Ask Me Help Desk - Love-diseased or psychosis?

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After reading through ALL your posts, I hope you wait until you're a lot more comfortable with yourself, and spent a lot of time with your boyfriend, after that long distance stuff is finally over with.

Your still finding out about yourself at this point in your life, and that's okay. But not rushing into a marriage because you miss someone. I know you think you've grown, and are ready, but you have much to learn about yourself, him, and life.

Take your time to do your own thing without him, now while you can, and enjoy getting to know yourself, so you will be a lot better prepared as an independent woman, and not a curious inexperienced teen-ager.

You have many questions to answer for yourself, and that my dear will take time. There is no rush, so get your answers, and learn, before you jump into something you know nothing about.

Probably the easiest way to tell would be to ask yourself if you would want to marry this person. If the answer is no, then you know that your relationship is based solely on sex.

Sex fades, love grows.

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Originally Posted by j_ely823

It seem so vaque when you all say how the wold works? what do u mean?

I understand more what is important in life and the fact that responsibilities come before most anything else. I know what loyalty means and I know that important things cannot be neglected.

At 21 the world is fresh and new and you haven really lived yet.

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Originally Posted by j_ely823

So what happened if i may as. What's the difference between now and then? IS it the financial responsibilities? the committment troubles? Not sure what you wanted in a woman?

You are questions your attraction to females, this is your first relationship, we were all naïve.

Life teaches you things that you have to experience, it's not something that we can tell you and you will understand. You have a lot of growing and maturing to do, no matter how mature you think you are now.

Believe me, we all look back and think of how much we have learned since back when we knew it all.

Your relationship is sex based if that's all you do when you are with this person. If both parties are OK with it, then that's what would define your type of relationship. If you want a balanced relationship, there should be other compatibilities than just in the sack.

Well I would think that if you are contemplating whether your relationship is based on sex, you would not be contemplating marriage and if you are old enough and mature enough to marry.

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Originally Posted by j_ely823

oh yeah, sorry the young man i wish to marry is in fact my boyfriend

And what about your lesbian tendencies?

I think that a couple of years in the peace corp would make you grow, deepen you, and show you more of the world. Your relationship will take its natural course. There's no need for any worry.

Tao

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Originally Posted by j_ely823

Ive been told by few people that due to my youth and hormones, my libido is extremely high and I'll want to have sex so much more often now than when im older. (Makes sense) However, is it possible to determine whether or not the realtionship is too sexual? How do you know if its balanced considering the high interest on both ends?

It is too sexual if you can't sit down because you are sore. Otherwise, nobody can tell you how much sex is appropriate for you. It is based on sex (which, by itself, sustains no relationships) when that's all you've got. But it is balanced when you have other things that you share as passionately as sex, albeit differently. It's a keeper when you feel growing respect for each other over time. And it's real love when you put the other first.

Tao

An example of a sex based relationship is an affair,that's all the two want is sex.

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Originally Posted by zippit

an example of a sex based relationship is an affair,thats all the two want is sex.

At 19 (her age) most all relationships are sex-based. I have never been in a relationship when it wasn't all about sex when you first start having it.

How do you feel about your relationship? Do you feel it is only sex based? Only you can know within yourself what type of relationship you are having and if it is working for you. Only you can judge what it is and what it isn't. Love and sex are two seperate things and you can have one without the other so what is your heart telling you?

Haha I've never actually done anything with a girl, not sure I'd be comfortable enough... but if you followed the thread concerning that then you would be well aware that I am not actually lesbian just a woman who appreciates beauty and sesuality. But I could never be in love with a woman

Well I mean my philosophy regarding sex in a relationship is basically to each its own. If your both just as much into the sexual part of it as you are into the rest of it then I mean I guess its okay. I can understand that guys are always going to want to have sex. But often times I feel like a guy, as I always want it. Well not always but probably 90% of the time he wants it. I mean we do invest a lot into the relationship in general; we laugh, we dispute, we cry we reason with each other but at the end of each we seem to always want to have sex. Is it maybe like we want the emotional closure to be secured in physical intimacy? Does anybody feel this way? Or has anyone felt this before?

