Can making every effort to continue to speed up this custody thing(even though she makes no effort to do so) show a deed or action? I need some brainstorming activities. What is it I can do to lessen tension and give a positive vibe to her? What will intrigue and bring out the curiosity and her own "what-if's"?

I won't ask her again about the hangout out and having fun when she comes down. I'll just make an effort to do it when she comes down. She hates being stuck places.. specially at her dad's. I'll lower the defense by getting her out to perhaps shop for clothes for our son at the mall or something neutral. She'll have her son and that'll also lower tension. I can make her laugh and show her that I'm making efforts to change who I was becoming. How's that sound? I can probably DO all of these without SAYING anything. Subtle. Will this friendzone me or backfire?

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QUOTE by FloridaFisher;
I kind of get what you're saying.. I'm not sure how to guideline myself though. What kind of action or deed would this be? The actual making of guidelines?
Please, an example? Sorry, my brains far too gone right this moment to think.

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Guide line are like personal boundaries of good behavior. Like a code of conduct,that you hold yourself to based on your own value. Rules you stick to as a testament to yourself. The knights of the round table, or chivalry, or Klingon's and there warrior creed.

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What do you make of her MSN thing? I know I'm over analyzing, but doesn't it clearly show you the same it shows me? She says she has no feelings of us yet cries inside when we hang up?

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Pushing your buttons because she knows she can, confusion is a tactic.

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I guess feelings and words aren't helping, even though I feel as though I'm getting somewhere when I push her like that. I need a plan of action.. I love plans.. I have no bearing.. I feel like I need to act or do something. I do not like sitting and letting everything just happen. I feel that if someone like her walks out of your life you should take charge and gather information as to why and use it in a plan of strategy to show her you really meant what you're saying. Proof so to speak. I know it sounds corny, but it's how I operate.

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Adjust your thinking and leave her alone to come to her own conclusions, at her own pace and wonder about what you're doing for a change

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I do know these things:
- I have to get past this defense of her. I'm guessing by lowering it gently without her being aware. However, I need to stay aware of the friend zone thing.

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That's a game you lose, just because she pays closer attention to you, and this is her game to play. That's why she can push your buttons without effort. Don't play the game, do nothing but handle your own business.

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- Show her the truth! We both love the same things and want the same things.

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Then your tactics are lousy, or you have deluded yourself, because she ain't co operating, is she?

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- Show her the changes that I've spoken of so that she knows everything she ever asked for from our relationship is here.

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AARGH, it takes years to change, and even longer for someone to see it. Even harder to prove since she ain't their, and really doesn't want to be there. That's why she left.
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Separate her from the people talking trash in GA.

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More of what you want, and not what she wants. She will not allow you to isolate her. That's why she left. Even you have to see this whole thing is about doing it your way and fail to see why see is having none of it.

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Only problem.. How? I mean it's got to be do-able. I don't know as much as most of you on women's habits, but I'm doing my best to learn.

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And dropping the ball as you learn. The secret to females is they are equal human beings, and use what the lack in size and power to protect themselves and fight back when attacked. That's the whole secret, so UNDERESTIMATE them at your peril. A lesson you should have known, so you can listen, as well as talk.

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How do I show action and deeds when she's living so far away and I'll see her once for 5 minutes every 3 weeks? I mean.. am I supposed to just show up up there and take her on a date and surprise her? I'm working on subtle dates when she comes to FL. Hopefully I'll have my vehicle by then and I can take us out as a family and with alone time.. Something which we never had as a couple ever.

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Stop trying to get her back, and handle your own business without her.

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Bouncing this NC and this want to not let go of someone and something so great and I need to figure out which one is the better bet to follow through with. Original says NC as does Wish, but knowing what I've said.. does it make a difference or no?

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I go with the guys who have been there done that, and No Contact does work, to let you heal, gain perspective, and THEN you make better decisions based on FACTS, and not just feelings. Then you won't be confused or so emotionally BLIND!

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Originally Posted by FloridaFisher

Can making every effort to continue to speed up this custody thing(even though she makes no effort to do so) show a deed or action? I need some brainstorming activities. What is it I can do to lessen tension and give a positive vibe to her? What will intrigue and bring out the curiosity and her own "what-if's"?

I won't ask her again about the hangout out and having fun when she comes down. I'll just make an effort to do it when she comes down. She hates being stuck places.. specially at her dad's. I'll lower the defense by getting her out to perhaps shop for clothes for our son at the mall or something neutral. She'll have her son and that'll also lower tension. I can make her laugh and show her that I'm making efforts to change who I was becoming. How's that sound? I can probably DO all of these without SAYING anything. Subtle. Will this friendzone me or backfire?

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No comment to takeover plots.

I just got off the phone with her. I didn't mention shopping at the mall when she comes down.. even admitted it was to get out as a family and see if we can even get along. She said she'll think about it and she'll be down for at least a week. This sucks.. I should know better by now.. I did, however, put our son on the phone to let her talk to him and so forth which I'm not sure why she still has that tone of voice even when speaking to him. You know, she admits to having nothing to do all day, yet.. she's not willing to give up NOTHING in return for her FAMILY. I'll let it go and perhaps cross the going to the mall thing when she gets here.

I told her the picture comments about the other girl was just crap talk. Told her it meant nothing and they're just lose feelings I have for her, and she's the only important girl in my life.

Very short call mainly about custody. She's in agreement but then brought up the subject of her wanting to live in GA. I told her it's a really stupid choice and I can't tell her what to do but that she's clearly not putting her son first. I told her I'd move to GA in a heartbeat to get to see him more often, share holidays, and when school comes we don't have to fight about residential custody and so on. I told her it's really her call and her life and I would feel the same if she saw me not putting him first. I said I hope that if I stop thinking that way for any reason to tell me. Said it's her call in the end. She said she'd think about it.

She'll be in Florida Saturday which means next week is when custody disputes will be over with and she'll begin her custody time.

Honestly, yeah I'd love for her to live closer anyway, but this is about many different things. Emergencies, holidays, birthdays, money to travel(insurance goes up, gas money, maintenance), school time, friends & family, seeing him more often then once a month almost. Also, I know for a fact that her soon to be step father smokes weed, drinks a case daily, and does it while driving with kids in the car. Seriously, it's just not a good environment. I spent a lot of time trying to keep him away from that sort of stuff. He went away for 2 1/2 weeks to visit up there and came back throwing fits, hitting, biting, and just acting really bad. I have to fix this every time! She doesn't have to allow me to isolate.. I can chose to do it at my will.. I'm just not that big of an a-hole. I am worried for my son's sake though and I'm worried if I do use this that she's going to hate me even more. I mean I don't want him in a house with weed and alcoholics, her uncle who visits is hooked on crack and is currently dating his niece, the alcoholics father is a cross dresser, her mother is a drama causing queen, her one brother is partially mentally retarded and tried to molest/rape my ex when she was a child, and the guy she's talking about is 16 years old and still not even divorced yet. I fought hard to keep him out of that mess.. him and her both. I don't want to be a jerk, but if she doesn't come to her senses I might just have to so he's not riding in the car with him or living in that house with those people(which I warned her about all this long before we broke up).

