I think a part of her wants to be on her own with out you. After a while if she really loves you she will miss you and she may want to come back to be with you. If her job is that important she may ask you to join her and depending on the situation and circumstances that may or may not be possible for the 2 of you. Give her the time and space she needs. Respect what she is asking for because you don't want to force her or guilt trip her into doing something that she may blame you for later. Remember the Lord up above has the master plan and there is nothing you can do to change it. What will be will be!

One of my mates said she saw her out in town the other night, with a few friends. I don't know quite how I'm feeling right now but if I hear someone tell me she's with someone else or seen with anyone else - its going to get to me. I don't understand how she can be so blunt and F-in coldhearted. We used to spend loads of time together tell each other everythin an neither of us felt we were invading each others space too much - we enjoyed each other for 2 an half years now on a u turn to this. I used to think we had a future going but now I definitely don't think so but hearing that she is getting attention elsewhere will get to me. How do I not let it affect me?

I wish I could find a girl that would treat me as I would them - and everythin would be okay - why do some women have to take advantage of good things? (with reference to men, not sterotypin females, I seen it all the time)

Nice rant, feel better? If not rant some more, Then you will feel better.

What?

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Originally Posted by steve_malibu

wat?

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Tal just meant it is good to rant, which it is... It really does help.

Okay, didn't know if he was being sarcastic, I don't know what to think sometimes, I see other girls, but they dotn seem to match up to her, 10% of the time I find myself wanting to wind back time to try an resolve this, or prevent it?

If anyone reading this can put what I need to do in a few lines, please do so, sometimes I need to be told how it is from another perspective. Thanks

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Originally Posted by steve_malibu

okay, didnt know if he was being sarcastic, jus i dont know what to think sometimes, i see other girls, but they dotn seem to match up to her, 10% of the time i find my self wantin to wind back time to try an resolve this, or prevent it?

if anyone readin this can put what i need to do in a few lines, please do so, sometimes i need to be told how it is from another perspective. thanks

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You should not compare other women to her as all individuals are unique in their own way and until you get to know them, I mean really know them, then how do you know what they have to offer in terms of what you had before?

Comparing people is never a good idea, as it shows a closed mind and a pessimistic attitude, neither of which can help you move forward.

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Originally Posted by steve_malibu

okay, didnt know if he was being sarcastic, jus i dont know what to think sometimes, i see other girls, but they dotn seem to match up to her, 10% of the time i find my self wantin to wind back time to try an resolve this, or prevent it?

if anyone readin this can put what i need to do in a few lines, please do so, sometimes i need to be told how it is from another perspective. thanks

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Steve, you're going to feel that doubt from time to time, it's normal. That is fear's way of keeping you in the same place and that's not good. The others above are right, find a way to not compare, remind yourself that if it were the same person you wanted and worked out, you'd just go back. That's not the case. Your ex may have great qualities you really cherished, I'm sure she didn't break the mold and eventually, when you're in the right frame of mind, you'll recognize those qualities in others.

She called me yesterday, I didn't recognise the number so answered an ended up speaking for a few minutes, I duno why she wants to hurt me so much, she just seems so cold hearted, and it is getting to me - I have never hurt her or done anything to her ever yet she seems to enjoy hurting me constantly. She wanted space I'm completely giving it to her but she can't just not be with me, she has to tell me that she's going to throw my stuff out, or tell me how great life is, and put on a massive front - I did the same an I think we both knew what we were doing, its really getting to me. Pretty depressed today, prob worst day so far. I love her and she enjoys hurting me now. We broke up in the past and she wrote me so many letters telling me she realised what she lost, and she made so much effore and since then we have been 99% amazin. I'm an intuitive person, but this has got me twisted - more tha anything that is bothering me is how I am confused, confused about how she has so dramatically switched!! Right now, right now - I'm on a big downer

I feal your pain man, girlfriend is doing the same thing to me.

I am ready to just go up to her and ask her to marry me, maby she wants the complete opposite.

