Stop looking for love to replace the hole in your soul. This is probably the biggest mistake we make after a terrible heart breaking break up. That only adds to the misery, and pain, and no healing can start until you reject the idea of someone to have to relieve the loneliness.

Instead focus on rebuilding a life that you enjoy, filled with people and activities that make you happy. You don't look for love, you let it find you, and until it does, you pursue your own happiness, with good adult fun.

In this way you won't look at every guy as a potential partner as you heal, and can enjoy life for what it is, a fantastic journey with many options, and opportunities to explore.

Its only through a proper healing will you learn to be happy with yourself, and depend on yourself to be happy, and not put the burden on some guy to rescue you from your loneliness, misery, and pain of the past.

This is how you let go of past baggage, (unpacking the misery) and look forward to the future, free of the things that have made you miserable.

Only then will you be ready to embrace, and enjoy what life brings you next. I know its hard to believe, but that's how it works, you make new memories to replace the old, and look forward, and not back.

Its not about looking for a new love, or relationship, but getting a life that you enjoy.

Seemed nobody has yet given in to euro salary and bright cove. I am asking the same thing because I was offered a job in Ireland as store manager. I don't have an idea at first as how they get my information..

Thanks for your advice! Its been over a year I'm still not over him. When will the day come that I will wake up and not think about him? I still miss him and would love to see him again! Maybe I might send him an email to get some things off my chest! When he went back to his country he sent me a faw e-mails but I never replied I was in shock. So 4months went by during this time, I was seeing someone on the rebound. But actually started to not think about him and didn't look at his Facebook or go on line msn. This guy on the rebound made me feel speciale took me to expensive restaurants and romantic weekends away. So I was beginning to think wow! Maybe there are decent guys out there! He was very respectful and generous. Until we were supposed to see each other for the weekend and his phone was turned off for 6days. I was worried sick and emailed him and sent a couple of texts. He finally had his phone back on and answered. I asked him what happened he said he was in trouble with the law an dhe was in prison all week. I found that hard to believe but gave him the benefit of the doubt. I saw him the next day and asked him some questions and he said don't you believe me I said chill out he was driving and looking very angry on the way to his place. When we got to his I didn't mention it any more we watched a dvd and fell asleep. The next day we made love but for him it obviously wasn't! Then he showed my his gun saying its for protection for his house as he was rich etc! That freaked me out but he was chilled about it. After he said had some appointements that day so said he was going back in to town and at the same time drop me off at my place and after he could pick me up, go to the cinema and have dinner and go back to his place for the rest of the weekend. I said fine, but I was kind of upset! Then in the car we laughed and joked and kissed at each traffic lights until we arrived at my place he kissed me and said see you later I'll call you when I'm finished. I said sure, bye! Guess what he didn't call me I tried to call at 1am in the morning and he didn't answer so I tried the next day his phone was turned off, so I left a voice message saying I hope you sorted out you business and just letting you know, I'm not available this weekend see you in the week some time. He knew how important it was for me to let the person know or leave a message if you have other plans. So after that I never ever heard from again. He was such a coward for someone like him he has his own business and reputated man but yet he didn't have the guts to tell me. Anyway, I didn't call him auray!! I'm learning but after 1month of nothing I sent him a text saying "its a shame things turned out this way, I felt we had a beautiful thing! was it real? looking foward to your response! It wasn't a surprise that he didn't reply! Close friends were also surprised as they thought he was the perfect gentleman and really good catch fo me especially after my ex! But i guess not well i went in to depression for a few weeks. But not as bad as it was for my ex, speaking of my ex (i bet you are all sick of him)lol! After the rebound guy split my ex sent me an email funny how the timing was saying, "I really thought you would have asked me how I'm doing, I thought you were better than that! Anyway I guess I made the right choice! Ciao!
I didn't reply and a week went by and I was on msn and he was too he said "i see you're happy (he saw profile photo of me on facebook drinking a cocktail with a big smile) I wish you a very good life!" I said I wish you a very good life too and went off line I was so strong then and hurt by the rebound guy! After that about a week later I went back to obsessing for my ex again! Facebook etc.. Now we're in July and still not right! If you guys can give me your opinions and thoughts and wise information, thank you!
I think also my career path has been zig zag all my life. I always changed jobs after 1year to the most, It can have a positive side to it, I have a lot of experience in many areas but now I feel unstable and don't know what country I want to settle down in so how can I start a new career change if I leave anyway to a different country?

Have a great weekend everyone!
Seville

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by seville

Thanks for your advice! its been over a year i'm still not over him. When will the day come that i will wake up and not think about him? I still miss him and would love to see him again! maybe i might send him an email to get some things off my chest! When he went back to his country he sent me a faw e-mails but i never replied i was in shock. So 4months went by during this time, i was seeing someone on the rebound. But actually started to not think about him and didn't look at his facebook or go on line msn. This guy on the rebound made me feel speciale took me to expensive restaurants and romantic weekends away. So i was begining to think wow! maybe there are decent guys out there! He was very respectful and generous. Until we were supposed to see eachother for the weekend and his phone was turned off for 6days. I was worried sick and emailed him and sent a couple of texts. He finally had his phone back on and answered. i asked him what happened he said he was in trouble with the law an dhe was in prison all week. I found that hard to believe but gave him the benefit of the doubt. I saw him the next day and asked him some questions and he said don't you believe me i said chill out he was driving and looking very angry on the way to his place. When we got to his i didn't mention it any more we watched a dvd and fell asleep. The next day we made love but for him it obviously wasn't! Then he showed my his gun saying its for protection for his house as he was rich etc! That freaked me out but he was chilled about it. After he said had some appointements that day so said he was going back in to town and at the same time drop me off at my place and after he could pick me up, go to the cinema and have dinner and go back to his place for the rest of the weekend. I said fine, but i was kind of upset! Then in the car we laughed and joked and kissed at each traffic lights untill we arrived at my place he kissed me and said see you later i'll call you when i'm finished. I said sure, bye! Guess what he didn't call me i tried to call at 1am in the morning and he didn't answer so i tried the next day his phone was turned off, so i left a voice message saying i hope you sorted out you business and just letting you know, i'm not available this weekend see you in the week some time. He knew how important it was fo me to let the person know or leave a message if you have other plans. So after that I never ever heard from again. He was such a coward for someone like him he has his own business and reputated man but yet he didn't have the guts to tell me. Anyway, I didn't call him auray!!! i'm learning but after 1month of nothing i sent him a text saying "its a shame things turned out this way, I felt we had a beautiful thing! was it real? looking foward to your response! It wasn't a surprise that he didn't reply! Close friends were also surprised as they thought he was the perfect gentleman and really good catch fo me especially after my ex! But i guess not well i went in to depression for a few weeks. But not as bad as it was for my ex, speaking of my ex (i bet you are all sick of him)lol! After the rebound guy split my ex sent me an email funny how the timing was saying, "I really thought you would have asked me how i'm doing, i thought you were better than that! anyways i guess i made the right choice! ciao!
I didn't reply and a week went by and i was on msn and he was too he said "i see you're happy (he saw profile photo of me on facebook drinking a cocktail with a big smile) I wish you a very good life!" I said i wish you a very good life too and went off line i was so strong then and hurt by the rebound guy! After that about a week later i went back to obsessing for my ex again! facebook etc.. now we're in july and still not right!? If you guys can give me your opinions and thoughts and wise information, thankyou!
I think also my career path has been zig zag all my life. I always changed jobs after 1year to the most, It can have a positive side to it, i have alot of experience in many areas but now i feel unstable and don't know what country i want to settle down in so how can i start a new career change if i leave anyway to a different country?