I left it at that and told her I'd let her go and let her say bye to our son.

I didn't mention her MSN thing being that she doesn't know I can see her (it's setup so she can't see mine but I can see hers). Why it's like that.. I haven't the slightest clue.

Lol @ no comment on takeover plots. I understand.. Just a subtle idea that I thought might work.

Yeah, I'm back to NC after tonight. I've said my peace. Like I said, I'll just see what happens when she gets down here, depending if we've made progress at all, and cross that bridge when I get to it. I believe in NC, but I know she's also very stubborn and when she puts something in her head she sticks to it. Right now, that something is her making herself void of feelings and angry towards me. The longer this goes unsolved the more harsh it'll become I fear..

Day one begins tomorrow. Let's see what happens.

Thinking about depression meds now, but I hate vices and I know I do well without them. I know they can help in a rough situation, but I don't need a withdraw issue later on. I've already got that with stopping smoking. Lol..

Everything's a mess.. I need some order in my life.. Guidelines might just be it. Thanks, Tal.

OMG it just totally hit me.. ALL all my options are open now! This IS where I learn to be who I am again. This is where I learn what I want out of life and I can try things for a taste to see if I like it without worrying.. Man I wish I could join the services like Original. Always wanted to do that but I cannot have a firearm due to the felony.

This part gets me super excited! I don't know why! I love her and miss her and would chose her in a heartbeat, but I love options! I haven't had options in about 3 years now!

I plan to lay off dating and just have a good time and find my place in this world. I've wandered around lost for a long time worrying. I want to know where I belong! I want that confidence that original, sneezey, and all the others I read about have! I want to be my own person for once!

Crap.. Where do I start?

Well.. I've gathered more evidence and now I have enough to show in court to guarantee full custody.. and possibly have her drug tested and mentally evaluated..

If she's really being this mentally unstable and smoking weed now I don't want him there PERIOD. I plan to go ahead to use it in court. This is ridiculous!

I feel as though she's changing.. not sure why.. I love her how she is, but what she's becoming worries me. I know she;s no longer my problem, but the things I've read and seen lately scare me. I would give my life to protect her. I'm worried for her badly even though she's treating me like complete crap. I can still tell she has feelings which says something isn't right.. I see she's blocking her own family members on social sites/programs. She's writing really dark and f'd up things. I know she's her own dragon, but I still want to be the knight to save her from these things as stupid as that sounds. I love her very much.. always will.. I don't get what's happening. I really want to try to show her a better life when she comes down and I have my vehicle finally. My son has to be around his mother when she's like this is scaring the **** out of me. I can see she's really a wreck.. even if it is just attention these are really serious things. I'm afraid to hurt her now. I'm afraid of where she'll end up. I plan to continue NC for now.. and I'll see what happens about trying to get her to hang out a little bit. I don't want her to do these things to her life or our sons life. I know this path I'm seeing.. I've watched my last ex go down it. Good grades, college coming, head cheerleader, lots of friends.. When we broke up she went wild. Lost her friends, dropped out, left he college plans, did drugs, became a stripper, and now goes out and hoes around and cheated on her boyfriend after me for a pack of smokes. I see this coming again, I've seen what happens. I know I'm technically better off without her if she's going to turn into this, but I know she has a lot of potential and I don't want to see her throw her life away. This hurts the same amount as the break up itself. Man, I'm really tired of feeling this way, you know?

NC for now. I got out what I needed to say. I've seen plenty enough right now and I don't want her to know I know these things in case I do need them in court. Trying to be responsible about this, but loving her and feelings are clouding my judgment.. obviously..

Start thinking with your head instead of your heart.

Again-NC-unless it has to do with the custody issue.

As for whatever 'evidence' you have found,you should leave that up to your legal representative to handle.

Stick with NC... you have to KNOW its going to be difficult at first and prepare for it. Honestly man, I know how you feel. You want to show her things can be different, that you can change, trust me I have been there. Did it for months. It does not matter to them whatsoever. Right now dude, she does not deserve your reassurance or comfort. Exes are exes. They don't get to find out what's new in our lifes and how we are doing, they don't get to call to hang out, and they don't get to play with your emotions anymore. Your one post was perfect-this is the time to find out who you really are! Find out what you like in life, and just focus on yourself. After a few weeks/months, it is possible you will be able to look back on this whole thing and realize that "gee, maybe this relationship wasnt perfect". It is a bit different with a kid involved, but you sound like a great father, and if she can get her act together and be a great mother, than broken home or not your child will turn out just fine.

Man let her come to you about hanging out. You have to fake it at this point. She knows your down and weak right now, and will play on that as much as she can. Tal is right, it is the way they fight... and its dirty.

I remember my first day of NC a few weeks back... I was so afraid that I would never hear from her again, never see her again etc. But I stuck to it, because I could tell day by day, by the tiniest pieces I was getting better. 1 1/2 weeks went by and she started trying to get ahold of me. A lot of exes do this, and by than you don't even want the attention from them. I ignored all of her attempts, not because I don't love her or not even because I wouldn't consider getting back... just because you get so sick and tired of having your heartbroken. Stick to NC man... remember this, harder on you, easier on her. Not what your primary focus needs to be right now.

Thanks for those words of encouragement. Sometimes I feel like I can't do NC and sometimes I feel like it's for the better.

You're right, original and amicon, I do need NC.. It shows in my posts, now that I've re-read them to myself, that I'm clearly thinking 90% with the heart. I need this pretty badly. I'm somewhat ashamed of how I've handled all this. Just fell in love with my family and was kind of put into shock when I lost them I guess. I've always been a logical thinker, but a big hearted one.

You also right on the fact that she lost the right to my life and feelings when she left me. I've been acting like it was my fault she walked out. I messed up, but she chose to not stick around and try to work things out.

I too have that feeling of never hearing from her or having her in my life outside of our son's custody. I feel as though since I know she's stubborn that I'd have to initiate anything.

I started a list last night which seemed to help pretty well when I was breaking down about to break NC. This list was all of the things she did that hurt me. Each one was like a reason in it's own not to call her or message her. Try it man.. It's a real life savor.

Is it wrong to still use her return as motivation to get my act together despite it being a false hope? I want to build a new life with a stronger structure and I'm afraid this may collapse down the line, but I currently have no motivation to get anywhere. These two have been my happiness for the past 2 and a half years.

