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We all go through this.
I had many a sleepless night & woke up feeling terrible.
Try & do some things for yourself.
Whatever it takes to stay NC.
You can do it. It gets better, believe me.
Whatever you do, avoid her & don't ever contact her.
It will only set u back to square one.
God, how long has it been? Really it is suffering here. I am still not going anywhere yet. Just work, home and TV.
Thanks guys, I am still sad and of course devastated by I am glad I am moving on. Although, occasionally I would send virtual emails to my other email account. I found it help. Anyway, I am schedule-ling to collect all my stuffs but will I be rude to ask my friend to collect on behalf because I don't want to see her and the family. I am afraid about the rushing old memories. What about it?
Not rude at all. That's sticking with NC.
Just spoken to few friends at the bar last night. They were disagree due to reason as "disrespect". I was like s***, do I need to hire a person to do that? So frusfrating.
Don't listen to them. They aren't in the sh$$t.
Is this urgent? You will find someone to get your stuff.
Believe me. If you do it & get into the drama, you will regret it.
You come first remember. You don't owe her or her family. Anyway, blood is thicker than water. Who do think her family cares about when it really comes down to it, you or her?
Yes, is urgent and you are so right vanheart! I called her mom yesterday to inform the possibility that I am coming over and her mom is like, "there are things you have here? Ohh, okaaay"
She is still her daughter no matter what. When we are still in "cooling off" the parents are so supportive of me. Guess what, that changed after the daughter brought in the new guy.
Anyway, I do need to go for 2nd time to collect my automotives and machines off her garage, got to get a truck / pickup. *yawn*
You need some new friends.Quote:
Originally Posted by lamp_post
You owe her nothing. Not even the respect she never bothered to give you.
So, I did got my friend to help and thank god only her dad was in and dad was very kind and understand the situation. Made me feel comfortable going in to get as many as my little car space allow.
Surprisingly, I don't feel as emotional as I thought I would be. Maybe because I didn't even speak to her dad. Just HI, THANKS and BYE.
Working hard to move on. Thanks for all the great people at AMHD!
Congrats, my man. Good for you.
Its those little hurdles that will make you stronger & proud of your commitment to healing.
Let this be the last of it.
On to more of the beautiful and rewarding world of NC...
Whoo Hooo!!
You are free to get a real life!
The key word is free.
Glad to hear it worked out. Stay strong!
Happy New Life.
Went through the boxes. Oh hell, she didn't return all my stuff. She just dumped in whatever in her way. Even her things are in the box. She is so blind now. =p
Is it REALLY important?
If not, let her have it.
Stuff is stuff. People & piece of mind are way more important.
Don't get too hung up on things that you don't need. Like her.
Dear vanheart, yes those are important documents that I had put at her place for my convenience.
Well, if you need them, then get them.
With the same strategy. To avoid her and any drama.
You don't want to keep doing this.
Yes, exactly. In fact, I've made her a list. But she didn't honor it. It's up to 2 months now and it still sober =P
Sucky.
Guess you got to send another one or get it yourself.
Give her a date when you are coming for it. When she's not there.
Remember, you are no longer her priority.
Get it over with once & for all. So you can move on.
Or just forget it & move on.
I am glad that to stick on hard NC. Thanks bunch! It is fading, I can feel it.
Good. It just gets better.
Will make you stronger & more aware.
Have a very bad day, car got stolen. Need transport badly and brought back memories that my ex could and would willingly send or fetch me from work.
God, I miss her and still can't believe she could change overnight with the new guy this fast after all her good and lovey relationship with me fr 4 years. I may be ego at times but I love her every single day and I make sure she can have the best.
God! Why couldn't she sit down and work things out. WHY? 4 years!
Wanted to call her badly but instead came here and write it out.
Sorry you had a bad day.
But you are learning to live life without her. Good & bad times.
Don't waste your energy wondering why she didn't want to try anymore.
She just didn't. Whatever the reasons.
Yes, vent here. Stay NC.
Guys, I didn't know how to say it but it does still hurt. I felt I am a loser for not going out where I still have no initiative or intentions to just hang OUT.
Yesterday, my friend told me she has changed her number. That is sad to hear. Thank you my friend for the good news~back to square one.
Sometime you have to hit rock bottom before you really really get it - it's over and time to move on.
So her changing her number maybe exactly what you needed to hear. Yes, it hurts and sucks in general, but it is what it is, whether you like it or not, it's over.
Good luck.
Thanks Shadowburn. It's over long ago. Time and time only can able to help me. Just deeply hurt inside for 3 months now.
You are exactly right. It takes time.
Make sure you are doing good things for yourself. Force yourself to have fun if you have to.
Its been over a year for me & I woke up today after a crappy nightmare about my ex.
