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No, your not an idiot, I wouldn't go that far. I just don't stand for those kinds of games, never have.
Talk to her, and don't be shocked if she takes this chance to dump you.
Just me, and you can take this, or leave it, I would have dumped her already.
Sorry guy, I don't see it working out for you with her. She hasn't conceded to your wishes yet, and doubt she will ever. She needs her freedom too much.
You were her b/f in title only.
I would dump her and walk away,you're not in a relationship with somebody who treats you in a loving,caring manner;you're in a situation where you're being manipulated by a so called girlfriend who has found more amusing things to do than spending time with you.
Dump her and get your selfrespect back.
Well. I was supposed to meet her tonight to talk. She's not back from school until later because I just drove home and the roads are very foggy. She also said she has to eat so she won't make it until about 9:30 or 10pm. Well I need to sleep no later than midnight since Im up early tomorrow.
I just told her it wasn't worth coming over because I didn't want to be on the clock per say.
She said fine and said Im being awkward again.
I said we've got all weekend to see each other and she replied 'you know Im going out with my friends at the weekend'
I got annoyed and said, 'so your friends have your full weekend of time and you've thrown me the scraps what you have left, such as tonight for 2 hours'
She said, well Ive tried, so don't say I haven't.
She said well when will I see you now. I said well you're busy over the weekend so I guess its going to have to be next week isn't it, when your not doing anything with your friends.
She suggested tomorrow day time but I run a lot of errands on a Friday until around 3pm. She is going out around 7pm I believe and will need to get ready before this so will need to be home about 6pm. Therefore Im getting scraps of time again.
I just said I'll see you through the week if I have time.
You two need to quite, seriously, as this gets nowhere. Your both trying to dance, but don't know the moves.
PHHFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTT!!
Look, I just called her up and said I can't do this anymore.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
I can't keep being second best.
Until you can put me first, I'm going to have to go it alone. Thanks, bye.
I woke up feeling quite ill today, all this is weighing on me and I can't do it anymore.
Im out.
Thanks guys.
You got sick from doing the right thing for yourself??
No, from dancing around the daisys.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
I must have some kind of problem because even when I need to, I can't put myself before anybody else.
Im finally out now. This is draining me.
Stay strong and stay out-good choice.
Get your life back.
Go no contact and leave the ex to her hectic social schedule.
Good luck.
.
Yeah that first step is a b_tch! Honestly I think you'll be much happier in the long run. You'll see.
Thanks guys.
She actually just called my house before and because we have no caller ID I answered and it was her.
I was caught abit off guard didn't want to be childish and hang up so I just heard her out.
She said she was disappointed and said she was sorry for how I felt. I replied and let her know once again that I can not and will not be second best. I told her I believe she should put her boyfriend before her friends. I said I wasn't prepared to have scraps of her time anymore between her other plans and told her until she can treat me the way I want to be treated I can't be with her. I asked her if she understood exactly what I meant and where I was coming from and she said yes. I said good, Im glad you know where Im at, bye.
That was completely fair of me. Ive put the ball in her court. Ive told her exactly what I want and if she can't provide it I won't be back.
Its time for her to get her act together. Im going to continue forward with my life, I don't wish to wait around.
I know they say people don't change. So my last question is this. She was never like this in the beginning for about a year. Even while our time took a back seat she still showed me as much love and attention as she always did. But I guess she figured since I was always going to be there, she could go out and spend more time with her friends and I'd always be there waiting. The time problem is too big of a compromise for me to want to continue this relationship now though.
Is there any chance she could change back?
Im not holding out any hope, that's why Im going to disappear. Ive laid my terms out fair on the table, its up to her now.
Yes, there is a chance. But like you said, don't wait around. It hurts, it's painful, and at the moment it sucks. But in the long run you'll be happier. Whether she comes bak or not she will respect you for standing up for yourself.
Thanks, I appreciate it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Imabadman
Yeah, its pretty painful right now because its fresh. I know as the time passes it will lessen.
I'll just keep busy. Hopefully she won't call me again.
I need somebody who will put me first. I don't think that is too much to ask, is it?
No its not, and now that your free of someone who won't, you can heal, and find someone who will.
Win-win!!
No it's not. You will be fine. This happened to me as well. I felt my girlfriend wasn't giving me enough time as well. Then the little time I had I would give it up and she was either too tired or she would fall asleep which became routine and was strange for about a month. Then she wanted me when she wanted. It was strange. Then I found out she was going out behind my back every time while she said she was sleeping. It sucks. She even admitted to doing it often. That hurt. I ended up giving her a taste of her own medicine. She didn't like it. We are over now. I wonder what in the world happened and what was going on. So strange for it to end so sudden. Who knows? Bottom line she didn't care enough and wasn't honest with me so we were doomed to begin with.
