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Well, that's the second time.
One with her Mom, and now this one.
Those things only hurt yourself & show how weak you are.
Hope you are starting to realize the importance of NC & the strength you have to muster up to do so. You can do it.
Alcohol can cloud that, and Im sure you are paying the price now by feeling like crap.
Just get back on the NC horse & don't do those things again.
Were here to help you get over the hump.
Post #31
She is playing games now - she left a voicemail on my phone saying she misses me - crying, saying how lonely she is.
Delete her number & block it.
Absolutely-b l o c k her number.
Stop the mindgames.
Screw that! She cheats on you then stomps on you calling you weak and pathetic, then crys saying she misses you. Block her number delete all contact and you win!
If you respond, guess what, you just lost and she got you by the balls.
We've agreed to meet up as we have to finalise all details for the flat - she now says she is really looking forward to seeing me and that she was lonely as all her iPod songs remind her of me... we are going for some food and then watching a film.
Im actually in a really good place and have been in this position many times before to know that I can handle a friendship.
She also posted on her Facebook, after we'd agreed to this meeting - that 'life is sweet'. Whether this was directed towards me or not I don't know - but it makes a changes from her writing 'aint life a ' on Saturday and then texting me/calling me and telling me she misses me.
Although when she text me yesterday she said she was feeling much better. I thjink something may have happened with the other guy over the weekend, and she realised the grass isn't always greener. I don't know.
I am looking forward to the meeting, and I am not going to tell her how I feel, but just be positive and keep everything light.
I want her to know that I no longer need her and I guess this is why I want this meeting.
Im going complete NC up until the meetign and NC has been working apart from my two blips!
I feel better in myself, I do and I want her to see that, not the crying pleading idiot from a few weeks ago...
You're not NC if you keep checking her FB.
As for meeting up,well,keep it short and businesslike-a meal and a movie?!
Rethink that one-I guess false hope has raised its ugly head.. .
I know - that wasn't my suggestion either! I wanted to go for one drink!
Quote:
Originally Posted by snakebiteadl
I don't understand why you would want to be "friends" with someone like this. She cheated on you and then blamed it on you?! W T F? Would you want to be friends with some one that stole from you too?
I guess she did when things didn't work out with her other dude. This chick has you by the juevos homeboy. I bet you will pay for dinner and the movie too right?Quote:
Originally Posted by snakebiteadl
Yes,really,why socialize with somebody who has treated you like mud?
Where is your selfrespect?
As a third party and from my perspective I find it amusing, for lack of a better term, to see how feelings and emotions influence our better judgment. For instance your ability to derive that her feelings have changed for you suddenly from something as simple as a 3-word blurb on Facebutt.
I realize you're going to do what you feel is right, that's your choice. The best advice I can give at this is to keep your guard up. She's already manipulated you a dozen or so times, cheated on you, and demonstrated that she has NO respect for you. You might consider playing your cards close to your chest.
Here's something to think about… Did you ever consider that she is what some would refer to as an “Attention Whore”? Scenario; She's bored with you and not getting the attention she feels she needs so she starts cheating on you searching for excitement and passion the 'something' new sexual partners bring. Then that honeymoon phase starts to cool down, she's getting bored again so she pulls your leash to rile up her little puppy. Knowing her puppy will be oh so happy to see her, and like a little puppy you scamper off humping her leg begging for attention and providing a short term distraction. Well, that is until she becomes annoyed and you're kicked to the corner or one of the other 'puppies' ups the anti on attention.
All I'm asking is you think about it.
Doesn't sound like NC to me.
Same as before.
I agree... I just feel the need to redeem myself after the crying and pleadign episodes... ive found out as well that she is moving nearer to the place that the guy is from with her poisonous friend... and further away from me... im going to kep my guard up at this meeting, and I'm going to get back everything she ever took from me... also, I've started seeing someone myself!Its nots the same though
Redeem?
You owe her nothing-the only thing you should be working on as regards your ex is how to sort the flat out.
She's pulling your strings again.
What's weird is the scenario as to which she wants to set up - it's the exact scenario of where we are meeting etc as when we told each other we loved one another... and I used to have game! Totally confused.
You are confused because you're buying into her BS.
Oh boy I can't wait to hear what happens...
Your just mad because she tells you what to do, and when to do it, and you do it!
You wouldn't be mad, or confused if you had your own plan, and your own solution, that worked for you.
Then you would have a position of strength, and not weakness.
I want her as an orbiter eventually...
Orbiter? What the H-E-doubble toothpicks is that?
Get off that planet. Now you're tripping.
What does that mean? Wait around? As if.
I already answered yours & my question.
Stop the BS, man. Realize its over. And the next steps.
I have proof. Your still waiting.
Guys, I cancelled the meeting and will go compeltely No contact - its time I started focusing fully on myself.
Can someone explain though, how someone who was so shy and hated socialising, and hated me socialising (which I did often), turn into an absolute maneating social butterfly overnight?
Nope.
Because it doesn't matter. Remember?
Cancelling the meeting was a good move.
Now stop asking yourself why this, that and the other-focus on you,remember?
