Good luck and keep us posted.
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Good luck and keep us posted.
Don't bother watching her take the test. Tell her you will take her to the hospital the day of the procedure and you will make sure she is okay and gets home safely. Let us know what her response to that is.
Ive already said ill go with her, which she said she is fine with, and told me tonight, not to come but to be there at the procedure next week. So we will have to wait and see, I just can't stop gettig angry every time she texts me - its starting to show I think, should I back off the anger, and just let time takes its course. Also, bizarrely I had a phonecall from my ex tonight, she was in floods of tears about some unpaid bill we have and the fact they are threatening legal action. It is a bill from when we lived together so its half mine also, but just her name on it... what a head****. Had to deal with them both in the space of about 30 minutes.
She's just told me she's taken the tablets for the abortion. She has to take some more in 24 hours and then that's it - its done. ***?
If that is the route that she has taken, then so be it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Beetlegeuse
You will have done your part. You offered to take her, instead she has chosen the pills. You also mentioned that if the baby was yours, you would have taken care of it.
You did your part, so there is nothing else to do. Just only make sure that the pills worked. After confirmation, I would leave it alone and walk away.
Let this be a learning lesson for both you and she.
Especially you!
Play it safe in the future with whom ever you sleep with. Make sure that both are single ad committed to one another.
FYI, I got pregnant using protection, so that's not even 100%.
Good Luck.
I have to spread it Enigma but I agree.
Beetlegeuse, tread lightly. Whether she is really pregnant or not, just keep your anger in check at least until you have the confirmation from her that she is no longer pregnant, as Enigma stated. Then end your interactions with her.
I really feel for her fiancé. The guy has been, and continues to be played. If she really is/was pregnant, the baby might be his. He wanted another child. Her actions are so selfish and heartless. Do not backslide here. Distance yourself as soon as you are able. Let us know how you are doing.
I guess it's dealing with the Enotional fallout Now- also how do I know she was truly pregnant and did truly get an abortion?
You don't. I will state, if she tells you the pill worked and starts talking about getting together again tomorrow (Friday) for wild sex, she wasn't pregnant. No woman can abort and comfortably engage in sexual activity that quickly. Another thing that makes me suspicious about the pregnancy is the talk of going to the hospital for the appointments. Usually these things are done at a doctor's office or a clinic, not a hospital. But, in any event, there really is no way of knowing if she is being truthful or not. She has proved herself to be an adept liar from the beginning. Look at how she has managed to keep her fiancé from finding out about you for all this time. I do believe she has created the pregnancy story as a way of trying to tie you to her. But obviously, I don't have any way of confirming it, and you don't either.Quote:
Originally Posted by Beetlegeuse
Keep doing what you have currently been doing. I understand now why you told her no talk of sex until the situation is resolved. If she thinks you are still willing to continue your relationship and the only hold up is the "pregnancy", she will make the issue go away if that is what she thinks she has to do to keep you. So, text her and ask her how she is feeling. Don't give her a clue that you plan on completely ending the relationship until after you have been told she is no longer pregnant. Put off any get together she has planned. Tell her that until this is resolved, you don't want any contact and besides, from what you understand, she needs to relax and recuperate. When she tells you the pills worked and she is no longer pregnant, you can tell her that this whole scenario gave you a huge wake up call and you don't want to continue the relationship.
What happens in the scenario that she says she didn't actually get an abortion and is still pregnant, when I try and end it? Im obv not going to do this now... im so unhappy with this, I just want my space back... she occupies all my time thinking about it, I can't relax, I can't enjoy myself. I have learnt an incredibly grave lesson.
She might try and pull that card to.Quote:
Originally Posted by Beetlegeuse
I mean, what exactly does she want from you?
Is it support, sex, what?
Have you heard from her since she has taken the first pill?
She says she's in love with me, she won't leave her current situation, and loves the sex we have. I have spoken to her since, just to see how she was doing, she tried to pull loads of guilt etc, I really don't want to see her agai, we're so entangled at work. I mean I don't mean the girl any harm at all, I want to be amicable about it.
Usually it's the other way around... Its a married guy fooling around with a single woman and HE wants to have it both ways...
Back away slowly... but expect the very real possibility of it blowing up. THis is one of the reasons I NEVER even sugest fooling around with anyone you work with... even IF you are both single and unattached.
Not a good time to have to be looking for a new job to get away from a woman on a rampage. And that could happen all too easily and cost you both your jobs.
Wish I personally could suggest something sure to work ( I don't know of any)... fact is when you have a woman and an emotionally attached one at that... anything can happen. Yesh, before the ladies go off, yeah it applies if it's the guy that's emotionally attached as well.
Never saw any good come of office affairs... of ANY sort at any employer in the last 30 years I've had a permanent job. And I have seen some monumental blowups... one where the police were called even. And more than I can remember where at least one ended up fired. Many of them I knew as friends.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beetlegeuse
I don't believe for one second that she is "in love" with you...