Yeah, I really want this to hit her. It's her turn to face reality as well, and I for sure am not going to comfort her when all she does is hang up on me when I need her.

Man, I wish everyone from AMHD lived in Florida. Lol

How are you doing?

I need opinions.

Can she really be OK with losing me forever? Does the special times we shared and the love we shared really mean nothing to her anymore?

I know you don't know for sure, but based on what I've said throughout my posts.. what do you think? How do you think she's feeling about all this and does she really not care? How come she doesn't want to talk to me at all anymore?

I sat and wrote her a probably 6-8 letters over two weeks.. Some before she ended it for good and the rest after the fact. I even sent two pictures with them. She said she read 2 of the letters then put it all away. Before, when this all fist went down I admittedly logged into her Facebook and myspace and seen that she hadn't read most of what I sent. She hasn't replied to anything and never comments on them when talking to me on the phone. What's the deal?

She is shutting you out. Whatever you shared before is over, and her plans and yours, do not match any more.

She doesn't have to worry about losing you forever because you have a child together and if you quit pushing your agenda so hard, she may co operate better and be more civil.

I had a good friend who divorced his wife when we were in our twenties. Kind of messy with a house and a kid. They shared custody though, and got along better than when they were married, and remarried about eight years later, weird I was at both wedding ceremonies. My point, we never know what's going to happen down the road. But we do know what's happening now, and we just have to make the best of it by adjusting to it the best way we can.

You can't knock down a brick wall by running head first at full speed. That's what I see you doing, and can imagine your frustration, and heartache at, seeing that brick wall still standing, and your head hurting.

Every one knows that you find a door, or get a ladder to conquer that break wall. In other words, back off and get a better plan, or buy some band aids and aspirin. Up to you.

Wow.. I feel you, Tal..

You're right.. obviously none of these plans are working right now.. I think a new plan that calls for no plans is in order as far as her and I go. Time to be me.. It's what I do best.. She loved what she saw once, I do believe she could love it again, but like you said.. not right now. It obviously won't happen anytime soon when she's doing everything she can (even fighting herself) to push me out (still unsure why.. but h*ll.. does it matter if I can't stop it?). I know what I did wrong and I plan to change all of that, but still remain true to myself.

It's not a subtle approach I need.. It's no approach. It's all I can do.. You're absolutely right! I'm doing everything I can to get through this wall when there currently is no way through it or over it. And yes, it does hurt every time I make a failed attempt, but now I see that attempting to be with her while she pushes away is ludicrous. I mean it rationally makes no sense and is literally impossible.

There's still a lot left unsaid I think is why I annoyed her with calls, messages, and letters.. I mean.. I had a weekend at first to figure out everything she had known long before then had to say goodbye 6 hours later. I was just sort of blown away and I'm honestly still in a bit of shock. I think this explains all my venting as well. The feeling of needing to be heard hoping to catch an ear/eye that wants to hear it and that understands. Unfortunately, the main person I wanted to hear/see it ignored it.

I really do plan on reserving a spot for her to possibly work things out between us some day, but I can't make it the only spot available. When I told her I loved her always and forever, I meant it and I don't wish to take it back even still. There's something special about that girl.. So special she broke me of my fears of commitment and long term relationships. I'm always going to be thankful for having been with her even though I still think it would have worked out had she never left. I have no regrets other then wishing I had fixed these issues sooner. I'll always root for my family to be back together.

I plan to go through with this settlement out of court. However, I will be keeping my evidence and so forth just in case I don't like what I'm seeing when my son goes there. I'm also still trying to talk her into moving down here to her dad's because they honestly care about her and want her to do great things like I do. I see tons of potential in her and I would hate to see her throw it out over having a good time right now. I still want her to be happy no matter what.


I would now like to have a beer and a fun night out with my friends.
If only I had some friends lol..
Lonely beer sucks..

Almost done watching Swingers.. Funny movie.. pretty real so far too..

Still hurts.. I know we can't be right now.. I just still don't understand sometimes.. If I'm such a great guy like she says then we did we end.. and why doesn't she want to be with me anymore? Why doesn't she even call? It's one thing if we've grown apart.. but this isn't even that.. We were perfect up until the day she left. It was my fault for being stupid so long and taking things for granted until she just couldn't take it anymore. I don't get why we can't be together if I change the bad ways. I'm still just confused.. whether it's me doing it to myself.. the confusion's still there. Our love is still there, it's just buried under all of our fighting. I don't know how to bring it back, or if time does that on it's own.

Yeah, I get better periodically, but inside I'm still the family man. I don't enjoy life without them. Should I have to grow old and die never being able to have my family because I made a mistake?

My life was built around her and my son.. so everything in it reminds me of her and f's my day/head up. I really need out of this place, but I have no where to go.

I'm going to take a couple days off here..

Find somewhere to go.

And find it within yourself to focus on you and your child rather than overthinking her possible thoughts,feelings and future actions.

That's futile.
And a waste of time and energy.

Amicon had to spread the love but I just wanted to say I'll second your last post... this guy at least needs to TRY to focus your enery else where. Whining is not trying.

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Originally Posted by FloridaFisher

Almost done watching Swingers.. Funny movie.. pretty real so far too..

Still hurts.. I know we can't be right now.. I just still don't understand sometimes.. If I'm such a great guy like she says then we did we end.. and why doesn't she wanna be with me anymore? Why doesn't she even call? It's one thing if we've grown apart.. but this isn't even that.. We were perfect up until the day she left. it was my fault for being stupid so long and taking things for granted until she just couldn't take it anymore. I don't get why we can't be together if I change the bad ways. I'm still just confused.. whether or not it's me doing it to myself.. the confusion's still there. Our love is still there, it's just buried under all of our fighting. I don't know how to bring it back, or if time does that on it's own.

Yeah, I get better periodically, but inside I'm still the family man. I don't enjoy life without them. Should I have to grow old and die never being able to have my family because I made a mistake?

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Swingers is a great movie... glad you liked it. They don't sugar coat anything-and I like how it doesn't triviliaze the fact that "yea....us guys feel s**t sometimes too".

No matter what they say to us, feelings change, and most of the time, the dumper doesn't even know why themselves. It's hard but it just needs to be accepted. Your not going to grow old and die by yourself-matter of fact you don't know what's going to happen in the future. But my bet is that isn't what's going to happen. You will always have your family... you just can't expect things to be all perfect right now. She is going through whatever feelings/changes she is experiencing, and we as the dumpee have the right to be confused, upset and hurt. But, eventually we also have to accept. This stage is pivotal, and I hope after a few days rest you start to feel better. Let us know how your doing man.

I do know why is the problem, man. I know it's a what-if type thing, but I know had I figured this out before that we would be fine. I feel like such an jerk for letting my family go over stupid fights. This alone probably shows digression, I know. This isn't like losing a puppy because you left the door open. This is losing your family, your life, because you forgot for a while that they're what mattered most. I do feel like I need to beat myself up over it.

