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Originally Posted by talaniman

Your girl should never have started this gay stuff, nor let it get this far is what I am suggesting.

Her father doesn't know either of you does he, so where would he get this nonsense but from his daughter.

Thats what I was suggesting, he is only reacting it seems, to what he is told.

She is the source as I see it, and the one to put this crap to rest, with her dad, and anyone else she has told. If not.............................say adiós to this drama queen.


It also seems if this is what her father is putting in her head, she would know better, and not make this an issue between you. That she does is a real red flag buddy, and either way, its her and her actions that must be confronted.

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Hey only knows me from the length of time Ive been visiting their house, which id say is a good amount over the past year and a half. He trains at the gym I attend and my friend works at the gym so he sort of knows him too. But to make these assumptions is crazy.

All I can do is wait and see if she calls on Saturday like she said she would. Im uncertain whether I'll get the chance to meet her as she didn't agree to a meeting and said she'll see how she feels at the time. I at least deserve a meeting out of respect.

But your right, she could put this to an end, especially with her father but she obviously doesn't believe enough in me.

I wish you luck. This entire situation is extremely silly. I would think a girlfriend committed to her boyfriend wouldn't let something like this get entirely out of hand like it has... there are some serious red flags that you should see here, the biggest and most obvious of which is her behavior.

This whole thing reeks of immaturity and insecurity, not of affection and caring - like a relationship should be revolved around. I would want a girlfriend who is quick to defend me and believe in me, not question things in a blatantly disrespectful manner - spreading rumors behind my back. Even after you "talk" to her father, you still have bigger problems in dealing with her.

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Originally Posted by Newguy2009

Why should she say this? Takes one to know one maybe?

She sounds guilty of something and it sounds like she is trying to lay a guilt trip on you. Only you know what you are/aren't. Relationships are built on trust. You have told her several times that you are not like that and still she hounds you about it. If she can't trust you, you need to leave this crazy woman. Its not worth it

LEAVE NOW!!!!!!!!

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She says this on ground of the behaviour her ex displayed.

Those who accuse their partner of cheating are usually doing it themselves.

I asked her very seriously twice about these two things and she said no to both. I wasn't 100% sure I believed it in the beginning so I asked her several times more and she told me no several more times. I dropped it about a week later.

The first few times she accused me she was quite rational about it and asked if I could understand it from her point of view. I agreed but didn't know how to take it since she was accusing me of being with a guy, I didn't know how to respond so I kind of laughed. Now I know I shouldn't have done this but I didn't know how else to react at the time, it almost seemed like a joke.

If I tell her I haven't cheated a thousand times and she still doesn't believe it, what is it that's stopping her? I know she might never believe me, but if that's the case she won't ever believe her next boyfriend and the next.

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Originally Posted by rnblover16

If I tell her I havent cheated a thousand times and she still doesnt believe it, what is it thats stopping her? I know she might never believe me, but if thats the case she wont ever believe her next boyfriend and the next.

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The biggest issue I see here is insecurity and trust. You contfronted her about your suspicions in the past, she denied them, you dropped it. You trusted in her. What are her actions saying to you at this point? She has to learn to grow up and trust that when you say something, it's the truth. Without proof, your word shoube bond.

Threads merged
If you read my previous post about my girlfriend either suspecting Im cheating with a male friend or cheating in general, I don't know. Anyway, she wanted a week to cool off for a little bit and its been 3 weeks since then.

Right now this girl is really irritable, she's not happy in her situation, I can't seem to say a damn thing to her without her losing her cool. She's feeling unenergetic and crys almost every night when she's alone in her flat.

We've seen each other 3 times since then where she came over to my house. Last night I started a conversation asking her why she didn't want to come out to an open mic night my friends have organised and she responded saying she doesn't like that kind of thing, my friends don't engage her in conversation and she feels uncomfortable around them. I reminded her that on several occasions, despite not liking night clubs, I went when asked with her and her friends. They made minimal contact with me and I didn't exactly have a great time because its not my scene. She told me to 'leave it before it caused an argument'. I don't want to have to leave every conversation when the other person tells me, meaning if I go past a certain point it will trigger her. I don't think its fair, especially since I wasn't finished talking about it.

Anyway, long story short, she blew up big time. She said she wanted to go home and didn't need this anymore. She admitted to being edgy all the time and generally not happy and said she was dragging me down with her. She said she won't be happy till she's home from school which is in 3 months and she's living back at home for good then.

She asked me to wait for her until then and said she would be in a better frame of mind to give the relationship another go. I was that annoyed with her behaviour I would have agreed but I didn't, I asked for an answer there and then. 'Do you want me or not'

She said she didn't know what she wanted. I suggested it wasn't fair to keep me waiting for 3 months if she wasn't sure there was a chance we'd date again. I suggested I could have met somebody else by then. This made her blow up again and she said if I really wanted her I'd wait, I obviously have other options Im not letting on about so she told me to go pursue them and that she was done.

It all happened so fast, she got out of the car and went inside.

