You really had taked to my heart on that one. Thank you Kp. But one question how am I being there how am I helping her get over me. I'm not an expert on relationship and I don't have that many experiances on it. My mind is telling myself that if she really did move on or if she really is taking to another man, then why is she txting me and wanting me to call her. Please help me cause I feel like cause you guys are finally making this all make since. Could it be that she really wants a break or what are the signs that she might be talking to some one else. I just have so many questions in my head and I hope you guys can answer them. Are all women the same when it comes down to breaking up. How would I know when its over its really over.

"..how am i being there how am i helping her get over me. "

By making yourself so available and at her feet. Now she's under the impression that she can do what she wants and you'll still be there when she's done.
Girls just want validation, their goal is to see you go crazy over them. You are very near officially giving her her validation. And once she gets that.. it's on to the next one.

"..if she really did move on or if she really is taking to another man, then why is she txting me and wanting me to call her."

Same thing.. she wants to find out how vulnerable you are. And how much power she has over you. Her answer will effect her next moves.


Maybe next time you get stuck talking to her say something sternly along the lines of:
Listen, your really screwing with my head right now.. just call me when you're done with the mind games and ready to be serious and know what you want.

"Coruzzi" is there some way where I can turn this on her... I mean how can I get her feeling the way I am feeling. Is there any way or am I just out of luck. How can I stay in contact with her but I don't make it seem like I am available and vulnerable.

You can do that by the NC rule!
It is indeed absolutely possible. And actually bound to happen if you put the effort in, It isn't easy though. You must suffer through it.
But like I said before, the results are well worth it. :)


Just tell her what I told you to say at the end of my last post, and from there. NO CONTACT.

So lets say once I do the no contact do you think she will just eventually move on and forget about me? Or what do you think is going on her mind

No, not at all.. quite the opposite..
The only one that might get over it and move on is you!
Try.


But yeah, quite the opposite, it'll drive her nuts, she'll wonder where you are, what you are doing, why you aren't talking to her, if you're moving on, talking to someone else, all these questions will be running through her mind. Probably already are.
But that's not even the main reason for NC. The main reason is so that she can be thrown off her pedistool and thing wait, why isn't he at me feet right now? It'll backfire. And things will change as soon as that hits her.

NC will stop the mind games, so you can get your mind back, and see her for what she is, Then you can decide if she is worth it, or not!

NC is no contact whatsoever, NONE, NADA, KAPUT!

You might even learn something you need to know!

So let me ask you this. IF a girl been with this guy for awhile you two have your fight here and there but most of all you two spend all your time together and you two were so much in love and then you two break up do you think a women can move on so fast and run into another guys arms. I'm not hurting as bad as I was but I want her to atless feel the pain I went through and for her to know that I did my best to be the best man that I can be.

Honestly no, it's not hard.
But these guys that are there to run to just see a vulnerable chick and see it as easy access.

She'll be making a huge mistake if she does this, and she'll find that out, and there you go, she'll feel that pain. And more. Cause she'll also have lots of self pitty for being so dumb and missing out on something so great.

Coruzzi can I atless text her but that much and not show too much emotion and not let her think that I am vulnerable. Do you think that is also as effective or just do the whole no contact

NOOO CONTACT! That would be the most expressive way to do it..

Ok so I've been in no contact for about 3 days now with my ex now. Pain comes and go as time passes by. This morning a got a missed call from her. I'm wondering why she called me, and what is the reason why she called. So bad I want to give her a call back and want to hear her voice but I know I have to stick with the no contact. What do you think I should do, should I call her and ask what does she wants or should I just leave it alone. Thanks everyone for the help

LEAVE IT ALONE!
NOOOO CONTACT!

Hang in there, you've gotten this far, don't give it up now!
It'll get easier as time goes by.

I know I haven't called her. But why do you think she called? Thas what I've been wondering all day today

Probably to get you right back where you were! Don't fall for it. Don't be anyone's puppet!

Geez guy, contrary to popular belief, none of us is psychic, or that smart to know why she called. We just know exes do. And that you should stay NC.

Exes need to stay that way!

I know you guys are right. But is it natural to have be thinking if I call her and have a good conversation and maybe both of us might works things through. That's just what's been going on in my head the what if's, maybe, and is she calling cause she wants to work things out.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Showme_urmove

i know you guys are right. But is it natural to have be thinking if i call her and have a good conversation and maybe both of us might works things through. thats just whats been going on in my head the what if's, maybe, and is she calling cause she wants to work things out.