I'm sure she has no clue- why else would she say she doesn't have feelings then contradict that with her actions? Since we've broke up she's: 1) asked mutual friends if they've heard from me and what I've said. 2) searched through my friends and my own pics, profile, comments to find comments stating one girl looks good and the other that I would hang out with her. 3) Puts up these crazy MSN statuses about some pretty crazy emotions. 4) Wanted to possibly try again until I bombarded her with calls and messages. 5) We had sex 30 minutes before she left, cried for a full weekend, and kissed before she got in the car. 6) She contradicts everything she says to me every phone call. 7) Still admits her greatest feelings in life and any relationship were with me even when she was mad.

Tell me I'm insane for seeing her feelings. Tell me why the hell she's hiding them. Why do I have to sit and feel insane over something so obvious? I'd bet anything I own, including my life, on the fact she still has feelings. I can see she's confused, but I know it's because when she showed love I didn't show it back and assumed she'd figure it out. I'm going insane because I'm "running at this brick wall" trying to show her that I did and do love her.

I'm trying to focus on my son, but you have to understand how much he reminds me of her, amicon. I have this crawl in a hole and just lay there feeling. I've not eaten in pretty well 3 days.. 2 days I've had a single glass of water. She was my motivation and happiness- my family was. Now, no matter how hard I try I'll not have her, and only half of my son.. Now what? I run a race that I cannot win merely to do it?

Is it possible to use her as motivation yet still be in a good enough frame of mind to get over her?

Tal, this couple that were married, divorced, then re-married- how did they handle it? NC? Friends? I mean I want her back in 8 years rather then never, but I'd rather have her back sooner of course.

Listen to me.. I'm still sitting here talking about being with her.. I really feel confused, stupid, and somewhat creepy..

Yes, I'm whining. No, I'm not trying to. I want to stop hurting, but I feel like the only thing that's going to stop it is her coming home.

NC continues.

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Originally Posted by FloridaFisher

I do know why is the problem, man. I know it's a what-if type thing, but I know had I figured this out before that we would be fine. I feel like such an jerk for letting my family go over stupid fights. This alone probably shows digression, I know. This isn't like loosing a puppy because you left the door open. This is losing your family, your life, because you forgot for a while that they're what mattered most. I do feel like I need to beat myself up over it.

I'm sure she has no clue- why else would she say she doesn't have feelings then contradict that with her actions? Since we've broke up she's: 1) asked mutual friends if they've heard from me and what I've said. 2) searched through my friends and my own pics, profile, comments to find comments stating one girl looks good and the other that I would hang out with her. 3) Puts up these crazy MSN statuses about some pretty crazy emotions. 4) Wanted to possibly try again until I bombarded her with calls and messages. 5) We had sex 30 minutes before she left, cried for a full weekend, and kissed before she got in the car. 6) She contradicts everything she says to me every phone call. 7) Still admits her greatest feelings in life and any relationship were with me even when she was mad.

Tell me I'm insane for seeing her feelings. Tell me why the hell she's hiding them. Why do I have to sit and feel insane over something so obvious? I'd bet anything I own, including my life, on the fact she still has feelings. I can see she's confused, but I know it's because when she showed love I didn't show it back and assumed she'd figure it out. I'm going insane because I'm "running at this brick wall" trying to show her that I did and do love her.

I'm trying to focus on my son, but you have to understand how much he reminds me of her, amicon. I have this crawl in a hole and just lay there feeling. I've not eaten in pretty well 3 days.. 2 days I've had a single glass of water. She was my motivation and happiness- my family was. Now, no matter how hard I try I'll not have her, and only half of my son.. Now what? I run a race that I cannot win merely to do it?

Is it possible to use her as motivation yet still be in a good enough frame of mind to get over her?

Tal, this couple that were married, divorced, then re-married- how did they handle it? NC? Friends? I mean I want her back in 8 years rather then never, but I'd rather have her back sooner of course.

Listen to me.. I'm still sitting here talking about being with her.. I really feel confused, stupid, and somewhat creepy..

Yes, I'm whining. No, I'm not trying to. I want to stop hurting, but I feel like the only thing that's gonna stop it is her coming home.

NC continues.

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No matter how many times she contradicts her actions, and no matter what second hand information she collects- you need to stop trying to figure it out. It's impossible dude. Never mind the fact that she's a woman and they themselves are like rubicks cubes to figure out, the dumper half the time doesn't know if they made the right decision, and why they made the decision they made. The only thing you can do is take a respectful absence from her life, that and time is your only hope my friend if you truly want to fight for her back. You know the saying if you love something let it go, and if it was truly yours it will come back? I think you should just let it go man, and give you and her the time to heal and get your stuff together. I know its hard looking at her spitting image everyday in your son, but enough time goes by and it won't be like that.

Whining is OK, your allowed to be hurt. Just don't break the NC. Respect her wishes and let her deal with her own demons.

Original.. man.. you're like a really good friend, bruh..

I do want to fight for her back.. I can't see myself just letting her walk out forever. I know one day her and I will be OK to try again. She needs to cool down and get her own head clear. You're right.. she has her own demons and it's clear in her statuses and when we talk. She sounds really confused already and I think I'm making it worse for myself and making it easier for her to push me out.

The day I broke NC I wrote her a letter.. This is a copy..
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Just want you to know that I want you to be happy.. and I know I could make you happy, but I understand it's up to you to figure that out.. I wish you the best.. You're probably just as confused as I am.. I'll always love you, and want you to know that just because I'm giving you the space doesn't mean I stopped loving or caring for you and doesn't mean I take back what I said about wanting to try again. Just know that you won't be let down if you give us another shot.

Love always,
The guy who knows you best,

- Joe

P.S. - You can call to speak with Wesley anytime you want, and I'll try to have these papers ready to sign by the time you get down here.
---------------------------------------------

I've done great about not calling her! I just needed to say that I feel to let her know that I'm not losing feels, just giving her the space she requested all along. I guess explaining my actions takes the mystery out of it.. Lovely..

Man, she's not going to be here till the end of the month supposedly. Gives me a chance to get this truck and show her I mean business and I don't want to sit and waste away anymore. She is my motivation and if I have to pay for it later so be it, but it's better then sitting doing nothing.

I was going to push the court issue, but like I said I've decided to give her a shot and it'll make is easier as well. I could knock this one guy out of the picture, get her back in Florida, and knock her family out of the picture too.. I'm 100% confident in those things, but then how does that show I'm working on not being controlling?