Have a great weekend everyone!
Seville

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The rebound guy sounds like a nut. Sorry, but you can do better. If he calls tell him to BUZZ OFF. Remember this Ted Bundy was charmimg and good looking.:eek:

Seville,

May I suggest you go back and read Talaniman’s last post? Read it slowly and really try to understand and digest what he is saying. In fact, read the entire thread over a few times. Each time you may pick up something new - but pay attention to how you respond. Your responses keep coming back to the men in your life.

Until you work on yourself, you are going to pursue the wrong men for the wrong reasons. I feel as though you just want to tell us your story (which has some value as far as unburdening), but are you really listening to the responses? It’s time to stop thinking about men and your past, and start figuring out what to do with your present and your future. Your number one priority should be to heal yourself, starting with the damage done by your father’s actions and your parents’ divorce. You need to start valuing yourself as a person, not base your value on the men you attract. This is about you – not the men in your past.

Iraq.. might be nice (kidding) India... would be great. I've always wanted to go there!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by talaniman

Stop looking for love to replace the hole in your soul. This is probably the biggest mistake we make after a terrible heart breaking break up. That only adds to the misery, and pain, and no healing can start until you reject the idea of someone to have to relieve the loneliness.

Instead focus on rebuilding a life that you enjoy, filled with people and activities that make you happy. You don't look for love, you let it find you, and until it does, you pursue your own happiness, with good adult fun.

In this way you won't look at every guy as a potential partner as you heal, and can enjoy life for what it is, a fantastic journey with many options, and opportunities to explore.

Its only thru a proper healing will you learn to be happy with yourself, and depend on yourself to be happy, and not put the burden on some guy to rescue you from your loneliness, misery, and pain of the past.

This is how you let go of past baggage, (unpacking the misery) and look forward to the future, free of the things that have made you miserable.

Only then will you be ready to embrace, and enjoy what life brings you next. I know its hard to believe, but thats how it works, you make new memories to replace the old, and look forward, and not back.

Its not about looking for a new love, or relationship, but getting a life that you enjoy.

---

Thank you for your kind words of advice! I know its true about the hole I have in my soul which could have healed if I hadn't spent 3yrs and more with my ex who destroyed myself confidence, but I guess I let that happen instead of calling it quits. I did love him and still do. I only have myself to blame thinking it could have worked I think I tend to feed myself with hurt and pain and that's what keeps me going. Today when I see how it is and was, its like a tonne of bricks falling on me and instead of trying to forget him, I latch on to it because once I let go I'll be faced with complete emptyness. My brother was in town yesterday and came to see me. Unfortunately he feels empty too! We kind of spoke about our past he said he doesn't know who he is or what nationality he is! I'm starting to understand what has happened over the years. Due to not making something good of myself and staying with men that didn't correspond to my needs. An absent father and a mother that left to marry her toyboy, in the middle of my schooling!! I ended up staying somewhere where there was no hope in jobs, now I'm so frustrated because I had so much potential but didn't do the necessary! I didn't feel supported! You are right leave the baggage behind but how do you start! I'm not getting any younger! I do activities and have some friends so what else is there to do? If I wait for a guy to come to me I'll wait for ever sometimes you have to make it happen, or make the first move, as some guys are shy! I'm not looking for a potential partner just a boyfriend to start with. Right now I don't really want anyone as I'm not completley over my ex!!

Thanks for your responses!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by seville

Thankyou for your kind words of advice! I know its true about the hole i have in my soul which could have healed if i hadn't spent 3yrs and more with my ex who destroyed my self confidence, but i guess i let that happen instead of calling it quits. I did love him and still do. I only have myself to blame thinking it could have worked I think i tend to feed myself with hurt and pain and thats what keeps me going. Today when i see how it is and was, its like a tonne of bricks falling on me and instead of trying to forget him, i latch on to it because once i let go i'll be faced with complete emptyness. My brother was in town yesterday and came to see me. Unfortunately he feels empty too! we kind of spoke about our past he said he doesn't know who he is or what nationality he is! I'm starting to understand what has happened over the years. Due to not making something good of myself and and staying with men that didn't correspond to my needs. An absent father and a mother that left to marry her toyboy, in the middle of my schooling!!! I ended up staying somewhere where there was no hope in jobs, now i'm so frustrated because i had so much potential but didn't do the necessary! I didn't feel supported! You are right leave the baggage behind but how do you start!? I'm not getting any younger! I do activites and have some friends so what else is there to do? If i wait for a guy to come to me I'll wait for ever sometimes you have to make it happen, or make the first move, as some guys are shy! I'm not looking for a potential partner just a boyfriend to start with. Right now i don't really want anyone as i'm not completley over my ex!!!

Thanks for your responses!

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I'm sorry but the qualities you're seeking in a man are just fantasies.
No man has all those qualities you are looking for (except my husband and you can't have him) Start looking for men who are in the same league as you and settle for one.

Seville,

I hope Tal will come back and address your response. In the meantime, I'd like you to think about this. It's important that you heal yourself from the trauma you faced with your parents, and the best way to do that is through counseling. I know you can't afford it now, but you mentioned you might be able to start again in September. Try and make that a priority.

To give you a few things to think about, it will be important for you to work on what's inside of you. To have a healthy long-term relationship, you have to be fundamentally happy and healthy. Men may be attracted to a pretty face and a nice figure, but that does not hold their attention long-term. They are looking for a woman they find equally as attractive inside as out.

I can tell you that a way to deal with your emptiness and frustration is to take positive steps. That could be as simple as taking a walk everyday and reflecting on life. If I were you, I'd try to paint a picture in your mind of what you'd like to see your life become. The point is defining what you want. I'd suggest that #1 on your list is to forgive yourself. Accept that you made mistakes and you are now ready to do the work needed to change your life, assuming of course that's the case. When you know what you want, you will have a better idea of how to get there.

Good Luck and let us know how you are doing. Hang in there and we all hope you do great!

This may sound cold but you have become comfortable in your misery. It's like an old pair of shoes that needs to be discarded, they are raggedy, they do not match anything you have, you don't even like them anymore but they're comfortable, they're molded to your feet.

You say you still love this old boyfriend after a year and it keeps you from moving on. You are in love with the idea of him and as long as you love that idea, you don't have to move on, you want to, but the idea is still comforting. (that old pair of shoes)
Throw them away. They are no longer who you are. Go for walks, read books, get a different set of friends or make new ones. Ask yourself what to like to do, make a list of things that make you happy and start doing them. I think you will discover that you are a different person than you think you are you just have not allowed yourself to take your feet out of those old shoes.
The truth is, you will change when you really want to. When you get sick and tired of being sick and tired, you will clean out your closet and start replacing your old things (thoughts, habits, insecurities, desires... )with new ones.
I wish you well.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

This may sound cold but you have become comfortable in your misery. It's like an old pair of shoes that needs to be discarded, they are raggedy, they do not match anything you have, you don't even like them anymore but they're comfortable, they're molded to your feet.

You say you still love this old boyfriend after a year and it keeps you from moving on. You are in love with the idea of him and as long as you love that idea, you don't have to move on, you want to, but the idea is still comforting. (that old pair of shoes)
Throw them away. They are no longer who you are. Go for walks, read books, get a different set of friends or make new ones. Ask yourself what to like to do, make a list of things that make you happy and start doing them. I think you will discover that you are a different person than you think you are you just have not allowed yourself to take your feet out of those old shoes.
The truth is, you will change when you really want to. When you get sick and tired of being sick and tired, you will clean out your closet and start replacing your old things (thoughts, habits, insecurities, desires...)with new ones.
I wish you well.