You don't treat someone that you are in love with like this. Also, she doesn't want to leave her Fiancé.
What I do believe, is that the sex is great between the two of you.
So I believe that she is in lust with you. There is a big difference between love and lust. The sex is fogging her mind, making her believe that she is in fact in love with you.
You are opening yourself up for more bs by contacting her. Let it be. You have asked her how she is, now it's over.
Let's not get ahead of ourselves here. After she has confirmed she is no longer pregnant, wait a day or two then break it off with her as nicely as you possibly can. If she then states she is still pregnant, don't respond to her immediately. Come back here and tell us exactly what she is saying to you. We will do everything we can to help you through this.Quote:
Originally Posted by Beetlegeuse
Thanks guys - massive appreciations.
So we've had a bit of text back and forth tonight, she asked me how I'm feeling so I was honest - I said I absolutely hate myself, I think I'm a tool basically, etc etc. She said she is always here for me but sense another break up on the horizon... I didn't neither confirm nor deny this.
Ive just been trying to keep things amiable, I don't want to hurt her really.
You are handling it just fine. Being amiable is the best course of action at this point. Keep up the good work. Stay strong.
Nope... no reason to get nasty with her... it might prompt some sort of retaliation and your really don't need that since you both work at the same place. Feel it out, swallow your pride if you have to... but try to make a peaceful retreat out of the relationship. Eventually she will find another sucker... hopefully sooner than later... and she'll forget about you.
So I managed not to meet her last night, saying that I am full of bad feeling with myself at the moment, she was fine with this but then somebody posted something on my FB (which she somehow saw - despite me blocking her) and she want crazy saying how I'm getting away with thi situation, I just ignored it and she apologised, I am reiterating to her how bad I feel that I've let her down and I can't bear to look her in the eye etc, I'm trying to retreat, peacefully with as little as bad feeling as possible, but all our communication is via phone and id prefer to do it face to face as we do work for the same company - or do you think I should just do it via phone?
Guys your advice has been invaluable to me and although I am a complete asss for this whole scenario, I thank you and will never ever get into this situation again.
If you want to do it face to face, then do it at a public place without coffee, drinks,. as I suggested in an earlier post.
I don't really understand how she can state you are "getting away with this situation." She is the one that chose to go outside of her relationship. Although it takes two to create a baby, (if she is really pregnant) this "situation" of not knowing whose baby she is carrying is entirely of her own making. BTW, what is the status of the pregnancy? Has she said anything about the pill working?
Anyway regarding the break up, tell her you want a normal healthy loving relationship. You don't want to be someone's piece on the side. The lies and guilting are too much for you to handle. If she tells you that she loves you and is willing to leave her fiancé for you (I am assuming you don't want that), tell her that you mentally can't handle all the fallout that will occur. You don't want to be a stepfather to her child and deal with a pissed off fiancé who will always be in your life because of the child. Too much drama for you to live with. Also tell her that you are sorry but you can never fully trust her. You are positive she will cheat on you as she has cheated on her fiancé and there is nothing she can say or do that will change how you feel about it.
Just end this once and for all. Tell her you are not interested in any sort of relationship with her and you no longer want her to contact you in any way. Then do just that... do not respond to anything. Get her off your FB (block her), do not answer any texts, calls, nothing.Quote:
Originally Posted by Beetlegeuse
* you don't know if she really was pregnant or not
* if she were, who's to say it was your baby
* you don't know for sure if she had an abortion (or if she even really needed one)
* she has proved herself to be a liar and a cheat
* she has played with your emotions numerous times
* she's not available to have a relationship with... SHE HAS A Fiancé!
Why are you putting any more time into this? Stop getting caught up in the drama and move on. Chalk it all up to a costly lesson learned.
If this continues, it is only because you are allowing it to continue.
She has said the abortion is currently underway and she has taken a second set of pills and that it is working. She has a check up in two weeks to confirm the preganancy has been terminated.
I am meeting her tomorrow and she said that 'if we choose to leave it there (end it) then that's fine, because her feelings have changed for me' because of all of this and the way I have acted. Putting all the focus on me. That is not who I am but it has been an effective strategy.
All loose ends will be tied up tomorrow.
Let me ask you this...Quote:
Originally Posted by Beetlegeuse
Why do you even need to see her tomorrow?
Seeing her, I think, is not a good idea. The abortion pills seem to be working, so that's it. Done. She will have a follow up appt. to confirm in two weeks.
Have her let you know in two weeks if it terminated completely and then good bye to her.
Why do you have to see her?
So she started the abortion process but was wanting to meet with you last night? If she is in the middle of the abortion process, she would not be in any condition to be meeting up with people.Quote:
Originally Posted by Beetlegeuse
I'm sorry... why would you even be considering maintaining some sort of relationship with her? "If we choose to leave it there?" She is not even available to be in a relationship with you! Why are you doing this to yourself? A strategy for what? To stop seeing her?
