Thanks amicon talk to you soon


Really feeling down about this... want to know it will be okay and that she is just sad and not anything else. I hope it is her emotions and current state talking, and that she is not doubting the possibility of this working out

It has been a living nightmare today my insecurities surfacing... hate this

6 months and going strong with the long distance, we have had ups and down but it going forward.. owsh me luck

Goodluck with your long distance relation. I failed mine... but maybe you two are luckier :) keep her entertained, communicate and remind her from time to time that 1 and 1/2 year is not that long

I know you can't always get away from your job to make your visits with her, but can't you pay for her to come visit you occasionally? LDR's at really hard emotional times and you need to see each other at least 3-4 times a year.

Right I already this visit in December and I hoping to get a break in a few months time, hopefully it will be good. She tells me she gets lonely, I understand that completely and hope it just her reaction and not a sign things are going to the worst

Stay strong and keep up all levels of communication.
And try not to worry too much!

Right, I need to be strong in order not to be needy... Love makes you do crazy things. I get paranoid knowing I am working in a foreign country and don't have much of a social life and she is still finishing college and has one.

If you trust her that shouldn't be a problem.
What can you do to broaden your circle of friends where you are?

That's a good question... work all day I don't know where to start

Start at work then, or join a gym and make friends their. What country are you working in?

It sounds like other than work, you're not very occupied, so you have a lot of time to think about how much you miss you. What you need to do is get busy.

Check out the two links that Tal provided in response #3. It gives great insight on how you should each build your own lives, as opposed to being dependent on one another.

OK guys things took a turn for the worst... we spoke yesterday and have been having the same talk about what we wanted in life. We both want the same things, but she wants them before. She finishes school in a year and half and I will be back by then. She wants to get married then and I told her that we don't have enough financial stability right now but I want these things with her. On top of this we have the whole religion issue where she tells me that she wants to be with me and that she appreciates all the things I want to do but its to hard ans he cannot lie to god

I told her that I wanted a family with her, but in good time. She wants to get married early and young ( mind you when she graduates she will be 23, she still has plenty of time). I told her I am back in 1.5 years and then we are living together and then 1.5 more and we get start this process. She says that she wanted to do these things before but now that the religion issue is there she can't do it. She is muslim and I am christian, I told her that I would on paper have all the formalities like she wants them and that I will support her in all the traditions that she has (because living in an arab country and growing up in one, I know them inside out). She says that that is great but she knows that its wrong. Its wrong in the eyes of god, and she cant

She tells me she is so lonely and sad and tells me that all she wants is to be with me right there right now but sad because I can't and won't be, which makes things even worst in my head, I keep thinking of her being with someone else and can't see it. We were seriously perfect ofr each other and everyone said so, and its only the reiligon that made this all happen. What shoould I do? We love each other and its hard not to communicate when you are in love. Being far aways makes it even worst because you can't even see them

When's your next leave?

April or end of march

So you need to keep your mind busy and not paint any worst case scenarios or you won't have much of a life till then.
I assume you love,trust and miss each other-then trust in that things will be fine,rather than worry your head off. :-)

Yeah I need to stay away for a few days and not get needy. She spoke to today and told me love me and what's to work things out, so I need to do something anything to make it work... god

Could she fly out for a minibreak?

Right now she is saying that she can't do this anynmore, she loves me but she cannot see how we will move passed the religion issues, I tell her not to think like that and we need to fight this problem together but she keeps saying that she thought and she cannot see how it will happen. I want her to be with me and she wants me to be with her, but she just can't seem to be thinking positive. Every time I tell why do you think that or think like this and she says, because it's the reality of things. What to do ? Everyday she contacts and tell me she is sad, I tell don't think like that I love and I want nothing more than to be with you, she tells me so do I but I cant, and I keep trying to convince her that we can, or at least let us explore all options.

Why is she being so stubborn and closing her mind on this, she saiys she is so sad, I always try and reassure her but I don't know if that the good idea, I tell her I love her and want nothing more than be with her and you need to give me time to figure out if I can think of the possibility of for example changing religions, (religion is not important for me but it represents my families background so that's something to consider)

Are there other indications that she wants to break up and could she be using the different religions as an excuse?

I do not believe so. Granted the long distance is there but that was never an issue. We both knew what was ahead of us and what time we were going to be apart. I think now that she is looking at the future, she doesn't see it happening if one side doesn't sacrifice for the other (me doing the sacrifice, in addition I think her family has messed with her head saying that it would be wrong to marry him if he is not muslim and ll)

And all this did is put some tensions far away from each other, while putting me under pressure and trying to figure out if it is something I can do or not.
When we were talking she told me, This is all her fault that it came to this, I should have thought before and never have loved a non-muslim. I want you to forgive me for putting you through this, because I didn't know it would be this hard for you.
I told her its hard because I can't and don't want to give on the best things that has happened to me. She keeps saying that she wants this but cant, that s all I hear

And would you be truly happy with converting?

That's what I need to find out by reading everything and making a decision on this matter. I think that she needs to be supportive of me and not do this this way, by putting pressure

Well,in a strong equal relationship supporting each other should come naturally.

You shouldn't feel forced into making any decisions.
You have rights too,you know.

So what should I do?

I think you need to have a serious discussion with her-is she committed to a future together or is she opting out?

We have had serious discussion, she says she doesn't know how it can work, how she ll be able to marry me and have kids with me. I keep telling to wait a little but she says she needs to know now. I think she is just being scared and lonely and doesn't have anyone she can talk to.

Then you should make a decision,and stick to it.
You've got another 18 months or so away?and how much longer do you want to live with the confusion and the uncertainties?

Exactly which is why I told her let us stay strong and try and resolve things together. If we cannot find a solution, then we loved each other and will always remember it but it wasn't meant to be

I really hope it works out for you-and I wish you all the best-stay strong and focused.

What do you think of the way I am trying to handle things? I keep worrying about what would happen if we cannot find a solution how she will be with someone else and what they will be doing and it just drives me even crazier... or that she will be with someone quickly in order to get over me in her heart, the thoughts will probably stay... thats so bad

That's what I mean by the two of you having to reach some agreement on where this is going.
You seem to be in limbo not knowing whether you're coming or going.

Yes. We spoke and she said she is still with me and she will stand and support me as I will her and figure if we can't work it out. I think once we decide we will know for sure. All couples have that one moment when things become extremely serious or make it or break it, and this is it. Right

Right! You know real love gets through all the obstacles. Good night from England. :-)

The fears of losing someone are settling in, I am starting to question everything about me in front of her, do I stand up to her or is she better than me, I guess paranoia is setting.
Need a confidence boost


And want to see her, this is even worst because of long distance

Then take a few days leave and go see her-never mind what your relatives?/employers say.

REally can't otherwise I woulve. I have to wait until end of march
I told her that we would reach a final decision than, but still can't help but feel she already started the process of being apart. When I told her this, she was like yes great I will wait if it works out, and you accept the only thing that I want (religion) than I will be yours forever, but I still feel this time will not help and the decision will still be the same.
I agree with her maybe it won't change and we won't be able to reach an understanding, but At least let us be optimistic or hopeful , and not go our separte ways just yet
Is this clear when I tell her or no ?

I guess so-in the meantime,work on staying strong and optimistic.

Yes I need to. Why am I starting to look at every small detail now of our relationship, for instance right now I was thinking, hmm I wonder how many times she spent the night during the first weeks after I started seeing her, completely absurd stuff