---

Hello Home girl!

Nice way of describing the way things have turned out. Yes those shoes are very mouldy, but they're getting polished at the moment before I throw them out.:)
It has been a year but 6months since he had to go back to his country! Sometimes it takes people longer to get over someone they loved dearly. Its not a habit its genuine feelings. You might think its crazy to be still in to him, but that's who I am. I said in my last posts, I move on the best I can, but thoughts of him come back every now and again! I will try to do more things to help me move forward like joining the red cross and making new friends.
I feel now my state of mind is completely different to who I was before and wished I could have been the same way as I am now, when I was with him. I'm disappointed, I see things differently now, and should have been more chilled out and not so dramatic at times it didn't help, damn it! I guess it was due to my eduaction and up bringing of the past that made me in to a not so cool:cool: girl!!
Tonight I was watching TV and a full documentry came on all about his country. I watched it and cried half way through it. Just by seeing the people and their way of life, it just reminded me of him and what could have been...
Its been 1 week tomorrow that I haven't been on msn but felt weak to go on today but didn't. I bought a book today that I'm going to get started on. The weekend is always the hardest alone, friends are usually with their boyfriends and girlfriends, staying in or too tired.

Well by for now!
Thanks for your responses!

Well instead of polishing the shoes, throw them out. What you did in the past is in the past. How you behaved in the past is in the past, you can't do anything about then, but you can walk in a new day today.
Whatever mistakes you made with him in the past, determine to change that for the future.
The way you were treated in the past is past, you can't change it, but you can walk in a new way today if you choose to.

I wish you well.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Just Looking

Seville,

May I suggest you go back and read Talaniman’s last post? Read it slowly and really try to understand and digest what he is saying. In fact, read the entire thread over a few times. Each time you may pick up something new - but pay attention to how you respond. Your responses keep coming back to the men in your life.

Until you work on yourself, you are going to pursue the wrong men for the wrong reasons. I feel as though you just want to tell us your story (which has some value as far as unburdening), but are you really listening to the responses? It’s time to stop thinking about men and your past, and start figuring out what to do with your present and your future. Your number one priority should be to heal yourself, starting with the damage done by your father’s actions and your parents’ divorce. You need to start valuing yourself as a person, not base your value on the men you attract. This is about you – not the men in your past.

---

Hello Justlooking! Hope you had a very good weekend!

I reread Talaimans post and it is sinking in I do realise that its about men because I was looking for love in a man that I lacked from my parents and their weird choices. Maybe it was too much for the them ! These last few years, Instead of making and concentrating on a good career and progressing, I just stayed at the bottom because I didn't feel good about myself! With my ex it took so much energy out of me because you would be wondering what's going on when he wasn't there, because of his track record and helping him with his problems. Why did he put all that on me if he knew he wasn't going to stay with me or whatever, but how come I still miss him? I could go on about this forever! I'm sure you are all bored of reading more or less the same posts.. sorry!:o I think I need your advice to be drilled in to me so that I will eventually get over him!
I'm trying to figure out what career path to take.. I have a few ideas. Its just feeling lonely as all my friends have all gone away on holiday and I have some financial difficulties to sort out! Its not vey rosey for a girl of my age! Today is very dull outside so I have a little blues! It will pass!
One day I will write on here and everything will be hunky dorey!!

Lookingfoward to your replies!!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Well instead of polishing the shoes, throw them out. What you did in the past is in the past. How you behaved in the past is in the past, you can't do anything about then, but you can walk in a new day today.
Whatever mistakes you made with him in the past, determine to change that for the future.
The way you were treated in the past is past, you can't change it, but you can walk in a new way today if you choose to.

I wish you well.

---

Hello Homegirl! Thanks for your post!

I'm trying my hardest to throw them it, I need a bit more time!
I know the past is the past, but why didn't I see it coming? That's part of life!! I wish I didn't make mistakes with my ex every time I break up with past exs too! I always say I will not make mistakes with the next boyfriend but I do I end up making them again! Maybe I get too comfortable with the guy instead of keeping some distance?

Well have a nice day!

Seville what sort of things interest you? Where do you want to be in a year... five years... ten years? What things do you want to change about yourself... what personal goals do you have?

Hi Seville,

I'm glad to hear that you are thinking about all of this and feel an understanding coming. I think there are really two separate issues here and you need to treat them separately or you are just going to get overwhelmed and not deal with either issue.

One of those issues is figuring out what to do to have a better future. I touched on it earlier by suggesting that you paint a picture of what you want your life to be like. KC stated it quite well in his post - where do you want to be in 1 year, 5 years, 10 years, etc? What are your goals? Forget about the men for now, and just address those questions. Once you have goals, you can then figure out how to make them happen. You can start simply and expand them as you start making achievements, but you need someplace to start.

The second issue is of course about the men and your need for love. It seems your focus has been on this issue, and you've let the other one be ignored. If you can focus instead on what you want in life and making yourself a stronger, better person, I think there's a good chance you will find that this issue becomes less important. You have to love yourself and become more confident, and that will make you more attractive at the same time. If you've spent time reading other threads, you will see a lot of advice that people not get into a new relationship until they work on themselves first. The whole reason is to build a more confident self that knows what she wants - which will also avoid the mistakes you have been making.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Just Looking

Hi Seville,

I'm glad to hear that you are thinking about all of this and feel an understanding coming. I think there are really two separate issues here and you need to treat them separately or you are just going to get overwhelmed and not deal with either issue.

One of those issues is figuring out what to do to have a better future. I touched on it earlier by suggesting that you paint a picture of what you want your life to be like. KC stated it quite well in his post - where do you want to be in 1 year, 5 years, 10 years, etc? What are your goals? Forget about the men for now, and just address those questions. Once you have goals, you can then figure out how to make them happen. You can start off simply and expand them as you start making achievements, but you need someplace to start.

The second issue is of course about the men and your need for love. It seems your focus has been on this issue, and you've let the other one be ignored. If you can focus instead on what you want in life and making yourself a stronger, better person, I think there's a good chance you will find that this issue becomes less important. You have to love yourself and become more confident, and that will make you more attractive at the same time. If you've spent time reading other threads, you will see a lot of advice that people not get into a new relationship until they work on themselves first. The whole reason is to build a more confident self that knows what she wants - which will also avoid the mistakes you have been making.

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Hi!
Thanks for your advice, you made very good points and I am greatfull. I know I need to focus more on my likes and dislikes in every area of my life. I have hobbies that keep me busy and it is my passion but to make a career out of it is not possible! For my career I didn't and can't get an amazing well paid job because I don't have the highest diploma and its very hard for me with the language barrier to do high studdies in this country. Even for the people living here find it very hard too. The people that graduate here also can't find jobs adapted to their diplomas or not paid enough. Or they often say you're too qualified for the job which makes it impossible. So they end up leaving the country to find better jobs in a different more open minded country.
The quality of life is good here and I'm starting to get too comfortable here instead of making progress I'm not! I 've contacted a job where I used to work 2years ago on a short mission working in fashion, they said to send on my C.V. After the mission instead of staying on I left as I had another job opportunity but I took a gamble because now the other job couldn't keep me on with the resession. This job appeals to me more than before and maybe I will get the chance to move up, It would be great if could go back with them they said at the time my work was very good, so will see if they have jobs available as well!
Two days ago, I went on msn I know not good, but I have friends that wanted to talk on there so went on. After a few minutes my ex came on line, I didn' talk to him but I got the feeling he wanted me too! He went off line and back on line a few times so I would see his head pop up every time but I resisted thinking if he wants to say hi, he will because the last time he was at work and couldn't talk so I didn't want to bother him! I was on for 2hrs or more and then he went off line and changed his name (cos he has a nick name) and came back on line and then off again! So Weird!! What do you think of that? Huh! I didn't go back on since as I have thought about him again due to this! I was feeling sad and lonely today!