First one in a long time. Only one place to go but up.
The past is the past. Don't worry, the hurt will fade quicker if you work at it.
Yes, Vanheart. I did too have a nightmare of my ex today. It is still sucky and still keep moving on. Ex said want to keep us as a friend. Should I?Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
No.
And nor should you be in contact.
I agree with vanheart, no way should you attempt to be "friends" with this girl.Quote:
Originally Posted by lamp_post
You're not the first guy/girl who has had his/her heart ripped out by the deceit of a selfish woman/man. It hurts for a while then we move on to the next stage of our lives.
One day, soon I hope, you'll find a woman who you know you can trust. One who returns the love and respect with the same commitment that you have.
No, you're not going to die. No, it's not the end of the world. I know it feels like it right now, but things will get better. But the first step is for you to get back out there, and carry on. Keep busy.
She hurt you so bad you would do ANYTHING to get her back. And she insults you. You cried, and she said "he's better than you".
Now why would you want to be "friends" with someone like that? Why?
Good luck to you.
Talaniman Rule- When you break up, have the courtesy to revoke their relationship privileges.
Talaniman Rule- While they are dumping you, never say you can't be friends. Agree to whatever they want, then disappear from their life.
His idea of friends may be to talk a lot and hang out sometimes, but that doesn't mean you have to do it his way! Don't argue the terms of friendship, just be politely busy, and unavailable for what he wants, while you do what you have to for yourself.
Talaniman Rule- Don't get sucked in the confusion of being friends, at the expense of your healing
Talaniman Rule- Never allow an ex to make rules for what you do.
He no longer has a say in how you plan, or live the life you want for yourself, nor has a say on whether he is a part of it any longer. Its your thing to do the way you want it done.
Thanks Talaniman, it is sucky again when a mutual friend told us that the Ex has sold the car I and her chosed together. Telling me now that she and her BF is so much happier and better.
Happier and better? WTH, if she isn't happy why we had lasted 4 years together. Waste of my darn time and whatever she said was plain stupid lies.
Back to square one.
Well, that's more reinforcement to move on.
She's happy, you're not. Stop living in the past.
Worry about you not her.
I know it is hard to do.Quote:
Originally Posted by lamp_post
But stop dwelling on what you and her did, or chose together, or places you went with her.
Do not let anyone update you on anything to do with her.
The healing starts when you begin to move on. And you really need to move on.
And it is a waste of time to think about her at all.
It Is Over. It will not ever be fixed. You need to think of her as disintegrated from your life, your mind, she is not even on the planet anymore.
Find new people to hang with, get a new hobby, keep your mind busy and off the past.
Don't look back, it will only drag you back.
It is hard but you can do it. You have to do it or keep reliving it until it drives you crazy.
Be focused , be strong, and look ahead to a brighter future
All your setbacks have been due to "mutual friends" giving you info.
I don't think the "mutual friends" have your best interest in mind.
Don't get updates on what she's doing or it will keep setting you back to NC DAY 1!!
Now that's SUCKY!!
I've been traveling a lot and doing different sports as well as meeting new people. The problem it's when I meet my mutual friend. I really do care of myself not hers.
Is a peace of mind that I have left amhd for awhile as I'm moving on but os always great to have you guys to support people like us.
I has been a year and 3 months now. Thought of an update for some people who is in the same / similar situation. I have had terrible 6 months after the break-up. Devastated. Then, I went on crazy/ wild mode to random datings and finally back again having different approach to relationship.
Ex-gf texted 1 month ago to check on me, to say hi. I was not pissed, just unhappy. Then, I forgot about her after reading. No more heartache.
Healing the heart is a helluva process to go through, isn't it? Takes time, but you are getting it together.
I am going through the same thing now and it started the same time yours did it has been nearly 3 years since she went off with someone else. The only difference I have is my 2 girls. It was not just a relationship she walked out on it was a family. To her my girls are a meal ticket and a roof over there head. She is out drinking on the weekends when I spend time with my girls. Another reason it's hard for me to move on is I don't get the chance to meet someone as I find it hard to make time for myself. My ex has also told me recently she has missed the past and we were getting along as friends. At the same time I started to develop feelings for her best friend. Now I asked my ex if it would be weird if I asked her out. Then she she went off on one saying that I liked her best friend the whole time we were together and our time together was a lie. Then it turned out the reason my ex went off on one was because she still had feelings for me. But didn't want to leave this other guy she wanted us both. She also said she knows it's not the end of us as in when she decides she is ready to grow up and be a mom I will be there with open arms. Any progress I made over the past 3 years put me back to square one in hours. I will always have this problem as nc is just not a option I have. With work and my girls time to find someone else is tight. But one thing is she will never have me back no matter what my heart or mind say.
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