Quote:

Originally Posted by j_ely823

haha ive never actually done anything with a girl, not sure i'd be comfortable enough...but if you followed the thread concerning that then you would be well aware that i am not actually lesbian just a woman who appreciates beauty and sesuality. But i could never be in love with a woman

I didn't say you were a lesbian, just that you had lesbian tendencies. As never actually having done anything this quote sure makes it seem like you have:

Quote:

Originally Posted by lazylana88

so im trying to explore my tastes and dislikes as far a sex goes so i can be comfortable with myself because the other day i was with my friend and she stuck a finger inside, it felt okay but wasnt amazing i keep trying to do it to myself but its a no go. I feel ambarrassed when i do it to her she really likes it. what is wrong with me? am i not doing it right? isnt it supposed to feel really good?

My main point here is that we don't like people using multiple logins to play with different persona. That is often grounds for banishment.

Ask Me Help Desk - Search Results

Either there are two people on your computer, or your playing a game.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/usercp.php
I think given your age (19) and the long distance nature of your relationship, and the history of cheating, you may feel that its all about sex, given your belief that he is to into porn. And maybe your exploring your attraction to females, there may be a confusion as how to define and relate to this relationship. I know you are just finding out about yourself, and that maybe at the heart of the matter.

I believe your on a journey of self discovery now, and until that journey is ended, and you have answers that you understand, you will have a problem with defining yourself, and what you want in this relationship. Sex is usually great in the beginning, but many things can happen with the couple as to how they relate to each other, and over time any changes in the sexual relationship can cause problems later, unless they work together to find solutions to those problems.

It seems that where you are now, trying to figure out how to deal with the things your feeling and figure out what they mean to you, and how you will deal with them, both as an individual, and as a couple.

Long story short, you, and your boyfriend, need to take the time to communicate on many different levels, not just about sex, but other issues between you, and work to resolve them, or not only will the sex suffer, but the relationship will too.

For sure, making decisions based mostly on sex, at this time will surely lead you astray as sex between a couple changes just because to many things in life will get in the way, such as work, or children, and adjustments will have to be made ,and unless you both are willing to meet those challenges through honest communications, and define the changes to be made, it usually ends in chaos, and conflict, and that destroys even the best relationships.

The bottom line is knowing yourself very well, and honestly I don't think you do yet. You will though, but later, as you grow, and develop, as an individual.

Quote:

... I don't know what the difference is if i want to go to the peace corp i mean I can bring my computer with me right and skype is good? Ive seen people who do that. It's the same situation I'm just farther away. We've been apart for 8 months and call each other daily. If that doesn't work out I can write him I think if he's as devoted to me as he says he is, he would give it more thought. I also heard that while you're active in it, you can have loved ones/family to visit for a few days as your vacation...

Your already in a long distance relationship, and seem quite happy for it to continue. He feels differently, and that my dear is the issue to be resolved by you both. Personally, you should take the time to pursue your own interests, as he has had a chance to, for your own future, with or without him. For sure this is a test of how you relate, and deal with your issues together. What do you want more? Him and his way of doing it, or yours and your chance to grow??

Quote:

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

At 19 (her age) most all relationships are sex-based. I have never been in a relationship when it wasn't all about sex when you first start having it.

That just blows me away. I'm the exact opposite I put a lot more in front of a relationship than sex

Uhhhh... what is that? What does that post have to do with me?

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Ask Me Help Desk - Search Results

Either there are two people on your computer, or your playing a game.

The computer I use is the family computer... im not quite sure what you are trying to validate...

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The computer I use is the family computer..

If its not you, then sorry for the confusion, as we take trolls, and deceivers seriously.

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Originally Posted by j_ely823

The computer i use is the family computer...im not quite sure what you are trying to validate...

So you are asking us to believe that someone else in your family, the same age as you, was posting those other notes and you were completely unaware of it?

I agree Zippit, I have always went into relationships with my heart, not my little head. If I can't have a conversation with them, I'm not dating them, and surely not sleeping with them.