Well bye for now!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by kctiger

Seville what sort of things interest you? Where do you want to be in a year...five years...ten years? What things do you want to change about yourself...what personal goals do you have?

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Hi, I have no idea where I want to be or where I will be even in 1 year! Help:eek: Every time I try to do something in my life it backfires... I will have more ideas in a few months maybe of what I will be doing for this year! That's why its very frustrating!! Things I should have and could have done in my early twenties, I don't think its possible or logical to do those things now!! So settling for anything doesn't suit me I want better and good things! But, I'm not getting any younger...

Thanks for advice!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by seville

Hi, I have no idea where i want to be or where i will be even in 1 year! Help:eek: Everytime i try to do something in my life it backfires... I will have more ideas in a few months maybe of what i will be doing for this year! Thats why its very frustrating!!! Things i should have and could have done in my early twenties, i don't think its possible or logical to do those things now!!! So settling for anything doesn't suit me I want better and good things! But, I'm not getting any younger...

Thanks for advice!

---

I think you're putting constraints and limitations on your own life. It is never too early to start a career. Millions of people get fed up with their lives, go back to school and start over again. It is a better option than hating and regretting your life for the next 50+ years. You owe it to yourself to at least contemplate rebuilding a new, more fulfilling life.

I'm in my late twenties and just recently started a career that I am satisfied with. I'm what you would call a late bloomer.

KC is right about the career idea and your age. My dad didn't complete college until he was 32, and then had a successful career for the next 26 years until he retired early. Another thing is you don't have to get an amazing or highly paid job to be happy or successful. There are a lot of ways to do things that will make you happy. If you like where you live and want to stay there, accept that the job situation is what it is. Get the best job you can and be the best at it that you can be.

Find other ways to be happy. You mention hobbies as being your passion. They don't have to pay for themselves or become a business. You can just enjoy them for what they are. I wonder though if they are a way to bring in a little extra money, or maybe bring happiness to others as well?

You also mentioned in an earlier post that you might want to volunteer for the Red Cross. Are you really interested in that? If so, look into it or get started.

As for the MSN – can't you delete him as a contact so you don't see him online? Why put yourself through that sadness?

After reading your story, this is what I feel. All things happen for a reason. If it's meant for you two to be together it will happen so don't stress yourself over it. God places people in ones life for many reasons. Just remember that the one person that is meant to be in your life will not come with conditions or problems so, I feel that if everything seems crazy at this time then maybe this is not the man for you. Move on and in time if he is the one for you it will happen.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jazzyshoes2004

After reading your story, this is what I feel. All things happen for a reason. If it's meant for you two to be together it will happen so don't stress yourself over it. God places people in ones life for many reasons. Just remember that the one person that is meant to be in your life will not come with conditions or problems so, I feel that if everything seems crazy at this time then maybe this is not the man for you. Move on and in time if he is the one for you it will happen.

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Jazzyshoes,
Thank you for your post, I was feeling low again but by reading your post it lifted my spirits! :) It does make sense if he is the one for me eventually it will happen!!

Thanks again!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Just Looking

KC is right about the career idea and your age. My dad didn’t complete college until he was 32, and then had a successful career for the next 26 years until he retired early. Another thing is you don’t have to get an amazing or highly paid job to be happy or successful. There are a lot of ways to do things that will make you happy. If you like where you live and want to stay there, accept that the job situation is what it is. Get the best job you can and be the best at it that you can be.

Find other ways to be happy. You mention hobbies as being your passion. They don’t have to pay for themselves or become a business. You can just enjoy them for what they are. I wonder though if they are a way to bring in a little extra money, or maybe bring happiness to others as well?

You also mentioned in an earlier post that you might want to volunteer for the Red Cross. Are you really interested in that? If so, look into it or get started.

As for the MSN – can’t you delete him as a contact so you don’t see him online? Why put yourself thru that sadness?

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Hello Justlooking,

I wish I could figure out what I want to do, today I feel completely helpless. When I wake up I just want to roll over and go back to sleep. I can't face reality.Things doesn't seem to be movng along. I've been out of work for some time now and the more and more lonely and the more I think about my ex and wish he was here and could come back! When ever I go in to town all the memories of us come flooding back, and I get nausia and end up going home.
I feel like I don't exist for me or anyone. I've tried to shake it off but its still raw as if it was yesterday. He was on msn again and I said hi but he didn't reply so I left it at that but that happened once before and then he chatted to me another time, he was probably busy at work. I can't cut him off msn its not possible for me. It hurts so much when you realise the things you did wrong and what I should have done maybe that wouldn't have changed anything but at least I would be at peace now! I live in a large city and many nationalities mixed together, everyone kind of keeps to themselves the people are not friendly. I've looked in to joining the redcross, hopefully I will be OK before I join because its helping people, but I need to be OK myself!

I had a goal in September but wonder if that is what I really want to do! It will only be a part time job as I need to pass a few more exams next year to go full time, as I couldn't do all of the subjets this year due to being sick. Maybe I could do 2part time jobs, but its not very stable. Or I might change careers completely and take a course its for 18months you work all week while learning on the job and one day a week at school and you are continuously asessed and get a diploma at the end without a big exam so wouldn't have to worry about passing! There are many jobs in that but the salary is low! I wish I knew what I want!:confused:

IF you have any advice, I would appreciate it!!
Seville

Something to look forward to would certainly help with the loneliness, and school or a career would help with being isolated. I think volunteering while you get some goals together is a great idea, and the Red Cross is a good organization. So is a hospital, church organization, or even a school.

The goal is to get out, and about and busy.

Seville I still don't know what I want and I'm spending a fortune trying to figure it out (student loans). The cool thing about life is that we can change things if we don't like them. No one said you had to be fixed in a career at a certain age. The worst mistake most people make is finding a job young and sticking to it because they are afraid to leave. I'd rather find something I love doing than be miserable working for the next 40 years of my life.

You are putting undo pressure on yourself. Relax and take a deep breath. You have a world of tools at your disposal. Use them. Have you ever heard the expression, "When I grow up I want to be..."? Some people are 50 years old and still say that. I admire that.

Hi Seville,

I feel like you are afraid to make a step for fear of making the wrong one. Instead, you aren't doing anything and becoming more depressed or fearful about your future. Have you been looking for work? Even if it isn't your ideal job, if you could start somewhere you will at least have something to occupy your time and thoughts and will meet some new people. You have no ties right now to a job or a relationship. You are free to explore anything, anywhere. I've wondered if you have ever thought about something that requires travel or in the travel industry. It seems that your ability to speak more than one language would be a big plus.

I understand you feel hopeless and it's making it hard to move forward. There are a couple of things you might think about doing.

1. Affirmations – find something positive to say to yourself everyday and when you are down. Some suggestions:

-I realize daily that I can do all things within the range of my own ability.
-I eliminate “cannot” from my vocabulary. I can and I will.
-I anticipate the good in life. I look for blessings even in seemingly difficult or unfortunate happenings.
-I think constantly of the abundance of good things in the world and the opportunities to be taken. My attitude of optimism attracts good fortune to me.
-I maintain a positive attitude towards people, particularly those I live with and those I work with.
-I never abandon faith, hope and the determination to rise above all conditions. I pursue my goals no matter what.

