Something else, almost anything, besides chasing guys, yes chasing, or trying to make a relationship happen overnight.

I just went back through all your posts and its pretty obvious yourself esteem is to tied to whether you have someone or not.

Get back to the basics of friendships, and activities, that you can enjoy, because honestly, you are a lousy confused partner for love and romance. Over time, and a bit of effort from you, and some variety, and balance in your life, you can have good clean adult fun to build something for yourself.

Until then... you will be caught in the emotional circle you are trapped in, and never get out.

Thanks tal.

But I like this guy..
Should I just let him go?
Because I'm not steady for a relationship..
?




And don't get me wrong,
My life doesn't revolve around this stuff. I go out with my friends a lotttt (and not just party) and work and go to school. I do have a normal, healthy lifestyle. I don't just sit around and mope about love and guys. Guys to me are always just a plus.. a little something extra to have. Not the center of my life.

Be real, your not even a good friend, just interested in his interest for you.

Quote:

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Ive been thinking he had a lack of interest in me for a while now, that's what this is all about..

---

That sounds like someone who wants to be pursued for romance, and there is nothing about being friends in this whole post. Be honest with yourself, Coruzzi, because no one else can, until you are.

I wasn't talking about him..

Are you saying I should just be more of a friend to him?

I'm just so confused by him and I just want to know what's going on in his head

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Get back to the basics of friendships, and activities, that you can enjoy, because honestly, you are a lousy confused partner for love and romance. Over time, and a bit of effort from you, and some variety, and balance in your life, you can have good clean adult fun to build something for yourself.

Until then.............................you will be caught in the emotional circle you are trapped in, and never get out.

---

Look out Tal is on the warpath today, lol! Jokes aside, I agree, great advice Tal man!

Im going to refer to one of your posts on someone else's page. Maybe you should follow this advice...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by coruzzi2

he's probably wanting to screw around and have fun.
He wants you, probably mostly, and does like you and being around you..
but he doesn't want the bf/gf label because of the committment that goes with it..
so if he gets caught BSing or with another girl its "but you're not even my girlfriend"

.. heres what you should do..
just graduallly become more and more distant. this will show him that if he doesn't make a move, you're gonna fade away.
start to cut him off of going out so much, say you're busy with something else. gonna go out with friends. or something.
give him the impression that maybe your options are open, he wouldn't want to loose you to someone else.

But still talk to him, be nice to him.. K.I.T
guys love girls that are chill.
Act like you'll let him do his own thing.. but make it clear that that means the same rules apply to you. when this hits him, things will be a little different.

---

Guys love girls that are chill? That's called playing hard to get. The text messages seem to have been misconstrued. Call him up and ask him out for lunch or something. See how it goes... face to face

I feel so dumb though.
Like I'm overthinking everything

And I feel like I chased him away
And he thinks I'm so insecure and like obsessed with him. :/

Try to learn something from every experience and focus on how it was a good thing that you learned a lesson!

If you don't learn a lesson and keep making the same mistake, you will end up with the same results.

I think you would be a great girlfriend to a deserving guy who is interested in more than just your body.

Trust me, guys make the same mistakes girls make. I used to over think everything as well. Heck, sometimes I still catch myself doing just that.

I know..


But did I ruin everything?

How do I un- do this impression?
Or make it up

You have stated that you are insecure and obsession is not always a good thing. Slow down and let nature run its course. He might show an interest, he might not. Who knows maybe you will find someone else and forget about him altogether. Vegas is a big city, I know I used to live there. There are lots of guys there. You'll find one.

If your in Vegas, and can't find something else to do besides worry about one guy, your in deep do do. The idea of youth, is to be cool and have fun growing old :)

Like I said before..


and dont get me wrong,
my life doesnt revolve around this stuff. i go out with my friends a lotttt (and not just party) and work and go to school. i do have a normal, healthy lifestyle. i dont just sit around and mope about love and guys. guys to me are always just a plus.. a little somethin extra to have. not the center of my life.



Just cause this is the only part of my life you're aware of, doesn't mean that's all it consists of.

p.s- vegas is overrated,
Epecially if you're under 21,
There's not that much to do.

Im not putting you down and you are right, I'm not aware of your entire life. Im just saying, what's the hurry? You are young and have all the time in the world to find Mr. right. Why force the issue?

So what are you trying to do with this guy?

I know

I agree with you as well..

Thanks guys.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

So what are you trying to do with this guy??

---

What do you mean?


I like him, and I want him to feel the same way

Your trying to hard, relax, and slow your roll. People like each other, because they know each other.

You can't make someone like you, especially if you see your interest is greater than their's, but that's half the fun, if you relax, and enjoy the process of getting to know him.

What's the hurry any way? I know, a lot of questions, just want you to see for yourself you could be forcing things when you really don't have to.

There is no hurry, I'm just impatient.. I'm going to work on that..
And ill keep you updated. :)
Thank you!
For the reality check :P

Quote:

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Originally Posted by coruzzi2

i know..


but did i ruin everything?

how do i un- do this impression?
or make it up

---

First... stop owning that if he isn't interested, or at least if he isn't chasing you the way you'd like to be chased, that it must come down to you... you not being "right" or you "ruining everything"...

