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I didn't have a good excuse for my actions when I was hanging out with this other guy. No I don't consider on cheating on my boyfriend. I just made a stupid mistake at the time. My boyfriend can't prove that I cheated on him or not. He thinks that I did and I didn't blame him. But we got over it. Were passed that. It happened 2 years ago.
Well what was the "conversation" about that was so interesting?? She may be cheating but then again you never know. I think that she may like him but has not done anything because of you. I say that because you said she is a good person.
Do you think contacting the guy and asking him myself would be going overboard? I need to know the truth if I am to consider getting back with her. Should I ask her first to see how her reaction is?Quote:
Originally Posted by HotPotato2009
I find it hard to believe if you can't trust her enough to believe her response to this question, that you will ever trust her again. I see many nights of going through her phone, email and other info. Where does the line get drawn?
You can contact this guy all you want, but will he be honest. Also, if they were just friends and he says that will that be enough? I would be a little worried over what kind of friend is available at for a.m. That part was fishy to me.
It's not a smart move, nothing good can come of it.Quote:
Originally Posted by arle
And if this isn't the first time this has happened, it probably won't be the last, either.
I think you should talk to her
Thank you Adam for that compliment
Arle, contacting that guy may also make you even more upset about the situation. Whether something happened or not
No problem HotPotato.
I keep checking in on this post and you are getting very good advice here. I think you should listen to what is being said here today.
What did you mean you were in the same situation before and she forgave you? I was a little cloudy on that.
If you couldn't trust her then, you may never trust her again. It will definitely be a thing over time. Just don't go snooping around and putting your nose in things where it shouldn't be to make things worse. If you want to know the truth and can trust her, then ask her. If you can't trust her enough to ask her, then what is the point of trying to make a relationship of it?
If you did find this guy and asked him, and he said, we are just friends, are you going to automatically take his side and not question it anymore? He could have know about you and tried to cross the line or he might have respected the line.
The point is there is no real way of knowing. It is something only he and her knows. The only way you can put yourself at ease over it is to trust her or don't and move on.
You made the right decision. When is comes to cheating, there is nothing you can do. Whether she was cheating or not, she shouldn't be talking to another guy if she is with you. If she wants good conversation. She should be having it with you, if she can't then she doesn't deserve you.
I had a boyfriend that I was with for a year and a half and found out when he dumped me, that he had been sleeping with his ex the entire time we were together!!
So by your theory the significant other can't have a "good" conversation with any other member of the opposite sex?Quote:
Originally Posted by crisluvsu731
On two occasions she said that she'd discontinue all communication with him immediately. That said, give her the benefit of the doubt. Now if she continues after you've forgiven her and she's promised not to do it again, then you've got a problem. But I think that right now things deserve a second chance.
Well, with my experience, that is how I feel. I have screwed over so many times in the past and it was for having such a big heart and forgiving so many times.Quote:
Originally Posted by kctiger
I don't think a good friend knows it is okay to call a friend at 2 am. Which makes me think it is probably more than good conversation. Even if she is not interested he may be thinking that the more available he is the more chance of her leaving you.
I don't think good friends of the opposite sex one with a boyfriend would talk that often if it was nothing.
Why would she call you and then call him immediately after??
Like S_cianci said you can give her the benefit of the doubt and get back with her but if she continues to call this guy after she said she wouldn't then you know you can't trust her.
Especially since she did agree to that.
I mean lets be real here, do you really think that she wasn't interested in him at all. If it was just good conversation about the same field they were in, would she not of mention him to you? I don't know your guys relationship but if it was friendly as she says and he was a cool guy don't you think you would have heard of him? Also to text you at 2 am then 5 min text him asking to hang out seems really suspect to me. I am not sure if you should give her a seconde chance or not but don't be fooled by thinking that she only thought of him as a friend and wasn't interested in any other way. You will never know what they did and didn't do, but if you feel like she has learned from mistake (we all make them) and realize that she was playing with fire then you should talk. I would let her know that this is def not acceptable and that there wouldn't be any more chances. If YOU decide to take her back then you would need to completely drop this and move on and if you feel that you can't drop it then I would think twice about getting back together.
I agree with KC in a way. I believe it's okay for two people to have a chat but once it becomes everyday, at odd hours of the night then the lines start to get blurred. To put the icing on the cake, she goes out with him at the bar? My fiancé and I have guidelines for that stuff, personally we feel doing that would be crossing our lines. Some may not agree with our guidelines, but they work for us.
As for the OP, I believe she crossed several lines and it's up to you if you could trust her again, which you pointed out, you doubt you will. A relationship can't exist without trust being a firm building block and once that is crack, everything else will crumble around it.
You got to love these questions about whether he/she will call back but anyway here goes mine..
So I met this bombshell over the weekend. She was gorgeous, model figure, smart (med school), and down to earth. A 10 on my scale and trust me, I am very picky.. I was playing it pretty well as she started holding my hand and we were talking all night but I think I became a little too focused on her and she began to pull a way a bit. At the end of the night I told her I had to run and got her phone number.