2. Diet and exercise Eat in a healthy way and exercise daily. Both will automatically make you feel better and give you more energy. You might be feeling too low at first, but if you can keep this up for 2 weeks you will be amazed at how much stronger and better you feel. It will just keep getting better and better. When I'm down, I go out for a walk – especially a nature walk. Even if I don't feel like it, I smile and greet people … and eventually I am smiling because I feel better.

3. “Act as if” – act as if everything is okay. It's something my counselor recommended 2 years ago when I was going through grief counseling when my parents died. It sounds simple, but it does work. The “act” becomes more real.

4. Explore I just try to do something new, go to the "unknown territory", and challenge myself with new things... That always refreshes my mind. Believe me! Whenever you feel this way, just take action! Go out of your home. Don't stay still, DO something. And not something habitual, something unpredictable and new, something challenging. It can be drawing something; meeting someone; or just walking and roaming the streets, or driving.

5. Deal with your anxiety. Find ways to deal with your anxiety. It makes your mind more relaxed and more creative. Have you ever tried meditation? Prayer might be a possibility, depending on your beliefs. Exercise is another way to deal with anxiety – maybe try yoga or Pilates.

6. Volunteering We've talked about volunteering and you mentioned you were interested. Don't feel like you have to be okay before you can help others. I used to do a lot of volunteering in high school, college, and afterwards until my parents' deaths. I left my job and moved home, at first to take care of my dad but he didn't survive. I didn't volunteer for over a year after that because I was busy with other things, including starting a new job. A year ago, I was brutally beaten (nearly killed) by an ex-boyfriend. I spent a week in the hospital and 2 months off work recuperating. I was hurt and angry, and wanted to do something that would make me feel better about myself and would help other young women avoid what had happened to me. While I was still in the hospital, I started developing a program to take to high schools and colleges with the purpose to reach out to girls/women who were at risk – to raise their self-esteem, help them see the risks, and to let them know they had alternatives. I obviously wasn't “okay” when I started this idea, but it was one of the things that helped me become okay. You can start slowly in your volunteering process and see how it goes. I wouldn't be surprised at all if it lifted your spirits and you increased your efforts.


I think if you can do some or all of the above, you will begin to feel stronger and like you have a purpose. If you can start feeling healthier and happier, you will be able to more clearly think about your life and the direction you should take. You just have to find the strength to start somewhere. I know it seems overwhelming, but just take a few steps now and keep building on that as you are able. I know you will feel better if you do.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Just Looking

Hi Seville,

I feel like you are afraid to make a step for fear of making the wrong one. Instead, you aren’t doing anything and becoming more depressed or fearful about your future. Have you been looking for work? Even if it isn’t your ideal job, if you could start somewhere you will at least have something to occupy your time and thoughts and will meet some new people. You have no ties right now to a job or a relationship. You are free to explore anything, anywhere. I've wondered if you have ever thought about something that requires travel or in the travel industry. It seems that your ability to speak more than one language would be a big plus.

I understand you feel hopeless and it’s making it hard to move forward. There are a couple of things you might think about doing.

1. Affirmations – find something positive to say to yourself everyday and when you are down. Some suggestions:

-I realize daily that I can do all things within the range of my own ability.
-I eliminate “cannot” from my vocabulary. I can and I will.
-I anticipate the good in life. I look for blessings even in seemingly difficult or unfortunate happenings.
-I think constantly of the abundance of good things in the world and the opportunities to be taken. My attitude of optimism attracts good fortune to me.
-I maintain a positive attitude towards people, particularly those I live with and those I work with.
-I never abandon faith, hope and the determination to rise above all conditions. I pursue my goals no matter what.

2. Diet and exercise Eat in a healthy way and exercise daily. Both will automatically make you feel better and give you more energy. You might be feeling too low at first, but if you can keep this up for 2 weeks you will be amazed at how much stronger and better you feel. It will just keep getting better and better. When I’m down, I go out for a walk – especially a nature walk. Even if I don’t feel like it, I smile and greet people … and eventually I am smiling because I feel better.

3. “Act as if” – act as if everything is okay. It’s something my counselor recommended 2 years ago when I was going thru grief counseling when my parents died. It sounds simple, but it does work. The “act” becomes more real.

4. Explore I just try to do something new, go to the "unknown territory", and challenge myself with new things... That always refreshes my mind. Believe me! Whenever you feel this way, just take action! Go out of your home. Don't stay still, DO something. And not something habitual, something unpredictable and new, something challenging. It can be drawing something; meeting someone; or just walking and roaming the streets, or driving.

5. Deal with your anxiety. Find ways to deal with your anxiety. It makes your mind more relaxed and more creative. Have you ever tried meditation? Prayer might be a possibility, depending on your beliefs. Exercise is another way to deal with anxiety – maybe try yoga or Pilates.

6. Volunteering We’ve talked about volunteering and you mentioned you were interested. Don’t feel like you have to be okay before you can help others. I used to do a lot of volunteering in high school, college, and afterwards until my parents’ deaths. I left my job and moved home, at first to take care of my dad but he didn’t survive. I didn’t volunteer for over a year after that because I was busy with other things, including starting a new job. A year ago, I was brutally beaten (nearly killed) by an ex-boyfriend. I spent a week in the hospital and 2 months off work recuperating. I was hurt and angry, and wanted to do something that would make me feel better about myself and would help other young women avoid what had happened to me. While I was still in the hospital, I started developing a program to take to high schools and colleges with the purpose to reach out to girls/women who were at risk – to raise their self-esteem, help them see the risks, and to let them know they had alternatives. I obviously wasn’t “okay” when I started this idea, but it was one of the things that helped me become okay. You can start slowly in your volunteering process and see how it goes. I wouldn’t be surprised at all if it lifted your spirits and you increased your efforts.


I think if you can do some or all of the above, you will begin to feel stronger and like you have a purpose. If you can start feeling healthier and happier, you will be able to more clearly think about your life and the direction you should take. You just have to find the strength to start somewhere. I know it seems overwhelming, but just take a few steps now and keep building on that as you are able. I know you will feel better if you do.

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Hi Justlooking,

Thank you for your time and advice I have done some of the things you advised me and hope to do more this week!! :)
I would like to say I am very sorry for your loss and I send you my sincere condolence.
You have gone through a lot and ex boyfriend and you seem to be a very strong intelligent person who helps people very well and I admire you. :)
I can relate to you about your ex because one of my ex boyfriends was abusive, pyhsically and mentally. I am glad to have got out of that relationship, I wasted years before getting out because I was afraid of being alone. Now when I think back it seems riduclous, you just have to cut ties as soon as the first signs appears and not over look it! I felt trapped with my situation, so stayed. He took an overdoze when ever I tried to break up with him, once he almost died, he was controlling!
Anyway, I hope you're OK now and feeling better?
I'm going to try this week to get things sorted because its not doing me any good. I have to try to feel good and get rid of my depression and get up. I will try, it is overwhelming but I don't have a choice.
I feel kind of cold towards my parents and I'm not in contact as much anymore, I feel bad when I talk to them it reminds me of the past and the guilt etc... my counceller advised me to Is it a good idea? I feel by breaking contact I will discover who I really am! I know I've made so many mistakes and regret deeply for losing my ex by the way I was then!
I have been looking for a job but not as much as I should do! In the travel industry sounds good. I was working for vacation club where you travel and work in the club entertaining people etc.. I enjoyed that but the last time I worked for a couple of weeks and didn't perform as good as before and there wasn't much organisation in that particular club, and the fact that my ex had disappeared I wasn't my normal self.
Afterwards I told them that there was no communication or organisation and it turned against me which isin't fair. I wasn't the only one to say this. I asked them If could work for this summer and they didn't get back to me. I will still get back to them again because the other times I was a very good worker. That is job where you work for summer and winter months about 8months in the year. Do you know of other jobs in travel?