This is where your being off balance here is evident... I know this because I've done the same thing myself. What do I need to do to fix this, change this... what am I not doing right...

First... you really need to self talk yourself into firmer ground. And you can do this. It just takes time and practice and patience.

You first need to accept that its very possible to like a person who isn't going to feel the same way about you. I know we all know this is a possibility, but we often don't feel it... we intellectualize it, but our gut tells us its not OK.

Well, it is. There is some peace in knowing that its OK to like someone who may not return the favor in kind... or who just might be on a different page.

So... try to practice accepting that things might go as you want, and they might not, and that usually YOU don't have complete control over either situation.

I've been flat out head over heels for a girl when it was just really, really bad timing. It happens. She wasn't ready for me. I was too ready for her. If we'd have met a few years later, I think we'd have burned the city down, starting in the bedroom. k. maybe that's a little dramatic... but the vibe was really there... life was just in the way and she wasn't ready for me yet. Poo.

Uh... whatthehellwasisaying... ah yeah... once you accept that this isn't something to be spending so much energy on, then decide what you are going to do about it... decide... do it... and walk away from it...

Constantly asking should I call, shouldn't I, is this normal, is it OK, what's the next move, was that the wrong move... keeps you, again, off balance.

So... make a decision about how hard you are willing to work and stick to it. Stop worrying about whether one moment or event screws everything up... my position is if the wheels come off that easily... id rather have it happen sooner than later.

So... I know its hard to be at peace with "maybe im going to not be with someone for a while"... but try to be.

I went through one maddening stretch after a Big Love breakup where I didn't date for damn near a year and a half. Sure... I tried a couple of times, but nothing stuck. I probably wasn't ready anyway... then, of course, when I finally was ready and there was someone I was really interested in... well, there were suddenly three great women all interested in me. Life is just wacked like that. Why couldn't one of them have been around when I was wanting someone to chase a bit?

Oh well. Like I said, life is just wacked like that.

Is there any anxiousness on your side about break coming up and what might happen with this relationship? Summer isn't but less than a dozen weeks away...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by kp2171

i tried a couple of times, but nothing stuck. i probably wasnt ready anyway... then, of course, when i finally was ready and there was someone i was really interested in... well, there were suddenly three great women all interested in me. life is just wacked like that. why couldnt one of them have been around when i was wanting someone to chase a bit?

---

Yep.. I feel you on that one.. its always feast or famine.. I hate it!

But yeah, thanks. Good advice. I really do feel like I'm starting to get over him.. not over him over him but you know, like not so... uptight and got to have him right now. So it wouldn't be hard for me to wean off him right now.. and I'm going to just go with the flow.. and stop trying to beat fate and nature to the punch. This way, I'll be happy no matter what becasuse either a.) Ill get him in the end, and be happy. Or b.) I won't, and be happy.. cause I will be completely over him by then. That's what it comes down to.. and of course I have my options open..


But the question is.. should I distance myself, and let him put some effort in? Or kind of show that I'm interested.. or something between..

Quote:

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Originally Posted by kp2171

is there any anxiousness on your side about break coming up and what might happen with this relationship? summer isnt but less than a dozen weeks away...

---

Answer: NOPE

You should simply distance yourself.

I would be doing my thing, and see what happens with that, and not even worry what he is doing, because if he were that interested, he would let you know.

That's what most guys would do, except the ones that think their game is too tight to work for a ladies attention, and company.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I would be doing my thing, and see what happens with that, and not even worry what he is doing, because if he were that interested, he would let you know.

Thats what most guys would do, except the ones that think their game is too tight to work for a ladies attention, and company.

---

Exactly, and why would you want a guy who's game is too tight!

All right.. so things are already going back to the way they were..
I reallyy believe I was right about him becoming distant so he can go to miami and have fun

you didn't make a lot of noise about his break plans or put a lot of pressure on him... you've shown clear interest...

time to see how much he is willing to chase. Period.

decide on a timeframe... 3-4 weeks with limited effort initiated by you? Meaning you aren't avoiding him, but you aren't the one keeping the lines open. If he shows interest, you can show some back... quid pro quo... something for something... but no more talk about "blowing it" and no more thinking about how to not make the wrong move...

one of the best relationships I ever had started a little rough. I was certain she was into me... it was complicated in part because of the environment... id just graduated and was teaching at the university where id been a student... she was still a student, not in my classes or program. I had a LOT of friends and people I knew still in school... so the teacher/student relationship was a sticking point... nothing against it in my contract, and, again, she wasn't in my program at all so no favortism issues... but still... it was tricky at best.

so I showed clear interest... no pretense, just flat out told her I'm interested. She, much to my surprise, hesitated. Id known her to be a s^%(kicker who took names at will. Long story short... I backed off. Was cordial. Kind. Friendly. Didn't play head games.

we started dating that next summer during break, probably four months after my initial push. Lasted almost two years. That was a blast of a relationship... probably the two best in a row of any relationship I've had... and its not like she wasn't interested before... timing was just off a bit. She had to process it and decide when shed be willing to chase back.