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How long until she wants space again? She knows she has you right where she wants you. If you want to come through this with yourself respect intact, then leave her alone or better yet, tell her to leave you alone!

Your right kitkat. Another question to ask, why do getting back together rarely works? Have anyone tried and made the relationship even better. Just questions floating in my head

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Showme_urmove

your right kitkat. another question to ask, why do getting back together rarely works? have anyone tried and made the relationship even better. Just questions floating in my head

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Sweetie, I'm sorry you're hurting. Please listen to me, don't get caught in that web again. I'm worried you are going to get hurt worse the next time. Please think and pray about this. Somewhere out there is a wonderful girl for you. Someday you'll meet her. But right now let yourself be happy again... Bless you!:):)

All your questions are pretty normal at this stage,but whenever a question pops into your head,try to distract your mind by thinking of something else.

The few people who actually get back together seldom make it in my opinion,as the problems that split them up are most often still there and are not worked through.

Let go of false hope,and allow yourself to heal.

Think about what we have told you.

Yes I am really thinking about it hard. Thank you guys for giving me a good advise. I just can't help but think if there is a little bit of hope that me and her can get back together. But I know its all false hope. I just hate it when one moment I don't think of her and then I just feel like a huge blow to my heart and I start thinking about the good times we had. I know it sounds stupid but that's what's been going through my mind everyday. I've been keeping myself busy, but I still think of her. I am going to stick with the no contact and I am not going to take things slow and wait for her that's for sure. I want to live my life like before and know me again. I just hate having the feeling that she is the only reason that can stop this pain I am feeling. And she is the only way of my happiness I know it sounds stupid but it is what it is. One more question, Before we both broke up her dad was put in the hospital and he had to get a surgery, He will be there for atless 6 weeks and when she was with me we use to visit him everyday, I guess her dad and I kind of became friends, but when she broke it off I haven't seen him since, is it wrong for me to go and see him and just see how he is feeling. Or should I Not cause we are no longer together. Thanks for the help

I'd say no contact with her dad either. Any contact with an ex's family members usually only means more confusion.

As for your pain,you are the only one who can work on stopping it.
And you are,by keeping busy and sticking to no contact.

Allow yourself time,and be patient with yourself.

Thank you so much amicon. Why does it means more confusion if I go see her dad. Just wondering?

I'd say any contact that is likely to give you any kind of info about an ex,will probably confuse and upset you.

NC proper means no contact and no updates whatsoever.

Sometimes that means,sadly, that we lose people we have grown to like.

Hey buddy..

Its normal what your going through, what's going on in your head.. that pain that's off and on...

That means your healing.
Slowly but surely.


She's trying to contact you. That should give you the satisfaction you need. Tell yourself, HA she's calling, she's going crazyy right now and really wants to talk to me..

Why else would she call you?


The hopes you have may not be false.. in time, if it was made to be you will be with her again,kick back and let nature do its thing, trust in it.

Thank you for the explanation amicon, it really helped. It really does suck that you have to ignore people you grow to like because your ex had broken up with you. But I guess that's how the rule of relationship goes.

Corizzi thanks for uplifting my spirit I needed that, I didn't thought about it that way, that she's going crazy, it makes since why she called. I just want to heal properly, and if we do get in contact I want to make sure all my feeling of pain is no longer there. But I doubt it that I do ever want to get back with her, I had no life when I was with her. I did more in life eversince we had broken up and its only been a week, then the whole time we were together. I know she wasn't good for me, But I just can't stop thinking how beautiful she looks and I may not find anyone as gorgeous as she is, is that natural?? I think I had fallen in love of hers looks. More then her personality. Can that happen.

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Originally Posted by Showme_urmove

corizzi thanks for uplifting my spirit i needed that, i didnt thought about it that way, that she's going crazy, it makes since why she called. I just want to heal properly, and if we do get in contact i want to make sure all my feeling of pain is no longer there. But i doubt it that i do ever want to get back with her, i had no life when i was with her. i did more in life eversince we had broken up and its only been a week, then the whole time we were together. i know she wasnt good for me, But i just can't stop thinking how beautiful she looks and i may not find anyone as gorgeous as she is, is that natural??? i think i had fallen inlove of hers looks. more then her personality. can that happen.

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Absolutely. You fell in lust with her!
Easily confused.. two similar feelings.
Happens to the best of us.

