I feel for you, I really do. I went through a bad breakup last year. He was my first as well. I had troubles eating and sleeping. I too felt like I could never trust again, but at the same time I felt like I would never love someone as much as I loved my ex.

Then I realized something. Life isn't going to wait for me to get over this. My friends are going to continue living, life is going to continue and I needed to decide whether I was going to sit there and pity myself or get act together. Everyone needs to take time to heal but breaking up isn't the end of your book, it's the end of a chapter.

What you're feeling is completely normal. I am now with someone new... and to think last year I was sure I was never going to love again. But I took what I learnt from the last relationship, and because of that I am a better person. You will through this, and I have no doubt in my mind that you will love again.

Wow... your message has brought me to tears. I am so happy from your words. It feels like you have opened up my eyes...

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Originally Posted by AmericanGirl01

Then I realized something. Life isn't going to wait for me to get over this. My friends are going to continue living, life is going to continue and I needed to decide whether or not I was going to sit there and pity myself or get act together. Everyone needs to take time to heal but breaking up isn't the end of your book, its the end of a chapter.

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SO TRUE!! OMG!! Yes...

And now its time to start writing a new chapter!

Was doing good... But today was especially hard on me. I am starting to cry again about it all. Is it normal to go from strong to weak to rock bottom? I feel like since it has been 2 months I should not be this upset anymore. It hurts so bad to know that she has not tried to come back to me or at least talk to me. The pain is so real... I don't know what to-do in life anymore. HELP!

You just let it pass like any other storm that sweeps through your life. Like any other bad day at work. Why? Because bad as it is at the moment, it will pass and get better. Hold on to that thought.

I hope you are right. Gah it hurts a lot sometimes but I guess id rather be hurt then nothing at all. Ill let this be a reminder of how we shouldn't let our emotions get all crazy!

Sounds like you're doing quite well. I started lurking on these forums after my break up. A lot of good advices here.

Here's a little background info on my situation:

Dated my GF since I was in HS. This was my second serious relationship. I was with my first for 2 years and she left me for another guy. Then I ended with this girl for more than 7 years. She ended recently telling me she doesn't know if she loves me anyone and it may be caused by the fact that she's never been with anybody else (I guess emotionally and physically). And she's not certain as to whether I am the "one" for one to spend the rest of her life with. It was a bit easier as this wasn't my first lost, but still a huge blow cause I was at a different stage in life and was really thinking about the future.

I haven't really done the NC rule yet as all my friends are linked to her. Secondly, I am very close to her family. I've decided to keep in touch with her family due to personal reasons that I've decided to not disclose. I know the way I'm handling isn't the best, but I think It'll work out in the end.

GL with your end.

Listen to these folks because believe me... they give great advise! I've been through quite an ordeal and they shown me that you have to be happy with yourself and be your own person first. Don't let her be a part of you the rest of your life because that's exactly what is going to happen if you close yourself off from the possibilities because of your experience with her... It's a hard thing to do, but move on and don't stop loving. It's who you are so don't let her change you...

Sounds to me that dating women is a waste of time. Seems to me that people just can't be happy with what they got. Its really sad that people don't stay in love... Really pisses me off. But there is hope... As I would think there is a woman out there who doesn't fall out of love when they fall in love...

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Originally Posted by Adapa

Sounds to me that dating women is a waste of time. Seems to me that people just can't be happy with what they got. Its really sad that people dont stay in love... Really pisses me off. But there is hope... As i would think there is a woman out there who doesnt fall out of love when they fall in love...

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Sometimes we can all feel that this is the case but IT'S NOT.

Most of us go through the trials and tribulations of dating and Relationships until you find THE ONE , so just learn from the one's that don't work and remember just because 2 people don't necessarily get on and can't live with each other doesn't make either of them a bad person.

Just be happy with yourself and the rest will fall into place when you least expect it.

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Originally Posted by Adapa
Sounds to me that dating women is a waste of time. Seems to me that people just can't be happy with what they got. Its really sad that people don't stay in love... Really pisses me off. But there is hope... As I would think there is a woman out there who doesn't fall out of love when they fall in love...

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Its funny how we feel like this when we go through a break up, I know I did, but when your ready, and look around, you will try it again, trust me.

