Quote:
Originally Posted by Aurora_Bell
Goodnight and let us know in a few days how you're doing. Got to go to bed now...
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aurora_Bell
Goodnight and let us know in a few days how you're doing. Got to go to bed now...
Does this sound like something that has an oppurtunity to still work.
It's hard to say with out her in put.
What do you mean by that? If you wouldn't mind elaborating?
She did say this is something she does want to work. Im the only one to hold her heart, and she has repeated to many others including me she just needs some space but does want us to get better. I don't think its false hope. But I wouldn't mind hearing your input : )... thanks
She even told me on her own that she has zero desire to see other people through out this she just wants space for awhile to find herself again...
Trust me I'm a little confused even with her words lol
With out actually talking to her, no one can know how she really feels. Sounds like to me she is confused, and maybe doesn't know what she wants her self.
You are a mess. That's to be expected. You want a time line? Don't contact her at all until she contacts you.
Just figure every time you do, in any fashion, will show her that you have not changed and will not even do what she asks of you and give her what she needs.
She needs the time to get over your controlling needy insecure ways. That's what she keeps telling you, but instead of acting as a mature adult male, you can't even control yourself, and its only been 2 weeks.
Get a grip, and start doing something beside freaking out because you never know when she will take that second look and see the guy who is a real man and carry himself like on and who will appreciate her.
If I were you, I would do all I can to grant her wish, and use this time apart to work on the issues you have, and get a grip on them.
You better learn fast that females are not dumb, and they will not take your word, or listen to empty promises you make to fool the into coming back and giving you what you want.
So start practicing what she wants to see, patience, being cool, calm, and collected, and quiet confidence and good humor. Show her this, when SHE is ready, and she will KNOW for herself that not only have you changed, but are better.
Only then will she be convinced that you are seriously a real man that she can trust and count on.
That's another reason you do not contact her, because you are not ready to do anything but cry, beg, and show her reasons that she broke up with you in the first place, and no way will she go back to that.
Now leave her alone and get your act together, the longer you take, the longer it will be.
And by the way chat/text is against the rules, and CAN get this whole thread deleted, and I would hate to see that happen.
Klapp33, let me ask you this.. How bad do you want her back? I imagine with what you said you want her back with you pretty dam bad. I lost my ex at the beginning of the year, why? Because the same thing, smothering. What you seriously want to do now is make her curious. She knows that your going to text or call very soon, don't. She will not miss you if you are still there. Believe me friend, it really does not seem like the right thing to do but I would take everything back to go to when my relationship ended and do this but I learned the hard way. I know this hurts really bad, Ive felt it before and did not eat for weeks. Seriously try leaving her alone and get her curiousity going and I guarantee that she will start to miss you and feel like SHE is the one losing YOU. Hang in there bud.
I love this site!. Woke up this morning for work feeling OK? I guess still thinking about her and what to say : /, but I know I can't say anything and need to respect her space!
Tala- Your absolutely correct! The relationship got ugly on my half. It used to be so good! Then we just slipped into trust issues and my turned from trust to control, but I have honestly accepted and admitted to all I have done! and tried to find where these things went wrong so I better know how to fix them next time...
She keeps saying we will get back together! and that she does want this to work that she just needs space!
So you think I shouldn't contact her even once? For any reason until she contacts me?
Sledsik! Thanks for sharing bud! I want her back more then I can explain! 6years together, and most of them great! Just hit a rough patch! I am going to listen to you and try to spark her curiousity, but I'm not going to lie, I am a little scared to do so with the level of frustration she did show yesterday!
She did still say she wants this to work even though her frustration was high, but I'm afraid by ignoring her for to to long she will forget or move on so to speak!
I just have to trust her!
If she loves you she'll wait... leave her alone for a while and don't play games' I f you keep hounding her she'll drop you completely. That will only drive her farther away.Quote:
Originally Posted by klap33
Seriously you need to leave her alone until she makes contact. You are in the process of becoming a stalker.. don't let that happen... give her time.
I think any contact will be making a pest of yourself. So just wait and bring about change for yourself, for you, NOT her, just because YOU feel the need too!
Be warned though buddy, whatever she decides is her decision, without your influence. That's the way it has to be for it to be real, and true.
So whatever she decides, you have to cope with it, because that's the reality of life.
Personally, I think you have too much of your life wrapped up in her, for it to be healthy. So I ask you what kind of life do you have without her as that's really the key to happiness is that you are happy with yourself.
This change may take time (undoubtedly), so you either get busy, and be proactive, or sit on the pity pot and feel sorry for yourself.
