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You know, if you block his calls you won't even have to think about ignoring or missing calls or even the possibility of a message left.Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris0107
As Tal said, he is just trying to get attention. Give yours to more worthy subjects than him. It will aid in your own healing.
Thanks guys. Talaniman you're right. He wasn't there when I needed him to be and desperately wanted to talk to him. Then I was traumatized and depressed and 2 weeks later he decides to start contacting me with bizarre text messages and now even a phone call? I was PRAYING and hoping for him to contact me, I wanted this. Now that he has, I kind of feel like too late buddy. Also Before I would have went back to him, now that I have had no contact and time think, How could I ever trust him again? He abandoned me. I cannot ever go back.
Cat, I did delete his number out of my phone completely, but I do recognize his number. I didn't know that you could block phone numbers? Is this something the phone company does?
I am proud of myself for being strong enough to ignore. To be honest, as bad as this sounds, this does give me gratification. He is contacting, I am ignoring, and now he knows what it feels like. To be ignored and feel uncared about. I feel like it will be much easier to move on now. Obviously he must regret what he did to some extent, or he wouldn't bother to contact me at all.
I thank you all so much. If I didn't discover this board I would have never knew what the hell no contact was about or even used it. I probably would have still be trying to call him and be texting him even now, and would being feeling worse right now and more rejected. Instead, the roles are reversed, He is contacting me and I am now ignoring him, I feel much so much better and he knows he didn't break me. Case if he had, I would be rushing to talk to him and he knows that. YOU guys are saved me so much future grief. Thank you soooooooo much.
The next guy has to be better right? Just heal properly first and be ready for a healthy loving relationship!!
Cheers. :)
Check with your phone company. They should have information on blocking numbers where you live.Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris0107
I am glad you are taking back your life. Good luck. :)
Hi Guys, I have a question. I have had nc the last few weeks, just now I had a missed call from him. He left a message saying he was wondering if he left anything at my house and that he's missing a Hurley belt, and to let him know if he left it there. That was it. He sounded very matter of fact, kind of cold but pleasant. Thoughts? Should I just text and say no? I haven't seen it. I do think it's really the only reason he's calling.
By not answering his text you are saying NO ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris0107
Don't get sucked back into the drama , he doesn't deserve your attention.
It doesn't matter if he has any other reasons for getting in touch. You have a great reason not to get in touch with him-setting back your healing. Let him figure out that if you don't get in touch with him you haven't seen it. If you later find it, give it to a friend to give to him. You keep NC and your sanity.Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris0107
Thanks guys guess you're right, he sounded fine like he just wanted his belt, not to chit chat or anything. Was weird to hear his voice again I must admit. Its still hard doing this.
See , even this has piquéd your interest a bit , that's why NC and keeping it is so important.Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris0107
Agreed , but it does get easier the longer it goes. And the eventual outcome of being able to be yourself again and going on to find a healthy relationship in the future makes it all worthwhile.Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris0107
Ok I'm buzzed please tell me not to text him back, before I do something o regret!!
Do not text him back you have came so far already. He is the one standing out in the rain now wondering why after all those needy messages you left him you won't answer his calls or texts. Leave it at that!
Do not text him back, or I will be very, very angry with you and will not bake you any cupcakes nor will I put sprinkles on them.Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris0107
Hi Chris,
Are things any better fot you? I have been reading through the comments and I am too going through the same thing, I try my hardest no to contact my ex all day hoping that if I leave it for a day he will come back but he doesn't.
I get annoyed that I have to keep myself busy, doing things I don't really want to like jogging but I just do it anyway to get out the house!
I no how you feel and it is horrible, everything remindes you of them, even when you listen to the radio.
My ex has cheated on me and everything and still to this day I would have him back at the click of the fingers, I know I don't think this now but I'm sure one day we will both look back babe and think what were we doing!
(even though that is so hard for me to believe at this moment in time)
What doesn't Kill you makes you stronger!
Do you think that he has meet some one else?
I feel like I'm going round in a big circle becase too like you the whole no contact thing is a big issue for me.
I'm going out with my friend tonight and I'm leaving my phone at home, that is the only way I will not contact him, but then I'll be hoping that there will be a missed call or text message on it when I get back and there prob won't be so I'll be dissapointed but if I take it then I'll give in, just seems like a loose loose situation to me.