Shawk, what's your problem then, how long you been with her, how old are you etc.. . See how much of the 'same boat' we are in. I got some good info after what some of these guys have been telling me on here and how its been working.

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Originally Posted by Shawk

I feal your pain man, gf is doing the same thing to me.

I am ready to just go up to her and ask her to marry me, maby she wants the complete oposite.

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How about posting your own question and re reading this thread. It may be helpful.

Steve, if what you say about this gal is true, then she sounds pretty evil to me. She asked for space, you gave it, yet she needs to scratch her itch by talking to you, who gives a hoot how it makes you feel, as long as it makes her feel better. Then she has to put on this ridiculously immature front and hurt you, and you love this? Why??

At least masochist get some sort of sexual pleasure out of their pain, I don't get it. I can see loving something... until it causes me extreme pain, without caring.

The moment you recognized her phone you should have called her little butt on the carpet and drawn your line in the sand! "hey, we're not talking right now, and I don't know about you, but I'm not into games. I don't need to know how you're doing or where you've been, you wanna throw my stuff away, knock yourself out, burn it, don't care and don't call me" click. You would have walked away from that phone call feeling 10 feet tall and a lot stronger my friend.

Ye I did pretty much that, and I did feel better. I don't think about her that much, apart from little things that remind me of her. Though after these stupid fronts an games she's playing I can't believe she could do this to someone who she has been with hapily for las 2 1/2 yrs I just feel disgusted and thank ful that it happened now an not when I was any older or committed. Sometimes it feels weird though, like she's died cause its gone from being with her all the time to not seeing or having a nice conversation with her for about 3 weeks now. But I think its safe to say that, that door has closed now an I isn't going back through it, cheers guys for all your help on here, appriciated. Going to work on myself now, trainings going well, work is strong an most importantly chilling out is good as well, this has deffinitly been weird for me, but talking to all you guys in this forum as deffinitly helped me, and I got some close mates that I can talk to. Thank again anyway - if anything else strange occurs I will post it, if its relavent? Or crazy but apart from that I think the case is over?

Steve - go find a normal gal. I thin MOM summed it up well!

Somebody may need your experience to help them through a rough time, so don't be a stranger.

Hey people's to post, that things are still working okay, haven't contacted the ex, I don't want to and don't really think about it, it doesn't affect me when I here her name or stuff about her. I've reflected on what she has done and how unfair it was and so now I really couldn't care less about her! I've been training an hard at college work, talk to other girl mates is good to, got some good girl - friends. An for anyone else out there who has read my issue, you can see it has been a rollercoaster all I can say is think about it logically and keep yourself busy! 'if you can't love them, hate em' don't get caught up as a good friend to soon after, hate them an balls in your court, however this is my theory, people are obvioulsy going to have different opionions this has worked best for me. I used to love her with everythin I had, now I hate her, strange but human emotion is?

I can't cheer you up though but hope my opinion helps you :
Breaking up its hard I know that it makes you cry and be sad but after a while it leaves...
She thinks that that's the right thing to do well that's what she thinks well I don't think you can change her mind...
It will hurt to break up it will make you cry and be sad but that's life... and life is short so move on
You think she's the right person for you well when your in love you think that that's the right person for you , but that's not always right...

Hi steve,

Only discovered this forum a week ago, but what a great forum! Learnt a great deal about breakups, wish I used this forum when I broke up with my EX in June 2005, trouble is, we still see each other and I`ve tried to get back with her justI like you Steve, but I am trying to make little or no contact with her. (maybe I`ll post my break-up situation as well? which was quite bad, but I like you did see a future in this woman)

All the best Steve, may the rest of 2007 be a good year for you to meet a wonderful and sensitive woman! :p

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Originally Posted by scotsfilmmaker

Hi steve,

only discovered this forum a week ago, but what a great forum! Learnt a great deal about breakups, wish I used this forum when I broke up with my EX in June 2005, trouble is, we still see each other and I`ve tried to get back with her justI like you Steve, but I am trying to make little or no contact with her. (maybe I`ll post my break-up situation as well?, which was quite bad, but I like you did see a future in this woman)

All the best Steve, may the rest of 2007 be a good year for you to meet a wonderful and sensitive woman! :p

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Please post your question. You'll be surprised how helpful it can be for you! Its up to you but don't be shy. We are all here to help and remember that we have all been in your position ourselves before so we don't judge!

