Good advice - I also know in my head that when I deny and then ignore her requests to hang out (which probably is to be friends/string me along even more) - the contact will probably stop for good. And although that is what I need and realize is what is necessary for me to move on - it is a horrible feeling right now.

These feelings will go away-it's one day at the time at this stage,but it gets better.
Keep your mind focused on the end goal-NC to heal from the breakup.

Thanks for your help today guys - Today was a rough day with the contact on her end but I made it through the pain of getting her texts and now feel OK and in control again. I am going out with the guys tonight for a few drinks and going to enjoy myself.

I will continue to update as you guys are great in getting me through this. I am feeling positive again that this is the right move and I am on my way to healing and leading a better life :)

Great job! We are rooting for you! Tell us about the great times you have been having!

Ok well quick update on how I am feeling right now - I am in a much better mindstate right now. Yesterday was a rough day because I got messages from her asking to hang out and telling me she misses hanging out with me. I got weak and broke NC by responding, though declining the invitation.

The good news is. That breaking NC yesterday made me realize that it was only hurtful to my progress. The contact back just made me have more questions and be more upset. Today I am angry at myself for answering her. Which I guess is a good thing. I will not answer her anymore if she tries me. I am part of the usual group of dumpees that broke NC, but now I would like to be the one who learned his lesson and sticks to it.

Thanks for your help guys!

Now you have learnt that lesson.
Tomorrow's another day.
NC all the way.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by RobinBoston

The good news is. That breaking NC yesterday made me realize that it was only hurtful to my progress. The contact back just made me have more questions and be more upset.

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Its great that you have come to this realization! It's the first step. Think about it Every time you get an urge because every time you make contact you reset the pain. Thinking about this helps as a deterent, at least it does for me.

Update - Today is day 4 of STRICT no contact. It was a rough last day and a half - but I have survived so far. Last night my friend told me he saw my ex out at a place that I usually go, but luckily was not there last night. She doesn't usually go there and it was surprising because she knew I might be there. She texted me at 2am asking if I was out. I was out somewhere else but didn't respond and had a great night.

Today, She has texted me twice and tried to call me also twice throughout the day. I have ignored everything. This is the first time I have not responded to a full day of repeated contact. It feels weird and I obviously am dying to respond, but I am staying firm. I am going out again tonight with a friend, somewhere she will definitely not be.

Needed to vent and keep up the NC!

Vent away. Sounds like you're doing great. If you ever feel tempted to contact her, just come here.

Furthermore, I suggest that you not get updates from your friends, so that you don't need to think about her.

Finally, I also suggest that you delete her text messages before even reading them. More power to you.

You're doing very well.
Stick to it.
If she keeps contacting you, I suggest you change your number.

HELP... Update (5th day of strict NC) - Well I made it through the weekend, but it was far from easy. My strict NC got a HUGE rise out of my ex. She called/texted me well over 10 times in the past 2 days. I was strong and did not answer her once! She obviously persisted because this is the first time I have totally ignored her for a decent period and she was confused.

The problem was that I feel like crap now. I read the text messages she wrote (I was not strong enough to delete w/o looking, nor did I truly want to do that yet). She was writing how she missed me and asked why I was ignoring her and she didn't get it. She didn't leave any voicemails.

I know that I am moving on and that is the point of this NC and this thread, and I AM doing well since I started NC no matter how hard - BUT honestly, I sooo badly wanted to answer one of her calls or text her back to see if she felt any different or why the sudden interest. Please tell me that her contact was just due to me ignoring and to continue to ignore is the right thing!

This really got my feelings going again and I feel miserable. My heart wants her back so bad but my head knows that I should continue to heal and move on. I am much better now than I was 2 weeks ago or so, but these past 2 days were hard. Please reassure me that ignoring is the right way to go, and that if she TRULY wants to change something between us that she still could even if I am ignoring.

Thanks

Think of her as a puppy. She continues her bad behavior until you just ignore her, otherwise, if you react, you will only encourage and justify her behavior to her.