Why are you meeting her? If you want to end the relationship, just tell her you no longer want to see her. Remind her that she has a fiancé and a child to think about and THAT is where her focus should be. You don't need to meet her to tell her that.
It appears, for some reason, that meeting up with her will ease your conscience, so do it if that is what you want. Just be aware that you don't let yourself get drawn into this even more and make sure you definitely end it. Unless there is some reason you feel compelled to hold onto this?
Quote:
Originally Posted by DoulaLC
You're absolutely correct. My thoughts exactly!
I am starting to think that he doesn't want to end the relationship with her, (well, at least the sexual part of the relationship).
On one hand he expresses how much hate he has towards her, then on the other, he feels the need to have to clear the air.
To the OP, buddy, just leave it alone. You are playing with fire.
Also, I agree with Doula, if she is in the Process of going through the abortion, with pills, then she would not be in any mood to "hang out".
She would be going through a lot of pain (what would feel like a very bad period).
Okay, I've read this entire thread. I'm confused. As a L&D nurse, I'm not sure what "pill" she is talking about. There is the morning after pill, but it's too late for that. Methotrexate (a chemo drug) is sometimes used, but that's usually for ectopic (tubal) pregnancies.
Because she is only 6 weeks, there are pills available here up to 9 weeks of the pregnancy, she was prescribed these apparently on Tuesday and she said the process is grim, she is havign like really bad period pains.
As for the other questions, I do definitely want to end it, that is my intention tomorrow, ill do it amicably and make sure there are no further implications later on down the line, I feel in this situation it is best to meet her due to our mutual work and social life - which I will be changing, as I can't bear the thought of seeign her when I'm out partying. I think it is important to make it very clear once and for all that I will not be pursuing any kind of sexual or romantic or relationship with her. Totally out of the question.
Okay, then, it's the "abortion pill." It's called RU-486 or mifepristone.
At this point I think it best that you limit ALL contact with her. Speak to her at work on only a professional level.
Oh, what a tangled web we weave...
I understand that you're in a fix. I also understand that you seem to feel like a VICTIM. You were not raped. You were not overpowered, and made to perform a sex act that resulted in an unwanted pregnancy. You chose to be involved with, by means of UNPROTECTED sex, with ANOTHER MAN'S fiancé. Let's get that straight up front.
And how would your co-workers have known what you do or don't do? I wonder.
I am not judging you on your actions. I am judging you on your RE-ACTIONS. I have been where you are. I was not cheating on someone with a liar, a cheat, a sl@t. She was someone who I met at a bar, and had a lonely, drunken, unprotected sex filled night with. Long story, but she swindled over two thousand dollars out of me for "appointments, services, and etc". She wanted me to marry her. She made a point of involving MY PARENTS, even though I was in my mid twenties. I had had enough. I contacted an attorney. It turns out that she was never pregnant. I learned my lesson from that and it cost me. But I never once felt sorry for myself. Me, and my penis got me in that situation, and I took it like a MAN.
If she is indeed pregnant with your child, then she is going to need you. Then, and only then, would I have contact with her. You're going through her purse looking for tampons. That's pathetic.
This woman is willing to let another man think that the child he is raising is his. THAT is unforgivable.
We all make mistakes. We learn from them, and they make us stronger for the trouble.
This is not the end of the world for you.
And remember that YOU, and only YOU, got yourself involved in this mess.
I do wish the best for all involved.
Especially Jim. And her existing child.
Ok so I told her that I want nothing anymore, at first she seemed to take it well. She confirmed the pregnancy is over. Now she is sending me horrible text messages, so I'm going to wait this out and hopefully it will blow over soon
Thank you to all for your support and this really has put me on a track to regaining my sanity and will put my life back on track.
Good luck... don't get sucked back into her drama. Ignore any further reaction from her... make no response. It would not only continue to cause you much grief, it may even become an issue at your work. Avoid her like the plague.Quote:
Originally Posted by Beetlegeuse
Find yourself a nice, trustworthy girl, who is actually available, doesn't come with so much baggage, and who treats you well.
Yes defintiely, this year has been the worst of my life. I will make a stand to ignore her, she has said some horrible things via texts, saying she hates me etc... we will have to watch this space to see what happens re: how *****y she will get on me through work etc.
I fully expected her to blow up if you did it over the phone or via text. It you weren't working with her, that wouldn't have mattered. Well, you tried it the manly way, face to face. That is all you can do. Please follow Doula's advice and ignore this woman. Do not interact with her anymore unless you have business to conduct with her. Going forward keep it purely professional. I hope your job will be secure if she chooses to create a scene at the office. If you are capable of easily finding another job in this market and you don't care if you leave the company you are currently at, you might want to start looking around. The last thing you need is to get fired and have to explain to a prospective new employer why you left your old company. Definitely let us know how you are doing.
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