Well thanks again for your kind post:)
I will keep you posted! Xo

Thanks. It's still difficult dealing with the loss of my parents, but as you said I have no choice.

I am doing very well now. My ex was not abusive during our relationship, which made it all that more surprising. After we broke up, he also tried to overdose. By then, I was on this board and everyone told me to stay away from him, it was his problem and had nothing to do with me. He wouldn't leave me alone, and I finally had to file a restraining order. Eight weeks after we broke up is when he attacked me. He was an attorney and a brilliant man, but also felt entitled. He couldn't accept that I didn't want anything to do with him.

You probably know more about the travel industry than I do. I know very little, but I wondered about something like signing on to a cruise ship. Are there job placement agencies you can talk to in your area?

I think you have the right attitude - Start now to climb out of this depression you are in. Even little steps will help. Take a walk, notice the beauty around you, and smile. Eat healthy meals - I know that makes a huge difference to me. Those are all things you can easily do, and as you are feeling better keep adding more things. You've probably heard the phrase, "Keep your eye on the prize." Just keep imagining how good it will feel to get your life back - imagine being happy. I know some days will be harder than others, but just keep working at it and don't give up. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it.

There are many people on this site who had to struggle through bad times and are now doing very well. You aren't alone. :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Just Looking

Thanks. It's still difficult dealing with the loss of my parents, but as you said I have no choice.

I am doing very well now. My ex was not abusive during our relationship, which made it all that more surprising. After we broke up, he also tried to overdose. By then, I was on this board and everyone told me to stay away from him, it was his problem and had nothing to do with me. He wouldn't leave me alone, and I finally had to file a restraining order. Eight weeks after we broke up is when he attacked me. He was an attorney and a brilliant man, but also felt entitled. He couldn't accept that I didn't want anything to do with him.

You probably know more about the travel industry than I do. I know very little, but I wondered about something like signing on to a cruise ship. Are there job placement agencies you can talk to in your area?

I think you have the right attitude - Start now to climb out of this depression you are in. Even little steps will help. Take a walk, notice the beauty around you, and smile. Eat healthy meals - I know that makes a huge difference to me. Those are all things you can easily do, and as you are feeling better keep adding in more things. You've probably heard the phrase, "Keep your eye on the prize." Just keep imagining how good it will feel to get your life back - imagine being happy. I know some days will be harder than others, but just keep working at it and don't give up. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it.

There are many people on this site who had to struggle thru bad times and are now doing very well. You aren't alone. :)

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Hi Justlooking,

I'm glad you are feeling better! How did you meet your actual boyfriend? How could you trust another guy after what happened with the last guy? I find it very hard to trust guys, after my ordeal, but I am not feeling bothered anymore with the hurt I carry from my ex!
I texted the guy from last year the one who had split with his girlfriend of ten yrs! At the moment he is visiting his family, but will see me when he gets back in two weeks or so! I don't know if it's a good idea as the last time when I saw him last year I didn't have any feelings for him and only wanted to be with my ex. I guess I was on the rebound and before when he was with his ex of ten yrs, I used to think If I had a guy like that it would be pretty cool and fancied him. This was before going out with my ex. I knew him from where I used to live before through other friends! I prefer to contact guys I know because I'm afraid after what happened with the last one and that way there might not be any surprises! In a big city you can't tell if a guy is for real or not?
Anyway even though its been over a year over with my ex, I still don't feel ready for anything but at the same time I'm lonely!:rolleyes:
For my career, I'm starting to stick to my orignal idea, working with children. I've researched different jobs and read forums on these jobs. Even though the salary isin't great working with children, it is a staisfying job. I love to see a child smile and I seem to make children laugh!:D I would have to pass a few more exams to work fulltime! If I pass it will secure me for life! I need to find the motivation to study and revise and right now I have none:( It's the loneliness that's taking over me and causing me to freeze! I have an exam in September!
For the redcross its in September. I'm also looking in to joining a budhist group! In budhisume it teaches you not to get attached and hang on to people and let go easier of people we love, this could be good for me and the whole aspect of it is interesting to me!
I've also looked for jobs to work on cruise liners and I found a good jobsite and applied to different companies! They asked, when you are available, you work for 6months at a time which is great that way I can come back or continue on. I'm not sure If I should say I'm available now or in 6months time or next year? As I want to secure my goal as working with children to have something to come back to! But If I go now maybe I will see a different path and do something different the fact of getting out of this country to see new horizons!! But definitely want to try it as it would be good for me I really need a change of scenery and meet new people and travel, and use my language skills! I think, Its what I need!! For all of the jobs you need at least 2 languages! Thanks for a great idea Justlooking!:) When I was 21 It was my dream to work on a cruise liner but didn't do it as I failed my exam and didn't think I would get hired and then met my ex nut!lol!and forgot about it! Now I feel I have the maturity and enough bagage to work on a cruise liner! It would be such a change for me! I have experience in most job areas so should be OK!
Every time I wanted to do something different I always held back because of a guy I was with but its not worth it in the end they take off and you've done nothing and left frustated! If the guy truly loves you they will wait for you to get back or encourage you to fallow through to your bliss. Then when you're doing what you wanted to do, you probably meet someone better or someone who coresponds more to you because you have something in common. Its better to realise that now than never!!

Thanks for your advice!
Seville:)

Hi Seville,

We were neighbors, and we are both runners. I saw him almost every day while I was on my run and we would greet each other. This had been going on for around a year, but eventually that was how we started seeing each other. I started dating him 5 weeks after my breakup, 3 weeks before the attack. We had so much in common and he was such a gentleman. After the attack he still wanted to see me, and he was very encouraging and gave me such hope and strength.

I’m so happy that you are figuring out what you want to do. Working with children is admirable. You’ve been busy – looking into working with children, looking into the Red Cross, checking on the cruise lines, and thinking about joining a Buddhism group.

You need a job now, so why not make yourself available now? If the cruise line offers you something, why not try it? You’ve already listed several reasons that it is a good fit for you. You might love it. If you are doing what you love, you will shine and it will be noticed. It seems that there could be so many possibilities for you. As far as meeting a guy, you have a much better chance of meeting a guy who is right for you when you are happy and doing what you love.

I’ve been on 4 cruises now and really enjoyed them. I’m wondering if you could combine your interest in working on a cruise line with your interest in working with children. I know each cruise I went on had children’s programs, for example. I don’t know what it takes to work in that area on a cruise ship, but it would be worth looking into. I also know that on at least two of the cruises, they offered babysitting. Even if you were a server in the dining room, you could relate to the children, making their experience more fun – the parents would love it. I’m thinking that if I were you, I’d see about those opportunities. You still have to pass exams to work in your field, and you could study for those exams on the ship. As far as loneliness, you won’t be lonely on a ship with 1,000-4,000 people. :) (I loved your joke about baggage.)

Let me just close with this. Start listening to your inner voice. It comes from both your conscious and sub-conscious mind, from both your mind and your heart. Take notice of your body (i.e. how you are physically reacting to people and situations) as it will tell you what you need to know and listen to your intuition. Avoid thinking negative thoughts, especially of yourself. Don’t limit yourself. You have lots of choices, and you will find the path that is right for you. If you can follow that inner voice, you will make the right decisions for yourself and you will be more at peace.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Just Looking

Hi Seville,

We were neighbors, and we are both runners. I saw him almost every day while I was on my run and we would greet each other. This had been going on for around a year, but eventually that was how we started seeing each other. I started dating him 5 weeks after my breakup, 3 weeks before the attack. We had so much in common and he was such a gentleman. After the attack he still wanted to see me, and he was very encouraging and gave me such hope and strength.