I got home and she called about 30 minutes later asking if I got home all right, even though the weather wasn't very bad. I said fine thanks and asked what the heck just happened. She said I clearly have other options otherwise I wouldn't have pushed her for an answered and said I'd wait for her.

I replied well if that's what you think, I'm sorry, bye.

I just don't understand. This isn't what I wanted, but I also didn't think it was fair for her to ask me to wait for 3 months for her.

I have 2 questions

1. Did what I say in our conversation 'cause' the argument?
2. was I wrong to say it wasn't fair of her to keep me waiting?

Thanks

I think it's time you closed the book on this confusing relationship.

It seems this girl will use any excuse to start an argument and stomp off in a huff.

Wait around three months for somebody to make their mind up?

No way.

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Originally Posted by amicon

I think it's time you closed the book on this confusing relationship.

It seems this girl will use any excuse to start an argument and stomp off in a huff.

Wait around three months for somebody to make their mind up?

No way.

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She said its me who causes the arguments. I can't help that she takes a huff when I say things she doesn't want to hear.

What I mean is if two people are having a conversation and one says stop right there before you cause an argument, if that person stops and hasn't finished what they're saying, I don't think its very fair. I expect the person Im conversing with to hear me out even if its not what they want to hear.

My mum was in a relationship with my father where every time she said something he didn't want to hear he said stop right there. So she'd stop, after two years he'd cut short sooo many conversations and she had all these unanswered threads in her mind she ended up resenting him, that and he was an abbusive alcoholic.

Either way, if she says stop and I go past that, she huffs and says I've caused an argument.

In the gay accusations too, I've questioned her on a couple of things before and they ended up with her huffing and shouting again. When she bombarded me with questions about being gay, I didn't take the huff and shout, I actually laughed and that made her go off at me again.

As far as she's concerned, I start all the arguments.

I asked her quickly last night. 'If I can't talk about this, or that, or the other, what on earth am I supposed to talk to you about'

When you're 23 you shouldn't act like this surely?

I read your story and felt a lot of similarities with my previous relationship.

You really just got to go no contact and move on. It sounds like she does not want to really communicate about what is bothering her.

I do want to add, she was probably annoyed at you with the night club situation. You should work on trying to have a good time no matter what you are doing. It sounds like that was something important to her and you being negative brought the mood down. Just something to keep in mind for future relationships.

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Originally Posted by CarrotTalker

I read your story and felt a lot of similarities with my previous relationship.

You really just gotta go no contact and move on. It sounds like she does not want to really communicate about what is bothering her.

I do want to add, she was probably annoyed at you with the night club situation. You should work on trying to have a good time no matter what you are doing. It sounds like that was something important to her and you being negative brought the mood down. Just something to keep in mind for future relationships.

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She'll communicate on her terms.

It seems like she can say her bit, however if I bring up a topic and she no longer wants to talk about it, it has to stop right there or it ends in her flipping out.

She admits to being on the edge right now and having a low thresh for irritability. I believe because these things happen so often, she's meeting me now with the idea something is going to blow up so she's always on the defense.

I actually made an effort, I didn't have a great time personally but I didn't stand with a miserable face, I joined in, had a dance, etc.

What bugged her was she thought I was having a dig at her by saying my friends had their girlfriends with them the other night when I was out. So she did her usual, got pent up, started shouting and said something like, I don't give a crap if they had their girlfriends there, I don't like those kind of gigs, those bars, or your friends so I isn't going.

One thing I noticed is she'll always say to me after an argument, I told you to leave it otherwise you'd piss me off.

I asked why I should have to tread on egg shells with my conversation in fear or setting her off, which is when she stormed off out the kitchen, put her shoes on and said take me home.

What I've noticed is she does the same at home, her parents say something she doesn't want to hear and she's off, she goes off at them, she's got such a short fuse. Its hard to be with somebody without fear of setting them off every second though.

I find these posts hard because its easy to come on here and look like a victim. Im not perfect by any stretch of the word. I do however feel a lot of the relationship seems to be on her terms. If I do, or say, or ask a question that's out of line, I get somehow get punished.

I definitely say the wrong thing a lot.

For example, I don't like some of the people she hangs out with. They go out clubbing, drink excessively and some do drugs. Id never associate myself with people like that. However, they're all in my girlfriends daily conversation and I get tired of hearing about their trials and tribulations and the drama that surrounds them so on many occasions Ive made comments like 'i don't like wasters', 'do I have to hear much more about them lot'

I understand these comments are selfish and I've apologised for them.

I think she would be a lot better off if she had a hobby of sorts.

In a healthy relationship you would be able to disagree, but would communicate openly and discuss the problems that exist.

I'd move on! Sounds like you've already had enough of this type of behavior in your life and don't need any additional drama. I think if you stay in this relationship any longer you will grow resentful. Life's too short - Get out!

I feel you. A lot of my ex's friends seemed like "wasters", now some of them were pretty cool and I enjoyed hanging out with them. She just has a problem differentiating between someone she should focus her energy on and someone she shouldn't associate with. (Poor upbringing?)