Yeah I understand.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Its just, I've never been the one to end a relationship before. Ive always gotten dumped so it was easier. If they dump me I figure, they don't me anymore so I move on. This time Ive ended it and I keep thinking have I made the right decision.
How can I convince myself Ive made the right decision? Ive had several thoughts where by maybe Im being a bit haste in my actions. Perhaps I haven't got it all that bad, I have a girlfriend who won't seem to see me on a Friday or Saturday evening anymore. I see people on here with much worse problems than that.
The reason I ask is, I told one friend who is usually very thoughtful in his words that Id broken up with her and explained my reason. He told me that it could be seen from the opposite angle. Ive asked to see her on the weekend and she's told me no, but she will see me through the week. He said that coule be seen as being awkward on my part, especially if I decline through the week even if Im not doing anything. He then also agreed that if she said she will see her friends 2 weekends per month and spend the other 2 with me, that would be a better compromise.
This conversation sparked the thoughts that maybe Im wrong about this decision.
Of course, I can't go back on it now. I'll look like an idiot who's playing games.
Ah I'm sorry to hear that.Quote:
Originally Posted by emopunk7
That's a pretty poor situation to be in. That's like two issues tied into one, she didn't care enough to see you and she was dishonest.
One thing I will say is my girl was never dishonest about anything. I trusted her completely and she would never pull a stunt like that. But it kind of seemed worse, as though she was oblivious to it. She'd said, right Im going out with (a bunch of girls names) on Friday. Then she'd ask, 'what are you doing' and I'd be like, well I was hoping to see you. She'd say oh well Im going to (insert bar/restaurant) with the girls. I will see you on (insert weekday).
I would say, I would like to see you on Friday night, she'd say 'ive been asked out by the girls. I will see you Saturday afternoon though (her declining and suggesting a different day). I would then say no I didn't ask for Saturday afternoon (me declining). Now when she declined and suggested a different day it was fine. But when I declined her return offer it wasn't. I was 'being awkward'
When people don't work together to compromise and they both benefit, what's the point. Your friend could be right, but since you could not reach a compromise why prolong it any longer?
Ah see that's where I have the trouble. He 'could' be right. He's a few years older than me 27 and is pretty level headed.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
What if her compromise is when she suggests a different day?
What if my compromise is that other day isn't suitable because that's not what I asked for?
For her to then have to suggest another day is her compromising a second time.
All your posts have been really helpful, but you're making me see it from a different position now.
That's reasonable, if it works for you.Quote:
What if her compromise is when she suggests a different day?
That stubborn, and unwilling to compromise.Quote:
What if my compromise is that other day isn't suitable because that's not what I asked for?
Still willing, and still working. Even though its far from what you want which is a weekend. Which she is just not giving up.Quote:
For her to then have to suggest another day is her compromising a second time.
.Quote:
All your posts have been really helpful, but you're making me see it from a different position now
You should see this a different way, and go with facts not just hurt feelings. Its hard for stubborn people to compromise, and get what they want from a stubborn partner.
That's also a red flag, because sometimes partners are not willing to give up their positions, and what they want, even though they have alternatives, that work for them, when they are still holding that position.
While its true, her position was different days, what you wanted was a weekend here, or there. She didn't compromise on that at all, so whatever crumbs she threw at you, where not true compromises. She just wanted to placate you and still get exactly what she wants.
Now neither of you is in conflict, except you have second thoughts about the break up, which is normal.
Wow I was going to say the same as Tman... That was the truth and TMAN gave it to you. You do come off as stubborn for wanting a weekend. But she also comes off as stubborn for not giving at least a future weekendforyou especially when this is obviously beginning to become an issue. It doesn't seem like she cares too much. So in reality she isn't compromising either by giving you a day she is totally free because its not what you want.
Sure it may be a bit stubborn on your part but she should know that its what you need right now for the principle of feeling important and as a priority in her life. Her not doing so and her even telling you that you are not first anymore in this circumstance is a dealbreaker for me and its time for you to move on and not feel bad because it's not your fault. It's really nobodies fault. Things change. She wants to be out and about while you notice that, you would like to still know you are important but even that she denies so she seems to be on her way.
Sorry dude, but it seems clear she is gone. At least you tried and just accept it and there is better for you so don't be too down and do your own thing. You will be fine so just stay active and busy. Good luck my friend.
