I'm grateful for this website.

Whenever I have a rough moment or Time I come here, read a few posts and calm down.

It's only been one day, but I had her number punched in and read to dial, until I read this post.

NC will help you heal, and get over the break up, and that's the WORST that can happen from it.

The best is that both parties will realize its not what either wanted, and the love is still there, and the "dumpee" didn't push so hard that the "dumper" doesn't want to be around anymore.

Loved the read, Made me feel better about my situation. Glad your sticking NC.

I have done a week of NC so far on my own without this website. I think I'm going to become a member of this community because it helps everyone so much.

Best wishes - Sam

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Originally Posted by duece22022

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but i think really a part of me is hoping that she misses me. (Rule #1 admit you have a problem). I still do. I still have hope and all the established members on here say that "hope will only delay the healing process" I understand that, but i don't know how to stop thinking about her.

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Absolutely nothing abnormal about hoping , and the hope will subside as time goes by and you start to accept that she isn't going to contact you , that's why NC is such a powerful tool to healing.

By going NC you eliminate getting False Hope , which is created by contact , because you end up over-analysing every little piece of contact as a way to hang on and maybe get them back.

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I just met this girl a couple weeks ago through a friend. We all hung out and that night and I ended up hooking up with her. Then the next day I found out she has a b/f. I was kind of upset about that. But I just got dumped a few months ago and I reallly need some intimacy. We hung out a couple more times with the same group of friends and she was flirting with me a little. I kind of have a crush on her but I didn't show it at all. I really haven't talked to her besides those couple of nights. It probably doesn't mean anything but should I stop pursuing her. I like her and I don't know her ex and he lives 2 hours away. Im not even sure if she likes me in that way. Any suggestions. Thanks for your help.

You said she has a boyfriend, yes let it go! If she's taken, leave it alone

Boyfriend=off limits.
Date and get to know girls that are single.

So you've just got dumped and gone through all the pain and you want to hook up with a girl who is willing to cheat on her BF?

So what makes you think she wouldn't cheat on you if you hooked up , learn from your breakup and don't venture into anything that shows signs of Red Flags.

It's not abnormal to want to seek intimacy after a breakup but do it with your big head.

What if she was YOUR girlfriend? Would you like other guy "playing doctor" with her? No, of course not.

She is a cheater. Don't let her pull you down to her level.

Have some respect and honor for your fellow man.

You may be lonely, and need affection. But find yourself a girl that does not already have a boyfriend.

Plus, you don't know this guy, and what he is capable of doing. Do you want to have to look over your shoulder all the time? Is she worth getting hurt over? I say no.

You had sex with her BEFORE you knew that she was attached. Now you know the truth. Use your conscience.

Think with the head on your shoulders.

Thanks for the input. I agree with you guys. I just hate being lonely right now. But I know its not worth it and this will bring more pain.

Once you're properly over the ex,you'll be ready to date and get to know someone else.

Meanwhile,make sure you keep busy and see friend doing things you enjoy.

I am so glad to hear you see the folly in pursuing a liar, and cheater. That's good. Now heal properly with some good clean, adult fun. Start with a better class of friends.

1) She is a rebound.

2) She's a cheater.

3) She has a boyfriend, which makes her off limits. Do you really want to be a girlfriend stealer?

Why not meet new people who aren't any of the above?

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I was recently dumped about 3 months ago and I have been going out a lot with friends. I've been pretty lonely and I have not been handling the breakup well. In public I'm fine but my emotions are still erratic. I know I'm not ready to date. A couple days ago my friends and I went out and I ended hooking up with this girl who we all work with. She is def not my type and I really really regret it. Now I am embarrassed and I don't know how to handle it. I also think she likes me and she already told everyone . Has any one been in a similar situation? Is there a smooth way to handle this? Please help.

You really don't owe her any explanation for never calling or dating her again. You've only hooked-up once, which doesn't add up to any relationship at all in my book.

Just avoid her. If she'd happen to ask you, just truthfully tell her that you really aren't ready for a new relationship.

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Originally Posted by Devorameira

You really don't owe her any explanation for never calling or dating her again. You've only hooked-up once, which doesn't add up to any relationship at all in my book.

Just avoid her. If she'd happen to ask you, just truthfully tell her that you really aren't ready for a new relationship.

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Avoidance is pretty immature (In my opinion)

How about you just tell her the gist of what you said here. Apologize and say that you don't have it together. Wish her the best of luck.

Talaniman Rule - Be gracious on a date whether you liked them or not.

Talaniman Rule - Dating is for fun, not romance, so who cares if there is no chemistry

Talaniman Rule - Date them all, short, fat, skinny, or tall! 18- 80 blind cripple, or crazy.

Talaniman Rule- If a date is no fun, don't go on another date.

Talaniman Rule- You owe no explanations for your actions to any one.

The point, I hope you were gracious, and enjoyed yourself, just for the good time. If you didn't that's your own fault. But you owe no one an explanation, or a reason. Just be a gentleman about your rejections.

You tell people you had a blast, and enjoyed everyones company.

Leave it at that.

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Originally Posted by CarrotTalker

Avoidance is pretty immature (In my opinion)

How about you just tell her the gist of what you said here. Apologize and say that you don't have it together. Wish her the best of luck.

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I guess I wasn't clear when I said to avoid her, but what I was trying to say was that you should just treat her like everyone else, and not show her any individual attention. Any hint of flirting/attention will simply get her hopes up that there may be a chance. Good luck!

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So, I have been having dreams recently about my ex. I haven't had them in a while. I guess my questions is, do our ex's ever have dreams about us? If you have ever been the dumper in a relationship did you ever dream about the person you dumped. I am starting to get over her but then all of a sudden I get these horrible dreams that make me miss her. So do the dumpers ever have these dreams? I hope they do. So it can suck for them too.

I'm sorry you are having these dreams and they are making you feel bad! I have to say I have been the dumper before and even for the relationship I broke off 5 years ago, I still have dreams about it and feel guilty sometimes (though he was abusive)... so yes they can definitely have dreams about the person they dumped! But I think its for many different reasons!

I know I dream a lot when I have unresolved issues resurfacing... which I do for relationships. Maybe looking into that yourself could be good? I think its different for everyone though

Everyone is different and there's no telling,obviously,if your ex has dreams about you.

Try not to dwell on your own dreams and don't worry about anyone else's.

Don't worry about the dreams of someone who dumped you.
You give him too much importance.

Yea, but they are just dreams. I don't read into them too much.. I've had a lot of dreams where I was a member of special ops, but I'm not going to go join the Army

I dreamed I was rich, but woke up and had to settle for handsome. What a bummer.

Dreams often leave us with certain feelings, good or bad and yes, I have had many about the exes, dumped, or dumper.

A good crap, and a cup of coffee, not only makes me forget the dreams, but the feelings they brought with them.