I’m so happy that you are figuring out what you want to do. Working with children is admirable. You’ve been busy – looking into working with children, looking into the Red Cross, checking on the cruise lines, and thinking about joining a Buddhism group.

You need a job now, so why not make yourself available now? If the cruise line offers you something, why not try it? You’ve already listed several reasons that it is a good fit for you. You might love it. If you are doing what you love, you will shine and it will be noticed. It seems that there could be so many possibilities for you. As far as meeting a guy, you have a much better chance of meeting a guy who is right for you when you are happy and doing what you love.

I’ve been on 4 cruises now and really enjoyed them. I’m wondering if you could combine your interest in working on a cruise line with your interest in working with children. I know each cruise I went on had children’s programs, for example. I don’t know what it takes to work in that area on a cruise ship, but it would be worth looking into. I also know that on at least two of the cruises, they offered babysitting. Even if you were a server in the dining room, you could relate to the children, making their experience more fun – the parents would love it. I’m thinking that if I were you, I’d see about those opportunities. You still have to pass exams to work in your field, and you could study for those exams on the ship. As far as loneliness, you won’t be lonely on a ship with 1,000-4,000 people. :) (I loved your joke about baggage.)

Let me just close with this. Start listening to your inner voice. It comes from both your conscious and sub-conscious mind, from both your mind and your heart. Take notice of your body (i.e., how you are physically reacting to people and situations) as it will tell you what you need to know and listen to your intuition. Avoid thinking negative thoughts, especially of yourself. Don’t limit yourself. You have lots of choices, and you will find the path that is right for you. If you can follow that inner voice, you will make the right decisions for yourself and you will be more at peace.

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Hi Justlooking!

Thank for your quick reply!:)
Well that was good going how you met your guy, it seemed to be perfect timing for you! That's great! I said in my last post doing various activities that you like doing is usually where you meet a guy with things in common with you, and with a bit of luck you hit it off!!
I have applied for jobs as receptionist, retail in shop, hostess, dancer and in the youth secteur working with children to have more of a chance in a getting a job! I have experience in all of these secteurs so hopefully one job will pop up!
If a job comes up now and I take it I will have to put redcross and Buddhist group and dance classes on hold! Is that a good idea? If I say I'm available in a few months then maybe I can get thoses things done before going and not just taking off to escape my loneliness! But at the same time I feel I need a change very soon my daily routine is boring me so much even though I'm reading and going for walks and taking dance classes there is still a lot of time alone and its depressing me!:confused:
I've also been offered a nanny job fulltime in September I don't think I'll do it as It will be all day at the persons house looking after a baby! I love the baby because I babysit for them sometimes but I think I would feel stuck and not moving on professionally! I have to pass an exam in September to almost complete the qualification of working working with kids. I have already a diploma which I passed years ago to work with children but its not as good as the one I'm trying to pass now. If I pass that exam in September then I could revise for the 2 remaining subjets on the cruise! I can work without the diploma but want to have it to be secure for the future!
By working on the cruise I will be able to save some money which is good too! The fact of stopping off in different countrys really apeals to me even though it will be hard work and not much free time but I think I will enjoy it! How was it for you on the cruise liners? Did the workers look like they were having fun? Would it be better on a carabeanne (sorry, can't spell):( cruise or what types? I've never been on one but I worked on a ferryboat back and fourth to the same country which was OK but not what I expected it to be I was a waitress just collected trays all day long and kind of got dizzy!lol!
I'm kind of afraid of losing my place for If I choose to come back here should I give my little appartement up and just go or keep it even though I would continue to pay the rent while I'm not here? If it is for 6months as its hard to find a place to live in this city! I'm thinking ahead too!:confused: Maybe after the cruise I won't want to come back here!
O well I'm sure it will get clearer soon!! By trusting my instincts!!

If you have any opinions would be grateful !:)
Seville

I understand your interest in waiting until after September, but my feeling is that you don’t limit yourself. Apply to the cruise ships and tell them you are available now. It’s already mid-August. I’d be surprised if they’d have an immediate opening. The alternative is to apply in a month, after your exam. My point is to let them know you are currently available when you do apply. In the meantime, go forward with the assumption that you will take the exam before you get a placement. That’s the most likely outcome.

Cruise ships have so many activities. They offer religious services, for example. As far as Buddhism, it’s always something you could study on your own. I bet you could even take dance classes on them. (Do you have the experience to apply as a dancer?) The ships I have been on always had gyms, and some had separate gyms for the workers. The 4 cruises I have been on: 2 in Mexico, 1 in the Caribbean, and 1 to Hawaii. They were all fun. Do they ask where you would want to be? As far as the workers, they were friendly and courteous. The ones I had more contact with (the steward and waiters) said they really loved their jobs. I’m sure it’s like any other job – some are happy, some are not. You probably won’t know until you try, but you have an interest in it so why not go for it. You are doing the right thing to apply to so many different places. The cruise ships are just one more place. Who knows who will have an opening?

As far as your apartment, is there any chance you can sublet it for 6 months?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Just Looking

I understand your interest in waiting until after September, but my feeling is that you don’t limit yourself. Apply to the cruise ships and tell them you are available now. It’s already mid-August. I’d be surprised if they’d have an immediate opening. The alternative is to apply in a month, after your exam. My point is to let them know you are currently available when you do apply. In the meantime, go forward with the assumption that you will take the exam before you get a placement. That’s the most likely outcome.

Cruise ships have so many activities. They offer religious services, for example. As far as Buddhism, it’s always something you could study on your own. I bet you could even take dance classes on them. (Do you have the experience to apply as a dancer?) The ships I have been on always had gyms, and some had separate gyms for the workers. The 4 cruises I have been on: 2 in Mexico, 1 in the Caribbean, and 1 to Hawaii. They were all fun. Do they ask where you would want to be? As far as the workers, they were friendly and courteous. The ones I had more contact with (the steward and waiters) said they really loved their jobs. I’m sure it’s like any other job – some are happy, some are not. You probably won’t know until you try, but you have an interest in it so why not go for it. You are doing the right thing to apply to so many different places. The cruise ships are just one more place. Who knows who will have an opening?

As far as your apartment, is there any chance you can sublet it for 6 months?

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Hi Justlooking,

Sorry to bother you again! I'm a bit confused!
I got a reply for a job for the cruise ship from an employment group. They said my resume was positive for them and that I was on the shortlist.
Today I got another e-mail saying that I will have to pass a test to see if I'm capable of working on a cruise and then a telephone interview, and face to face all before the 26august! Then If I passed I will be joining the cruise in Turkey for a 6month contract. I was so happy and started visualising myself on the cruise!
There was a catch it also said, to help you pass the test please download the link and put your code in so that you will get 10% Off and have an advantage over the other applicants! So the link was a book with information on cruises etc.. And they were asking for 20 euros £24 to receive the book.:confused:
I feel that this is a scam, you don't ask people applying for a job to pay to get through to the next part of the interview and not even sure that I will get through after paying for this book! They did put their address and phone number but I'm hestitating to call them in case it's a scam!
I googled the company and other people had the same experience as me asking for money to get to the neXt stage! But no one said if it was an actual scam! And some didn't bother with them!

What do you think? Is this normal procedure?
Thanks!

I don't really know normal procedures, but I'd be wary of a scam also. Just the fact they are pushing for such a fast reply sends up red flags. I wouldn't buy the book. Can you take the test without buying the book?