Waited 2 days and called her back and she was at dinner (was very loud in the background) and she told me she would call later. Didn't get the call last night and I'm worried I may have blown it somehow... If she doesn't call back I think I will try her again tomorrow but I don't want to give the impression that Im desperate either (just really liked the girl).
Any suggestions? Should I wait longer, send a text, or just call again?
Try calling her one more time. If nothing comes of it this time, then scratch her off the list and move on.
Do you have any idea how you could blow it? It may be handy to rewind the night and remember what happened between the time when she was holding your hand looked like she was in love and then began to pull away? Did you say anything or did?
If you find what could be the reason, great, because then you may be able to fix it. If not, invite her for diner, or to the cinema. Sometimes even I was not sure what the man next to me wanted, and I would many times appreciate more if the man could be more open about it, inv me for cinema and pre discuss which movie I would prefer... this way man treats the woman with respect, good thing.
Doesn't seem like she's interested. But you won't know until you try again. So give her a call 1 or 2 days later and it gives her enough time to get back to you.
If she's interested, she will come out to see you again, so you don't really need to guess how she feels. So just ask her out again and see what she says.
Some women like to be pursued, and if she's a '10', then she's probably used to being hit on by a lot of guys.
I'd wait a few more days and then ring and see if she'd like a coffee/drink. Be warm but not over the top. Her reply will let you know what she thinks.
Call her and then leave the ball in her court. Tell her to call you if she wants to go out on a date or something of that nature. Rule #3 of dating: ALWAYS leave the ball in the other person's court if you can... leaves out questions of interested or not in the end.
Ugh.. Arle- did you notice from your post you basically put this chick on a pedastal before you have even hung out with her more then once? "She was gorgeous, model figure, smart (med school), and down to earth. A 10 on my scale and trust me, I am very picky".
Relax man, like Gemini said if she is hot, and educated she is most likely pursued a lot.. so don't do what every other guy does. And as KC said, put the ball in her court. I find it amazing sometimes that we think so highly of the 'new girl' before ever getting to know them. Not to mention.. yes, put out some effort, but if she is not putting out the effort to see YOU.. then why do you want to go after her anyway? Dam.. last time I checked I want a girl to WANT me as much as I want her. I want her to want to call me, spend time with me, etc.
The bottom line is if she is interested in you, you WILL hear from her again. You're already wondering how you blew it with her!! Where is the confidence killer... back off- she said she would call you back, give her a chance to..
Thumper
Give her a call in a few days and if she is still busy, or unavailable, then ask someone else out. Hmmmm, I would ask someone else any way, you can always try her number later.
Threads merged.
I broke up with my ex last week however Im having 2nd thoughts now. The reason I broke up is because I was having trust issues with her and it was becoming unhealthy for me. I told her that we could work things out if she could give me 100% commitment. She told me that she still was not sure what she wanted and that she understood why I couldn't get back if she was still unsure. We ended the conversation breaking up and with her telling me that she loves me.
I ended up going to a concert on Sat with her since we had tickets together and it was a band I really wanted to see. She started acting like we were back together (holding my hand, calling me "babe) and before I knew it I was kissing her and having a great time by the end of the night. Since that night I have been having 2nd thoughts, however I wanted to give myself some time to think about it and avoid making an irrational decision.
Here is my predicament.
I came across her Facebook the other day and some random guy posted several pictures of himself with my ex. They looked to be more than friends as they were out together at night and on another occasion in the park during the day. I want to speak to her about it but I don't want to look like I've been stalking her Facebook. I want to get back together with her (the power of jealousy! Damnnit!) but I want to get back together for the right reasons, not the wrong ones. I told her that I would swing by her place to pick up my things tonight. Do I ask her about this guy (with no guilt trips attached)? I feel like I need to know because if she is seeing him, I cannot continue to be with her. She really is a great person and I don't want to lose her but I will not be with her if she started seeing a guy right after we broke up. HELP!
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ll-388825.html
Seems your doing the same thing, and your mad at her?? Or is this sour grapes at failing to get a second date with some one else? That takes a lot of nerve to be a hypocrite. Leave her alone, and get beyond the past.Quote:
I cannot continue to be with her. She really is a great person and I don't want to lose her but I will not be with her if she started seeing a guy right after we broke up. HELP!
You two had issues and couldn't fix them in the time you were together and now your broken up, over the same issues all over again. Leave it be, and forget second chances, and deal with all your issues, and let her deal with her own.
When you both grow up some and are willing to work together, fine, but that won't happen for a long time.
Amazing how the whole story comes together when your posts are merged.
We only move forward in life. You are moving backwards.
Also, Facebook once again proves to be the devil's website. That website causes more people to not move on then anything I've ever come across.