I duno, I have a ways to go until I'm thinking completely sane again. I'll never choose to force her out of my mind. No, it's not ignoring the advice you all give.. it's all taken into account and I've formulated my own thing. I love her too much to just say goodbye other then custody issues. I don't know what the future holds- only know my current feelings, and given the circumstances, I don't think there's anything I can do about the feelings right now.

I really hate whining man.. Some reason the past couple years have turned me into everything I hate about this world.. I'm bitter, mean, seldom happy, war causing instead of peace making, and I look at the bad side to everything. Any advice on how to work on these guys & gals?

Feelings have just taken over yet again..

I couldn't stop myself from looking at her myspace.. she took down all our photos.. I pretty well f'in cried.. Hurts.. it really does.. Did we mean nothing? I feel lower then dirt..

I want to break NC and ask her why..
That may be her point to do that.. or it may be a reaction to my removing her from friends and so forth..

I don't know about this thread anymore.. I'm failing to use this great advice.. failing to follow through with NC.. Not even helping myself by any means..

She's f'n removing me from her life like I never meant sh**.. I can't understand why my heart's so dispensable.. Why I put everything I have into it and it's still never enough in any relationship.. I'm tired of crying like a little girl.. whining like an idiot.. and putting my feelings out there to be crushed like garbage by the girl I thought I'd spend my life with..

ALL of this and I still can't stop loving the girl..

I brought a kid into this world to live in a broken home.. . I believed her every time she told me she loved me and nothing could change that or tear us apart..
I just can't believe this is the same girl that was here 5 weeks ago.. kissing me.. having sex with me.. telling me she loved us and would be back.. Writing a message of "always and forever" on the damn bathroom mirror..

WHY can I be thrown away that easy? What kind of cold hearted b**** does that to someone?

If that's the case then I really don't want a girlfriend or wife.. I'm tired of being kicked to the god damn curb like I'm nothing after be strung along blindly by my real and legit feelings.

I asked her if she wanted to break up or go on a break and she cried every f'n time and begged that we work on it and stay together.. What a crock of ****.

Move on if it's over but be considerate and understanding and be there for the person you trash. You can't just do that to a person.. you can't tell them you want marriage and a kid.. then take off after the kid's born while the guy's shopping for a ring.. She's really done a number in all 3 of our lives..

Dude.. If she throws me away for no reason without trying after I tried for her countless times.. and forgave her countless times.. I hope she rots in hell.. for the way she did both me and my son.

Dude, I really hope she doesn't get stupid enough to call my house for anything other then talking to my son or custody.. I hope she doesn't get stupid enough to even smile at me or ask about the weather.

Tal, I'm sure you'll step in to say I'm wrong, so this is to you, respectfully of course.

I've been a gentlemen to her every step of the way.. She could have ended this way better then she did.. I have to send my son to be around that sort of thing with him growing up thinking this crap is OK. It is a shame that parents can't get along.. I hate when kids have split parents that fight.. Now I understand why they fight! She could have worked on it.. or said not now or ever.. She went the f'd up route of in between. I really feel like my son deserves to know this about his mom and how she is as a forewarning, but I can't do that because I don't want to hurt the kid more then he's already going to be.


So how's everyone else doing?

That's just irrational thinking. It's more likely that she's going through NC as you are, removing all links to get it all over with the best way. She might've done it in a moment where she felt less, or she might've done it more emotionally. It all doesn't matter and you should get back to NC, not check up on her in any way and get over her. There is no reason for you to break it.

I plan NC.. I know I keep saying it.. but after seeing her write "hey babe (insert email) add me on msn haven't talked to you in a while miss ya <3" to another guy.. really stabs me in the heart.. Specially when she won't even answer a simple letter or two from me.

So many ways she could have gone about this. It's not the best way. You don't lead someone on for years (so she says.. I still call bs)then shock them with the news on a single weekend.. disappear.. then get mad and hang up when they're upset asking questions. F that.

I was ready to fight for this girl.. die for this girl..

I really really really am pissed and hurt.. yet still love the morally bankrupt girl. But I'm not going to give in to the BS stuff she's been up to lately.. It's like she's purposely trying to hurt me. I'm SUPER pissed she said she didn't want to hurt me then does this crap.

You know what else pisses me off? The fact that this is proving that I'm still the same guy she left.. I really do need to change. I blow up way too quickly and way too harsh, but wouldn't you?

Man, it's hard to be civil with someone when they do this to you on purpose..

God, I want my rib back..

Man.. She wrote me wondering why her passwords were resetting.. We linked out accounts a year ago and she was restting them and I thought someone was resetting mine so I canceled.. she thinks I lied.. asked me to knock it off.. Dude, I don't know why.. but she won't answer anything I sent about her an I.. And, oddly I'm shaking.. like literally nervously.. I only wrote back to assure her that I wasn't doing anything like that..

Currently writing back and forth.. I guess people there are making up a bunch of crap and she's telling me she knows things I told her long ago.. DURRR..

She still says nothing about us.. or why she's already talking to dudes.. man.. I just don't want to care anymore.. this is such an abuse of my feelings.. almost spitefully.. My heart's thumping hard and fast.. I'm shaking.. I'm hurt.. I feel abandoned by the girl I love the most.. I feel like that black piece of gum on a sidewalk.. I don't understand how it was great one day and all of this the next..

Women are twisted.. seriously..

"hey is just a friend nothing else and he knows that.....Joe I just don't want it thats all I'm done I just want to have my son for right now"

For right now.. what the hell? I'm analyzing again...

She had to message me, aye? Well now that it's sorted she should leave me alone yeah?

She baited me.. that's clear... with her comment to her "friend"..

I think I lost half my IQ when we broke up..

Didn't handle this one well at all...
NEXT...

One of these days NC will stick.. and I'll go out and get a life.. lol..

So, I think I've scared off or pissed off the few who were trying to help me lol.. Pretty well just making this a journal I suppose. I've not been good at keeping a real journal since my son decided to try and eat it..

I've decided that I'm a moron and that you all are right, this is my own battle. I'm looking for stuff and asking for stuff, she didn't bring it to my door step. I may just be a lost cause sometimes.

I hope I haven't disrespected any of you in any way, and I want you to know your advice was very much listened to. I guess I'm pretty hard headed/stubborn myself.

I've got to find a plan and stick to it for once.. That plan is the NC plan..

I've figured out limits for myself which are:
- No initiating anything including custody calls unless extremely important in which case nothing else will be discussed.. PERIOD.
- No accepting any messages or calls of any sort including but not limited to: phone calls, voice mails, face book, myspace, myyearbook, msn, aim, yahoo, and anything else that falls into those categories for a span of no less then 3 days.
- Once the 3 days are over I will only pick up the phone if she calls about custody. NOTHING else.
- I will not look at her myspace, facebook, old messages, photographs, my son (lol j/k), msn/hotmail, myyearbook, etc.
- I will block any attempt she may make to discuses anything about being friends unless it's a simple hello or a realistic sit down to talk about the possibilities of getting back. Realistic possibilities only.
- I will shrug off any comment I may run across regarding her, from her, to her, etc.
- I will not respond to emails, calls, or messages from her friend or family.