Also I think, if I leave him and not contact him will he think... "oh why is she not ringing me or texting me she normally is" OR will he think "thank god she has got the point"
In my head I'm hoping it's the first one but the reason I'm scared to loose contact is because I'm scared of him drifting away from me altogether!
Do you feel like that babe? Xxx
Hi luvy, how long has it been since your split and nc? He has had made contact with me and I never thought he would, once to aplogize and the other asking for a belt he thought he left over. I have chosen to ignore these because the contact he's made has not been the kind I wanted. We haven't spoke in almost 3 weeks and I'm slowly feeling better but I still think about him 24 7. You are smart to leave your phone home especially if you plan to drink! The drunk dial is humiliating! I say even if he does contact you don't respond. You will seem more desirable if he thinks you're moving on, from what I have read. I decided after what my ex did to me the way he left, it was best I try to get over him but it's a struggle! I wouldn't be able to trust him any way ever again but it doesn't matter cause he doesn't want me back, at least that I'm aware of. I know it hurts but I think you should let this Guy go. I was with a cheater for 7 years before this last relationship and that was pure hell. You will never trust him even if you were to get back together.
Hi Chris, we have been split for like 3 weeks but its only been 1 day since we had no contact. (because i was always chasing)
and to be honest he would still call mee sometimes to.
but yesterday, i did not text him all day and all night then at 10:50 he text me just sayin "wot u doin" nothin more or less!
i haven't replied, deep down i want to but i also want him to miss me, he asks me to leave him and he doesn't want anything to do with me, yet when i do he contacts me.
and deep down inside i have built my hopes up and i think the longer i leav it the more he will miss me and want me back! Well at least that is what im hoping for.
But hey at least you live in Las Vegas! how old are you if you dont mind me asking x
I am 28 years old. How about yourself?
Keep not contacting him. The first week of no contact for me was the worst, it gets easier, though I am only on week 3 myself and still struggle. Yes he will miss you and he will probably call cause he is curious. Don't let him know what you're doing, its none of his business. He said he didn't want you, so make him see what its like with you gone.
I think you can do better than him anyway! Go have fun with friends!
Hi Chris. I have just spent the last half hour reading your thread and I am very proud of you. My guy left last Saturday after 6 months together and all that you have written could I have been written my me. I too have had absolutely no closure, no answers and its killing me. I only started on the NC Thursday and you have given me belief that I can be strong and I can get over this. I am still at the stage of dragging myself out of bed to try to do my job, then its straight to the pub for 3 hours then I'm home in bed for 7pm crying and knowing I'm going to dream of him only to do the same tomorrow. It's a nightmare. This is my first weekend without him and I don't know what to do. Its 11.17am UK and I'm still in bed. Guess it will be the pub again this afternoon just to numb the pain. You know what, they don't deserve our love if they think this sort of behavious is acceptable. Easy to write - harder to believe and act on. Keep up the good work and let me know how you're doing.
Hi Guys
Update. So tonight I went out with a girl friend and received a text message from him at around 11:30 pm saying "How are you?" I did NOT respond. I am in shock he is asking me this. The last call was a message saying he can't find his belt and to let him know if I have it, not asking or saying anything about me. Now he is saying "how are you"? This no contact is a very powerful thing. I did not believe it would make someone want to call. But it does. And I hoped and prayed for it to work, not to heal me like everyone says, but so that I could talk to him. I can't believe I was strong enough to ignore him after wanting him to call so badly. It really is amazing. I really wonder why he continues to try and contact me, even though I have ignored all his attempts? Thoughts? Sorry, it still interests me and I like knowing possible theories.
Ginger-I am sorry you are going through this, it is the worst. I still love and miss him so much, but you are right they don't deserve our love. Anyone who can hurt someone in that fashion is not a man, and I hope you try to pull it together and realize he is not worth your tears and depression. I know it's easier said than done, I could not function for several days after he did this to me. Once he started contacting me I snapped out of it and thought, how dare you contact me after what you did and think I will reply. He was NOT deserving of me to respond. If your ex does contact you I hope you will be strong and ignore like I did, and show him he does not have that power and control over you. I am so happy my story gives you hope, that's wonderful. And remember you aren't alone. I know your pain and I still have pain and struggle everyday, just be strong.