My ex text me to say that obviosuly I am clearly over her as I am going out all the time, and that it is probably best that we didn't meet up sarcastically... to which I gave a very short reply - agreeing with this. This then lead to her posting on her Facebook (I broke nc here - the first of a slippery slope the past two days) that 'she couldn't sleep' - as a direct outcoem of the fact that I am moving on. Like an absolute douchebag - in the morning, I sent her an email saying that we should put the past behind us and still meet up. She said that her gran has potentially got cancer again and needs cheering up (tooled no 1), we meet up at our apartment, which we have until the end of the month and we flirt for a bit, I get a bit physical in the flirtation - she rejects (kind of ) my advances and proceeds to try and make me jealous. When I mention other girls, she gets insanely jealous. However, she basically used last night to get an ego boost - rubbing salt into my wounds and making me feel abd about myself. I have now totally seen her for who she is - an attention seeking schemer. I just wish I hadn't been so weak yesterday and met up with her. Im sorry to myself and to all your excellent advice, I was getting better. Now I feel like I'm almost back to square one.
And this is what happens when you break NC. Don't let her play the game with you man... 99% of the threads posted here (mine included) we say we are going NC, make small improvements, than break the NC and we ARE back to square 1. Take this as a lesson learned. Dude, she cheated on you. How could you ever trust her again? Don't do the friends thing, and don't break NC... even if she does.Quote:
Originally Posted by snakebiteadl
All you are right now, is something on the side to cheer her up and give her the feelings she needs until she feels better. Than, it's on to something else. If you keep going back to her every time she tries to contact you, your only making it harder on yourself, yet easier for her. Ask yourself why do you want to do this to yourself? Go no contact, and don't look back until you have absolutely no more feelings for her than you would a stranger walking down the street.
If she breaks no contact, which I guess she will again if history is any indicator, you ignore it. Plain and simple. No matter what she says (and some of them say the darnedest things) DO NOT reply/call/text/message on Facebook, nothing. You will realize eventually I think that this was the best decision you ever made.
Life is to short to be hung up on just one girl, especially one that cheated.
Take Care
The advice you've been given works for most people because its been tried and tested.
Whether you choose to follow the advice is of course up to you.
You are doing this to yourself,nobody else is.
You allow yourself to be played by an expert manipulator
Your choice.
Two and two still makes four,your falling for her cheap tricks-AGAIN-isnt suddenly going to make it five.
.
Thank you guys - I was in such control Tuesday night, she was clearly upset I ahd moved on, and I gave in. She has always played the guilt card on me, as she knows I am genuine. She has worn me down, over the last three years, putting me down, badgering me about what I am doing, making me feel bad about myself. I am going completely NC now. Otherwise, I fear for my sanity.
Make sure you stick to it.
Ignore a l l her attempts at contact.
Come here and vent instead.
thank you amicon - you are amazing... dont know what the hell is wrong with me, I'm not adverse to attracting women, I think its an ego thing - I know I don't love her anymore - I'm driven by my need to get back at her s e x ually . I was highly aroused by her last night, which was weird because before we broke up I felt it was more of a chore - hence the reason why she went elsewhere.
Move past those feelings of anger and jealousy-dont waste your time wanting to get back at someone who is a waste of space.
Onwards and upwards-make a list of everything that is good in your life.
We had some text banter as well last night, as I was foolishly tryign to escalate back into the region of s e x. I said she was a bad girl and that she was naughty, as she was forbidden fruit. She replied with 'forbidden fruit I am' and that she hadn't drifted too far away she was still here, and that she was glad I found her outfit naughty etc etc... and that she was'gorgeous, looked good and I knew it' and that she ahd to get her beauty sleep.
I responded with ' don't big youreslf up too much sweetheart, you'll need plenty of sleep'
she went mad at this sayign hwo horrible I am to her when she is on a downer etc...
She's honestly wired wrong.
and I fall for it every time.
NO LONGER!
I am taking a stand
Forbidden fruit?
More like a rotten apple.
Look,I understand in theory that keeping NC is tough,but I'm one of those people who have nced my exes from the word go,and long before I was calling it NC.
The benefits?
A couple of months down the road after my breakups,I've been over them.
There are plenty of women out there that can fulfill your sexual needs. Why are you still messing with this one?
You even said it felt like a chore so it must have not been that good anyway.
She cheated. Nuff said... come on seriously...
One full week no contact!
I feel so much better right now - starting to see what a user she is, and how she is repeatign the same cycle all over again at her current workplace... i.e befriending somebody, sleeping with someone lese to break up with last guy (me) and then going after another guy she has always wanted, this was translated to me a week ago by a mutual friend.
Guess what has happened also after 7 days NC - I've had four missed calls from her including two really angry voicemails - about a bill that is to be paid (she compeltely overreacted) Im laughing here thinking how now she is wondering where my attention has gone.
How the tables have turned... ive been keeping myself occupied, I've been rock climbing, been out on the pull several nights, getting my old skills back is fun, and I'm off to visit some really special friends from uni this weekend (without the !) She always used to have to tag along, as she knew I had a lot of female attention at uni.
Im feeling much better... and she keeps reminding me why its best we're not together - by being a total !
Quote:
Originally Posted by snakebiteadl
Its amazing how we can't see what is right in front of us until we take a step back and truly get a grasp on the situation.
Perspectives change when you think rationally. That's one of the biggest lessons Ive learned in life.
Just don't understand where all her anger has come from, all of a sudden
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