So... my ex messaged me on face book. She messaged me cause I had this on my comment:

Let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. ~1 John 3:18

So she took the time to message me on face book:

1 If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge; and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 And if I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
8 Love never fails; but if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away; if there are tongues, they will cease; if there is knowledge, it will be done away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part; 10 but when the perfect comes, the partial will be done away. 11 When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. 12 For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known. 13 But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.


That's all she said. . HER. I AM OVER THIS. WHY THE HELL DID SHE BREAK NO CONTACT! HER.

Delete her from FB.

That will stop all confusing messages.

We are not friends on face book. I had my comments off privacy dumb me.

You man, it took me about 2 months of NC to finally have the strength to delete her off Facebook, because I was soooo concerned about her "feelings" and being the "immature" one and deleting her, but then when she posted a pic of her and the new BF on her profile... I was like WTFlip? Im an idiot being played like a foooool!! So bammmmm deleted that chik instantly!! Everybody plays the fool, there's no exception to the rule, it may be factual it may be cruel, but everybody plays the fool.

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Originally Posted by pureorganic

ya man, it took me about 2 months of NC to finally have the strength to delete her off facebook, because i was soooo concerned about her "feelings" and being the "immature" one and deleting her, but then when she posted a pic of her and the new BF on her profile.... i was like WTFlip? Im an idiot being played like a foooool!!! so bammmmm deleted that chik instantly!!! everybody plays the fool, theres no exception to the rule, it may be factual it may be cruel, but everybody plays the fool.

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Yeah... She's acting all mature now, calling me a child and not a man cause I block her from my life. But... yet she is the one who broke no contact. I told her to ONLY e-mail me with your accomplishments LATER in life. I am not running or hiding, I just don't have any desire to communicate with her after how she treated me. She's acting all grown up but she's the one who broke up with me ON THE PHONE right before I was about to leave the house to go see her. How mature is that? No spine.

Who care's if she broke No Contact , the important thing is that you keep it up.

Delete her FB message , build a bridge and get over it.

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Originally Posted by friend4u178

Who care's if she broke No Contact , the important thing is that you keep it up.

Delete her FB message , build a bridge and get over it.

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I was going to write back but then I was like... She doesn't deserve to have a conversation with me. The sad thing is... the first message she says to me after 2 months is a freaking bible quote... Pretty freaking crazy if you ask me.

Bump in the road-ignore and keep moving on.
It doesn't really matter anymore,does it?

Its starting to get nice out. And I am starting to feel a of a whole lot better. I think Ill do some spring cleaning in my brain and sweep out the dust and throw some memories away.

Great idea. Cobwebs out-happiness in! :-)

Its been a while since I updated you guys what's going on with my life. So here I go. Sorry if I type too much...

Its been crazy up in here... in my brain. But I know that I am really, honestly doing better than I was a month ago. I can now go through a whole day of school without the thought of my ex. And, when I am in the hospital taking care of patients she is not on my name at all. The only times I think about her is when I am not doing anything. And even then... the pain is not even there.

Right now the only thing I am going through is memories. Ill get these flashbacks in my head of the memories... but the pain is not there. I feel no pain from it. I am not depressed, but the memories put me into a daze that seems unreal. Its as if I am a bird and the gate is open and I am finding my way to the outside to finally be free at last from this curse that was put on me.

I have learned a lot about myself over the last couple months, and in 1 week or so it will be the 3 month mark. If something seems to good to be true... then it most likely is. Here are my plans though... I won't be falling in love anytime soon with any girl. And I am also not going to let myself get attached to someone in that sense anymore--until I know its meant to be. Life is to short to be clinging to one person... Like... How did I know she was the one when I barely even exp. Life myself?

Maybe that was what she was thinking. I can't blame her for wanting to know for sure if I was the only one for her, because honestly if she was thinking this than chances are later down the road I would be thinking the same thing.

So, in reality I think the split was a good thing. She did not want kids. We were not two peas in a pot. Because her religion was different than mine, and our educational background was really going off into different directions. As I've said before I am going to be in a career in less than a year, as she will finally start her 4 year college adventure(after many failed attempts for the past 4 years of messing around in community college).

