Alty I'd like to think that I have been on the site for a while and have seen the 'general go' of it.

You are an inspiration, whether you know or accept that, because you have a good heart and open that to the people that need your help. In turn, you INSPIRE the rest of us to attempt to do the same.

I came on this site because, like many of the people here, I was hurting and did not know where I could turn for answers. I stayed because I am straight up, honest and have been through some stuff, as we all have in our lives. The experiences I have gone through have given me an insight into how we deal with pain and heartache and if I can help one person see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel then I'll be happy.

Now I might be guily of highjacking now but I think it is important that you know that you have inspired.

When I finally get into therapy, I might post my progress here. Once again, a big "Thank you!" to all who contributed to this thread.

Please do.

Glad you're getting help!

All right, Houston, we've run into a slight problem.

My friends from my former friend's apartment are now facebooking me and asking where I've been. I keep telling them that I've been working and hanging out with other friends. They want me to come over and hangout.

Knowing my former friend, he'll either be in his room or in the lobby. If he's in the lobby, he will see me coming into the building, and I don't know if he'll freak out upon seeing me.

What do I do? I don't want my other friends to get the impression that I'm ignoring them. I keep making up excuses as to why I haven't been visiting as frequently as I used to and I feel that they might start getting the impression that I no longer want to be bothered with them.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Fallen4rmGrace

Alright, Houston, we've run into a slight problem.

My friends from my former friend's apartment are now facebooking me and asking where I've been. I keep telling them that I've been working and hanging out with other friends. They want me to come over and hangout.

Knowing my former friend, he'll either be in his room or in the lobby. If he's in the lobby, he will see me coming into the building, and I don't know if he'll freak out upon seeing me.

What do I do? I don't want my other friends to get the impression that I'm ignoring them. I keep making up excuses as to why I haven't been visiting as frequently as I used to and I feel that they might start getting the impression that I no longer want to be bothered with them.

---

STAY AWAY!! Don't go anywhere your ex friend may be. You are asking for trouble!:eek::eek:

You ask for imput I gave you mine . You disagree that's your option. I think you are going to do whatever makes you feel better and everyone else be damned
You don't want to hear what is best for you and your friend, You want everyone to say it's okay. Sorry it's not! You committed sexual assault on someone who trusted you. You keep fanning the flames and the fire is going to get out of control. You are a selfish person. Leave the man with some dignity!

Tell your friends to come to your place. There's the solution!

You must decide that for yourself.

How important is their friendship to you and what would be the possible outcome of a confrontation?

It's your choice.

Just a heads up on something I forgot to mention, my lease here expires in August and I'll be moving to the building where he stays as a continuation of my stay and employment.

Why is that necessary?

I think you do whatever it takes to stay out of this guys way. Friends can visit you, and is it really fair that your victim has to see your face every day, and relive what you did?

That's a disaster waiting to happen, and you better make other arrangements. Surely you see that, out of compassion, and remorse, if nothing else.

Have you ever given any thought to moving away? You think this guy is
Going to forget what happened? NOT! You made the mess, you need to stay away cause there is no way you can clean it up! If your friends care about you ,let them come to your place. Why do you keep giving us these situations where you HAVE TO be around him?:confused:

I agree Kitkat, This is a SERIOUS issue. NOTE: YOU COULD BE CHARGED! Sure, he PROBABLY Won't. But if you keep hanging around and using these excuses he may just do that! This is serious! I can't stress that enough! Get your friends to come to your house, relocate, find a new job etc. No excuse. Don't make this worse.

I originally felt a bit sorry for you. I have smoked and it doesn't agree with me at all. I have done 'crazy' things, though never anything this serious. Just more like hiding in a corner or getting paranoid and climbing fences. I know that everyone can react differently. BUt there isn't an excuse for this!

I know my thoughts on weed were STUPID and SCARY at times. Yet, you have to make sure you don't ever act on them. Never smoke it again.

Also, now I'm not sure sure that it was so 'accidental'. I mean, you are still not showing signs of remorse for his feelings! You still aren't taking REAL action

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by racquel58

i agree Kitkat, This is a SERIOUS issue. NOTE: YOU COULD BE CHARGED! sure, he PROBABLY WONT. but if you keep hanging around and using these excuses he may just do that! this is serious! i can't stress that enough! Get your friends to come to your house, relocate, find a new job etc. No excuse. dont make this worse.