You did awesome. You are VERY strong, a lot stronger than I was at your point. Well done, WELL done!!

Thanks KC - To get through the weekend I just kept telling myself how bad I felt last time I answered her texts. It got me nowhere and left me more confused. Also, if she had something very important or different to say (I,e, "I made a huge mistake and want you back") that she would find a way to tell me (like leave a voicemail) Do you agree?

I know this is just more of a game on her end and since I continue to think that I know I did the right thing. It's just hard because I am a very nice and standup guy and to ignore someone I care about is so abnormal to me.

I agree. If she wants you bad enough, she will come get you. You continue to be strong. You get an A in my book man! I am truly proud of yourself control.

Don't buy into the gameplaying.

Here is a mantra for you:
Delete without reading and ignore.

OK Robin. I'm also on NC with my ex right now and I'd like to help others.
I have a question: do you really want to forget her?Not that I'm doubting but you know sometimes when you really love someone you say you want to forget him or her but truth is you secretly want him or her back.Does it please you to see she is calling you over and over?When she will stop how will you feel?
I think you should do a huge work on yourself to answer those questions.
Before everything, it is really important for you to understand and admitt she is part of the past not the future. So then you'll be able to live your life.

Misty - Well I definitely have those feelings inside often, that I want her back and miss everything we had. But now I am smart enough to see that this is not a realistic option anymore. I want to forget about her and move on because I have to. When I see her calls I do get excited. But I think clearly and realize that her agenda in the calls is not to get back together. This allows me to ignore her. I also WILL probably be upset when she stops calling. What do you suggest to help me move on better. It has only been three weeks since our breakup.

Oh! You know I'm not an example I broke up with my ex like 2 weeks ago I'm also on NC like I said but before we used to break up then make up... I regret it and I don't want it to happen to you. What really helps me is that I definitely stopped thinking it could work again or he could change. I changed he didn't.So please don't talk to her anymore take time.Take a break from her. Think that you can't change what is already done.LOVE YOURSELF.that's what I'm trying to do.

Well after ignoring her 10+ calls/messages yesterday - it resulted in 0 contact in any form today. I didn't realize how much it would hurt. I guess I really did enjoy getting the attention from her for the last few days and now feel rejected again. The truth is I think I do want to move on and am doing the no contact but I guess in the back of my mind I was doing the NC partly as a way to make her miss me too. When it kind of worked (her messaging me) I kept the NC going and now she stopped the attention. I keep questioning if I should have answered one time and explained my feelings(clearly that would have broke NC).

Please tell me that this simple ignoring I was doing was the right move and had no actual effect on the big situation. I have these weird thoughts that she was starting to think things through and the continuous ignoring her made her pissed off and say forget him. Somebody please ground me and tell me that this all means nothing and she is playing games!!

I know this NC IS the right thing and I must know inside because I would have never been able to ignore so much if I didn't.

Sorry big vent - It's a real bad day, I am thinking a lot today even though I have kept busy. I am really hurting am truly wondering if I have been doing this right.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by RobinBoston

Please tell me that this simple ignoring I was doing was the right move and had no actual effect on the big situation. I have these weird thoughts that she was starting to think things through and the continuous ignoring her made her pissed off and say forget him. Somebody please ground me and tell me that this all means nothing and she is playing games!!!

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If she gave up that easily on you and got "pissed off and said forget him". Is that someone you really want in your life?

If she meant it, she would have communicated about it better.

Thanks Carrot,

I know I agree. Just helps to hear others say it. I keep telling myself that if she actually cared to get me back she would have or will get through to me without me answering or responding (i.e. she could always leave a voicemail if something is important).

This is just games and if so I am so glad I kept NC

Quote:

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Originally Posted by RobinBoston

Thanks Carrot,

I know I agree. Just helps to hear others say it. I keep telling myself that if she actually cared to get me back she would have or will get through to me without me answering or responding (i.e. she could always leave a voicemail if something is important).

