Ask Me Help Desk - I broke up with my girlfriend to only want her back.

Here is when I will say. You need counseling. It is turning really obsessive and you need to find ways of stopping this behavior because it will only get worse. Why are you checking up on her? There is no reason for it. It might be hard to get through this time but believe me in years to come you will be glad and happy this all happened.

Im sorry guys its just so hard to be used to somebody and have be gone so quickly... I am glad that I have yet to see any new info on her... that lets my mind relax...

I am glad that the accounts were not available to view, I was doing real good until now, you guys are helping

You may want to consider counseling if you do go into another low. Checking her up like that is unhealthy, but if you stopped continue NC.

Quote:

Originally Posted by paxe

You may want to consider counseling if you do go into another low. Checking her up like that is unhealthy, but if you stopped continue NC.

I have not done anything since the last post... I just have to see what happens tonight when I get home...

What just calmed me down and killed my anxiety was a cigarette believe it or not...

This is what I see.

Jealousy has gotten the best of you. She wanted to move closer to you. You panicked because of work, AND because she has KIDS. Now that she is seeing someone else, you are upset.

You just didn't luck up on some give a damn.

The fact that she is seeing someone else is killing you. If she was all by herself right now, you would be just fine. But no, there is another guy giving her attention, and who knows what else, and it's making you crazy.

*******You made the decision that you wanted to.**********

Let's say you two get back together. Her children are still going to be in the picture. In a couple of months, you are going to feel the same way that you did before. Like calling it quits.

Some people have a hard time with someone else's children. You've made it very clear that you haven't gotten that close to her kids. If you liked kids, you would have. That's a HUGE part of her life. You will understand one day when you have your own.

You enjoy your single life. You find someone to date, or not. Date all the girls that you want.

But remember this one thing. Never, ever, talk bad about her, and talk yourself up into a hero, stud, catch of a lifetime.

She is still the girl that you once loved. No matter where she lives, or how many kids she has. No matter where this guy she is seeing works.

Saying bad things about her, and her situation, only makes you look like a jackass.

You don't want to be that guy.

Remember Aesop's fables? The fox that could not reach the grapes, said "they are probably sour anyway".

Don't be the fox.

You know those grapes are sweet, that's why you're still jumping for them.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jmjoseph

This is what I see.

Jealousy has gotten the best of you. She wanted to move closer to you. You panicked because of work, AND because she has KIDS. Now that she is seeing someone else, you are upset.

You just didn't luck up on some give a damn.

The fact that she is seeing someone else is killing you. If she was all by herself right now, you would be just fine. But no, there is another guy giving her attention, and who knows what else, and it's making you crazy.

*******You made the decision that you wanted to.**********

Let's say you two get back together. Her children are still going to be in the picture. In a couple of months, you are going to feel the same way that you did before. Like calling it quits.

Some people have a hard time with someone else's children. You've made it very clear that you haven't gotten that close to her kids. If you liked kids, you would have. That's a HUGE part of her life. You will understand one day when you have your own.

You go ahead and enjoy your single life. You find someone to date, or not. Date all the girls that you want.

But remember this one thing. never, ever, talk bad about her, and talk yourself up into a hero, stud, catch of a lifetime.

She is still the girl that you once loved. No matter where she lives, or how many kids she has. No matter where this guy she is seeing works.

Saying bad things about her, and her situation, only makes you look like a jackass.

You don't want to be that guy.

Remember Aesop's fables? The fox that could not reach the grapes, said "they are probably sour anyway".

Don't be the fox.

You know those grapes are sweet, that's why you're still jumping for them.

I'm not so sure, I mean anger helps to heal in some ways. I know I used it to move on. Like Schwarzenegger said in Terminator 3: "anger is better than despair".

Quote:

Originally Posted by paxe

I'm not so sure, I mean anger helps to heal in some ways. I know I used it to move on. Like Schwarzenegger said in Terminator 3: "anger is better than despair".

Anger at whom?

Himself?

Quote:

Originally Posted by jmjoseph

This is what I see.

Jealousy has gotten the best of you. She wanted to move closer to you. You panicked because of work, AND because she has KIDS. Now that she is seeing someone else, you are upset.