I suggest you maintain some dignity, and self respect, and find ways to be happy without her, as self pity is very ugly indeed.
I agree.Quote:
Originally Posted by ohsohappy
Klap, you need counseling. You seem obsessive and very anxious. Your anxiety is not going to just go away, but something you will have to work on all your life. You can become calmer and happier, but you have to put some work into it. This is a wake up moment in your life.
Basically, you can find constructive ways to deal with your anxiety (to self soothe), or you can continue to rely on other people to calm you down and exhaust them. You need to learn how to do this yourself so you do not drive away your friends and lovers.
Spend this time researching your particular problem. It sounds like you had a tough adolescence. The question is what are you going to do about it? Your girlfriend is probably realizing that your anxiety is bottomless and she can never make you feel better. Only you can do that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by asking
It is a good idea to see a counselor..
I agree with Talaniman on this. But I want to add that getting to this place he is talking about will be an ongoing process for you. It's something you have to keep practicing until you get it right. Not something you can just decide to do one day.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
The right counselor (though maybe not the wrong one) can help you learn how to do this in a way that's healthy for you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by asking
Honestly reading your posts have worn me out. You keep asking the same things, we keep giving the advice we think is healthy and will help you... You are way past obessed... and frankly I don't know what else to say. Here is what will happen if you do not get help. You will keep on making yourself a total uncontrollable mess and who wants that in their life?
You need to know that is probably the reason she needs space. God if you you went on and on like this every single day when you were with her.. no wonder she is tired and needs a break. I won't walk on eggshells with you anymore, because I think you are in dire need of psychiatric help.
Please get it.. and leave this girl alone until you get yourself on the right track.
asking agrees : I don't agree here. I do not think a month is too long to chill out after 6 years of intensity.
That's not what I was saying. I said it depends on how long HE feels she is worth waiting for. Obviously the OP needs to seek professional help, I just don't think he is the only one at fault here. And like I said it takes two to make a relationship work. But I did NOT say a month was too long.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aurora_Bell
If this OP has any hope at all of saving this relationship.. he needs serious professional help. I wish the girlfriend would come her and give her side of the story. The OP needs to go back and read every single thing he has posted and then he'll see how the girlfriend feels.
Bella... I agree he needs to chill out and stay away until he gets the help he needs. I'm not being unkind, I do feel pain for him. I just think he needs more than a few days away from her. Asking... what would you do if you were in this situation and you had obsessive girlfriend. You have given wonderful advice and so has Bella, but something about this relationship just doesn't seem to be all he has posted.
Woah! I know I have my problems and feel bad if I have come across wrong! And trust me I'm dealing with them and addressing the issue. The break up just happened I am emotional. I just want this girl back Im sorry if I bothered anyone, and would like to thank everyone for there help and advice as well it has helped tremendously!
I just really don't want to lose her! If that sounds bad I'm sorry but I feel as though we could work if I give her, her space, and work on self improving myself so this once GREAT relationship does not slip into the same faults...
She said herself she wants it to work just needs space... sorry for bothering any one I have just trying to get the best info I can the N.C is kind of hard but I'm doing it no problem right now with the help of you guys talking to me as well.
Thanks again!
I just think that his personality can be a bit over bearing Kitty, I agree a bit exhausting at best. Sorry Klap, but you seem a bit obsessed here. Don't take offense, relationships can do that to anyone.
We are here to help, that's why we are all here. It just seems a bit much with all the posting, but you are not bothering anyone. It's our choice to come here and read the posts. We are here to help.
NC is one of the hardest things to do, but you just need to give her what she is asking for. And it really wouldn't hurt to seek a therapist to help with these issues in the long run.
I never expected a few days help. This outlet has helped me with the no contact. Like I said she did see me a few times say nothing but good things and how she wants it to work, and even kissed me and sweet stuff along those lines. I took and inch and made a mile.
I have been going out, I have been going to work, and college classes no problem I am just hitting some anxiety and using this as an outlet... She was just admitment on space, and I am panicking a little because I know I do want her back, but in life you lose people my childhood has shown that. I will be OK if I don't get her back...
But like I said I do want her back... and she seems to share those feelings but we needed this break to get back to the same relationship we once had.
We'll help all we can. But just remember... NC and therapy. Good luck.Quote:
Originally Posted by klap33
Klap, I just read this entire thread. Wow.
You are thinking too far ahead. Instead of thinking about days or weeks or the summer, think about today. Make it through today doing what you know you need to do to make the changes in yourself that will make you a better and stronger partner.