No if ands or buts no reasons no logic no feelings.. Only in a true emergency will I break this.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by FloridaFisher

So, I think I've scared off or pissed off the few who were trying to help me lol.. Pretty well just making this a journal I suppose. I've not been good at keeping a real journal since my son decided to try and eat it..

I've decided that I'm a moron and that you all are right, this is my own battle. I'm looking for stuff and asking for stuff, she didn't bring it to my door step. I may just be a lost cause sometimes.

I hope I haven't disrespected any of you in any way, and I want you to know your advice was very much listened to. I guess I'm pretty hard headed/stubborn myself.

I've got to find a plan and stick to it for once.. That plan is the NC plan..

I've figured out limits for myself which are:
- No initiating anything including custody calls unless extremely important in which case nothing else will be discussed.. PERIOD.
- No accepting any messages or calls of any sort including but not limited to: phone calls, voice mails, face book, myspace, myyearbook, msn, aim, yahoo, and anything else that falls into those categories for a span of no less then 3 days.
- Once the 3 days are over I will only pick up the phone if she calls about custody. NOTHING else.
- I will not look at her myspace, facebook, old messages, photographs, my son (lol j/k), msn/hotmail, myyearbook, etc.
- I will block any attempt she may make to discuses anything about being friends unless it's a simple hello or a realistic sit down to talk about the possibilities of getting back. Realistic possibilities only.
- I will shrug off any comment I may run across regarding her, from her, to her, etc.
- I will not respond to emails, calls, or messages from her friend or family.

No if ands or buts no reasons no logic no feelings.. Only in a true emergency will I break this.

---

Hey man sorry haven't been around this weekend-work took over!

That sounds like a great plan-now make sure you stick to it. The less you see of her and the less you know of her the easier it is for you to heal and move on. Regardless of how you feel about things, she's going to do what she's going to do. I know you said your 23, how old is this girl if I may ask? Maybe she just needs to go out in the world and grow a little bit-if that means hanging out with and talking to other guys so be it.

Whatever you do though, don't let her bait you! Stick to your plan at all costs. I made the mistake of getting back to my ex a week after all of her attempts to get ahold of me. I thought that maybe, just maybe, she was starting to reconsider. Nope. You know what she wanted? An old vaccuum cleaner and a fan. Lol... didnt ask how I was doing, nothing like that. She laid a perfect trap to set me up for disappointment... so now I know better than to break NC no matter what. You will get sick of her games and although when I read your posts now it comes across as upsetting, try and find a way to convert that in to a bit of anger towards her and maybe that will help you not break NC. She is doing this to you, and even though you shouldn't be checking up on her myspace and such, talking to other guys so shortly afterwards saying "add me i miss you" IS pretty disrespectful-it's just not your place to ask about it anymore.

When your 3 days is up,shoot for 7. When 7 passes, go for 14-it just gets easier and easier with time. I have been in NC (minus the 3 text messages I sent but I don't even count that) for almost a month-it does get better man. I can't even compare how I feel now to how I felt when I still had to see her at work every night. Just stick to it, you might surprise yourself. Speaking of which, if you feel like your thread isn't helping so much, feel free to PM me anytime, I usually check this site once a day so I'll get any messages and respons pronto.

I may not post, but do read what you write. Pretty obvious that you have too much actual time on your hands and have to find a productive way of using it, besides looking back all the time.

Yes without an outlet, or a better focus, feelings can be very overwhelming, and distracting.

Hey all..

Well, I've done some talking and thinking and have realized that no matter what she does.. I have to do something and go somewhere.. So I'm going to throw myself into working and getting things I was delayed from getting before due to having to take care of a whole family..

That sucks about the vacuum and fan.. what a bee-hotch... It's amazing still how fast they can go from " I love you and nothing can change that" to "hi.. where's my stuff at? Bye. ".. Such BS the way they work.. Makes you wonder if they're all the same.. Hope not..

I do have too much time, and being that I can choose my hours and days doesn't help. I've had some friends pretty much verbally punch me in the face for my own good..

You're completely right about the fact that she's going to do what she's going to do.. I do want her back, but currently there is nothing I can do to change that and I'm not sure I need it right now given the fact my life revolved around her for years. That's completely ridiculous and kind of scary and I need to learn how to live my own life again. Her choices shouldn't effect all of mine.

I'm on day 2 of this NC.. It's got me wondering a lot about what she's up to, but other then that I have been getting better about getting through my day without breaking down.

To me, it's amazing that I can make it a day with laughter and smiles and get through listening to a sappy song or movie without freaking out like a pansy.

Oddly, since I've been single I've had like 5-6 girls asking me to hang out and so forth.. I don't plan to date anyone or get involved right now.. I need to learn to deal with my feelings rather then mask them with another relationship. But, the feeling of being wanted is nice and let's me know that if sh never comes back that I can be OK.

I figured out I became a controlling, jealous, angry, wuss.. I did this out of fear when I found out I was having a kid and I just started losing myself. If I ever want hope of being a family again, or having another woman even, I need to fix these things. These things have made me unhappy as a person which explains so much. I also now understand that she had no control over her feelings and I understand why she felt the way she did. I would have too.

I've lost 20lbs in 5 weeks.. So I plan to fix that.. got a plan and hope to be the next Ryan Reynolds LOL..

You know, when I did check up on her before.. all I saw was a lost, confused, bored, unhappy girl. She's taken to the internet to make and have friends, which isn't bad, but she has no actual life. It's beyond obvious that the state she's in isn't that great. I hope for her and my son that that's not going to become her lifestyle. I feel bad for her honestly..

I know that she fell in love with me once.. It's possible again, but in the meantime I'm going to work to become the complete package.. a man any woman would be happy and proud to be with. : )

Our door will never be permanently closed, just temporarily unavailable... I'm done running into it head first idiotically when that's the case..

Future reference.. How do I tell if she's baiting or perhaps sincere?

Yeah, I'm 23 & she's 18.. We both haven't seen everything to honestly say for sure what we want.. and who wants to be in a relationship they're unsure of? It'd never work..

I'm not worried about her comments anymore.. Seriously it says one thing.. I meant something to her and she's trying to fill that void. It makes me a bit happy, really.. She's grabbing at any bit of attention that comes her way.. She's missing me on some level.. It shows.

Thanks for posting you guys.. It means a lot to know that I'm still being heard.. and your advice in general is great.