I dated my girlfriend for 2 years and although we were having some problems, I love her very much and had always thought that we would end up together. She started planning on moving away to San Diego and it basically came off that she wanted me to go but if I didn't go with her, she would still make the move. She became very distant and I basically forced her to break up with me because I was not getting what I needed from her.
A couple weeks later she tries to get in touch with me to pick up some things and we met up. She told me that she had made the wrong decision and that she still loved me and wanted to start being a better girlfriend to me. I told her that I needed her to prove it however the following week I found out from a friend of hers that she had gone out on a date (different guy) and had been hanging out with this guy over the course of our breakup. I was heartbroken and I did not handle it too well because I had felt betrayed. A thousand emotions were going through my head and I became angry, needy, insecure, all of the above.. I told her I found out and she said that they were friends but that was it (She is a very honest person but really who knows.. she could have been afraid to tell me)
At this point I had lost control of the relationship. She was back on track of planning to move away to San Diego but at the same time she did not want to end our relationship. We agreed that we would try things out to see where they went but I have not seen any initiative on her part. She texts and calls but she never takes the initiative to work on the relationship. I ran into her at a bar the other night with some of her guy friends and she starts to flirt with me but I was still hurt by everything that had happened (plus I had too much to drink) and I took off.
I have basically decided to move on although I haven't told her yet. I still love her deeply and hope that we can be together again; however, I've come to realize that she wants to do this on her own terms and I cannot try to work on this relationship that way. I feel like I am there to comfort her whenver she needs me but she does not reciprocate the affection to me. I am going to tell her that I am moving on and that I want to start dating again and I don't know if this will be a wake up call to her or not but I can no longer be in a stand still in this relationship. I have tried to meet up with her on acouple occasions but she seems to always be busy. She finally asked me to meet up last week but I was extremely busy. My question is, do I go ahead and meet with her again to tell her this or do I just move on and begin NC? I don't want to lose her but If you love someone you have to set them free. Hopefully she will come back to me but I cannot continue like this. Advice would be much appreciated..
You do what you have to do. I think it would be a bit more classy to at least tell her how you feel and that you are ending it rather than just simply ignoring her from now on. If this is going to really end I think both of you need to sit down and discuss this like mature adults.
Yea I thought so too because eventually it will have to be brought up. I guess what I meant to ask was whether I should wait for her to call or do I initiate the meeting?Quote:
Originally Posted by kctiger
I would initiate the meeting. It needs to be done, so delaying the inevitable serves no purpose.
I believe that if you genuinely love someone and feel that you want to be with her, no matter what the circumstances be, you figure out how to work it out. In the long run there is going to be problems in all relationships, explain to her what you need out of it. If she isn't willing to give you what you need. It is very tough to deal with as you can't see in the head of anyone but, if you want the relationship to work, don't give up on her. Help her change, that's what love is.
True love is not about changing a person, it is about unconditional acceptance. You can't make a person change. She clearly isn't into the relationship and this needs to end.Quote:
Originally Posted by jmlcowboys06
I agree. If she wants to change then she will, I cannot force her to. I can only hope that my actions will help her see what was really important to her. If I made her happy and she wants to be with me, then she will start reciprocating her feelings towards me. If not, then I need to be single until I find that person that will..Quote:
Originally Posted by kctiger
I think you're going about this the right way-talk to her and let her know you're going NC as things stand now.
Im scared like sh.t to do it because I don't want to lose her, but I think this is the only way that it will ever give us a chance. It may not work but I don't see any other choices left.. Either way I plan to move forwardQuote:
Originally Posted by amicon
Forward is the only way to go. Being stuck in limbo is not a good place to be. Action is always better than reaction.
So I tried to setup a meeting to talk with her on Friday but she told me she was going out with one of her girlfirends and would not be able to meet so we decided to meet on Sunday. On Friday I saw her out at happy hr with a bunch of guys at the place I was at and we both pretended like we had not seen each other (I am very tall so I know she saw me).Quote:
Originally Posted by amicon
So Sunday comes around and she texts me 30 min before to cancel because she realized she had to go to her cousins recital.. I told her that it was fine but next time she should let me know earlier. I also thought it was rude as hell to text someone when you are canceling. Anyway Ive tried to brush it off as much as possible but this is already the 2nd time she cancles and she pretty much blew me off once. She has apologized each time but she just seems so nonchalant about the whole matter.
Today she texts me: "hey, let me know when you are leaving for Thanksgiving that way we can talk before ok. I hope you are having a nice day. Im sorry again about yesterday"
I don't want to show like I care much but I was thinking of telling her that I am done setting up plans with her because I either get canceled on or blown off and I don't have time for that. At the same time I think I really need to just end things in person.. I still love the girl but I cannot stand the way she treats me. Any suggestions?
I would say you've tried to set up a meeting and it's not happening-she keeps cancelling on you so I don't see that you owe her any more attempts. She's feeling guilty and is trying to avoid the awkwardness of a meeting it seems.
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