I originally felt a bit sorry for you. I have smoked and it doesnt agree with me at all. I have done 'crazy' things, though never anything this serious. Just more like hiding in a corner or getting paranoid and climbing fences. I know that everyone can react differently. BUt there isnt an excuse for this!

I know my thoughts on weed were STUPID and SCARY at times. yet, you have to make sure you dont ever act on them. Never smoke it again.

Also, now im not sure sure that it was so 'accidental'. i mean, you are still not showing signs of remorse for his feelings! you still arent taking REAL action

---

Not having an actual job where I get paid, I just work for this company for free rent. I signed both leases in agreement with the company over a month ago, way before this incident ever happened. I can't just move to another building, even though I do want to, not without having any money to pay forward for a new place.

Understand, I am NOT trying to push myself closer to my former friend. If I were truly asking for trouble, I would have gone over to his apartment building by now. Whether you want to believe it or not, I am very much so considering his feelings as to what happened, as well as the outcome of what could happen should he ever see me on such short notice.

Marijuana doesn't hinder your judgement to the point where you can't hold back your impulses. However, it can cause you to be relaxed and act on your urges.

In your sub-conscience, you were probably planning this for months or maybe since the day you two broke the fling off...

What you did to your friend is inexcusable. You need to leave him alone and figure out if he feels its right in his mind to forgive you and leave everything in the past. Stop trying to convince him that your sorry. I think one sincere apology is more than acceptable, its up to him to want to accept it. Don't go being noble and turn yourself in. Quite honestly, even though I don't agree, it was a mistake. Just leave your friend alone. Let him get his head back on. If he feels that you are a valuable friend in his life, then he'll forgive you on his own terms.

Good luck!

Don't panic, I think you have until August, to try and get viable alternative lodgings, and it would start with maybe getting your new lease changed, since it has yet to be executed. Be aware that a reasonable explanation may be needed, but divulging the real reason, your act of insanity, needs to be kept between you and your victim.

Even alternative employment would be better than him having to see you everyday.

Your actions have consequences, sorry, and that limits your options and opportunities, but your not in jail, or a hospital, so count your blessings.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by talaniman

Don't panic, I think you have until August, to try and get viable alternative lodgings, and it would start with maybe getting your new lease changed, since it has yet to be executed. Be aware that a reasonable explanation may be needed, but divulging the real reason, your act of insanity, needs to be kept between you and your victim.

Even alternative employment would be better than him having to see you everyday.

Your actions have consequences, sorry, and that limits your options and opportunities, but your not in jail, or a hospital, so count your blessings.

---

I totally agree. But I believe he is going to come up with every excuse in the world. Some people WILL NOT take anyone's advice if they don't like what they hear. It just burns me up to think he committed a felony.

If I were the friend if he does come over, I would press charges. Enough is enough! I think a lot of us probably have drank alcohol or smoked a joint when we were young. You get over that when you grow up. Oh, by the way possession is also a crime. It didn't make me want to jump anyone's bones.


I just can't get over the fact it was taken so lightly! Apologies are futile for the guy.

I smoked pot on a regular basis, twenty or so years ago. And not once did I sodomize a sleeping female(I am male, and straight). So, stop blaming the weed. You tried to take something that you wanted, and got caught.

This is definitely a form of sexual assault, no matter how "moral" you may think you are.

This friend of yours has to deal with this situation in silence, because of the shame that you have forced upon him. And now you are asking how to explain to YOUR friends your absence? Give me a break!

How about telling them the truth? Either that, or stay away.

And read the site rules. "Disagree" is for factually incorrect answers. Not for simply being upset with someone who's trying to help you out of a mess that you've made for yourself.

Your sexual preference is your business. I will not judge you for that. But it is a touchy subject for many straight guys, and you have turned a friend into a victim.

You should stay away from this guy at all costs.

His feelings should be your highest concern.

Counseling is a good start.

What I don't understand about the whole thing is this; You hear about date rape every time you read the paper or turn on the news. Usually it is a female. I think in this case had it been a female he would be in jail.
However the guy who was raped isn't pressing charges, because more than likely he's ashamed.

I think of all the silent victims male and female who have experienced this same thing and haven't spoken out because they are ashamed. They shouldn't be, it isn't their fault that there are perverts in the world. It isn't because he's gay that I say these things, that's between him and God. I feel sorry for the guy who's the victim.

The name of this thread is "Will I ever live this down?" Meaning YOU.