I look forward to getting my truck here soon. Found a lead on a great insurance deal. Will know better this week. I may be driving away with it by the weekend! Now I can get out of the house and take my son places. It's also a bit to shove in her face : D and show her that she can't hold me back. I'm regaining my balls and losing the wuss in me. Slowly regaining pride and confidence as well..

I still hold all of the cards when it comes to custody.. I sleep well at night knowing I'm always going to get to see my son.. : )

Haha atta boy man! Get that ryan reynolds going... I just started working out consistently and it feels great... did you create a program online or are you kind of winging it?

I spend a lot of my time in general reading about exercises, dieting and nutrition, weight lifting, etc.. Men's Health Magazine and Book reader.. avid! GNC member.. I just like it.. I duno..

I wing it but also put plans together for myself.. Before and after photos as well.. maybe I can post results time to time..

My build I have to pretty much do as he did which is what makes working towards looking like him the goal.. I'm cutting cardio out completely.. Lots of fats, but mostly the healthy fats.. It's simple mass gaining.. Working out, but eating slightly more calories for a while then I would be able to work off.. No calories after 8pm.. 7-8 meals throughout the day rather then 3 big ones.. Whey, casein, creatine, maybe mass gainer, and multi-vitamins.. Nothing unnatural..

The only part that sucks is that we have to grow apart... then MAYBE retry later to see if who we've become even clicks.. This happens to me so damn often, and they never click again.. I'm worried a little I suppose. I love her how she was/is.. She's seemingly headed into another direction due to current influences.. sucks, dudes.. really does.. I just hope whoever I grow into matches the same girl I fell in love with years ago..

Need some ideas for personal growth..
How do I fix these things and work on them?
-Controlling - This Idiotic My Way Or The Highway Crap I Have
-Jealousy
-Confidence
-Wussyness- I've Become A Wuss
-Fear- Of Ever Committing Again
-Anger- Lots Of It.. Explosive.. Over Dumb Stuff Usually That Should Be Laughed At Or Shrugged At..
-Learning- How To Not Fear Being Alone.

I'm a really big mess.. and I can't believe I let myself fall into this and how comfortable I had gotten..

How do I hang out with these girls without letting them fill the void for me? They're fun and goofy so It'd be a plus... Plus they're women, it's an automatic confidence booster.. I just don't want to get caught in any moments right now haha.. No rebounds for me..

So... uh... now what ?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by FloridaFisher

The only part that sucks is that we have to grow apart... then MAYBE retry later to see if who we've become even clicks.. This happens to me so damn often, and they never click again.. I'm worried a little I suppose. I love her how she was/is.. She's seemingly headed into another direction due to current influences.. sucks, dudes.. really does.. I just hope whoever I grow into matches the same girl I fell in love with years ago..

Need some ideas for personal growth..
How do I fix these things and work on them?
-Controlling - This Idiotic My Way Or The Highway Crap I Have
-Jealousy
-Confidence
-Wussyness- I've Become A Wuss
-Fear- Of Ever Committing Again
-Anger- Lots Of It.. Explosive.. Over Dumb Stuff Usually That Should Be Laughed At Or Shrugged At..
-Learning- How To Not Fear Being Alone.

I'm a really big mess.. and I can't believe I let myself fall into this and how comfortable I had gotten..

How do I hang out with these girls without letting them fill the void for me? They're fun and goofy so It'd be a plus... Plus they're women, it's an automatic confidence booster.. I just don't want to get caught in any moments right now haha.. No rebounds for me..

So... uh.... now what ?

---

Hey man,
Well maybe you won't want to retry in the future... think about that. You said it yourself she is heading in a different direction right now... sometimes people need to figure things out on their own. My ex is going completely astray as well last I saw of her... and while it bothered me at first, I grew angry, than I just accepted it. I was angry that THAT lifestyle was what she left me for, when for 3 years she said she had enough of it, didn't like it, wasn't a party girl, etc. But there she is out clubbin... I tried hitting bars every weekend with my friends-but after a few weekends of it I realized that wasn't who I was, and while its fun once in a while, it gets real old real fast. And if that's how she likes living her life right now-than we aren't meant to be together. You may not feel it right now, but eventually I think it's a safe bet her behaviour will push you away, and you will just grow to accept whoever she becomes for better or worse and roll with the punches. But, right now, it doesn't really matter. Reconciliation should be the last thing on your mind right now, focus on yourself, and the custody business.

I WAS the jealous kind of guy... maybe I still am, but I don't feel it. That was one of the main reasons she dumped me... and for the first 1 1/2 maybe 2 months I was constantly asking her: "is this for another guy?" "are you seeing someone?" "were you cheating on me?"-all signs I still had jealousy issues (none of this turned out to be true, but your mind assumes the worst at these times) and eventually I stopped caring if she was with someone else or if she left me for another guy. I think that was a big first step. I can't tell you for sure how to cure jealousy, some will recommend therapy, some reading a self help book, I honestly whenever the time is right and I'm in my next long term relationship-will use my mistakes from this one to make sure I'm not jealous again. Bite my tongue, and give my unconditional trust. Hopefully it isn't broken... sometimes you just got to go on faith, and I've learned that.

As for controlling, relationships are about compromise. Having someone do it your way all the time just builds feelings of resentment, and pushes them away. Think about that, and sometimes we have to realize, we just aren't always right.

But its 2am here man, I got to pass out due to work in the morning. Have fun working out and keep me posted

Update:

Broke NC, but not in the way you think.. Read on..

Got into her head a little. She's really unsure about anything and just needs space. I ran into her in an old chat we used to goof off on and she doesn't know this username. She started talking to me when I was talking to others. So I lured a bit with teasing talk and she privated me.

I acted like I had a similar situation and explained the guy can changed you just have to give it time to see it. We went aback and forth a lot and I found out she's a huge flirt and loves attention but hasn't had sex. Worse she did was a picture in her bra. She's obviously showing signs that what I said she thought about because she asked if that picture counted as sex when I told her sex could close her book for good.

I know I know I broke NC, but COME ON how often can you do this really? Plus, I had fun flirting with her and seeing she does like who I am still. When I told her it's fine to take her time she didn't respond really, but when I said don't go on without letting him have the chance to show you he can change everything like I "did" in my hypothetical character lol.

She mentioned the problems and even that I said I would change but that she hasn't seen it and I have been pushing her away by saying don't have sex and still trying to control her. Good points she made. Why she can't tell me these things I don't know.

She mentioned that I haven't shown change because I still don't have that truck (she's absolutely right), I have this crappy job I hate, and I still live in this dump that depresses me. I also asked her about trying her "ex" before she moves on and he regrets not being about to show change and feels like crap for the rest of his life, that one day she may regret not trying, and that she has to tell her son that she didn't even try before giving up. I like the answers she gave in private when dealt with individually. In the main room she said stuff about wondering about custody and not wanting me or being with me, but in private message she showed that she's not sure..