When you think about contacting her or find yourself repeating, 'She said she wants it to work,' (or anything else that starts your brain running around in circles) take five slow, deep breaths. Make each one last for a count of six (breath in while counting: one one thousand, two one thousand, three one thousand. Breath out while while counting four one thousand, five one thousand, and six one thousand.) Clear and calm your mind. Close your eyes if possible and if it helps.
If you aren't open to more counseling as such, how do you feel about support groups where you can talk to people who have been through what you have?
I just want to caution you that things will never be the way they were. You are both growing and changing so your relationship will too. (We don't stop changing as we go through life. Each experience affects us in some way.) Don't let it scare you into trying to hold on to the past. If/when she is ready, work together to shape the relationship to accept the changes you are both going through.
cat thank you! I am pursuing this in a manner to fix these problems.
I hope she does come back because I do want a new start. If not and if she does end up changing her mind I will be OK.
I want it to be different because it has to be. Trust = a good healthy relationship. We used to have that then over time it was lost due to some personal issues. I have taken this as a wake up call and she has told me to pursue these changes. I want to for myself, and for us in the future...
Quote:
Originally Posted by klap33
I agree that things will never be the same... To be different you have to face your problems, which you have admitted and get help. You need to post here whenever you want to. It helps to vent to people you don't know. I hope we can help you. Blessings... Kit:)
I did not spark any conversation today. She did however...
I left her mail on her car for class nothing more thought id be nice!
She said thanks for mail I said your welcome back..
She said OK have fun with the weather!
I said OK going waterskiin!
She yelled at me to stretch jokingly I said maybe jokingly...
She said "I always know best! ttyl : )"
I said that you do, can't argue that!"
I was going to ignore her but felt that to be immature and it seemed the conversation went well. I don't want to drive myself crazy and read anything to it but if anyone does want to feel free. I just think it was being civil at this point...
Sorry thought I'd share.
Well that sounds like it went well. Those are the things that she is trying to miss. So conversations like that will remind her why she fell in love with you in the first place.
So when she sparks conversation I talk back? I am really trying to give her, her space. I want to as well for myself to work on this problems so this never happens again. We were a great team, and couple!
It sounds like that exchange was what you both needed. You showed her that you can respect her need for space and she gave some light communication back.
Let moments like that happen naturally. In other words, because you got positive feedback today, don't rush to put tomorrow's mail on her car and expect the same response. Give her a chance to call you to ask if she has any mail, unless of course something comes that needs her immediate attention. Otherwise, just play it one day at a time.
Allow the relationship to reset itself to a comfortable place for both of you.
I agree. I really want to respect her space. If this is what she is asking for then I have to do nothing but trust what she is saying about this working out for the best, and eventually getting back together! and give her what she is asking for~!
Good going.. klap.. keep on respecting her space. You are goinng to do fine... Hugs:)Quote:
Originally Posted by klap33
I'm glad you guys had a friendly exchange. You see? All is not lost. :)
Quote:
Originally Posted by ohsohappy
I totally agree!
Today was a great day!.
Had a good day at work. A great attitude towards giving her space (although I still miss her a lot!)
Went skiing! and had a good dinner with a group of friends!
I really hope and still pray things work out for the best.
I want to believe they will, but the only thing I seem to have trouble doing right now is trusting all she has said about us potentially working again.
Right now I'm trying not to focus to hard on it and focus more on self improvement, and giving her, her desired, and needed space!
Quote:
Originally Posted by klap33
Good for you. Keep on keeping on! You're going to do fine.
Thank you for your support! I love all of your advice! And am always willing to hear more! It has been a great help thus far! Thanks again.
Quote:
Originally Posted by klap33
You seem to be growing stronger and more confident... Good for you.
Have a good day tomorrow and you'll feel even better... Kit:)
Keeping yourself busy is a good thing to do.
Remember that not only are you working on trusting her, but yourself, too. It can be a big confidence boost to realize you trust yourself.
Take it day by day and you'll make it. :)
You I woke up feeling a little down today! I miss her a lot when it comes to waking up we used to always wake up with big smiles with one another...
As the day goes on ill be OK! I just really hope she meant what she said and does want this to work...
Even if she doesn't you are totally responsible for your own life, and happiness.
I agree with Tal.
I didn't say a word today at all..
She did see my roommate running today and she asked how I skiied and she said she missed doing that and watching me!
She then asked what my new work schedule was but it went to nothing more...
That was it... don't think anything of it or should I? This is all new.
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