You've made your decision,I suggest you stick to it.
Moving on and healing should be your goals now.
That will take time and patience,but you'll
Get there.
So she is compromising but its still far from what I asked for.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
I agree that Im being stubborn but mainly because the issue seems strange to me. All of my friends spend most weekends with their partners. I do not.
If her and I see each other through the week but on weekends we both totally do our own thing. Well, I can't see any point in that.
I'd be willing to compromise if I got 2 weekends out of 4 but that doesn't seem possible.
Every time I speak up about this she keeps using the terms 'hissyfit' 'awkward' 'moaning' to describe what Im doing.
Other than these timing issues, there's nothing else that is wrong between us. Can you really end a relationship because 1 thing isn't going to your liking?
I think my biggest mistake was not speaking up when it started happening. At the time I just thought oh well I don't get to see her on weekends but I see her through the week for the most part so its cool. After a lot of months had passed it suddenly didn't feel fair anymore. She was spending her best nights out with her friends. I suddenly started speaking up and that didn't sit well.
Well Im having a pretty terrible day today guys so I thought I'd come here and post.
I was out with my friends yesterday evening and I was talking quietly to one of them who knows my situation well. He said cutting her off like this seems to be making me miserable.
Im still not sure Im on the right track because Im not solid in my decision to do this.
My friend said perhaps Im asking for more than one person can give. He himself doesn't necessarily see his girlfriend just the two of them every weekend. He does however either meet up with her and her friends, or she will meet with him and his friends.
This isn't really an option for us because I have geniune reasons I don't like her friends and ever since I told her this, she claimed not to like mine...
Sorry for bothering you guys. I just feel like Im having a weak moment and feel like calling her to talk, even though I know that isn't in my best interest.
Nothing wrong with going through those weak moments. Its normal, and expected. Stay busy with doing your own thing, and you'll be fine.
Sometimes we have to figure out what our thing is, but that in itself is a good thing.
She actually called me home phone again yesterday. I picked up since we have no caller ID like I mentioned. She asked me to please hear her out and that all she wants is to meet me and talk things through. Said she's upset about things too and realises that things haven't been going well the past couple of months.
My friend also said that he saw a picture of her and her friend full of smiles in a bar posted on her Facebook. So she obviously isn't that torn up about the situation. I certainly haven't been walking round full of smiles and people have definitely noticed!
I feel really mad at her! Is this normal?
Anybody can throw on a fake smile from time to time. I have had a similar situation with yours, now looking on my past relationship... the whole "time" thing. I mean, I think you need to take sometime and make sure this is what you really want to do. I understand, you shouldn't necessarily be the "number one" priority in my mind... but you should be a priority. My current girlfriend, in university... puts her schooling first. And I am MORE than fine with that, but she makes time and effort into seeing me.
Honestly, Id meet with her face to face.. let her do the talking. You did nothing wrong, nothing to apologize for, etc... be all ears, hear her out and see what she says. Talking face to face is the easiest, you can see their tone of voice, body language, etc... and can tell if someone is being genuine and sincere. Through a text, even a phone call you sometimes mistake what someone truly means.
Make this the last chance kind of thing, see what she says... and go from there. If it doesn't pan out this time, go NC... and stay there.
Okay stop worrying if your feelings are normal or not. They are yours, and you have to cope with them. We all have to cope with our own feelings, in a positive way.
What should have you paying attention, is when you stop taking her crap, then she gets willing to talk. Now you don't have to. But you do have to put your life back together without her, and then you will have no reason to be angry, or even care.
I think you have done things her way long enough to know it wasn't working for you.
Thanks guys,
As for meeting up. Its funny how she suddenly has time to meet up now that Ive shown I could careless anymore. Yet while it was all good, getting a hold of her was like trying to get a hold of the president.
She said on the phone I'll meet you on any day you want. Haha I almost burst out laughing.
Ironic, none the less. Get this out of the way and meet right away, tonight if possible.
Ive thought about this some what and Ive asked her to meet tonight.Quote:
Originally Posted by BWK10
Im going to let her do the talking.
Im going to ask for what I want from her and if she can't provide it, then I'll tell her Im moving on.
Certainly funny though. Since Ive started creating 'all this fuss' as she refers to it, she told me she hasn't wanted to see me much because Im 'making a big deal' out of it and its putting her off seeing me. That's odd because all Im doing is sharing my opinion and going against what she wants. It was fine when I agreed, she was glad to see me then.
I'll let you guys know the result.
Thanks
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