&wow.. yes you really are better off without this broad. I'm sorry, ha
Think of it as a hookup with a hot chick that was fun while it lasted.
And now look, this hot girl is going crazy over you.. but you're too good for her ;)

You're getting your life back-great!

Not a lot of inner beauty,though,so good riddance.

Personally,some of the bestlooking guys I've dated were sadly lacking personalities to match the looks.

I'm not saying that's always the case,just my own experience.

I know I can finally focused on my business that I just opened with my best friend 2 months ago, when I was dating her she doesn't want me to work that much and she didn't want me to really go any where to do business, and I have to go out to get clients so I can generate money. But she always make that guilt trip that if you love me stay here with me. I know I fell in lust but I have been in denial for a while about it. I'm glad that I can finally focus on my future and better myself but I just keep thinking that I need her for some stupid reason. If I think logical I know I can't go far with my life if I have her, but through emotion I need her. I think I got to start feeding my logic then my emotion. I keep wondering why she doesn't want me to work hard, I keep explaining it to her, that if the business does really good I can give her a life that she couldn't even imagine, but it didn't process through her head I guess.is it because she just turn 19 and I just turn 23 does that make the difference. I know what I should do but my emotion wants to stop me from doing it. Sucks really does.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Showme_urmove

i know i can finally focused on my business that i just opened with my best friend 2 months ago, when i was dating her she doesnt want me to work that much and she didnt want me to really go any where to do business, and i have to go out to get clients so i can generate money. But she always make that guilt trip that if you love me stay here with me. i know i fell in lust but i have been in denial for a while about it. I'm glad that i can finally focus on my future and better myself but i just keep thinking that i need her for some stupid reason. If i think logical i know i can't go far with my life if i have her, but through emotion i need her. I think i got to start feeding my logic then my emotion. I keep wondering why she doesnt want me to work hard, i keep explaining it to her, that if the business does really good i can give her a life that she couldnt even imagine, but it didnt process through her head i guess.is it because she just turn 19 and i just turn 23 does that make the difference. I know what i should do but my emotion wants to stop me from doing it. Sucks really does.

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It would be a shame to see you waste your hard work on her when she contributes nothing. You want her for someone to look at and just be with. When in all reality, you're better off without her. You just need to re adjust to life without her in it. For now! At least.
She's still young, she doesn't know what she wants and its apparent she's still in an immature phase. Age doesn't make a difference all the time.. but in this case, it seem she's too immature. She likes to play mind games.. and likes the attention that they bring her.
I think you should let this one go, or else your in for a heckk of a ride..

Go with your mind,not your heart.
You need her like you need a hole in your head.:-)

Good luck with your business,its great being ones own boss.

Yea it is good, I have no one to answer to but myself. Its really a blessing to God that I found this with my friend. I know that she is immature and she doesn't contribute on anything. I truly do want to listen to my head instead of my heart. I guess the problem was I had put her in the center of my life and that's what really hurt, cause now I got nothing that's what my heart is saying, but logically I gained everything for losing her. It's a blessing future wise to lose her but I just don't like the pain I am dealing it's a first to ever get my heart broken and I hate it alooot. When I was going through my laundry I saw some of her cloths in it my it just broke my heart and felt like a knife was going stabbing it. Is not natural, to be feeling that way, I also saw some of the papers she wrote in and that only that has enough power to bring back memory and made me think that that's her hand writing she wrote on the paper and it broke my heart. I hate relationship after I get through this I never want to ever fall in love it just hurts too much when you lose them.

Get rid of all her stuff-pack it away somewhere you won't have to see it,or throw the things away.

She doesn't deserve you! You have followed your dream and now you are starting a wonderful new life. DON'T LET HER WRECK YOUR PLANS!

Thanks you guys. Yea I am doing my best to move on with my lie, but I just can't help but think how could she just move on so fast after all the things me and her went through. I'm here hurting and I bit she's there txting a different guy saying the things she use to say to me, kiss him the way she used to kiss me, holding him the way she used to hold me. I am in pain after all the things I have done for her this is what I get, I get a text message when I am away from town doing business work, saying that it was over, not even a respect to wait till I get back in town and say it in front of my face. How low is that a text message to break it off after all the things I've done that's what she does to me. I guess its what I get for giving my heart to an immature girl. I'm hurt but also in angry for what she did.

Justified anger is good -it will help you move on.
When people treat us like rubbish its OK to feel angry.

Hopefully,once you are done being angry,you'll start to accept its over and move on to feeling indifferent.