How are you applying - an employment agency or directly to a cruise line? I tried to read a little about the process, and got the impression that you should be applying directly to the cruise lines. One article I read mentioned that the top three lines and three that you should definitely consider are Royal Caribbean International, Princess and Carnival. I easily found websites for applying for Princess and Carnival. Royal Caribbean wasn't as easy, but I didn't spend a lot of time looking.

I also read a few comments that said you should not have to buy anything.

I wish I could help more but I just don't know a lot about it.

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Originally Posted by Just Looking

I don't really know normal procedures, but I'd be wary of a scam also. Just the fact they are pushing for such a fast reply sends up red flags. I wouldn't buy the book. Can you take the test without buying the book?

How are you applying - an employment agency or directly to a cruise line? I tried to read a little about the process, and got the impression that you should be applying directly to the cruise lines. One article I read mentioned that the top three lines and three that you should definitely consider are Royal Caribbean International, Princess and Carnival. I easily found websites for applying for Princess and Carnival. Royal Caribbean wasn't as easy, but I didn't spend a lot of time looking.

I also read a few comments that said you should not have to buy anything.

I wish I could help more but I just don't know a lot about it.

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Hello,
Thank you for your great advice! Yes it is a redflag having to buy the book and replying so soon. I was applying to groups, concessioneries, that put me in contact with the cruise! I read somewhere that it is better to apply directly to the ship. The 3 companies you mentioned sounds good, are they based in america? The fact that I'm living in europe can I apply to these? The employment agency here don't give you any information on cruises. I have been trying to research on the net and will continue to. I'm just not sure where you have to be situated to apply to a certain ship?
Thanks,
Seville

You can definitely apply to them. By the way, I’ve been on all three of these lines. I enjoyed all three – nice ships, friendly crew members, many travel choices. To get you started –

Princess application
Onboard Employment : Careers : Princess Cruises
At the bottom of the page you will see a section about International Recruiting, which leads to a page that includes how to apply if you live in Europe.

Carnival application:
Fun Jobs - Carnival Cruise Lines
I was a little surprised by the limited choice of jobs on their site, but I read a tip that suggests you send a resume and cover letter directly to them, using this website (“contact us” button on top right)
About Us | Carnival Cruise Lines
Be sure to list the languages you speak and the areas you’d be interested in working. Don’t limit it too much. It seems with your varied background that you might qualify for a few different areas. Also, have someone proofread your letter and resume before you send it.

Royal Caribbean application:
Career Opportunities - Royal Caribbean International


As with any job, you want to research the companies as much as possible. There are dozens of sites that discuss these companies and many sites that discuss what it is like to work for them or on a cruise ship in general. In the meantime, keep looking for jobs where you live. You don’t know when or if something will come out of this. It should be just one of the options you try. Good luck.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Just Looking

You can definitely apply to them. By the way, I’ve been on all three of these lines. I enjoyed all three – nice ships, friendly crew members, many travel choices. To get you started –

Princess application
Onboard Employment : Careers : Princess Cruises
At the bottom of the page you will see a section about International Recruiting, which leads to a page that includes how to apply if you live in Europe.

Carnival application:
Fun Jobs - Carnival Cruise Lines
I was a little surprised by the limited choice of jobs on their site, but I read a tip that suggests you send a resume and cover letter directly to them, using this website (“contact us” button on top right)
About Us | Carnival Cruise Lines
Be sure to list the languages you speak and the areas you’d be interested in working. Don’t limit it too much. It seems with your varied background that you might qualify for a few different areas. Also, have someone proofread your letter and resume before you send it.

Royal Caribbean application:
Career Opportunities - Royal Caribbean International


As with any job, you want to research the companies as much as possible. There are dozens of sites that discuss these companies and many sites that discuss what it is like to work for them or on a cruise ship in general. In the meantime, keep looking for jobs where you live. You don’t know when or if something will come out of this. It should be just one of the options you try. Good luck.

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Hi Justlooking,

Thank you very much for those links, its reassuring to know you were on these lines.
I haven't yet applied I'm working on my letter and making sure its OK before I send it but will in the next few days!
In the mean time I've been thinking about what I will do in September?
I feel a bit confused and stressed in taking the right decision. I have a few options which is good but confusing:
a) a live out nanny for a baby, the hours are good 9-5 mon-fri, that way
I can teach english on the side to top up the salary.
b) Live out nanny for another family from 8-7 mon-fri, hours are long but excellent pay.
c) I could apply in to hotels as a receptionist being able to speak 2languages the salary is OK, but you work weekends and late night shifts.
d) I could contact a job I did 2years ago and could have moved up but I quit and made a bad choice not being myself with my ex. I feel a bit humilated reapplying as when I had quit the last time a few days later I changed my mind and said I wanted to stay but they had already found someone else!:( I realised after what a mistake as it was a great company for l'oreal! Is it a good idea to try again after 2yrs?
e) Get 2 part time jobs working with children and other!
f) work in fashion a job
The first 2 options would mean that I would be with the children at their home and not meet anyone like co.workers and clients. I don't mind solitude but not too much! I will have mre free time with the first option to do red cross, dance, and buddhist group!
With option 3 I don't have a lot of experience as a receptionist but could learn, I would be meeting people but working weekend shifts and late nights!
With the fourth why not try again!
With the fifth why not but will have to work out with the days!
The 6TH a job I tried but wasn't stimulating!
I'm complicated and worried for my choices!! :eek:
I don't know If I'm finding it hard to choose, I just don't want to be stuck and waste more time doing something that doesn't improve my career, but want to stick at something to feel stable and longterm! Do you have opinions on this?
The cruiseship job is an option and something could pop up, I'm not going to wait for that to happen!

As this is a relationship forum, just a quick insight on my ex!
This weekend I checked my ex out on fb, there was a photo of him with his 2 friends at a night club. He looked really sad and as if he had aged 5yrs extra since I last him. I know he's not happy there and I felt sad for him! He has to adapt to somewhere, where doesn't want to be but has no choice! Should I ask him how he is on msn?

Well thanks for any advice you have and anyone else!
Cheers!
Seville

It's nice to hear that you have several options. I think you will need to decide which is the best option, as you know better what your goals and abilities are. Why feel humiliated about option d? If it was a good career opportunity, apply again. The worst outcome is they have nothing available, and then you look elsewhere. Don't take it personal. Why go back to a job that isn't stimulating (option f) – unless there are other opportunities in that job that you could pursue.

You have to get beyond worrying about making a choice. You've been on here for over 5 weeks and are still worrying. It's time to do something. Think about it and make the best choice considering all things – your career goals, the pay, the hours, how it fits in with the rest of your life, what you enjoy doing, etc. It would be nice to get some stability in your work record by staying longer at your next job and you want it to enhance your skills, but it's very unlikely that the next job will be your last job. Make the best decision from among the various choices.

I think the answer to the question about your ex is similar to the answer to your job seeking – It's time to move forward and make the best choices for the rest of your life. Don't forget all the negatives:
-He has to live in his country.
-Neither of you think you would like it or fit in there.
-You've started some healing, but that contact will set you back.
-He may or may not be sad – one picture can't tell you that. You will only make it harder for him as well if you contact him. Let him heal also – you don't want to hurt him.
-Bottom line, he hasn't contacted you and shows no signs he is interested. It's been over a year now.

For your own sanity, let it go and keep moving forward. Read this thread over again, and again anytime you have doubts. Just keep looking for the positive things in your life. Make the best decisions you can, and don't second guess yourself so much.

I also wanted to let you know I am out of town for business. I'll be gone for a while, and it's very unlikely that I'll have time to look at this forum due to the nature of my project. Good luck.

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Should I ask him how he is on msn?

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NO, absolutely not! As a matter of fact, stay off his Facebook page.