She would still be at the same community college when I have my RN degree. Now, this is NOT good because I have GROWN up, and she not grown up. Its as if we did not grow up together. Actually, I know for a fact that we grew apart because she is still in the same place, she was when I met her. She did not improve her life since we started dating. When we first started dating she was at a community college, 3 years later, she is still at a community college. Where I have grown and have improved my life.

Now, I am not the one to not date someone because they don't have a education. But... I should have seen a red flag somewhere. There needs to be growth of a person that you see. And honestly, she did not grow with the relationship. Its as if she is still that little 18 year old girl that I started dating. Still at the same old community school, still playing the same games.

Now, when I think about this... it makes me wonder... Why did I not notice this before? Why did a red flag not go off? Surely... there is a problem somewhere when you look back at the 3 years, and the only person who has changed... is yourself. And your "so called" partner is still in the same boat, on the same journey she was when you met her... 3 years ago. That is pathetic.

NO WONDER she fell out of love with me. My life is changing right before her eyes and all she can see in the horizon is... the same thing she saw when we first started dating. She doesn't see a future because... she has no future lands sightings for 3 years now. Of course she doesn't love me, my journey is going across the Atlantic ocean, and she is still going in circles in the gulf of Mexico.

So, let me ask you. Is that a problem? Is it weird that she is still stuck in the same situation as she was, when she was 18 years old? No improvements, not growth as a person. She did not grow at all when we were together... but how come I did? Please answer me!

It's a different rate of growth for different people. Nobody's fault, that's just how it is.

That's just life Adapa-we are all different and some sail the Atlantic,others are happy to splash around in the village pond.

What she does isn't important now,focus on you and your own future.

You seen to be doing really well,give yourself a pat on the back.

Hey guys. This is just an update to my legendary recovery of the once broken heart-ed. I am doing fine. Scratch that, I am doing $#$##$@ amazing! I have been working out for the last month, and I have lost a lot since the break up. 225, now I am 164 lbs. I look great and I feel great! Damn, and can I say I have ALL the confidence in the world now. Almost have a 6 pack, and I Have a thinner face like a move-star look. I run/jog 10 miles a day! And this summer I am going todo a lot of running! 5ks, 10ks, and most likely doing a marathon! Working hard pays off!

Not to mention I have quit smoking and quit drinking! I haven't smoked in 3 weeks and I haven't drank one ounce of alcohol in 3 weeks. I am doing really good! I feel so much better about myself. Its so true... Working out helps relieve stress and it BUILDS confidence!

WOW! That's great:D and freaky at the same time... are you over doing it? Either way I'm so glad you are feeling happy:)

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Originally Posted by Just Dahlia

WOW!! That's great:D and freaky at the same time...are you over doing it? Either way I'm so glad you are feeling happy:)

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Haha. Over a 3 month period? I don't really think it's that big of a deal. But I didn't start to loose A LOT of weight until I started running a lot. So I think I am fine.

Thanks for being proud of me! I was always told the best revenge is to look your best, and be the best. Be even better than you were before. :)

pureorganic... Thanks man, I really appreciate that! It does! Yay for getting into shape, and being skinny. I WILL NEVER allow myself to put on weight again like that. Not that I was heavy(mostly muscle from lifting a lot). I just don't like the whole big muscle things anymore and Would like I have an athletic build rather than a body builder look.

Update:

Last night I get a text a random text message from the dead. It says something along these lines: "I just want to clear some things up that I did not cheat on you. And I would appreciate if you stopped telling people that. Thanks."

Remember: No Contact has been put into place since day one. I have not told anyone that she cheated on me. AND, I did not respond back to her. What I don't understand is why she still has my phone number, why after almost 5 months is she still caring about what I say, or think. It seems kind of pathetic to me that she even talks about me, or tries to find out what I think. You guys have any ideas? Let me add, that I went to this music store a couple days ago, and one of those people that owns the place is a mutual friend of ours(I do not talk to them anymore, and the last time I saw them was 10 months ago), do you think that she got wind that I lost a load of weight? Also, we did not talk about anything other than music, and working out.

BTW: Life is good, into my senior year of nursing school(3 month summer break, then 9 months of schooling, then my RN). Im an avid runner(about 7 miles a day), and weigh a total of 153 lbs. And have been talking to a lot of women ;)

Don't worry about what goes on in her head, only she knows. But keep ignoring her, and enjoy doing your own thing.