She changed the subject A LOT, but I always got it back lol. She's trying to press it out of her mind, so I'll back off and let her cool down and in the meantime see what else I can do.

She said she wasn't sure about sex with anyone else but that she's not going to wait around 6 months to a year for me. She also said some things that hurt a little, but I think they were said in the hopes of my flirting more and stuff. She did mention out sex life the same way I did/do- that we just got boring. I explained to her that after a year the lust wears off and you have to BOTH try to make things exciting and fun.

In one room she spoke about being done with me once she gained custody rights, but the other room mentioned that she'd never do it. I think it's ALL about attention right now! It's good news!

While I give her space I'll work on making our custody chats short but friendly, and possibly do what she's been doing to me, making her jealous.

I do not get this though..
A) When she hunted down my post about some girl being hot and wanting to hang out she acted bothered by it.
B) She mentioned to the chatroom me that I had moved on. (I assured her that my actions showed that I still loved her regardless)
C) She asks for space and tells me to move on.

These are very mixed reactions and answers. Which is more then likely?

I believe she loves me, but I think she enjoys flirting(which I'm OK with that even the bra pic was cute) and I think she;s afraid because she refuses to face the reality of any of it.

She says it makes her mad to talk about me or to me. I asked why and she said, "it's messed up that he didn't love me before and only started loving me in the end." I told her that if he's like me and I'm sure he is that he loved you all along that's why he stayed too, he just had some of his own demons to deal with.

I asked her if she saw these changes(job, car, place) would she consider trying again with him.. she said "idk" "i'm not sure"..

So my job is to get out there and make these things happen, give her space, and then present this life to her.

I do, however, need to get her out of being mad about me and to me. I think between no contact about us and friendly talks about custody and our son that I can do it.

Am I an idiot or what? LOL.. An excited one, and it keeps me from calling her making it worse and gives me some insight on what's going on.

She dyed her hair and it looks beautiful, she dressed up for some new Facebook pics and I was just gaga over them. I think I love this new her even more. For once she's being herself again and she's being outgoing on top of it.. I dig it! Lol..

Yeah.. I'm stupid.. but hell.. it's better to try for her then to not do anything with myself. If I get let down later at least I still have my son and life. I wish I could tell her it was me, but it'll ruin it and possibly make her hate me more lol. I'll keep hush hush. She was turned on by the chatroom me while spouting off that she lost her feelings for me and could never have them back. I laughed pretty hard.

I watched her flirt with other guys, even with myself since she didn't now it was me, I heard about the pic, seen her act a spaz about being h*rney and not having sex. LOL. I wasn't hurt, jealous, and kind of got turned on by it. I see what I missed by controlling her before. Man I wish I could say something about it rofl.. It'll get me through the days so I can get back on track.

I think one day she'll come back around, but who knows, maybe she'll change and it'll be me who comes around. Maybe neither, but I doubt it. I think if I can use this knowledge to my benefit I'll have a chance. We'll see.

She's alone in GA, she's all on the net and that's all, eventually she'll lone for the person in real life and hopefully by then I can show her the me she loved before. I think she's really too unsure about how to handle her and I which is what's keeping her from crossing the line.

My time to shine.

So you cyberstalked your ex,pretending to be somebody else?

I have moving more to say on this thread.

I'm unsubscribing.

No.. I ran into her at a place we both used to go.. I didn't even see her until she spoke my username and I seen it was her.. She did most the talking.. I just finally got a chance to hear what the problems were from her since she always shut me out. I also had the chance to show her my side and where I was coming from.

Regardless of whether this run in incident where she spoke to me first is to your moral liking, you have to see the humor in that she's hitting on me and liking me and telling me she doesn't. Dude, it gives me peace of mind. And you know what, I'm not ashamed.

I never knew what the situation was because of the close communication. I was given the opportunity to see what I was doing wrong in her eyes. It confirmed most of what I already though, but that confirmation made me smile a real smile for the first time in months.

I also spoke to a mutual friend who randomly pasted the ex's Facebook statuses without my asking since I unadded the ex.. Its says that she's tired of people playing with her feelings that they don't see how bad she's hurting on the inside.

I'm telling you all I KNOW THIS GIRL. I know she has feelings, just not sure what it takes to bring them out.

Unsubscribe and never post if you must, but this is the first real sign I've had since this all began that I'm not going insane in what I'm feeling and saying. I'm not saying sorry or apologizing for my act. I know how to possibly get my family back.

You don't know what that means to me, amicon. I lost my family. I lost the will to really live life anymore. Am I not allowed to be given hope? Am I not allowed something harmless? Am I not allowed to know what I did wrong so that I may fix it? I know one day it'll all pay off in one way or another. It's already done, I was caught in the moment, and now I'm going to use it.

Your inability to communicate honestly is what's biting you in the butt big time. Deceit will get you excited, but solves nothing. The truth is, she is not sold on the ideas of your change, and that's her stumbling block.

Come on guy, what she says to a stranger in a chat room is different than actually doing something to help her situation work. Lets not forget the same situation she ran from is still waiting for her when she returns, even if you are nicer about it.

Change is all about actions, not words, and you must have the actions or the words mean nothing.

You asked a question before that I thought was telling,

Quote:

---

Why she can't tell me these things I don't know.

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That's the red flag that's been waving since you got here, why you two have no communications, and what you do about it. All the other details fall by the way side in light of the real problem.

You want to show change? Then my suggestion is you start with your attitude, and how you are conducting your business, as true communications start with the ears, (thats why there are two of them, and its no coincidence the brain is between them) and you really need to find that point of communications with her that can resolve issues, to both your benefit, not just yours. You worry about what you have now and she is seeing a bleak future, so get on the same page.

Have you thought of improving yourself through schooling, in class or online, that has a placement service for graduates? And maybe given your finances, some grants or loans to help you? That's how I would be looking to address my own future employment, and buying a new truck. That may be the change she can believe in.

I have seen that strategy work with many a young person, and ex convicts exceptionally well, so I can say with confidence, its something to consider.

This is not about her wanting you back, never has been, its about you getting your ducks in order, and restoring not only your confidence in yourself, but hers in you. And you need actions, not words, so get busy, and stop the deceit.

If she ever finds out how low you have stooped, your toast.

While I don't agree with what you did, I can understand WHY you did it, and I can honestly say if pressed with the same situation it would have been at the very least tempting... but I wouldn't make a habit of it... doesnt sound like you plan on it anyway I'm just saying...

Another thing I noticed is that for the first time in this thread, you seem confident-good for you! I wish there was a way to get you to feel like this that didn't revolve around getting your ex back at this point, but whatever works and helps you get your s**t together right?

Sorry guys, that personal stuff is not needed. Nor can it be tolerated. Keep it real or what's the point in keeping this post going?