HungUPtoronto, I think it would do you some good to follow your own advice, from this thread last year. Look at post #16.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...-302960-2.html
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HungUPtoronto, I think it would do you some good to follow your own advice, from this thread last year. Look at post #16.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...-302960-2.html
"I think sometime you need to be kicked in the nuts once before you can stick to your gun."
I ended the relationship and cut my losses. I think that's progress don't you think?
I hope it doesn't take a kick in the jewels to get you past this one.Quote:
Originally Posted by hungtoronto
I think you've finally came to your senses. Just look before you leap next time. Good luck!
On the weekend, I saw my ex while I parked my car in the underground garage. She saw me drove by as well. I think I saw her with someone but I didn't want to stop and look. Haven't saw her for a few months. Anyway, she called me yesterday and left a message said she wanted to repay the money she owed. The problem is, I don't want to see her now. Afraid that it may bring back old feeling. Would it be OK if I txt her and tell her to give the money to my friend, they work out together.
I'd send her an email and tell her to return the money to your friend,or she could send you a postal order.
I hope you are doing well and keeping busy. :-)
She called me again the next day and said she wanted to give me back the money. I told her I'll call when I can come and pick it up. She called me again a few days ago asked me when will I pick up the money, seem like she's so eager to give me back this money. Anyway, I email her told her I don't have time this week so if she can give it to my friend. Hope I am doing the right thing. I just don't want to meet up and reset the whole thing again.Quote:
Originally Posted by hungtoronto
Let your friend help you out.
No point taking a step backwards-you seem to be doing OK.
Keep it up.
TOTAL NC. That's that.
Don't let this money cause you pain & set you back.
Honestly, you shouldn't even be speaking to her.
Ask your pal to pick it up.
I talked to her because she called me at work, there's no call display. Because she knows I won't pick up if I know she calls. It set me back a bit. I got to read back what I wrote to her when we broke up all the reasons behind it. Well, she emailed me back saying she doesn't workout there anymore and tell me to call her when I can come to pick up the money. Actually, we live in the same building. Anyway, I got to think how I can get the money without meeting.Quote:
Originally Posted by vanheart
I think she wanted to see me that's the reason for calling and wanted to return the money so badly probably her moment of weakness. This girl is tough as nail, never show her feelings, never say sorry if she did something wrong, she was spoiled by her exes, never got dumped, this is the first time. Her ego probably run a muck. Some of you said she doesn't respect me that was exactly what I said to her when I broke it off.
If you live in the same building you must have somewhere you collect your mail.
She could leave the money there.
Or send you a cheque.
If she keeps calling you at work,tell her to stop harassing you or you'll report her.
I wrote her this morning
I don’t know when I can meet you and I don’t know your schedule. It would be easier if you could write me a check payable to “*******” and drop it in my mail box. My mail box number is *****.
This is what she wrote back
I had the money out from the bank and I don't have time to go back and put it back.. just 5 minutes of your time to spare... be a man you live at the same building it's not like you to drive far to come and get it... it's not like you come and stay for a long time... just let me know when you have 5 minutes and I'll come and meet you... I am busy myself but I can spare some time...
She sound upset anyway, I don't think I want to go and meet up with her.
She owes YOU money and she's trying to dictate to you what you should do?
You make the rules! She doesn't.
In other words,don't go, she can deliver it to your mailbox.
If she has five minutes to spare to meet up plus the time waiting for you to tell her when to meet up, then she has time to go back to the bank or stop and get a money order.Quote:
Originally Posted by hungtoronto
I learned the hard way, never argue with a woman, you can never win lol. I'll take your advices. I'll wait for a few days till everything cool down. She seem upset over something trivial such as this. She's a control freak, everything had to be on her term. Anyway, worse case scenario is I have to go and face the music lol.
She is trying to take away your choices. Don't allow her to do that or to even come close to making you feel like you have to take the 'choice' she is giving you.Quote:
Originally Posted by hungtoronto
IF you choose to see her, do so because you want to take that path.