My thought about this is simple, if you can go all day thinking about the person you are with, without wondering "are we going to have sex tonight" then the relationship means more than just sex

No. That is not the case. Im the only 19 yr old in this family. I have three sisters, a mother and father...

But I definitely younger gus will think about it. Now I'm not a guy, so I don't think about it everyday. But usually the week before my monthly visit when my hormones are peaking, I will think about it everyday for a couple of days. Otherwise, I usually just think about the sensual feelings invoked from being with him. That's OK right?

And how old are your sister? Or which one is using the other ID?

It's actually quite simple... if thereis love... u just know it!
If it's sex based... then all u do is have sex, u don't really communicate! U don't really have a relationship! It's normal to have sex a lot in the beginning! The both of u get real turned on by each other because it's all so new! If u have experienced love, u shouldn't even ask this question! It's like what has been said before, can u picture yourself with this guy the rest of your life? Will he be there for u through thick and thin?

To find out if it's just a "sex only" relationship, for the next several dates , try to NOT have sex. Just see if you enjoy spending time with each other. If you can't stand him... well, maybe it is just sexual. I know at your age it's going to be hard, but just talk, get to know each other better.
Good luck to you two.

What? You think she's using my ID?

Quote:

Originally Posted by j_ely823

What? you think she's using my ID?

No, I KNOW she's using the same computer. I have only your statement that it's a different person.

HAHa... well the thing is we do go without it when my cycle comes around and what not also if we are at his house as we don't want to disrespect his parents. Its not a big deal--its just makes us more horny. I know I love him and its reciprocated.. its just I feel like I'm having an abnormally high amount of sex... because I always want to.

Hmm.. I shall inquire.

Men looking at the other women

So for years I've heard the same story. Men are programmed to just have a wondering eye. Ok, fine I guess we have to deal. But does it aways have to come to the point to where they end up randomly thinking(even for just a second or two) that they want to have sex with other women. I mean I, as a woman could very very take the scientific approach and say infedelity is too hardwired into our minds as men cannot usually be both great nuturers/lovers who are sensitive and understanding AND great for reproduction purposes as far as promoting successful childbearing with healthy genes (meaning they are hot). What should a guy do? I mean I'm strong enough to not thinking about wanting to have a baby with some other man, even though that's my biological purpose?

Another female best friend

My boyfriend/fiancee once cheated on me with his other best friend which he takes full repsonsibiltity of now altering the meaning and significance of, but he has another female best friend who he said he never loved like the other and so on. I only just found out about the affair in June (which occurred in april). He also said in July that he would tone down his relationshhip with this friend; this only lasted about three weeks. Last week he saw her like three times and its really unnerving because I keep trying to tell him that I'm just not comfortable with it yet.. I know that I need more time. He thinks the concept of more time means make me comfortable with it at the moment by proving to me he's trustworthy. I don't know how many times I've told him I'm just not ready for it and its too soon. He deosnt seem to grasp my words. What should I do. What should I tell him?

He is disregarding your feelings and you know he really can't be trusted.
By him altering the meaning and significance shows he does not take what he did seriously and is in denial so the best thing you can do since he is pressuring you is tell him yoy have had enough. From your saying he thinks more time meant make you comfortable with it at the moment is what a guy like this will do to patch things up but patched isn't the same as fixed.
He is most likely playing word games so that in his mind he can't understand you therefore he feels he can keep getting away with it

You just have to look for one that seems more like the faithful type. When I see guys looking at girls I can generally tell if they are just looking or lusting or if they have it in them to cheat.

Sorry ladies, but don't try to get to deep into why we look, heck we don't even know why we look, (okay, it looks good to us) but to link that to cheating, or morality, and freak out about it, just ain't worth the time.

Please be fair, and judge us by what we do, not what we look at, as we will look at anything, cars, girls, whatever. Accept it, and carry on. Its not that hard.:)

Artlady agrees: Oh you are such a sweetheart sticking up for all mankind:) I agree but its what you do after you look that matters!Everry attraction does not have to end in copulation.Its a lick I wrote for my wrapper son.If you spit that it sounds better ,really :)