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Originally Posted by steve_malibu

Me and my girlfriend have been with each for on an off 2 an half years. We spend a lot of time with each other and share lots of things in common, our relationship bar a few issues was extremely healthy, we both love each other, care for each other, both faithful and have lots of laughs, shes my best friend. we've broken up a few times not for long tho seems almost bipolar, i go through a bad time and dont want to be with her, few days time were together and same with her. We have been on 3 major holidays and enjoyed all of them an got lots of things that remind each other of us. We talked about growing up together and future plans, we talked form the heart an mean it. With her career she may have to move away at the end of the year and thinks its best if we break up. Its a shock and i hate the fact of breaking up. She doens't not love me, and nothing has gone wrong, just she says she wants space thing is, she isnt the srt of person that actaully wants space, i know her. she doenst like breaks and we have boken up i kills me that i have no say other than to try and get along with her decision. it feels like i have lost half of me, i have talked to her but dont want to pester her, she seems strong and serious that it is the right thing. It isnt we're great together. I want to be with her more than anything else. The only thing i think i can do is give her her space. No one else measure up to her, i dont want to be with anyone else. i believe i have found the one but she doenst want to be with me right now.

Can anybody give me some info, cheer me up, give me some stats, some general . psychology, some life experience.

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What you need is to get her attention. Look tomorrows valentines day get her something mad nice like flowers or roses and see what happens if she's not cool with it forget about her and find another girl

Hey Steve,
Giving you a women's point of view, when couples regardless of who initiates the break, starts the "I need time away" thing, just means she is not really totally happy and is letting you down gently. She realizes your not the one she wants to spend the rest of her life with and wants to keep her options open. She probably still loves you no doubt, but maby it's in a best friend sort of way, not a soul mate way. It will take time for you to get over her, but it will get easier. The best way to get over her is to start a new relationship even if it's just on a friendly basis with another girl. I guarantee you if she does come back it will happen again.
Good luck!
Toby

Why are people so cowardly that they have to rely on the 'I need time away' line when it's just as hurtful as airing out grievances? In fact it is even more hurtful because it gives the other party a false sense of hope.

It's not gentle to screw around with people's emotions!

I agree the I need space thing is bollox, it is painful as fcuk sometimes! But I'm over it for the time being, about a months later down the line, I also agree getting another girl even as mate there is good.

Hey she keeps calling me.. . This means..? I'm not answering on automatic reject but its nearly 2 months and she is calling me practically every day. Up to 4 times an on weekends like fri sat nights anything up to 12. I don't get it. Surely if she didn't want anything to do with me she wouldn't call. I told her not to call, told her she was blocked.

Any suggestions as to why she still calls, or why someone in her position would?

Well the only way to find out why she is calling is to answer and ask her.

But if your happy not to know and you want to continue moving forward without her in your life then you don't have to answer.

You could always answer the phone, tell her you don't want her calling anymore because she is in your past and your moving forward and ask that she do the same and leave you alone.

Up to you though. You can keep ignoring the calls and soon enough she will get the idea and stop calling. Or if you really want to know why, answer and ask her!

She calls me 2weeks ago and tells me she has feelings, an how she's been thinking of us being emotional shed a tear about things we've done when we went on holiday to greece. Saying that she feels that something's missing, someone 2 talk to and to be there for her, in a different way to her friends. She sent me emails with pictures in from out past detailing how nice they looked of 'us'. She sent me a few texts with stuff - which were somewhat reassuring and comforting but when we went for a cycle las week she was v touchy/feely but then later on said that she doesn't want to jump back into anything an that she's enjoying her space. Different to what she said, and how was interperated. Speaking and seeing her I realise that I still like her - but I don't want to get messed about. She hasn't been with anyone else since, she isn't a player or messes intentionally I think she's confused, but she thinks she knows all and loves to be in control.