Stand your ground Toronto.
Don't let the controlfreak tell you how to run your life.
The thing is I don't want to be confrontational. I am the one who called it off so I am in a better position. I understand when there is a breakup you can get upset at nothing. It's not like I need the money but since she's rushing me to pick it up I had to do this and it seem she doesn't want to meet me half way neither.
What I am planning to do is write her back and said if you can't put the money in my mail box I'll come and pick up when I have time and it maybe six months down the road.
Standing up for yourself isn't being confrontational.
I hope it works out for you.
I know you don't want to see her but if you just say" i have 5 and just 5 minutes for you.Meet me here and then" it will be the end.
Just saying if you do this she will have to leave you alone!
She's trying to see you by any mean possible(I think this money thing is just an excuse) so come and prove her she doesn't mean anything to you.
I understand that you don't want to see her but I think now because of trying to avoid it too much she's starting to think she's still important to you.And also you're having much more contacts than if you just go , take your money, go back home.
I don't think she will let it go cause now she thinks you're afraid cause you still love her, that's why she says "be a man".
Off course it would be better not to see her but at least those 5 minutes will end the drama.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mistyjane
Well, last time I met up with her after a break, we got back together. The way I see it is, either way, I'll lose. I won't be a man in her eyes if I meet up with her or not. Like I said you can never win fighting with a woman. You'll win but it will end up badly. So I think I'll meet up with her when I think I can. This way it's less confontational. She got a very short fuse. I see the way her and her ex go at it when they got a fight over the kid to the point she got a nervous breakdown. The money is not a rush anyway so I'll get it when I feel like I can.
The point is why even fight.
She has screwed you over left & right.
This healing process & NC proves that you and your peace of mind is more important than money or things.
She's shown you her true colors.
There's nothing else to see except you become more aware in the future.
It's OK to let her win a Battle now and then , the important thing is winning the War ;)
The war is over.
Don't be a casualty.
It's a roller coaster ride. Sometime I have moment of weakness. I have second thought about my decision to break it off. Sometime I have the urge to break NC. Sometime you think about the good memories and forget all the reasons you broke up in the first place. I got to go back and reread what I wrote, it helped me to stay NC.
You're right, the war is over. I don't have to prove that I am a man. I've already proven that when I ended the relationship that she cannot disrespect me anymore.
That's all you need. You got it. You are on your way. Nice one.
Its been almost a year for me. Still that girl pops up. But good times aren't what crosses my mind, therefore I exit stage right.
What really helped me was to simply let things "be". Helped a lot with trying to overthink sh##t.
Takes time. You're good. Just keep it up & realize that no one runs your life but you.
How's T.O.
T.O is great, nice thing about TO is you can enjoy many different foods. It's a multicultural city. The food is great here, so many different restaurants, jap, chinese, viet, indian, thai, italian whatever you feel like.
Probably a lot of nice singles girls too ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by hungtoronto
Like my ex, hehehe.
Hell no. If she is so blind that she can't see that going back to that same massage guy would hurt you, then she is NOT serious about the relationship. She should know it would hurt you and she would avoid this guy because your happiness should be what matters most to her.
That wasn't the reason why we broke up. That was the only time she went to him for massage. But the guy keep calling and talking to her after that. The yseem very close so I gave her an ultimatum, either stop talking to him or I'll end the relationship. I never see the guy call after but who knows, he could call her when I was not around. A few months after that she asked me if I want to go to the grand opening of his new clinic. I was thinking in my head . I thought you stopped talking to him.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.Brown707
I know in relationship there are boundaries but no body's perfect. Sometime you got to decide how important those boundaries are if they were crossed. If it's something like cheating then that's different. But as I got deeper into the relationship, it seem like I am doing a lot but I got little in return. It seems that I am digging a bigger hole. So one time we got an argument over something really stupid so I ended it. One straw too many that broke the camel's back.
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