It should be " Will my friend ever forgive me?" or " Is my friend plotting revenge after I sexually assaulted him?"

Is it always all about you in your world?

Do you not feel remorse?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jmjoseph

The name of this thread is "Will I ever live this down?" Meaning YOU.

It should be " Will my friend ever forgive me?" or " Is my friend plotting revenge after I sexually assaulted him?"

Is it always all about you in your world?

Do you not feel remorse?

---

Often putting the needs of others before my own, no, everything isn't all about me. Obviously, I feel bad over what I allowed myself to do. Otherwise, I wouldn't have bothered coming here.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Fallen4rmGrace

Often putting the needs of others before my own, no, everything isn't all about me. Obviously, I feel bad over what I allowed myself to do. Otherwise, I wouldn't have bothered coming here.

---

But do you feel bad for the guy? Or are you feeling bad because it didn't work out the way you had planned? And got caught?

You either thought that he wasn't going to wake up, or that he would wake up and go along with it. All because he kissed you before.

Just be glad that he isn't going to press charges, or plan an attack on you. And give us a break on which friends you are missing. Or if they think you are rude.

All of this will be in the past one day. I sincerely hope you are serious about going to counseling.

I hope that the victim does too.

Fiirst the excuses about being high when you assaulted your "friend". Now another excuse as to why you have to move back in where he is. It's always going to be about what you want.

I honestly don't know why you keep pushing this. The answer is simple , find another part of town to live in. As for your friends I'm about one-hundred percent sure you told them. Have you ever considered they may want to see you get what's coming to you?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jmjoseph

But do you feel bad for the guy? Or are you feeling bad because it didn't work out the way you had planned? And got caught?

You either thought that he wasn't going to wake up, or that he would wake up and go along with it. All because he kissed you before.

Just be glad that he isn't going to press charges, or plan an attack on you. And give us a break on which friends you are missing. Or if they think you are rude.

All of this will be in the past one day. I sincerely hope you are serious about going to counseling.

I hope that the victim does too.

---

Once again, I never planned anything. I already stated that, yes, maybe I did subconsciously want it to happen, but I never planned anything out.

Do I feel bad for him? Absolutely! He and I were friends, we looked out for one another, and I betrayed his trust by making stupid decisions. I was molested by my 13-year old cousin when I was merely six years of age, and, even though I have forgiven, I've never forgotten. I don't expect my former friend to welcome me back into his good graces with open arms, not already having some knowledge on similar situations. I've already accepted that I may lose him as a friend, completely.

I'm seeking counseling. In a sense, I was already seeking counseling when I came here, professional or non. I'm used to harsh criticism, and I'd much rather someone give me harsh criticism than sugarcoat their commentary. The reason why I disagreed with KitKat, going off the site rules, is because he/she was, indeed, wrong by saying that I'm asking for trouble and "fanning the flames". I just feel like I'm being made to seem like an all-around bad person when I am not.

jmjoseph is correct, once again... I would give a greenie, have to spread the love.

"Victim" Exacty, because after all, that's what he is... I too hope you get the help you need.

It's good that you see YOU have a problem! Now the next step is to get PROFESSIONAL help!

The next time you feel temptation arise, leave the room! Because next time, may be the last time... You could end up in jail, beaten, or even dead!

Good luck!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Kitkat22

Fiirst the excuses about being high when you assaulted your "friend". Now another excuse as to why you have to move back in where he is. It's always going to be about what you want.

I honestly don't know why you keep pushing this. The answer is simple , find another part of town to live in. As for your friends I'm about one-hundred percent sure you told them. Have you ever considered they may want to see you get what's coming to you?

---

That's nothing to consider, because I haven't told them. If I had, I wouldn't have to constantly provide reasons as to why I haven't been around, because they'd know the real reason. Again, you're constantly pushing what you *think* is going on with the situation as if it's fact.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Fallen4rmGrace

Once again, I never planned anything. I already stated that, yes, maybe I did subconsciously want it to happen, but I never planned anything out.

Do I feel bad for him? Absolutely! He and I were friends, we looked out for one another, and I betrayed his trust by making stupid decisions. I was molested by my 13-year old cousin when I was merely six years of age, and, even though I have forgiven, I've never forgotten. I don't expect my former friend to welcome me back into his good graces with open arms, not already having some knowledge on similar situations. I've already accepted that I may lose him as a friend, completely.

