how you get closure within yourself and move forward.

The feelings you're having are normal,but you need to distract yourself from them and not keep dwelling on them.

You're life is here and now,not in the past.

You have a long way to go if you are still feeding on those past emotions, and allowing yourself to be dragged back to those dark places you felt when you got dumped. Its almost like lying to yourself.

The whole point is to grow beyond the past, and embrace the future, not worry about what you want her to do. You are being controlled by YOUR own inability to cope with your feelings, and that as you see just prolongs the misery, and stops the healing.

Usually this indicates you are not as busy in a part of your life that you should be, and need to take an honest look at yourself, and make some bold adjustments.

Hello I am feeling slightly different at the moment. I have been doing the 30 day diary writing down how I feel each day and I think it has helped a bit. I know now that we will never be together and that its is over. I just have this feeling that for the rest of my life I'm going to look back and think sad thoughts rather than happy.it is going to stay with me forever and o honestly believe I will never love again not as strong or as safe. I hate to think that my ex is just going to pick someone else to replace me and have a happy life whilst I am alone and can't love anyone. They say you learn from your mistakes well it seems my biggest mistake was to trust someone too much. I still deeply am sad about the baby we should have been having in the following weeks

We all have the thoughts after a break up of never being able to find another special someone. That is natural. It goes away after awhile, with time and with effort to focus your energy on more positive, new adventures.

After finding out a lot of girls I know are cheating on their boyfirends I am shocked and horrified. I mus tbe this blind fool walking around seeing the best in everyone and believing they can all be trusted when they tell you they will love you for every and never hurt you. After listening to all my friends that are girls I now see that my ex prob cheated a lot more than she let on and lied a lot more too because I never questioned her or doubted her at all. How in the hell am I meant to ever think I can find a girl who will not only love me but not cheat on me.?

LOL, it may seem that way now, but later you will be a lot more careful with the partners you pick, and a lot more careful with who you give your heart to.

Your growing pains are making you a much more experienced wiser person.

What you thought that wisdom just happens? Show me a wise person, and I will show you a person that has gone through a lot of trials, and tribulations in life.

Hmm for the first time in two week she text me yesterday asking me if I knew a boy who's name I won't say. That's all nothing else so I ignored and did not text back how can she just casually text me after everything she did. I don't think she knows that I know what she did. Should I tell her or leave it

Ignore her.

Forever.

I have learnt from looking back now that she really was a good lier and cheated on me a lot. She may have felt some guilt during the process but obvioulsy not enough to stop doing it. I am at a stage now where I have had my first sexual relations with another woman since her and to be honest afterwards I did the whole crying akward situation. Because it was a big step in trying to move on. But now I know she cheated a lot and know that she lied so much I really get a horrible feeling like the whole past two year has been fake and a lie and that my life has not been real.I feel that my purpose for living ( a family with her) was stripped away from me and I honestly never thought it would happen.I have no idea what my future will bring but I know deep down in my mind I will never trust another woman because I put all my trust into someone and they took advantage of that.

You are so caught up in your own emotional drama, you wouldn't know the good things in your life if the slapped you in the face.

Sorry to be harsh, but your zeal to sit on the pity pot is... well... disgusting! Don't you think?? That's where you focus your most attention on, your own attitude. Change that, you change everything.

We make choices in life-so you can choose to either live with the bitterness or you can choose to let it go,realise that everyone is different and that there are good women out there as well.

Your decision!

You either put your heart out there and risk the chance of getting hurt, or you keep your heart locked away and surely become a lonely person. There is a risk/reward factor to anything that requires work and delivers large dividends. You aren't the first person to have their heart broken by someone, and you will not be the last. If you don't take a chance, life becomes one boring, drawn out predictable story. You aren't owed anything and nothing is promised to you, so get off the road of sorrow and pick your head up.

On a more important note, the NFL draft is on tonight. I suggest you grab a seat and focus your attention on something that is worth giving attention to. Man up my friend! There is a saying in boxing: "We all have a plan until we've been hit." Well, you've been hit, but the getting up part is up to you. If you think your purpose for living was to have a family with this specific girl, then I think you are selling yourself short... waaaaay short!

Hi everyone again! Lol sorry your going to have to get used to talking to me.I was walking out of work yesterday and I'm 90% sure that she went past me in a taxi with two of her friends. I was waitnin to cross the road, I looked across the taxi and when my eyes glance at the back seat I saw her, she was looking at me but as soon as I saw her she looked away and did not want to make eye contact... she looked sad and beautiful. It was a very confusing moment and when I got on my bus I admit I cried. I woke up with a million thoughts about her and if I'm honest I still want her back after everything. I get the feeling she wants to get me out of her head because she cheated and cheating ruined her life with her dad doing it. I think she wants a clean sheet with someone else but I just want her to know that the love was real for both of us and that she can still have a fresh start and a clean sheet with me. Am I stupid?

No,you're not stupid,but it's time you stopped grasping at the slightest excuse for false hope.