I have a feeling that this is only the tip of the ice-berg... Titanic didn't fully sink yet... I'm scared.

It would be foolish to worry, or fear the actions of another when they have done nothing significant yet.

Don't give in to foolish drama, stay on your own path, and don't be distracted by NONSENSE. And don't let that nonsense and drama draw you into some BS, that has you defensive, and defending yourself.

Rise above the BS, or drown in somebody else's sh!t.

Two weeks later(or so): Text message >> "hi."

What do you all think about that! (of course I do NOT reply, EVER).

- comments please. What is going on here...

2nd chances are sometimes needed... but you can't always give them.

There isn't really much to think about.

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What I don't understand is why she still has my phone number, why after almost 5 months is she still caring about what I say, or think. It seems kind of pathetic to me that she even talks about me, or tries to find out what I think.

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You said it yourself. There really isn't any reason to try to figure out what she's up to or what she's thinking or why she's thinking it or any of the usual BS.

The second you start reading into any of that, you're feeding right out of her hand. Keep that in mind. Stay strong, keep looking forward and ignore the siren song tugging you back.

Ever have a pesky door to door salesman knock when you are busy? The minute you open the door and tell him no thanks, he will still try to sell you a vacuum cleaner.

So any reply opens a door to a sales spiel, when if you don't reply to that knock on the door, the sale man moves to the next house.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Ever have a pesky door to door salesman knock when you are busy? The minute you open the door and tell him no thanks, he will still try to sell you a vacuum cleaner.

So any reply opens a door to a sales spiel, when if you don't reply to that knock on the door, the sale man moves to the next house.

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Lol... that is amazing. I love it. Do you think that is what is going on? And do you think it has anything to-do with me looking good as hell now?

Who knows what goes on in the mind of a desperate salesman?? That not who you want to attract any way. You want a cool winner to notice.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Who knows what goes on in the mind of a desperate salesman??? That not who you want to attract any way. You want a cool winner to notice.

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Thank you... You guys have helped me through the roughest part of my life... my thread should be noticed, and my story should be read to know that LIFE DOES GO ON, and you WILL LIVE.

I hope you're able to really live by your own philosophy, whilst I agree, and always say if you go back what went wrong the first time will go wrong again, but if its resolved and dealt with that may not be the case.

Even so, there just might come a time in your life when you want a 2nd chance, and I also feel that everyone deserves a 2nd chance, once is a mistake but twice is blatant.

Whilst I agree this relationship you had with this girl wasn't going anywhere, that doesn't mean you have to tar every woman with the same brush.

Don't be so quick to say that's its over, sometimes it needs a 2nd chance for you to see the potential in a relationship.

Plus your words might come home to haunt you one day. We are all different, all unique, and we don't always live up to everyone's standards,

Take each person as you find them and don't be so quick to throw in the towel.

We don't have the right to judge others, only ourselves.

Be the best person you can possibly be for yourself and the best partner for you should come into your life.

Also let your heart rule the day once in a while, it feels good.

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Originally Posted by positiveparent

I hope youre able to really live by your own philosophy, whilst I agree, and always say if you go back what went wrong the first time will go wrong again, but if its resolved and dealt with that may not be the case.

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Eh, I kind of read some offense in your post. But, let me just recap for you guys on some things in my life...

I have changed my number a week ago (because I DID NOT want to get another text from her). I don't even know why she has my phone number still, and I sure as hell don't know what "hi." means after almost 6 months of pure silence. I think its really pathetic that she still messages me, and I think its even stranger that she doesn't understand that after 3 attempts of contacting me(for the past 6 months) that I haven't replied to any of her messages. I guess she just doesn't get the hint that I have moved on with my life.

My life is looking pretty good right now. I am finally on my feet and can smell the roses.

The only explanation that I can come up with as to WHY she sent me those two text messages a week apart, and the text message: hi. Is because something happened with her life. Maybe that new boyfriend, or the guy she's seeing wasn't all that and a bag of chips. I hope so.

Although, lately I have been feeling kind of remorse for her, and I really do want her to have a great life. And I feel kind of bad about all the hatred I have in my heart towards her. I really can't be mad with her decisions in HER life, can I?