Chris, I've been following this thread, but this morning I read your very first post and then the newest one. What a difference! You have closure because you are giving yourself closure. You have taken back your power and are in control of the situation. I am so proud of you!
Thanks wondergirl! If it wasn't for all the advice I received here and the sticky's, I would still be clueless. I think I have come far in the last few weeks and have surprised myself. I felt so weak and vulnerable, now I feel like I am pulling myself together more each day. It will be a while before I am over him, cause I am not yet. I will continue to ignore any further contact he might make with me. Thanks all of you. I will update if anything else should happen, but I have a feeling it won't :-)
Good for you Chris , I wish everyone took the advise on here as well as you have. Your doing great :)
Yeah I know , pipedream :rolleyes:
Chris, I think you are a lot stronger than you realized when you first came here. You may have needed someone to show you that inner strength was there, but without it all the advice in the world wouldn't help.
Keep giving yourself what you need to stay strong and remember that this thread is here if/when you need some extra support.
Good luck.
Oh God guys, please help me feel better. I am horrified.
So as you know, My ex has texted me a few times since the split, and also as you know I have worked my buns off to ignore him. Never made contact with him. The last time he text me, I decided to store him under my phone under the contact "Don't Answer!!!!!" thinking it would help with the temptation. Big mistake.
Today my phone wigged out. It fell out of my purse and my friend was in the passenger seat. My phone was on the floor and I think she may have stepped on it, or put something on it. My phone sent out blank messages to 6 different recipients, one being my ex! I am so mad. I worked so hard and now I feel it is all ruined because even though the message was blank, I made contact with my ex, even though unintentional. He did not respond.
I should have just left him out of my phone, now I feel so upset, and thinking he might think I did wrote him on purpose.
How bad is this? Is all my hard work out the window? What do I do? I am sooooo upset. I worked so hard, now he probably thinks I am making contact with him. I feel so stupid.
If anything, he got a blank message. If he responds, don't reply. Can you delete him out of your address book? Will you? We will never mention his name again, ever. Blood oath.Quote:
Originally Posted by Chris0107
Don't get excited, it was an accident, one that showed you that you have to delete him from your contacts list is all.
Just keep on your path, and relax. Isn't it amazing how the most remote things teach us something we need to know?
Accidents happen. Don't beat yourself up about it.
Delete his contact information so that it can't happen again and go on about your life.
As Wondergirl said, if he replies, don't respond. Let it go down as a phantom text. Actually, it is one since you didn't send it. :)
Thanks guys, I just really feel like sh*t now. Just a slap in my face, working so hard and then something stupid like this happens. I can't believe it. Anyway thanks again.
Think of it as a blessing in disguise , because if you'd sent it on purpose trying to get a bite out of him and he didn't respond you'd feel like cr*p.
This way you didn't mean it and if you don't get a response your not actually hanging on for one.
Don't beat yourself up over something that wasn't intended , as they say , sh*t happens ;)
Let it go.
Just to be an evil person, think of it like this...
Say if the blank text went through.. he's probably wondering whether you sent it on purpose or on accident.. hell, he might be beating himself up over it so let it go and know that it should bother him more than you because you didn't send it on purpose.; )
Find some humor in the situation and go give yourself a bubble bath. =)
Thanks Strength, I will try that.
How have you been? Ive missed you on my thread!
You're welcome, darling!
I've been well and busy. I've been trying to pull myself out of my own hole so you know how tiring that can get. =)
Continue to keep your head up, you're doing a wonderful job.
Walk Away
So easy for you to walk away,
All that time and not a word to say,
It takes a man to look someone in the eye,
And a coward to run without a goodbye.
One day we might meet again,
Who knows if you would have anything to say then,
But it doesn't matter anymore,
When you left that way-you forever shut that door.
Thank you so much for you made me see,
How someone better out there should treat me,
All is gone and our love has died,
The good news is at least you still have your pride.
One day you may be hurt as you've done to me,
But for you I hope not and not even on my worst enemy,
Go out there and spread your wings and fly,
I hope you will remember how you forgot to say goodbye.
You go girl!!
Ummmm. I don't know where to begin. No contact has been severely broken. You won't believe this.
Last night I went out with a girl friend of mine and 3 guys. One guy was a friend a have known since high school the other 2 I didn't know and just met and they were with my friend. We went to a country bar across town.