This is just games and if so I am so glad I kept NC

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Sounds like you're at the step where you shouldn't pay attention to the details. Who cares if she is thinking about you or trying to play games with anymore. There are no more ifs, buts, ands anymore. You've made the decision to NC, and part of the healing process is to keep your mind occupied with other stuff so you won't think about her as much.

Keep up the good work buddy!

That's what I was trying to say in the last posts. You say that you want to move on but you seem to keep thinking there's a future for you two.You should'nt because you have to definitely close that door! I'm not saying it is easy but it is the way to go.
Think to yourself: I tried my best it didn't work I'm not going to be her toyand waste my time.
She calls when she wants and here we go again.Have respect for yourself!Have faith in yourself.Close that door and don't look back.

Yea, I understand. My mind flip-flops. Because I know in my head I AM moving on, and I do feel better about the reality most of the time. But then I'll randomly get that miserable false hope (like when she's calling) even though I stay in NC. I am working now on completely shutting those thoughts out and trying to think like you said.

Like in the stickie, my strict NC brought her snooping around, there's nothing more to it than that and I will continue to move on.

It's been just under a month, and at times I'll feel happy that I can see myself as a strong single person again, but then again there's many times where I just feel miserable. And I also think about her soooo much, even when I keep busy. I don't know how to control these emotions yet.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by none12345

Who cares if she is thinking about you or trying to play games with anymore.

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Personally, I try to get a good laugh if she plays games. Kind of reaffirms my decision:D

Quote:

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I don't know how to control these emotions yet.

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You don't control your emotions, you accept them as yours, and cope with them, with thought and care, but never with impulsive actions, or words.

They usually pass, and can be changed by positive actions, and physical exertions.

Thanks guys - just had an amazing workout and 3 mile run outside. Feeling much better right now. Working out really does help with your emotions and lift your spirits.

Going to try to keep this positive mood for the rest of the day. One day at a time! - I'll be back when I need you.

BTW - this forum is awesome, you don't know how much it has helped me through this so far. I would have caved and crawled back like a puppy so many times without your support!

Enjoy the rest of the day!
Thank you for your kind words and come back when you want to!

HUGE UPDATE - I can really use all your help and support now!!

What I thought was an innocent day turned out to be a monster. She called me like 5 more times in a row a few hours ago (after 15 ignored on the weekend) - I couldn't take it anymore and answered and broke NC

Long story short - we talked for a little but I was able to tell nothing changed and confirmed to myself that she was just stringing me along. She just was pissed or confused that I wouldn't answer so kept trying, there was no change of heart or feelings - So I told her I will not be friends with her and that if her feelings weren't different to please stop contacting me and let me move on. I am almost positive now in my mind that there is someone else in the picture and that is why she didn't know how to handle me.

We needed to exchange keys and a few other items and I wanted it over with - so I drove down the street to do it and get it over with - she came out and I stayed in my car, we exchanged and she tried to talk a little - I just said I would appreciate if you leave me alone and don't contact me now, she started hysterical crying and walked away and I drove off

I feel miserable right now as you can imagine - but I seriously think I needed it - although I don't know the truth I know I have closure and did all I could. Now it is time to move on with my life. I realize that although I started this thread a little while back it is not until now that I am "ready" to heal.

Please give me some help/support here - I am alone and heartbroken

You already know what to do. NC, yet you refuse to do that and continuously break it. There will always be an excuse to break it and if you don't stop that you will never heal.

So long as you allow yourself to break NC and buy into her gameplaying,you are going to make yourself feel miserable.

If you can't resist picking up the phone-change your number.

Nc is tough,but you can do it.
You're doing this for your own healing's sake,so it's time to put yourself first.

If your really ready to heal, you make a plan that doesn't include her.

If it helps see this as a death of this relationship and mourn, but life does go on. Make a choice to go with it.

Thanks guys I agree - BTW, the main point of my last post wasn't that I broke NC - it was that I know now for sure I won't do it again. My ex now knows that I do not want to talk to her at all on a friendship level (she did not know this before ) and I know that she wants nothing more than that. That is closure to me. I am able to close the door behind me and no longer have false hope. As hard as it is I needed that.