Get busy-go to the gym.

I don't have false hope and I don't expect anything to come from this and she has not given me false hope its just only me and her know what we had and that it just feels wrong to never be in touch ever again. I don't think we will ever have what we had its just to think we will never see or be in touch with each other feels horrible

So many emotions to deal with, and you are finding out how easily outside influence can trigger them, and send us into a feelings tailspin.

Sure your first instinct is to rebel against what you feel but then you realize you can't change them. What a dilemma, having feelings that you don't want and can't change.

Well let me tell you. We humans are all about feelings, and we can't help the ones we have, but we sure as heck have full control what we do about them. There are many strategies to coping with your feelings, but I think the best is learn to embrace those feelings, understand them, and let them go by focusing on something more important, the task at hand, or having a task to do.

Even when we are surprised suddenly by situations, and events that trigger those feeling in us. We still have to fall back to taking control over what that feeling makes us do, or think.

Many things will make you sad in life, and eventually, through having to go through these things, we learn to cope with ourselves, and deal with whatever we find ourselves involved in. Practice makes perfect, and sometimes we just have to keep talking to ourselves, until we believe it.

Just keep telling yourself, she is gone and you are moving on to other things. Do this whenever you need to, over and over.

Crazy to talk to yourself you say? Naw, that's who you need to talk to, and tell yourself over and over to do the right thing. Another thing us humans are really good at? Wanting what we know we can't have, and finding it hard to let go of things we want, but can't have. That's the whole lesson behind this very hard experience.

Learning to let go, and keep going.

Whoops broke no contact but I don't regret it or feel happy or sad about it at all.I realuse from a recent one night stand that now my ex has moved on and let me go she sort of sees me as a one night stand and that's how I feel... like the past two years have been one big one night stand and now it's the akward bit where one person does not want to see the other.obvioulsy because it was 2 years all this is going to be so hard to take in but for now she is in that akward stage where she wants to avoid me at all costs.its just how it is I know and who knows what will happen in my future but there will always be a part of me that will want her in my life its just who I am, on my part it was real true love and anyone who has gone through that knows the other person will never leave their thoughts until the day they die. It was only a polite peace making text saying hi hope your OK and everyone else is too and she text back just saying everyone was OK. I'm just happy knowing we are not enemies now.

Please go back to NC and heal.

Hi everyone. Me and my ex girlfriend of 3 years had a bad break up she dumped me and left me for someone else. The usual bad break up behaviour went on for a few week and now 3 month later we started texting because we know that even if the romantic love is gone we still love each other in some way and we wanted to clear the air and make peace.I texted her because my aunty died yesterday and we shared a few polite texts nothing major and then later in the night she just opened up and text saying what I thought I would never hear. She said I'm sorry for everything I have put you through. She said she was happy with me and as soon as her nan died it sent her off the rails and she said she threw away the only thing that ever meant anything to her and that she hates her self for how much she hurt me. The death hit her hard she said she is not happy but should be and that she wants to run away. We had a long talk about life and what's gone on since we last saw each other and she let it slip that she is with the person she left me for still(I thought she was still single). I started to go a bit dizzy and felt bad and I know that's why people always say no contact is best but I'm still glad we made peace. I told her that I don't want her to run away and have a break down but you need to talk to him about it because he was her choice and if he is not giving her what I can then that's not my problem. The truth is we meant too much to each other to ignor each other for the rest of our lifes but I will not be in the friend zone with her.im not in the desperate stge of the break up when I need her I am calm about everything but there will be moments in life when she will get married have kids etc that will hit me but I will always be in touch some how. Any thoughts?

I think she still loves you... have you proposed her again or not? if not I think it's better to do it ASAP , :)

I think she is on the rebound but she does not know it and there is no way a can wait or expect her to end it with him and want me back. I need to expect nothing and act as if I will never see her again. If I wait around hoping she will realise what she has done then that's a dangerous game.

She said she is not happy now but she was happy when she was sith u , that means she wants to come back to u, I think so! Why don't you ask her back?

I have begged enough since the break up and if she really wants me she has to realise it herself and make the effort. There is only so much I can do she needs to figure things out for herself ull be fine

Oh.. I did not know this , hmm ! Since I am a girl I think she afraid to break up with her boyfriend! I just think so !

Well things are literally happening by the second here. We keep texting like we used to and she is seeing doctor 2moz so I am happy for her knowing she will get help from a doctor and her family, I told her why she wants to run away and stop crying all the time she needs to be alone so her head can clear and not be in a serious relationship and she said she is going to sort that out now. I think she is breaking up with him. I still don't think that's to start again with me but I'm glad no one will be taking advantage of her fragile state

I wish she come back to u Bcoz you love her so much and you are too much good for her even though she can not understand this... If she does not come back to you then something wrong with her hearth.. U are valuable and lovely , don't waste your life... enjoy your life :) <3

Wow that's a really nice thing to say thank you so much and I wll not wait for her u just hope she leaves him so she can make peace with herself