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Originally Posted by benson1

Ok no contact! I just wish I really knew how he feels
God! Remind me never to get involved with a boy!

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I can hazzard a guess,he's getting dolled up for a good night out on the town and not worring about how your feeling!

But you,and sitting wondering what is he thinking,is he sad, does he miss me?

All these questions are just making you feel worse.

Get busy planning your night,and put a ban on talk of him and what he is doing,its not your problem,nor really your business now... hes single and so are you.

Enjoy your life!

Stop wasting time worriyng over something that is done and dusted,and you have no control over.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...lk-303157.html
I know your right he is prob just looking forward to a night out and that's it!
And that's exactly what I need to do tonight and don't think about what he is doing!
I think I just need an ego or confidence boost because it has been shot to sh*t this week!

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...lk-303157.html
Do uz think going out drinking helps or can it make things worse?

Hangovers always make things worse. How about some good clean adult fun, like bowling.

My friend is coming over for some drinks and we might go out!
I'm just scared I get upset and do something silly! Knowing he is out!

Drinking when your already upset will only make you feel worse.

A night out is OK,take it very easy on what your drinking,so you stay in control of what your doing.

I went out lastnight and had fun! Didn't get too drunk
I got my friend to hide my phone so I couldn't txt him.
I started to feel a little low and the end of the night and this morning
I just keep thinking why didn't he txt me when he was out!
So silly I know!

Good on you for having a fun night out! As time goes by you ll stop worrying about his actions-stay NC.

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Originally Posted by benson1

I went out lastnight and had fun! Didn't get too drunk
I got my friend to hide my phone so I couldn't txt him.
I started to feel a little low and the end of the night and this morning
I just keep thinking why didn't he txt me when he was out!
So silly I know!

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Either 1. cause he was having a good time and never thought about you.

Or 2. if he did think about you,he didn't want to talk to you.

Its harsh,but most likely true.

You doing great by the way!

Thanks guys me and my mate have been talking and she says she thinks we will get back
But that I should just stop thinking. Stop thinking about getting over him or getting back just keep busy!
She said that there is nothing I can do for him and that I need to accept that
She thought that the month was a good thing she just hopes he thinks seriously about what he wants!
She said seeing us togther she thinks we will work it out but the now I need to keep busy

Do you think this is sound advice?

She s your mate and she wants you to be happy-its her opinion but nobody knows what the future holds.
As you said keep busy and don't worry about him.

She may be right, she may be wrong.
The best thing to do is, don't get your hopes up.
If you get your hopes up and nothing happens, you'll be back to square one. But if you start the healing process and concentrate on u, you'll be ready for anything.

Best of luck.

Thank you! How are u getting on jayjay? Feeling any better?

Not that great to be honest :(
Just confused and hurt - and I think anger is setting in.

Benson, you have to go no contact, it's the only way to go. Don't question yourself, whether it's the right thing to do, for now it is. The more you talk to him, the worse off it will be. We all have been through it sometime during our relationships. I didn't talk to my ex boyfriend for over a year, and always tried to make it right. Usually they always circle back and mine did. You know what's really funny, I have no desire to see him. He would go out with me, right now, but I don't care. You snooze you loose. I remain friends with him. You don't know the future and only time will tell. Concentrate on you as hard as it is, for now. Let him miss you and do everything possible to keep yourself busy. Remember NC.


We are all here for you. Vent to us, instead of picking up the phone..

I know nc is the only way every time I feel like I want to ill post here instead.
I know the more I text the more I will push him away.
Ur right let see if he misses me and let me see if I miss him.

I have been thro break ups before and got over it! But every time it was about to end I knew things were not right
I would either agrue with them and not see them. This time it feels different! Everything was fine!
I know what your saying when breaking up with someone is not s snap decision. But I feel like he has just hit this wall and can't think about anything other than his failures!

But I know what you are all saying I need to just leave him to get over it himself.
Sigh

Sometimes relationships break up out of the blue. You question yourself and blame yourself. It's not you, it's not him, it just happens. Guys want challenges!

So have I been too available by staying in contact?