You just didn't luck up on some give a damn.

The fact that she is seeing someone else is killing you. If she was all by herself right now, you would be just fine. But no, there is another guy giving her attention, and who knows what else, and it's making you crazy.

*******You made the decision that you wanted to.**********

Let's say you two get back together. Her children are still going to be in the picture. In a couple of months, you are going to feel the same way that you did before. Like calling it quits.

Some people have a hard time with someone else's children. You've made it very clear that you haven't gotten that close to her kids. If you liked kids, you would have. That's a HUGE part of her life. You will understand one day when you have your own.

You go ahead and enjoy your single life. You find someone to date, or not. Date all the girls that you want.

But remember this one thing. never, ever, talk bad about her, and talk yourself up into a hero, stud, catch of a lifetime.

She is still the girl that you once loved. No matter where she lives, or how many kids she has. No matter where this guy she is seeing works.

Saying bad things about her, and her situation, only makes you look like a jackass.

You don't want to be that guy.

Remember Aesop's fables? The fox that could not reach the grapes, said "they are probably sour anyway".

Don't be the fox.

You know those grapes are sweet, that's why you're still jumping for them.

No it helps me to move on by knowing I have a lot more going for me compared to them 2...

We won't be getting back together because she has made that clear and she took offense when I said on myspace "yay no worrying about kids that arent mine!" so that is def. not going to happen...

Quote:

Originally Posted by jmjoseph

Anger at whom?

Himself?

At anything actually, anger itself is better than sadness and despair. Technically speaking, as long as he doesn't speak to her and keeps NC, he isn't hurting anybody (she doesn't know). So I say go for the anger even if it is misplaced, as long as you can keep NC and move on, then great. I mean, for all you know somebody is bad-mouthing you but you don't know about it, so you don't care about it also.

Hey Jaffey... I bet those grapes are sour... Dont worry about what she is doing... that is torture! Why torture yourself. You said it yourself that the two of you are surely done so forget her. Keep moving forward. You will find someone better. Get out there!

If it takes anger, then so be it. But be angry at yourself. Remember that she wanted to move closer to you. She wanted to make it work.

I understand that you're surprised, and disappointed, that she found someone new so fast. But maybe it just turned out that way for her. Be angry at THAT.

I bet she IS upset that you said that about her kids. You see what I mean? You don't want to be saying ugly things. You can THINK them if that helps you out. But don't go around and be nasty.

You may one day get back with this girl, in another stage of your life.

Don't burn your bridges.

I feel for you. Love takes us to our highest highs, and lowest lows. Isn't that right, Emopunk?

Joseph, you don't help someone by telling them they should be mad at themselves. What I see is that jaffey was being smart and he didn't think it was the right time to move forward with the woman. He shouldn't be mad at himself for that. There was a reason why he didn't want it. Maybe red flags that he noticed but is ignoring it now because she is gone and it's a typical case of wanting what you can't have... Jaffey will be fine and better off. JAFFEY stop checking up on her!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by emopunk7

Joseph, you don't help someone by telling them they should be mad at themselves. What I see is that jaffey was being smart and he didn't think it was the right time to move forward with the woman. He shouldn't be mad at himself for that. There was a reason why he didn't want it. Maybe red flags that he noticed but is ignoring it now because she is gone and its a typical case of wanting what you can't have...Jaffey will be fine and better off. JAFFEY stop checking up on her!!!

I wasn't the one who suggested the "anger therapy" in the first place.

He made a decision that he now regrets.

This is not an exact science. I have yet to tell someone here that they "don't help someone.....".

You state your opinion, and "disregard" the ones that you don't agree with.

I'm sorry to hear your loss. You were willing to be there for her and she didn't have the patience. You deserve better than that and she should have thought things through. Move on, meet someone new, and start over. Good luck. =]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jmjoseph

If it takes anger, then so be it. But be angry at yourself. Remember that she wanted to move closer to you. She wanted to make it work.

I understand that you're surprised, and disappointed, that she found someone new so fast. But maybe it just turned out that way for her. Be angry at THAT.