I know that's more complicated, and I don't care to talk about the particular details of my situation, but my takeaway is I was clearly interested, I showed clear interest, I backed off when her response wasn't what I wanted, and she responded when she was ready...

and if she never came around, it wouldve been just a poor fit anyway. Again... when it comes to how willing someone is to chase or put in some effort, id rather know sooner than later. If you back off and he fades away... it was going to happen anyway most likely...

Maybe his idea of friendship is different from yours so stop chasing the dude. Friends don't chase each other. Nor justify there actions.

Maybe he doesn't see you as g/f material, I mean that's what you really want. I really don't think he will give you the kind of attention you want. He just "checks his traps" when he calls or texts you. That means he checks out a lot of females, and your one.

You leave him alone and stop forcing something that you shouldn't.

Seems his keeping his distance makes you more determined. Let him have his distance, you have a life without him.

So you guys are just being friends now and he is not showing interest? Well I feel like he is just categorizing your friendship. I mean there are girls he calls and chills with a lot and there might be girls that he texts to see what's up and invite them to hang out at a party. I mean it isn't a big deal to just be one of those girls. At least you have him as a friend. I mean your happiness is important and don't be insecure anymore. I was when I was younger, but I ma just relaxing and hanging out with friends and my boo. I mean like everyone said "don't chase". He is just not ready for a relationship. And you don't have to wait for him. One day he will realize how much he missed out on you. I mean it is his loss not yours.

UPDATE:
He texted me today at like 5 pm and we talked for a bit.. he called me babe again a few times and also during the conversation he mentioned that he feels he's not good enough for me..

? hmm

Don't know what to make of that other than its not particularly a great thing to hear...

He either believes it, which means he's insecure or has very different expectations of what he thinks you deserve/want vs what he can/is willing to give (guilt about the trip? History of hurting people?)

Or

He doesn't really believe that and he's using smoke and mirrors to keep you off balance.

Don't know.

I guess the "best" of all that would be if he is just feeling guilty for being a bad, bad boy on break whether he had "permission" or not (I know its not like that)...

Uhm...

I still think I wouldn't work too hard...

Hmmm... a damn cute girl shows interest in a boy, doesn't smother him, and puts up with some of his dumb guy distance and other noise without too much drama...

That's a dream for most men.

If its me, id be trying to escalate the tension (the good kind) a bit by doing a little more work than texting and putting myself down.

But... who knows? Maybe he is making it up as he goes and really isn't planning anything.

Its not bad at all to roll with it... unless it bores you to tears cause he just won't step up a bit.

It just smacks of the "its not you, its me" line... without knowing much more...

He is fishing for your reaction, whether you are going to stroke his ego, and reveal a level of interest, or have pity on him, to disarm you. Stay neutral, and pay attention.
Let him do the work.

its not bad at all to roll with it... unless it bores you to tears cause he just wont step up a bit.

That's exactlyyy what's going on..
I'm almost completely over him now.. :/
Cause at this point its almost strictly his good looks.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by coruzzi2

cause at this point its almost strictly his good looks.

---

a favorite card my ex once saw...

front of the card is the pic of the young, tanned, shirtless male stud with the washboard abs and penetrating eyes... the text reads something like

"yeah, he looks great. and you know..."

on the inside

"that somebody, somewhere is tied of putting up with his sh!t"...

=)

Hi,
I know you will not agree with me, but it seems you re anxious to have a boy friend to have a serious relationship with. He has not arrived yet, and be patient.
This boy does not have enough interest for you or put an effort for you as much you deserved. It means he is not right, but careless teaser. Pass him, and spend your time and energy for more valuable activities.

You are very pretty girl as I can see, and one day right person will show up, and cherish you with full attention you are looking for. Do you go to church? Do some fun outdoor stuff in summer. You can meet some nice people there and be socialized.

Please do not chase boys if they are not that into you. It turns them off. Be cool, and make yourself beautiful and desirable. Most of time, making yourself “sweet, but hard to get” works much better than asking a boy directly if he is interested in you or not in long run. Your day will come soon, and you will be blossom. Relax.

When you have boy friend though, you still have to make yourself the top priority. You should not put your life on the rollercoaster ride depends on what they say what they do to you. You are just worth it no matter they pay attention to you ot not. I guess you already know. :)
Good Luck!

Kay so today I went NC to see how much effort he puts in on his own.. and to test if he gives a &%#! That I do talk to him..


From 11 to 5pm, he texted me 3 or 4 times now..

Hmm..

Now you're playing games.

What you guys have been telling me is to let him put in more effort..

Or see if he will.

NC is to stop confusion and heal, not a dating strategy. And you certainly don't do it as a testing tool.

Ignoring some one to see how much effort they put in is a game, and a poor substitute for talking and listening, and paying attention to confirm what they say, and what they do, matches.

That doesn't mean your always available as we get busy sometimes, and never be so into someone you can't see the obvious.

Just lighten up and relax and leave the gimmicks out of the equation, and let this flow naturally.