I went on the dance floor and was having fun. Afterward I ran to the bathroom. On my way back a man grabs my hand and pulls me. I look, and it is him. It is my ex. I was shocked.
Everything I have read says if you bump into and ex keep in short and polite. Maybe this is ideal in a normal setting, What it doesn't say is what you are supposed to do when your ex grabs you and pulls you to the dance floor and starts twirling you around. What was I to do? We start dancing. This is someone I haven't seen or spoken to in a month who broke my heart, now all of the sudden we are dancing together.
Afterward, we go get a drink at the bar. I see his friend who I also know through him and I say hello. Still in shock, I end up hanging out with him. He is all over me, we even kiss on the dance floor.
I end up hanging out with him the rest of the night, we dance a few more times. When not dancing, he is hanging all over me like we are a couple.
At the end of the night, my friend takes me back to her place and he is with me. He is all over me and I am to him. We had both been drinking. After a while, we leave and go to his friends house up the street. I stay with him there. We go to bed and start kissing and he starts telling me he loves me and misses me. Even while kissing me he asks why I have been ignoring him and his calls. He keeps telling me I am his baby and asking me if I am his baby. Needless to say we had sex. I fell asleep for about 30 minutes after that By this time it is 5:30 in the morning. In shock, I grab my purse and sneak out and drive home.
I go to sleep, and about 10 or so in the morning I hear someone banging on my bedroom window. I was so confused, I went to the front door and I see his car outside. Then he starts calling my house phone and cell phone over and over. I also saw I had a text about an hour before that said where did you go. Still confused about last night I just ignored all of the knocking and calls. After about 30 minutes he finally gives up and leaves. He left a message sounding frustrated but not rude, telling me to call him when I woke up.
At about 3 o'clock I sent a message that just said hi. He wrote back and said what happened. I played dumb and wrote "what do you mean". He says"where did you go, I banged on your door this morning". Then he writes "Guess you were with your man :(" I lied and said I wasn't there, and that my friend had picked me up and I didn't have my phone. Then he asks what I am doing and I tell him I am going to my aunts for a bbq. He says OK call me later. That's it, I didn't say anything after that, and I have not heard from him since. This was about 6 hours ago.
That's about it. I know this is shocking but I had to come here and confess! I don't even know what to think right now. I need emergency advice asap on what to do. Obviously I clearly messed up, and this is the biggest no no possible. We never talked about the break up or anything. I know I screwed up but it was such a shocking situation and I had no clue what to do. I am sorry guys, I am sure you are very disappointed in me. Please tell me what to do.
The only thing you can do is start all over from scratch.
But I am confused, what if he continues to contact me now? Don't you think it will seem unusual after sleeping with him to start ignoring him? All those sweet things he said to me why? Was it the alcohol?
And then why in the hell would he come to my house the next morning?!
He used your confusion for his advantage and a Booty call , and he may just use you a bit more if you allow it.
If your going to allow him back in , I would have thought he may have needed to do a whole lot of explaining and begging before he even got a look out of you , particularly after all the hurt he's put you through.
Like tal says , looks like you may need to go back to square one , sorry that's one of the lessons.
Remember we're here when you need us.
Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh what have I done
Chris
Can I suggest you go back and read this thread from the beginning , it'll give you an idea of how you were progressing and also open your eyes to all the hurt he's put you through already.
I find it funny, no strange that you made no attempt to do anything to remove yourself, yet you blame shock, and alcohol on you letting him have his way. So I guess that makes up for all the heartbreak.
Then you let him go to your friends house, and no protest from you. Then he screws you literally, and then you text him to say HI!! But of all the things you wrote this was the craziest, if that possible.
How about walking away and leaving him by himself!Quote:
Everything I have read says if you bump into and ex keep in short and polite. Maybe this is ideal in a normal setting, What it doesn't say is what you are supposed to do when your ex grabs you and pulls you to the dance floor and starts twirling you around. What was I to do?
You knew what to do and how to do it, but you didn't do it. So forget it and start all over. Or let him keep twirling you in circles, and screwing you over.Quote:
But I am confused, what if he continues to contact me now?
No more confusion. Just do what your supposed to do, and stop questioning, and be about some actual DOING something for a change.
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