I bet she IS upset that you said that about her kids. You see what I mean? You don't want to be saying ugly things. You can THINK them if that helps you out. But don't go around and be nasty.

You may one day get back with this girl, in another stage of your life.

Don't burn your bridges.

I feel for you. Love takes us to our highest highs, and lowest lows. Isn't that right, Emopunk?

I didn't burn bridges... I know in my heart I could speak to her again... just don't know what point in life that will be for the both of us

I am not going out there in the world to make sure she gets the message, I am just clearing my mind

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaffeyjoeblaze

i didnt burn bridges....i know in my heart i could speak to her again....just dont know what point in life that will be for the both of us

I am not going out there in the world to make sure she gets the message, i am just clearing my mind

As long as you're clearing your mind and getting better go for it.

Comments on this post
emopunk7 agrees: I have to disagree... I used angry statements a lot and its not to hurt her... they are only being used on a forum to try and move on. I do the same thing... sometimes its necessary.

How do you know that he is doing it only on this forum. I was actually talking about in the "real world". Maybe you are not in the best place in your own life as to NOT wanting to be bitter:https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ml#post2077210

It's not going to do anyone any good to go around and say hurtful things about this girl. And it's just not gentlemanly. One day you will see this.

And as far as being "upset with yourself", how many times have we made decisions, only to regret them afterwards?

Joe,
You do what works for you, but know that ultimately you are a victim of your own devices.

But, life goes on.

Go enjoy your life while you are still young.

The world is a berry patch, go fill your basket.

I know I did.

So this morning was a major relapse... did the usual hacking etc. just to get hurt again... and see that she still mentions me indirectly like:

"U lost this dime, and he picked it up"

And the guys page said:

"Likin the MILFS lately"

It bummed me out but I have been talking to friends and they are pushing to walk away and that it is a blessing in disguise to let her go because of the way she is acting is definitely slut material and that could have happened if I stayed with her

It stops today, I have joined an MMA gym and my class starts tomorrow...

I need to let her go and not worry about what she does and worry about what I am about to do next!

Now within the NC rules, should I just deny the hacking of her account if she asks? In fact I think Im going to ignore her all together, instead of even answering her...

Yes ignore her completely. If you are hacking again her account, go seek counseling, it is not a normal behavior. There is nothing shameful about seeing a counselor for that.

Gym and class will do you a lot of good, don't forget to go to the gym everyday.

Complete and utter NC is what you need. Ignore her if you have too.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Complete and utter NC is what you need. Ignore her if you have too.

I am, no need to go back to a girl whorin herself out there...

And NC means NO COMMUNICATION even if she asks me back and asks me if I hacked her account!

No need to start the circle of drama and think about the past

NC means no contact whatsoever-no phoning,texting hacking or checking up anywhere. It's a twoway thing so you don't take their calls or respond to their email,texts etc. In my opinion this is the fastest way to clear your head of emotional confusion and heal from the breakup.

Quote:

Originally Posted by amicon

NC means no contact whatsoever-no phoning,texting hacking or checking up anywhere. It's a twoway thing so you don't take their calls or respond to their email,texts etc. In my opinion this is the fastest way to clear your head of emotional confusion and heal from the breakup.

I agree, I was doing good yesterday until the night and went to bed to only look up her info as soon as I got up...

But today will be different, as long as I can make it 1 day without breaking NC, I will make great strides to a full recovery!

That's the ticket. Stay strong and good luck!

I can't wait to get better than both of them combined just so I can laugh at them and make her want me back to the point where I will just push her away! HA!

So far so good, no hacks, check ups or anything like that, just concentrating on work and listening to music to help me through...

I laugh at her music lyrics that involve me because she can't get over that its over! Within all the past times id check on her that's what id see... music about me, about how she wants him, LOL I love the attention and I'm not giving her any!

She's doing her own thing and you are broken up- I would suggest you'd be better off not even worrying about what she is doing-she is a free agent after the separation and is living her life which you are no longer is an influence in.

Quote:

Originally Posted by amicon

She's doing her own thing and you are broken up- I would suggest you'd be better off not even worrying about what she is doing-she is a free agent after the separation and is living her life which you are no longer is an influence in.