So she wants the pleasure of your company as a friend. Can you handle that?

Yes, that's what's been happening but not if she's starts seeing someone else I'm thinking

So your still holding out hope for more than friendship? You still have those feelings for her?

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Originally Posted by steve_malibu

she calls me 2weeks ago and tells me she has feelings, an how shes been thinking of us being emotional shed a tear about things we've done when we went on holiday to greece. sayin that she feels that somethings missing, someone 2 talk to and to be there for her, in a different way to her friends. she sent me emails with pictures in from out past detailing how nice they looked of 'us'. she sent me a few txts with stuff - which were somewhat reassuring and comforting but when we went for a cycle las week she was v touchy/feely but then later on said that she doesnt want to jump back into anything an that shes enjoyin her space. different to what she said, and how was interperated. jus speakin and seeing her i realise that i still like her - but i dont want to get messed about. she hasnt been with anyone else since, she isnt a player or messes intentionally i think shes confused, but she thinks she knows all and loves to be in control.

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Steve, focus on the last line of your post here, "she thinks she knows all and loves to be in control." And... that's okay with you?

Uhhggg, I'm bothered by her phone call to you on so many levels! She throws on the sweet, lovey look how nice of a couple we made, sends pictures and texts and then SKREEEECH... she says she doesn't want to jump back into anything. Then why did she say what she said on the phone? To me, that was total "emotional tampon" behavior. She's still unstable over the break and she will take you down with her if she has to so you can break her fall. I still think that while in this stage, communication only serves to confuse and weaken.

Yes 20%, 80% no I agree completely what 'momincali' said above, lol its strange out you people can put into text so well. Anyway I told her other day I was over' her indecisive behaviour so I didn't want to speak to her anymore, got a little anoyd and haven't, she's seen pics of me with another girl on myspace and rang me up las week wishing me good life an hope everythin goes well an tha we look comfy together! 'sounded like she had a drink'. Then later on apparently 'our song' came on when she was out - so sent me a text! (I didn't reply).

Wow seems a long time since I've been on here - but I thought I would write back with an update just to thank everybody that gave me advice. People on this site are awesome and do really know their stuff. Thanks to everybody

To end my story - I stopped calling her and ignored her, when she called I rejected her calls - met with her 5 months later and told her how great life was - left it there. Got on with life, got very busy in work and didn't even realize I wasn't thinking about her. She saw me with other girls and realized what she had lost and got her head straight - she made many attempts to regain my trust and faith - which I granted to her on a friend basis over 2 months before then allowing her to try make things work again. I made sure I was in control and it seemed a sensible decision. I was still attracted to her and she is a great person. Since our reuniting she is a changed person - in many ways, and makes effort on regular occasions to apologize for everything she has done to me - she also respects me for somewhat sticking through it. And I wouldn't have done it this exact way if it wasn't for the people giving me advice on her. Thank you

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Originally Posted by steve_malibu

wow seems a long time since i've been on here - but i thought i would write back with an update just to thank everybody that gave me advice. people on this site are awesome and do really know their stuff. thanks to everybody

to end my story - i stopped calling her and ignored her, when she called i rejected her calls - met with her 5 months later and told her how great life was - left it there. got on with life, got very busy in work and didn't even realize i wasn't thinking about her. she saw me with other girls and realized what she had lost and got her head straight - she made many attempts to regain my trust and faith - which i granted to her on a friend basis over 2 months before then allowing her to try make things work again. i made sure i was in control and it seemed a sensible decision. i was still attracted to her and she is a great person. since our reuniting she is a changed person - in many ways, and makes effort on regular occasions to apologize for everything she has done to me - she also respects me for somewhat sticking through it. and i wouldn't have done it this exact way if it wasnt for the people giving me advice on her. thank you

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WOW! Congrats!

GOOD LUCK! I would say I hope my situation ends the same but I think that would be counter Productive for me right now lol!

Yo yo yo! What if we are in the same school. Its kind of impossible if we don't see each other.