I'm seeking counseling. In a sense, I was already seeking counseling when I came here, professional or non. I'm used to harsh criticism, and I'd much rather someone give me harsh criticism than sugarcoat their commentary. The reason why I disagreed with KitKat, going off of the site rules, is because he/she was, indeed, wrong by saying that I'm asking for trouble and "fanning the flames". I just feel like I'm being made to seem like an all-around bad person when I am not.

---

Good people make bad decisions sometimes. This post here is more heartfelt than the others.

Go get help, and learn from this.

I refuse to argue this. Say what you want. You asked for imput I gave it, "If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen"

I have worked with kids who have been abused and neglected and 99% of them have grown into wonderful mothers and fathers. Sorry it happened to you but by doing what you did to your friend, you are just continuing the cycle.


Really, please get help. I'm sorry for what happened to you . I hope you get help. Okay.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Kitkat22

I refuse to argue this. Say what you want. You asked for imput I gave it,. "If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen"

I have worked with kids who have been abused and neglected and 99% of them have grown into wonderful mothers and fathers. Sorry it happened to you but by doing what you did to your friend, you are just continuing the cycle.

---

Nothing to argue, really. Just don't act like you know the ins and outs of the entire situation.

Other than that, I agree completely with the second half of your post.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Kitkat22

What I don't understand about the whole thing is this; You hear about date rape every time you read the paper or turn on the news. Usually it is a female. I think in this case had it been a female he would be in jail.
However the guy who was raped isn't pressing charges, because more than likely he's ashamed.

I think of all the silent victims male and female who have experienced this same thing and haven't spoken out because they are ashamed. They shouldn't be, it isn't their fault that there are perverts in the world. It isn't because he's gay that I say these things, that's between him and God. I feel sorry for the guy who's the victim.

---

Speaking from a victims point of view, it's hard to come forward and admit what happened. There is shame involved, male or female, but the major thing for me was guilt.

You're probably wondering what a 5 year old has to feel guilty about when being molested by a teenager. Well, the mind is cruel. I felt that I had somehow brought on her behavior, that I had said something or done something to make her do what she did.

The same is true of the rape. He was a friend of my ex, I let him in my house, he raped me in my very own bed. Yes, I said no. Yes, I fought him, but still, I let him in the house. Guilt.

One thing I know for sure, and it's a sad fact, victims of sexual assault that do take their assailants to court, well most times they're made to look like the bad guy, not the victim. Everything you've done, worn, said, every action is scrutinized. It's the job of the scumbags lawyer to make it look like you wanted it, you asked for it.

The rapes we hear about are a tiny percent of the actual people being raped each year. Most of us live in silence.

From what I understand from reading bits and pieces of this thread.. You're moving into the SAME apt. building?? WHY?? You might as well buy the bullets, load the gun and hand it to your former friend.

That's a pretty dumb move if that is indeed what is going on. Your former friend, if feeling threatened or uncomfortable, is going to get you for stalking him.

You need to take blame for your actions whole heartedly. You need to find a job that will take you away from this situation completely, if not for anyone else but yourself. Why do you want to antagnoize yourself? If you feel bad for what you have done, why do you want to look your mistake in the face every day as a huge, ugly reminder that you ruined your friendship by making a dumb move?

If I were in your shoes, I'd probably leave town for awhile and start a new life else where. I don't know if you're an active gay man, but you don't think that your former buddy isn't going to confide with someone who he trusts within your circle of friends? That's almost guaranteed.

How about you make this less painful for YOURSELF and just leave it alone and leave. You made the choices, now you have to live with the consequences.

Please take the advice and do what is right. You know what the right thing is.

You have stepped in a hornets nest for sure, not just by your actions, but even in coming here, but I give you props for staying and listening.

I think you will try to do the right thing by yourself, and others, and hope it works out.

Not an easy path to take, but I think you have made a major step in that direction because a lot of people can't even admit their mistakes, so end up repeating them, and hurt someone else.

You have a chance not to be one of those, so don't blow it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by talaniman

You have stepped in a hornets nest for sure, not just by your actions, but even in coming here, but I give you props for staying and listening.

I think you will try to do the right thing by yourself, and others, and hope it works out.

Not an easy path to take, but I think you have made a major step in that direction because a lot of people can't even admit their mistakes, so end up repeating them, and hurt someone else.

You have a chance not to be one of those, so don't blow it.

---

Listen to this advice. You need help!