Now I will act as if she has disappeared and will do my own thing. Thanks for the support - from now on my updates will only be about how I am improving and what is good in my life. Also, I will come for kind words when I feel down and need some motivation!

Thanks again

Quote:

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Originally Posted by RobinBoston

My ex now knows that I do not want to talk to her at all on a friendship level (she did not know this before ) and I know that she wants nothing more than that. That is closure to me. I am able to close the door behind me and no longer have false hope. As hard as it is i needed that.

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It is unfortunate that we have to wait in limbo sometimes. Glad you got the closure you needed. Sounds like you are doing good. Stay positive! Just do the right thing and you'll feel better with time. One door closes and another one always opens.

Looking forward to happy updates!
Take good care of yourself.

Update - Well its been a few days since my "actual" start of the healing process. My ex has not contacted me and the good news is I have not felt the urge to contact her. I also have held my willpower and didn't feel the need to look at her Facebook or any of that other stuff. I can say I am doing pretty good right now.

I obviously have my sad moments and am thinking about her/"us" still all the time, which is hard. But I am starting to realize it will get better with time. And everyone's advice is spot on - much easier to move on when she is out of sight, out of mind. When I see myself thinking about the past or see something that reminds me of her, I take a second and regroup my thoughts and actively try to do something else.

I think I do realize that we will never be together again, and my heart is slowly starting to accept that fact. And in all honesty, I do not think I am so scared or upset about never getting back with HER, I realize I am scared of the UNKNOWN and change: starting this whole journey over and be lonely and nervous until I find someone new.

I have been out of the game for almost 3 years and it makes it hard to even remember the beginning with my ex. I have been going out with friends to bars, but I think I am different than them. I am not the type of guy who wants to run home with any girl possible. I like to have more meaningful contacts and it is hard to do that at the bars, or when you are looking for it. But I know it happened and it WILL happen again. I need to regain my confidence I had before her. I am only 24.

Thanks for reading - needed to vent a little - any perspective or advice from those who have been there is appreciated. Starting over is so scary to me right now, and I do feel very lonely.

Write down your favorite activities and things you like to learn, and make a plan to participate in them.

I think the best social life and the healthiest is the one that you enjoy, and look forward to. Good clean, adult fun.

Personally I have found volunteering for causes and to help others very rewarding to the soul, and a great way to see how others cope with problems they had no say in.

The point, get a life that you enjoy, with people, and activities, that make you happy.

Then you will attract other happy people, and have something good to bring to the table and share.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by RobinBoston

I do not think I am so scared or upset about never getting back with HER, I realize I am scared of the UNKNOWN and change: starting this whole journey over and be lonely and nervous until I find someone new.

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Sounds like you are on track. Its hard at first but time is on your side being only 24.

Talaniman always says, "whats the friggen hurry?"

I myself am just 26, and have been broken up for 4 months now. I am still not completely over it but I can tell that I am making progress and have taken enough time to reflect. Take it from me, slowly but surely you will regain the confidence you once had and that special someone will come. I have been dating recently and its fun, but its not. It takes work and patience.

One thing I did learn from the last relationship is what I don't want. I want some one that will be there for me no matter what. Someone who will ride for me. I know that person is out there its only a matter of time before I find her. You will find yours too.

You have to think, where was I before I met this person? What was I like as a person? I've changed because of this person but not in the way I had imagined or thought I would. Get the old you back!

I think you are doing well and you have a good mindset.
I can guarantee you will find someone more compatible,just take your time healing,starting to enjoy being single for a while and you will know when you are ready to date again.
As for feeling lonely,all I can say is,that feeling will pass as well.
Live in the present and plan for your future.

To regain some self confidence you can start by doing some shopping and maybe go to the hairdresser and get a new haircut I know it sounds superficial but people will notice and tell you how great you look and then you will feel good!
Also do not rush into a new relation!
Be proud not to be a guy who wants to run home with any girl possible!That proves You Have some respect for yourself and also for women!You're mature.
That's great!