Yes, and he knows that. You must remain NC.In his mind you are still there. You are inside of all this confusion. WE are looking in, and we have all made foolish mistakes, by chasing and just wanting to make the relationship back where it use to be. For now, its not going to be like that. He knows your available, and that's your first mistake. You are not giving him the chance to even miss you, if there was any kind of questioning in his mind that he made a mistake. He will not see that, till you disappear. That will tell you if this man really cares for you. If not, then you have your answer. Believe me, I have been down that road, and I look back, and wow was I wrong. It took me a long time to realize that. But you know something in the long run, it was his lost. Since then, I have met someone nice, who means more to me now.

You shouldn't be available at all.
He broke up with you.
You need time to heal from this.
Act as if he s not on the planet.
It doesn't matter what he thinks or feels.
Your life is about you now.

I see! Cause I was supporting him through txt about going back to uni so he is getting that support from me!
He needs to miss me and the only way that might happen is if I let him miss me!

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I see! Cause I was supporting him through txt about going back to uni so he is getting that support from me!
He needs to miss me and the only way that might happen is if I let him miss me!

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Eureka!

However he may not miss you at all... keep that in mind.

Exactly, every time you are available, he knows that. He thinks in his mind, I don't have to worry, she is always there for me. Also, he can have this relationship anyway he wants it. You have to be strong! Believe me, I know it's hard. Don't you think he is going to start wondering oh, why hasn't she text me back, or why haven't I heard from her? All these things will starting running through his mind. That's if he really cares about you.

Yeah all of you ar right and I have to remember he might not miss me at all.
Then I might stop missing him!
Do u think its too late to claim back that power? Ie by me texting yesterday has that all went down the drain?

Start today to do the right thing for yourself. Nothing wrong with starting over from the here and now.

Will he see that?

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Originally Posted by benson1

Will he see that?

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You need to stop wondering what he will see,and if he even cares.

Your doing this for you!

No contact is not about the other person,its about you healing and moving on... he will become a distant memory, and you will be happy.

You just have to concentrate on you, and by keeping contact with him, you aren't doing that.

By not replying to his texts or contacting him, he will more than likely contact you again, but you need to focus on you, and focus on what you want. The time spent not contacting him should be put into making you feel better.

I've joined two exercise classes and bought myself a LOT of new clothes, shoes etc... basically just spoiling myself. Do anything that you enjoy that doesn't involve him.
If he wants you back, trust me, you'll know because he'll let you know. So far, he has offered you nothing but confusion and heartache.

Is it just me or is it only at night you start to feel really low.
I went to the gym to keep busy
But sitting at this time is a killer and when I really start to miss him. Must not contact!

No your right. Night is worse.

Can you phone a friend?Its tough just sitting on your own.
Must not contact is the right attitude though.

Yeah I do but I don't feel like talking to anyone.
I just keep thinking about him. Again its because I know he is out because I was
Meant to go with him! But I need to remember the guilt and self loathing I feel when I do contact him!
Just feel he has all the power as he was the one txt then reminded me we are meant to have no contact.
So I feel he has all the power

You have the power to stay away from contacting him.
You may not feel this right now but you re being strong.

Yeah! Thank god for you guys!its helped so much! Ill be running everything by you all before I make any sort of move!

You re so welcome.
Take care now.

Sorry I know I keep going on and on and on
But when he started texting me about starting uni
Then ended the conversation with 'remember no contact"
It felt like a bit of a slap in the face cause I was offering support and he txt me.
Does this show that he does not really care about me?

Yes!

He wanted your support and advice to benefit him - but if you want support and advice - "remember no contact"

Blah to him. You deserve better.

It sucks! God I wish I just ignored him! Blah indeed! You heard from your ex?

Yes actually. He was telling me today how his engine in his car has messed up and its going to cost a fortune to fix. I replied with "my heart bleeds" then he started saying how our relationship broke down because of the fights.

FYI - the fights we had were in 2 stressful weeks leading up to the breakup, they were about uncooked chicken, the oven temperature, the fish being fed once or twice a day. Stupid things. Nothing worth breaking up over.

So is his reason for the break up because of fighting?