It sounds like you generally have the right idea of things being on her terms. It seems like you have a good idea of what you could have done differently and what you did right. (Just because you could do something differently, is it the right thing to do? Such as, being a pushover for her). It sounds like she might have some controlling personality traits that started to show a little bit.

Be glad you got out when you did. Learn as much as you can about the red flags that you might have ignored and keep doing your thing. Since the relationship didn't kill you, it can only make you better and stronger of a person.

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Originally Posted by Devorameira

In a healthy relationship you would be able to disagree, but would communicate openly and discuss the problems that exist.

I'd move on! Sounds like you've already had enough of this type of behavior in your life and don't need any additional drama. I think if you stay in this relationship any longer you will grow resentful. Life's too short - Get out!

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What's funny is now my mother has huge issues trusting people. She also believes its not good to be in a situation where your partnet will cut conversations and won't hear you out.

What my girlfriend or ex girlfriend does is will say her bit then if I disagree get mad. She never used to be like this but she says Im relentless and keep on pushing. I wouldn't call it pushing but more finishing and the only reason Im like this is because these conversations have come up before and where never resolved then still aren't resolved now.

Don't get me wrong, my mothers situation was far different from this. However my mother thinks my girlfriend is very huffy.

She actually just contacted me and said she just needs time to think and sort herself out, she said she hates just quitting on things. I asked why she got out the car and walked away, she asked 'why did you let me walk away' She then went on to say she maybe does know what she wants and that is why she gets mad at me every time things go wrong.

What is that supposed to mean? That she wants me and is maddened when we fall out?

I just need to be sure there's no way to fix things before I move on. Im not one to give up on people easily.

I appreciate the advice offered so far though

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Originally Posted by CarrotTalker

I feel you. A lot of my ex's friends seemed like "wasters", now some of them were pretty cool and I enjoyed hanging out with them. She just has a problem differentiating between someone she should focus her energy on and someone she shouldn't associate with. (Poor upbringing?)

It sounds like you generally have the right idea of things being on her terms. It seems like you have a good idea of what you could have done differently and what you did right. (Just because you could do something differently, is it the right thing to do? Such as, being a pushover for her). It sounds like she might have some controlling personality traits that started to show a little bit.

Be glad you got out when you did. Learn as much as you can about the red flags that you might have ignored and keep doing your thing. Since the relationship didn't kill you, it can only make you better and stronger of a person.

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Im no one to judge, but I think her upbringing may have something to do with it.

From what I hear and witness now she doesn't seem to know if she's coming or going. One minute her parents are sympathetic towards her and the next they're not interested and very passive.

Concerning the drugs and obessive drinking, she believes hanging around with these people will not impact her. I think otherwise. That old saying 'you're only as good as the company you keep...

If I hung out with people of that nature my mother would not be happy. Her mothers comments range from, stay away, to are you moaning again.

It sounds like she has a lot of realizations to come to and changes to make before she would be a good match for the long-term relationship you are seeking.

Give her space and move on. Do you own thing and see what happens. Just remember to kick any false hope out the door, because quite honestly, she might not turn around for years. Sure, she might magically turn around in 1,2,3,etc months, but she then wouldn't be attracted to you if you are sitting like a sick puppy waiting for her.

One of my good friends put it this way, Time for an upgrade!

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Originally Posted by CarrotTalker

It sounds like she has a lot of realizations to come to and changes to make before she would be a good match for the long-term relationship you are seeking.

Give her space and move on. Do you own thing and see what happens. Just remember to kick any false hope out the door, because quite honestly, she might not turn around for years. Sure, she might magically turn around in 1,2,3,etc months, but she then wouldn't be attracted to you if you are sitting like a sick puppy waiting for her.

One of my good friends put it this way, Time for an upgrade!

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I apprecaite what you're saying.

She's asked for my friendship during this time.

I said I couldn't wait around for her and I felt like she set a trap. She said if you really wanted me and loved me you'd wait. Ive noticed a lot of girls do this, its not very fair in my eyes. She kind of suggested that I talk to her throughout the next 3 months but she won't see me. No exact promise we'll get back together.

These things are a double edged sword.

I'll be called worse than crap if I cut contact from here, yet if I stay around like a puppy dog, she'll walk all over me.

Im not really out to meet anybody else, but if something was to happen over these 3 months and she calls wanting me back, I can forsee a huge problem if I've been or am with somebody else.

About 4 years ago a previous girlfriend asked me to wait for her, she was all nice when I said I would then I realised it wasn't fair and told her this exactly so I said I would have to cut off contact. She flipped out and started cursing me out, for the next week or two she called me with abuse, she sent abussive text messages. So many women are lovely as could be but as soon as their boyfriend takes his life back and doesn't bow to them anymore, they turn into the nastiest women ever.

I would take the lessons you have learned from previous experiences and apply them to this situation. You stood up for yourself then, I highly suggest you do so now. Time to end this chapter of your life and be smart enough not to be trapped again by talking to this emotionally handicapped female ever again, no matter what.

3 months away won't change squat. She is, who she is. I hate relationships that make you work your azz off, and no progress gets made. You just have to realize that your not compatible over the long haul, and probably never will be.