I know I'm done checking on her, but I makes me proud she is not totally done with me... I bet her mind slips like mine, but I will surpass her...

Trying so hard to not look right now... my body is on nerves!

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaffeyjoeblaze

tryin so hard to not look right now....my body is on nerves!

Take some of the advice I saw you giving some others on here.
Knock it off already and move on.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sabrewolfe

Take some of the advice I saw you giving some others on here.
Knock it off already and move on.

I didn't do it... I know where that road ends... and I know where that road begins... when I slip and start the viewing and curiousity circle...

No more pain! I did the break up for me and her so we can be both happy! I will surpass her happiness, and I know it!

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaffeyjoeblaze

I didn't do it....I know where that road ends.....and i know where that road begins....when I slip and start the viewing and curiousity circle.....

no more pain! I did the break up for me and her so we can be both happy! I will surpass her happiness, and I know it!

All right already, now just do it and quit obsessing over it!

Hello guys!

So I slipped up yesterday afternoon, but I was not hurt... the good news is that I have not done anything since then and I made it through the night! And as of this morning I have had the urge and I get nervous but I have not done it again and I actually slept well but had a dream about her... it wasn't negative but it didn't depress me or take me backwards in the healing process...

Keep fighting the urges,stick to it,move forward,don't allow yourself to stay stuck in the past.

My friend showed me her myspace today this morning about her blog saying she is thinking about her new guy and that her ex is the past and she is single with no boyfriend, and that she can't wait to see him again and blah blah blah...

I got hurt for one moment but my friend that showed me, put me down to earth on how I don't have to argue anymore with her about who I hang out with, where I'm going, and have to deal with her low self esteem and that I have my career ahead of me and I can do anything and everything I want

I simply said that I have to be totally prepared for my next relationship by working on myself and worrying about nobody else... I have to be ready for myself no matter if I do get with her again or find a better person in life...

Guys thank you for your help and I am feeling the best today than I did before... thank you

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaffeyjoeblaze

my friend showed me her myspace today this morning about her blog saying she is thinking about her new guy and that her ex is the past and she is single with no boyfriend, and that she can't wait to see him again and blah blah blah.....

i got hurt for one moment but my friend that showed me, put me down to earth on how I dont have to argue anymore with her about who i hang out with, where im going, and have to deal with her low self esteem and that I have my career ahead of me and I can do anything and everything I want

I simply said that I have to be totally prepared for my next relationship by working on myself and worrying about nobody else.....I have to be ready for myself no matter if I do get with her again or find a better person in life....

Guys thank you for your help and I am feeling the best today than I did before....thank you

Look bro, I know your hurt over all this, but you need to resist the temptation of checking up on her. You might feel fine about it now, but later on you will be wondering again. I know your afraid of letting go, but trust me, until you are really ready and willing to go through with it, you will only be putting off the inevitable. You need to face it, until you do, you will never get through it. Listen to me and the others on here, LET GO NOW! LEAVE IT ALONE FOR GOOD! The sooner you do, the sooner the healing process will begin. No one here wants to see you putting yourself through this pain any longer. We understand how you feel, we've been there. So please let it go now, I promise things will get better!

Today it hit me hard how much I miss the little things from this relationship... her kids talking to me on the phone, just her goodnight and good morning texts and calls, just spending minutes and hours on the phone, along with sleeping next to her body and the sex...

It hurts knowing somebody else has that now... *sigh*... ill get better...

You will get better,it's the ups and downs postbreakup,and that will go away with time.
Sticking to the NC will help!

Quote:

Originally Posted by amicon

You will get better,it's the ups and downs postbreakup,and that will go away with time.
Sticking to the NC will help!

Yes I know... I have not called, text, or hacked... I did view her profile on private but that was it... it didn't affect me as it did in the beginning...

Just today my mind decided to bring back those memories...

What you need is to keep yourself as distracted as possible so that you don't have anymore urges to break the NC rules. You might think that your feelings for her are gone, but you're prolonging the pain and suffering.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...es-351302.html